AN: Alrighty then *claps hands together* I have absolutely no idea why I chose to right this, AS WELL as publish it here, but, I did. Now, please enjoy this complete and utter crack fic that popped into my lovely head.

WARNING: Minor yaoi(suuuper minor), suggestive themes.

*Iie = no
*Tasukete = help me

After team assignments, team 7 is asked to come into the Hokage's office. Once they arrived, Kakashi is surprised to see Gai the with his team as well.

"Did we come too early Hokage-sama? I was sure I was on time this time..."

The Sandaime nodded, "No no, you are right on time Kakashi! For once... Anywho, I called you in here to talk about your team placements."

"What do you mean Hokage-sama? I thought we were already placed into our teams." Sakura asked in confusion.

"Yes well, instead of team 7 traditionally training alone on one cell, you will be teamed up with team 9 instead under joint instruction from Maito Gai."

Kakashi's eyes widened, "Wha-"

"Really?!" Came the sudden excited cry, causing all eyes to turn on one giddy Uzumaki Naruto. He bounced on the balls of his feet, "We really get to train with Gai-sensei? For real?"

The Uchiha of the team frowned, "What are you so excited about dobe? What's so special about this guy?"

Just as it looked like the blond was about to pounce on the Uchiha, Hiruzen cleared his throat, "Yes Naruto, it is true. Both of your teams will be under joint leadership. Now, everyone but Gai, Kakashi and Naruto, please leave."

Not a second before the door was firmly shut, Naruto was clinging to the bushybrowed jounin's arm, nuzzling into it with a dreamy sigh.

The jounin grinned, "I am most happy that you are as youthful as ever Naruto-kun! It will be most enjoyable to have you officially under my apprenticeship!" He grinned, striking a "good guy" pose.

Kakashi's lone visible eye widened, "A-Apprentice?! Why was I not told of this?"

Hiruzen sighed, leaning back in his chair, "Gai here found Naruto out in a training ground a few years back before the academy started. He unofficially took up Naruto as an apprentice of his since then. But given that Naruto was still considered as a civilian at the time, it was never official. Now that he is a certified genin, protected under shinobi law, the civilian council cannot touch him."

Kakashi frowned, "But you knew that I wanted to be the one to train him!"

"Yes, but the boy took a liking to Gai, and I will not try to force him away. Besides, it was thanks go Gai that Naruto was able to perform the Kage Bunshin jutsu."

"What? I thought he learned that from the forbidden scroll?"

"No, that was all just a trap to lure Mizuki out of hiding. We knew of his traitorous ways, and simply needed to expose him. Naruto-kun here purposely failed the clone part of the exam. Gai had taught him early on how to properly spread out his chakra into the clones."

The silver haired jounin gaped, looking between the grinning jounin and smiling kage.

Gai grinned, "Don't worry my eternal rival! I will only be training Naruto-kun in taijutsu. You will take over his ninjutsu training, just as I will train your other two students in taijutsu as well. This way, none of our students will be lacking in their youthfulness! Right Naruto-kun?"

The blonde sighed dreamily, "Hai Gai-sensei~ We will definitely be youthful."

Kakashi then fell to his knees, "NOOOO! Don't leave me Naruto-kun!" He cried in despair, crying harder when the blonde stuck out his tongue at him. Gai simply bellowed as Hiruzen shook his head. The hidden ANBU were straining themselves to hold in their laughter.

"Gai-sensei look! I'm wearing the jumpsuit you bought me! How do I look?"

Kakashi's eye(s) nearly bulged out of his head, mouth falling agape and warm liquid running from his nose. Before him was what he considered to be a lewd 3 dimensional character from his "Icha Icha novels".

"Dobe! What are you wearing!" Sasuke cursed, cheeks flushing as he tried to look away from the appetizing display.

Standing before them was none other than Naruto Uzumaki, clad in a tight, form fitting, sleek, sleeveless, black jumpsuit. Showing off his long creamy arms, and cupping his cute peach shaped bottom. His headband tied around his waist loosely as a belt.

"It's the jumpsuit sensei bought me! Sooo, sensei? How do I look?"

"YOUTHFUL AS EVER! The will of fire runs deep within you Naruto-kun!"

