A/N: Disclaimer: we do not own the Harry Potter univers. If we did, it would be centered more around the Dark side. ufortuntely, it dosen't.
"Your orders were quite simple really. Arrive. RAISE HELL. Leave. But no you just had to get Lucius and Draco Malfoy involved, and look where that put us, they both ended up in Azkaban and we are now ten steps behind the ministry's behind. You! Stop yawning! CRUCIO! Now, Lucius has his bloody soul cooking inside a friggen dementor , Draco's a gibbering mass of useless flesh, Bellatrix is even more crazier than normal and Harry discovered that Dumbledore was molesting Ronald Weasley! Goddamnit Wormtail, stop sniggering! AVADA KEDAVRA! The Ministry knows I'm back; Fudge is a moron, that cat of a teacher McGonagall is rubbing up to the Dark side and is giving my followers hairballs! Longbottom, stop picking your nose! CRUCIO! Who let him in here, anyway? YOU?? AVADA KEDAVRA! May as well kill the kid while I'm at it, AVADA KEDAVRA! Wow, this is getting really old. Hehe, avada kedavra… oops, sorry Rabastan! Anyway, you are no longer of any use to me; give me one reason why I should let you take another breath!"
"Umm… because you love me?"
"… get the hell out of my sight."
A/N: first correct guess as to who Voldie's yelling at gets a mention in The Five Eternal. That is, if they leave us their details.