After the Funeral
It was quiet. Everyone had left by now, leaving the church with a quiet, eerie air. A young man in his very early twenties sat in the middle-most pew. He was hunched over, whole body at a careless slouch, his elbows on his knees, his head resting in his hands. He lifted his head, lacing his fingers together, resting his chin on his knuckles. His bright amber eyes were fixed on the back of the pew in front of him, his sandy bangs falling in front of his sorrowful eyes.
They had died. Three -no, all- of his friends had died. He closed his eyes, feeling a wave of tears threaten to come up behind his eyes. Tears of hate, sadness and confusion knotted themselves together in his chest, leaving the pain of the losses even worse than they had been... if it was possible. He gripped his hands tighter, and opened his eyes, which were fixed ahead just below the alter, on the two coffins. Chills ran down his spine, but he couldn't look away.
He hadn't been able to speak at the funeral. Dumbledore and a few from the Order spoke about James and Lily, about their lives and work... but it was too painful for him to say anything. They mentioned Peter as well. Remus had wanted to say something... anything in memory of his friends... but he couldn't. He hated himself for not being able to, but he couldn't... it was so painful to think about...
"Mr. Lupin?" He looked up. The Reverend was standing at the edge of his pew, smiling sadly, "I hate to disturb you, but we're closing up now." "Could..." his voice came out raspy, and he cleared his throat. "Could you give me five more minutes..?" His voice was clear, but had a treble. The Reverend smiled understandingly, and nodded. He put a gentle hand on Remus's shoulder, and turned.. "Father Johnson?" The Reverend turned, "Yes?" Remus hesitated, "Please... please pray for their families... and.. and their souls..." The Reverend nodded, and walked out.
Remus gazed back at the coffins., his lips pursed in a thin line, his hands trembling. The funeral had been closed-casket... just like they would have wanted. "When I die, I don't want everyone staring at me." A small smile tipped the corners of his mouth. He remembered how James had said this after his parents's deaths. Apparently that had been an open casket funeral. He shook his head, and rubbed his eyes.
James.
Lily.
Peter.
Their faces. Their young, bright faces flashed into his mind. He thought about what James had said that day he'd come back to school after his parents funeral. Looking back, he supposed it was a blessing James's parents had died when he was seventeen. They didn't live to see their son betrayed by his best friend and killed by a Dark Lord...
Remus groaned, and buried his face into his hands. He was alone. For the very first time since his first year at Hogwarts, Remus found himself more alone than he ever had been. "They were too young..." he whispered. Their faces flashed into his mind again. James... Lily... Peter.. Thinking of James and Lily made him think of Harry. Harry... little Harry... what was to become of him? The child was only a year old, and orphaned... Both his parents dead, living with those horrible Muggles... his godfather in Azkaban... Who was going to tell him about his parents? About the Prophecy? Who cared if he was famous now, the poor child was alone... Peter... how stupid, yet brave of him to go after Sirius like that... risking his own life to catch–
SIRIUS!
Remus's fists clenched at the thought of his old friend. If you could called him a friend... after what he did... Betraying James and Lily, brutally murdering Peter, orphaning Harry... The damn bastard! How could he?! How could he do that to them?! How could he do that to the Potters?! To James?! After all him and his parents had done for Sirius! He was James's best friend! James had made Sirius his best man at the wedding! James had made Sirius their Secret-Keeper! James didn't trust anyone else!! James trusted him with his family's very lives, hell, made him Harry's godfather! They should have known you can't trust a wizard from a dark family...
Hate filled his heart, barely leaving any room to grieve. He remembered hearing how Sirius had -literally- destroyed Peter, leaving nothing but a finger and a pile of bloody robes. How barbaric. It sounded like something his father would do... and in the middle of a crowded Muggle street! He definitely took after Mr. Black by far... Remus now hated Sirius. Hated him like James and Snape had hated each other.
James...
Remus sighed heavily, and stood, looking up above the coffins at the alter. His body acted without his brain's consent, as his brain was too preoccupied to think as he approached the alter. He thought of Sirius again. James's parents had basically adopted him as a second son, James and Sirius were brothers in everything but blood... 'Why...? Why Sirius? That's all I ask...' he thought miserably. Sirius had gotten life in Azkaban. Ha! Even that place was too good for him. Sirius deserved so much more than the Dementor's Kiss, or life in that place... Azkaban. Sent straight to Azkaban. No trial. No second chance. No nothing. Remus remembered seeing Sirius just after James and Lily were killed.
