Title: I Love You
Fandom: Orphan Black
Pairing: Cosima/Delphine
Summary: Even with a stronger heartbeat, Cosima is afraid of "I love you's".
.
It comes as a shock first to Cosima because she wasn't expecting it, and then to both of them when Cosima stays silent for a considerable amount of time. To Delphine, the one who has hopelessly fallen even though she did not mean to, it feels like eternity.
It's calmer now, Delphine notices. After the angst of trying to find a cure for Cosima, after the anxiety of recession, she's glad they can just exist side by side; hand in hand in this brave new world. Alone, just the two of them, in this moment, in Cosima's bed where Delphine has claimed her countless times, the blonde couldn't ask for more.
Delphine Cormier holds on tighter in the silence, afraid the brunette is going to be yanked from her the moment her grip loosens. She's afraid because for two years, for two damn years, she was plagued by that fear constantly. She can't have that now, not when she has Cosima in her arms.
"I don't... I don't think I'm ready for that," Cosima says with a frown.
"No pressure, really," Delphine says, even though her smile isn't doing any good to hide the obvious pain (sadness? Disappointment?) in her eyes. "It's okay."
Delphine sighs. Cosima nuzzles into the blonde's bare chest and smiles into it. Delphine Cormier, the nerd, is very cute when she is flustered. (And she is easily flustered; although in her defense she's easily flustered only around Cosima Niehaus the fucking puppy.)
"Hey... hey," Cosima coos, bringing Delphine's free hand to her chest. It is as steady as it is regular and strong, no surprise there; but it is quick. Cosima Niehaus' heart is jumping out of her chest. Delphine looks down, only to see the brunette grinning that little grin that always manages to get her knees weak.
"Only you have this effect on me, okay? We can take it slow and steady."
.
The second time Delphine says it, Cosima is left dumbfounded. They're lying on the floor, now, the floor to Felix the brother sestra's loft. They're all there, Cosima's sisters, in their weekly get-togethers. Surprisingly, Rachel Duncan is there too (who invited her, Cosima will never know) (It was Sarah).
Cosima looks at her girlfriend critically, all the jokes and banter between the clones disappearing as the air blows outside, going anywhere but here. She's not sure if Delphine means it: she has downed almost two bottles of alcohol and she's smiling that lopsided smile and her hands are inside Cosima's tank top (Get a room, everyone says).
Delphine tears up when the whole loft is left in silence and there is no reply from Cosima. She draws circles with her finger on Cosima's stomach, trying her best not to show her vulnerability. She's the weakest, she realizes, and the strongest when she's around Cosima Niehaus the nerd (although Sarah insists on calling her the geek monkey).
Cosima laughs, then, and then kisses Delphine softly. She isn't sure about how she feels towards the blonde. She isn't sure about the word she would use to describe all the feelings swirling inside of her. Delphine kisses back (she tastes of alcohol and strawberries and coconut, Cosima notices, and finds the combination surprisingly sexy although gross) and everyone groans, get a fucking room.
It's Alison who finally puts a stop to their make-out session when it gets steamy and they start moaning into each other's mouths (My children are here, please watch your G.D. actions Cosima Niehaus).
Delphine sighs, and Cosima sighs and they fall asleep in each other's arms that night; giving each other enough comfort to not be disturbed by the others yelling at the screen while they're watching a cheesy movie that Alison has chosen to bring to their get-together.
.
"Cosima and Delphine's lab reeks of sex," Leekie says offhandedly in a conversation with Rachel on the day Delphine says it the third time. Rachel is caught off guard (she really does not need to know anything about Cosima's sex life. Not that it bothers her or anything. Not that she's disturbed or anything. Just. It's weird for her).
She's not sure how to respond to that. How is one supposed to respond to that?
"As long as they are doing... research, what they do in their spare time is none of my concern," Rachel finally says, downing her martini to hide the obvious blush creeping up her neck and reaching her ears.
"What...?" Cosima asks in the other side of the DYAD Institute, caught off guard.
"Cosima..." Delphine sighs. She's tearing up again. It's the third time she's said it, and Cosima's silence still hurts every time. She's afraid, and she knows Cosima is afraid, too, deep down inside that nerdy heart of hers. She's still Cosima Niehaus, the girl who has no idea whatsoever how to respond when someone spills their heart out to her.
