Authors note: I could not stand the original after reading it. Here is the re-write. Hints of K2, Kybe, and Kebe.
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. Such a masterpiece belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Thoughts:
Many people at South Park high school kept a steady boyfriend or girlfriend.
If your name were Kenny McCormick, this was not the case.
The last time that Kenny had had a girlfriend, he was in sixth-grade. Since then, he had decided that relationships were lame and meaningless.
"It takes longer to get into their pants," Kenny had once explained to his good friend, Kyle.
Despite Kenny's dislike of relationships, this never stopped him from having sex. He did it. He did it all the time, for a fact. Wherever, whenever, however. It could be in the bathroom, maybe the library. Anywhere. He would do it anywhere if you paid him.
He was your basic definition of a whore. Even at twelve, his business was open. In fact, that had been when it started. He received ten dollars a week at the least, and around thirty dollars at the most.
Since he was not only enjoying his job yet receiving money for it, he kept his job. There was always someone willing. Every once in a while, a new customer would come. That was rare, though. He would often do it with the same people.
However, if you asked him whom he had sex with the most, his immediate answer would be Bebe Stevens.
That is right. He had the hottest girl in tenth-grade at his feet… or shall I say, knees. She came to him with five or six dollars every week. He was simply that good.
On this Tuesday, during lunch, he had been boasting to his three friends – Stan, Kyle, and Fat ass – about how Bebe gave him head during second period.
"That is gross, poor boy," Cartman told him, clearly disgusted with his friend.
"Is that why you skipped math, dude?" Stan asked. He clearly wasn't too satisfied, either.
"Awe, calm down, ya whiney babies, you're just upset because I get more head than you," Kenny decided.
Kyle kept silent, drinking his milk. The poor Jew did not enjoy hearing about what Kenny did behind closed doors. He had once claimed that the thought sickened him.
"Whenever you're not… er, 'doing it,' with her, what do you think about Bebe?" Kyle asked, sick of Kenny's bragging. That, and he wasn't sure if he could hold his lunch in his mouth anymore.
Stan grinned teasingly at his best friend. "What, are you gonna ask her out?" Stan asked.
Now that everyone knew about Bebe's previous obsession with Kyle's fine ass, many people teased him about it, including his own best friend, Stan. In fact, Stan brought up the subject just about, as much as Cartman brought up the fact that Kyle was a Jew.
Kyle groaned. He knew that Stan was only teasing him, but sometimes it really did become annoying.
"No, dude," Kyle said, now cross. "I had just been wondering, Stan. What, I can't wonder about things now without wanting to ask out a chick?"
Stan chuckled. "Sure, you don't have a crush on Bebe Stevens," Stan teased.
As the two best friends got into a small argument over whether or not Kyle wanted to screw Bebe's brains out, the young boy in the parka thought about Kyle's question. Aside from thinking about how well she gave a BJ, he never really thought about her. They were more of sex buddies in his mind.
Nevertheless, what did he think about her in general? Well, no doubt that he found her attractive. If that weren't true, not only would she not be listed as the hottest girl in tenth-grade, but Kenny wouldn't be as willing for her to give him head. Bebe curled her hair now, and it wasn't that "is it curly or is it wavy?" mess that it used to be. She had C's, a size that was quite big for a sophomore. Bebe had a curvy figure, quite like her mother's. She was skinny, but in a good way. She was about two inches shorter than Kenny himself, and Kenny was only 5'7. Physically, he thought there was nothing that she could change about herself.
As for the personality, he loved her personality, but sometimes she really did scare him. Because of her love for looking in the mirror, the cause of one of his deaths each month was being whacked by her mirror and being run over by a bus. Her love for shoes especially scared him. One of the reasons why he didn't want a girlfriend.
You see, Bebe's love for shoes was strong. If possible, as strong as Clyde's love for tacos. There were numerous times when Bebe had been arrested for either robbing a shoe store or for attempting to steal a pair of nice shoes on the street. Bebe used men for shoes. It was wrong, but true.
However, Kenny did like her intelligence. Underneath her obsession with her looks and those nice boobs, she was an intelligent creature. Certainly could not do as well as Wendy in any subject excluding home economics, but she was a smart cookie. Kenny had seen her reading up about law numerous times, and knew that she had a secret love for math.
Overall, he would say that they were good friends. Outside of all the hot sex they had, they would talk, of course. Bebe would tell him about her new pair of shoes and he would pretend to listen while staring at her huge tits. When that wasn't happening, she was allowing him to copy homework for history because he had either been too busy dead or jacking off in his room. Kenny would tell her about how good she was with blowjobs, and he'd compliment her on her outfit.
If he were asked about possibly dating her, he wouldn't even give it a thought. The answer coming out of his mouth would be no. He would never date Bebe, no matter how much he liked her personality or thought she was hot. As mentioned earlier, Bebe had not only killed him plenty of times, her love for shoes also freaked him out. A whole lot. It made more sense for them to be sex buddies, in his mind.
"I guess you could say that we're kind of friends," Kenny finally told the Jew.
"Dumbass, you can't just be friends with a chick if you're fucking her on the side," Cartman reminded him.
Despite seeming hesitant to say what he was about to say, Kyle squeezed his fists and said it.
"Cartman's right," he finally said. "You guys would correctly be termed as friends with benefits."
While Cartman laughed and teased Kyle for finally admitting that he was right about something, Kenny turned to Stan and flexed, smiling.
"Kyle's right, but, I prefer the term sex buddies," Kenny said.
Just as Stan cupped a hand over his mouth and stifled a laugh, the bell rang.
"Awe, crap, guys, I can't be late!" Kyle shouted, running down the halls. "My mom would kill me! Catch ya later Stan, Kenny, fat ass!"
While Kyle ran, Cartman began running to catch up to him while shouting, "Don't call me fat you fucking Jew! You should know by now that I'm just big boned!"
Stan frowned. "I better get to class, too," Stan told Kenny. "Kenny, man, you gonna be okay here by yourself, or you gonna rush to class with me?"
Kenny shook his head.
"My parents don't really give a shit about the late marks on my report card," Kenny explained. "Just get to class while I go flirt with Red or something."
Stan nodded and ran down the hall. As Kenny took grace with every small step that he made, an unwanted thought that would haunt him for the rest of the day creeped into his head.
"What does Bebe think of me?"