"J-James and... and Lily?!" Remus gasped, staring at Dumbledore in horror.
Dumbledore nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so... Sirius was their Secret-Keeper, and he told Voldemort the Potters' whereabouts..."
Remus gripped the sides of the chair, eyes wide. Dumbledore turned to the Minister and the Junior Minister, Cornelius Fudge. "Black also killed Peter Pettigrew, who went after him, and cornered him." Piped up Fudge, nodding.
"Peter..." Remus whispered, his heart crumbling. Another friend, dead.
The Minister looked at Remus, then at Dumbledore, "Albus, are you sure the boy should be here? I mean, these were his friends."
Dumbledore looked at Remus, who was very white, "Yes, Minister, I think so..."
Suddenly, the door opened. They all looked up, and Remus realized who the Aurors had brought in; he was silent, staring.
"I DIDN'T DO IT!!" Sirius yelled, trying to get out of the Auror's grips. Fudge didn't say anything, but looked rather alarmed. "I DIDN'T!!" Sirius yelled again, "IT WAS PETER!! PETER'S THE ONE!! HE WAS THE SECRET-KEEP–!"
"The Muggles saw you." the Minister said calmly, standing.
"THEY DIDN'T SEE WHAT THEY THOUGHT THEY SAW!!" Sirius cried in exasperation.
Remus sank lower in his seat, hoping Sirius wouldn't see him in his hysteria.
"Minister, may I have permission to send him straight to Azkaban?" Barty Crouch Sr.'s voice came from behind Remus's chair.
"Yes, I think that would be best." The Minister said coolly. "Don't you Albus?"
"No!" Sirius cried out, sounding panicked. "God, no! Not that place! Albus, I didn't do it! Please! I-"
Dumbledore eyed Sirius, his eyes quite cold, "It is up to you Minister." He said quietly. Remus wiped a tear from his cheek. He couldn't believe this was happening. It was so surreal; all of his friends were dead. Not being able to take any more of this, Remus took a deep breath, and stood up, turning and looking at Sirius. Sirius's horrified eyes widened when they met Remus' eyes.
"Moony!" he gasped, "Moony! Tell them! Tell them I'd never betray them! Not James! You know me!"
"I - I thought I did." Remus whispered, looking away from his former best friend.
Sirius's jaw dropped. He suddenly looked very small and frightened. "Moony –"
"Remus." Remus said shortly, "To you, I'm Remus. Don't call me Moony, Sirius."
Sirius stared, eyes wide. "I didn't betray them," he whispered.
"You were their Secret-Keepe,." Remus said quietly, "James trusted you with his family's lives; their lives Sirius, their lives!"
"Remus! You have to believe me!" Sirius gasped, "Please!! PLEASE!!" Remus couldn't take this. Sirius' begging; Sirius never begged. This couldn't be happening… not like this... He pushed past the Aurors, made his way to the door, and ran, ran as though his life depended on it. Sirius's screams of "REMUS!!! REMUS!!!" echoed in his ears, even when Sirius was out earshot.
Remus blinked. He suddenly realized he was standing right in front of the alter. He reached out a trembling hand, and put his hand on James's coffin. "James..." he whispered, tears filling his eyes. His other hand went to Lily's coffin. "Lily..." his throat tightened. His legs gave way, and he hit his knees, giving a quickly stifled sob. He gazed up at the crucifix as a tear rolled down his cheek. He bowed his head and whispered shakily, "Dear Lord Jesus, please be with Peter's mother. Help her find peace, and please Lord, be with little Harry. Please let him grow to know his parents. Let him be treated right, and protect him Lord, and Lord, forgive Sirius for betraying the Potters. Lord, help me to forgive him, and please, protect James, Lily and Peter's souls. In you name, amen."
Remus's fists clenched, and he started to sob. For a long time, he knelt there, crying. They had died. Peter. James. Lily. The Sirius he used to know was dead. All his friends. All dead... What seemed like a long time later, it all stopped. Remus blinked, and suddenly realized he'd cried himself dry. He realized his grief was beyond tears. He wiped his face, standing. "I'll look after Harry as much as I can..." he promised out loud, "Lily, James, I promise. You'll always be missed, all three of you, but I swear, you will always be remembered." With a small smile, he started out of the church. With one last glance at the coffins, he exited the church onto the quiet street.
He disapperated to his home, and sat on the couch with a sigh. Memories of when they were in school flickered through his mind. He'd heal, he knew this. It would take some time, but slowly, the deep wounds in his heart, mind and soul would heal.