The blonde blushed, "Oh thank you sensei! Ano, but, I need some adjustment in the back. I couldn't pull it up enough. I don't want it to sag. That would be most unyouthful!" He chirped, next thing he knew he was turned around, his sensei's looming figure standing behind him.

"You are right Naruto-kun! Sagging is most unyouthful! Now, you just need to tell me where the problem is and I, Maito Gai, will fix it!"

Naruto shuddered, "Ah, a bit lower sensei."

The large hands moved down to his lower back, "Here?"

The blonde jinchuuriki let out a gasp, "L-Lower."

The hands then moved to his hips, "Here maybe? Am I closer Naruto-kun? "

By now Naruto's entire body was trembling, "J-Just a little bit lower sensei! You're almost there!"

"Hmm... aha! I think I found the problem!" Now the large warm hands firmly cupped themselves over the blonde's small peach bottom, eliciting a soft yelp.

"T-There sensei! There!"

Gai grinned obliviously, beginning to pull up the tight fabric when he was suddenly kicked away into a nearby tree, officially burying his head into the trunk.

Naruto turned around in shock, "Kakashi-sensei! Why did you do that!"

The cyclops turned to the blonde slowly, a sickly sweet expression on his face, "Do what Naruto-kun? It was just a friendly little spar between...rivals."

Naruto gulped when the cyclops began walking towards him, "A-Ano...K-Kakashi-sensei?"

The cyclops smiled, reaching behind him, "Oh, don't be frightened Naruto-kun~ I just thought that instead of that awful jumpsuit, you might want to look more like your favorite sensei!" he grinned, pulling out a mysterious piece of cloth.

A loud scream could be heard throughout the training grounds, along with the ominous tearing of clothing.

The other members of team 7 , consisting of Sasuke, Sakura, Neji, Lee, and Tenten, watched with deadpan expressions as their blonde teammate ran around the training ground with only his boxers. All the while being chased by their second silver haired sensei, who held up a matching face mask.

"Wait Naruto-chan! Don't you want to match with your sensei!"

"Iie! Gai-sensei! Help meeee!"

Sasuke looked to his pink haired teammate, "Should we help him?"

"No way. That's what that baka gets for throwing around his perfect figure! And slim waist...fit legs...fluffy hair...glittery eyes…"

The rest of team 7 had by now moved faaaar away from their mumbling teammate,eyeing the dark aura that swirled around her cautiously. Team 7 really was just a big freak show this year…At least the rest of them didn't have to worry about crazy sensei like their blonde teammate.

-Far Away From Konoha-

"Orochimaru-sama! Please just calm down! You said we weren't going after Sasuke until the chunin exams!"

"Screw the exams! My Sasuke is calling me! I'm coming Sasukeeeehhh!"

The grey haired medic turned to the Kazekage, who had come over to discuss the future invasion of Konoha. The leader of Suna sat with both a terrified and a deadpan expression as he watched the snake sanin struggle to free himself from the medic's grasp.

"I'm terribly sorry about this, Kazekage-sama. Might we discuss this at a later time?" Kabuto offered a strained smile, using all the chakra in his body to keep his feet planted to the ground as he held his struggling master.

The kage nodded slowly, "Ah, of course...Later then..."

"Realease me Kabuto! My Uchiha needs his Orochimaru-sama!"

Kabuto cursed as he held tight to the other, "Kimimaru! Get the sedatives!"

"In your desk drawer as usual?"

"Yes!"

"Which ones would you like this time. The normal size, or the ones used for elephants?"

"Sasukeeeee!"

"BOTH! BOTH DAMMIT!"

"As you wish, Kabuto-san."

-Back to Konoha-

Sasuke felt a shiver run down his spine. He didn't know what it was...but something was telling him to just quit being a shinobi and hide somewhere far...far...far, away. He had half a mind to do just that, if the scene before him weren't so entertaining and frightening at the same time.

"Naruto-kuuun! Don't abandon me! It was my destiny to train you! I just know it!"

"You insane one eyed scarecrow! Leave me alooone!"

"Just put the mask on! Just once!"

"No! Someone, anyone! Tasuketeeeeee!"

AN: Aaaand done! Welp. There's my contribution to the crack community for the day. Thank you all for reading my trash. Goodnight! ^^