They're at the chill zone, as Cosima calls it, and were engaged in a passionate kiss when Delphine pulls away and says it. Cosima looks at her, scans her long and hard, looking for something, anything. She's not sure. She's never sure, when it comes to Delphine Cormier, the woman who was paid to spy on her, but ended up falling for her instead (and the sex. Wow, the sex with this woman).
Cosima kisses her again, this time gently but needy all the same. She's never been the one to express her feelings, she's never one to announce to the whole world how she feels about anything.
By the end of the day, the smell of sex in their lab is saturated, and no one dares enter it. Absolutely no one in DYAD.
.
Cosima is babysitting Kira that night, the night when Delphine has horrible cramps and she feels like she's babysitting two kids instead. Cosima tucks Kira into her bed beside Delphine, asking the little girl to keep her company while the bespectacled scientist makes (or at least, tries to) some soup for her girlfriend.
Cosima is smiling when she reaches the door frame, seeing Delphine cuddle her niece and reading her a story even though she is in obvious pain. The French woman is never good with children (she has a crippling fear of children), and yet she fits the image of the perfect mother. Maybe, just maybe, in the (near) future, this image can come true. Maybe seeing Delphine cuddle their child to sleep won't be too bad at all, even if it means she has to share the blonde with someone else.
(Cosima is selfish like that.) (But maybe that is the one detail that keeps Delphine coming back whenever she feels that she is done. Cosima just keeps chasing her and wants to keep the blonde to herself.)
"Hey little monkey, Aunty Delphine needs to have her soup now," Cosima says gently, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"It is okay Cosima, I am not that hungry."
"Okay then, I'll just leave this here."
Cosima sets the bowl on the bedside table, and sits back down only to be ignored by the two girls. (Delphine is in bed with another girl, she notes, amused.) She's never been ignored before (except maybe during kindergarten and elementary school and her subsequent school years for being the smartest kid in class), and maybe it hurts her just a tad. It's okay, she says to herself. It's okay. It doesn't matter that after this Delphine is going to be the little monkey's favourite aunt. She's Cosima Freaking Niehaus. She is and forever will be Delphine's favourite person in the whole wide world.
It's later that night when Kira is tucked in the guest bedroom and they've had their milk and brushed their teeth that Cosima enters the master bedroom with a smile on her face. She's straddling Delphine now, and kissing her everywhere she can reach: her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, her jaw and her lips. Cosima kisses her lips, again and again and again and again and Delphine is smiling, her cramps long forgotten (they're still there, she knows, but damn, Cosima is kissing her).
"I love you," Cosima finally says.
Delphine is the one who laughs this time. "You were jealous of Kira, your own niece."
"No."
"Yes."
"Maybe, just a little bit. But I love you, Delphine Cormier."
"Hmmm."
"I mean it. I love you."
Cosima kisses her, again. Her kisses are a little different now, Delphine can feel it. Cosima Niehaus, finally admitting that she loves Delphine, kisses differently, but in a way still the same. She's confused by it all, she's feeling nothing and everything at the same time. But she gets the gist of it: she loves Cosima Niehaus, and the unbelievable brat loves her too.
Delphine wakes up to a grinning Cosima who has her arm around the blonde's neck and a leg nestled between her thighs. They're clothed, she notices ("Kira is in the next room, Cosima, and you know Sarah will flip if she finds out we've—you've—corrupted her daughter," Delphine said in between the string of kisses Cosima was placing along her jaw and the wandering hands under her pyjama top).
"A very good morning, ma cherie," Delphine greets putting a smile on herself.
"I love you," Cosima says, liking how absolutely sexy she sounds in the morning, and how she's sure Delphine's knees are weak right now.
"I love you too," Delphine says and leans down to kiss the girl.
"I'm going to tell you I love you all the time now," Cosima says, running her fingers along Delphine's stomach, sending shivers down the bonde's spine. "Until you get tired of it."
"Hmm. If it's from you, cherie, I won't ever get tired."
A/N: (my first orphan black story after so many years of jumping from fandom to fandom, creeping on authors on this website.) (Is it okay? Because I wrote this in one sitting after experiencing a shitstorm of feelings)