A/N: I'm much more of a reader than a writer, but I wrote this one-shot for a contest on another site so I thought I'd put it up here too. Standard disclaimer applies - JK Rowling owns the HP stuff and The Smiths own the lyrics. Reviews, even critical ones as long as they're constructive, are always welcome!
"You summoned me, my Lord?" asked Lucius Malfoy as he kneeled before his master, Lord Voldemort. He was apprehensive as he awaited his orders.
"I have an important task for you, Lucius," rang out the cold, clear voice. "You may rise."
Malfoy stood, trembling. He knew, whatever the task might be, he must succeed. He must make amends for his past failings.
"I need you to retrieve something for me," said Voldemort, as Malfoy dared to glance up at him, eyebrows raised in question. "Surely you have heard of the Amulet of the Founders?" Voldemort asked.
Sensing Malfoy's bewilderment, Voldemort continued, "Centuries ago, the four founders of Hogwarts together created a bracelet which was rumored to possess magical properties, one of which is the ability to protect its wearer from the Unforgivable Curses. If I can acquire the Amulet, I will truly be undefeatable."
"Ah, yes, I do remember hearing of the Amulet of the Founders," answered Malfoy, with dawning recognition, "but hasn't it been lost for hundreds of years? And these magical properties – I thought they were just rumor?"
Malfoy cowered slightly as Voldemort narrowed his red eyes. "Rumor or not, I will have the Amulet. And you will get it for me."
Voldemort shoved a photograph at Malfoy. It was a picture of four sullen-looking young men – obviously Muggles, Malfoy guessed, from the odd way they were dressed. "I recently came in possession of this picture taken in 1985 of a Muggle band called The Smiths. Do you see what this is?" Voldemort asked, pointing at one of the men in the photograph.
Malfoy squinted down at the photo. Voldemort was pointing at what appeared to be a metal bracelet on the wrist of one of the men. "Is this... this can't be..." stammered Malfoy.
"Yes, Lucius," whispered Voldemort. "I do believe that this is the Amulet of the Founders. Look closer and you can see what appears to be the crests of the four houses engraved into the bracelet."
"And how did this Muggle come into possession of the Amulet?" asked Malfoy.
Voldemort paused, looking down at the photograph again before speaking. "That is not known to me, but it does not matter. What does matter is that this Muggle no longer possesses it. The last time the Amulet has been seen was in 1985, when this photograph was taken."
"I do not understand, my Lord," answered Malfoy, fearing to make eye contact. "If the Amulet has not been seen since 1985, how can I possibly retrieve it?"
Voldemort's lipless mouth contorted into a malicious grin. "You will use this Time-Turner," he said, holding out a small, silver hourglass on a chain, "to go back to 1985 and gain the trust of these Muggles by becoming a member of their band. Once you have done so, you will find the Amulet and return it to me in the present. You have three weeks to complete this task."
Malfoy's eyes widened in horror, as he stood speechless, words failing to form in his mouth. He, Lucius Malfoy, prestigious pure-blood wizard, forced to live among Muggles? Lucius Malfoy, the very wealthy pure-blood wizard, owner-of-the-finer-things-in-life like albino peacocks and aquarium-raised miniature seahorses, expected to join a Muggle band of all things?!
Voldemort gave a soft, evil laugh. "Not pleased? I thought that you of all people would be honored to be given such an important task."
"N-no, my Lord," stammered the alarmed Malfoy. "It is a great honor to fulfill your request."
"Good," hissed Voldemort. "Severus has taken the liberty of procuring a few things to help you, ah... fit in. Severus?"
At the sound of his name, Severus Snape, a tall, dark-haired man, walked into the room towards Malfoy, carrying an armload of clothing. Snape's lip curled into a sneer as Malfoy held up a manky old t-shirt, staring with revulsion at the words "Save the Manatees" printed in large, faded letters on the front. He was clearly enjoying Malfoy's humiliation.
Still wearing his evil grin, Voldemort continued, "You must be convincing, Lucius. These Muggles must believe that you are one of them in order for you to gain their trust. I know that on this specific date to which you will be traveling, The Smiths will be preparing for several concerts and need an extra guitarist to play with them during their performances. You will audition to be their supporting guitarist and it is essential that you succeed in acquiring the position."
"Guitarist..." Malfoy repeated, now whispering. "But I don't know how to play the guitar..." He stared blankly at the floor with his mouth slightly open in disbelief.
Again Voldemort laughed. "Easily remedied," he drawled with a wave of his wand at Malfoy's head. His memories had been modified to include those of years of guitar lessons. He now felt fairly confident that he could prevail in an audition, even if still utterly repulsed at the situation itself.
Voldemort handed Malfoy the Time-Turner and several pieces of parchment. "Listen carefully," he jeered. "You must turn this Time-Turner back exactly 4,815 times – keep careful count, it must be precise to go back to the correct time. The instructions in this parchment will tell you the location of the audition and how to get back to the present once you have reclaimed the Amulet. Oh, and Lucius –"
Malfoy looked up at the sound of his name. "— don't forget to change into your Muggle clothes," Voldemort ended with a taunting laugh and dismissed him with a wave of his hand as he walked out the door.
Malfoy stood, stunned, as he watched the Dark Lord leave, but he knew there was no choice in the matter. Grabbing his new possessions and holding out his wand, he turned on the spot and Disapparated back to the manor. Feeling defeated, Malfoy slumped into a chair with his head in his hands, parchment and clothing spilling to the floor.
Noticing a commotion, a stately blonde woman came rushing into the room. "I thought I heard you come in," Narcissa Malfoy said to her husband. She looked around at the troubled Lucius and scattered debris on the floor. "What happened? What did he want?" she whispered, terrified, nearing hysteria.
Lucius slowly lifted his head and peered up at his wife. "He has asked me to complete an important assignment, Cissy," he stated flatly. "I will be leaving for a short time. Do not ask me any more questions. You know how angry he would be if I were to betray his trust by divulging his plans – even to you."
Narcissa stood helplessly as she watched her husband gather what he had dropped and make his way slowly to their bedroom. She knew it was best not to follow him, so she poured herself a glass of firewhiskey and, sighing heavily, sat down in the large armchair next to the fireplace. All she could do was wait, something she had to do a lot of lately.
Meanwhile, Lucius closed the bedroom door behind him and sat down on the bed, opening the parchment. His eyes glazed over the written instructions, pausing briefly on words about disguising his name and appearance so as not to be recognized and risking the alteration of time. Well, he certainly wasn't cutting off his long, luxurious blonde locks. He supposed he could change his hair with magic and easily change it back once finished with the task.
Scanning further down the parchment, he came to a complete stop at the words, "Once you have used the Time-Turner to go back to 1985, you must not use magic." Not use magic? Lucius winced, closing his eyes and dropping the parchment once again. It was bad enough to have to live among Muggles, but to actually become one? Albeit it was only for three weeks, but the very idea was mortifying to him.
Grudgingly, he got up to change into the Muggle clothing that had been provided for him. Lucius grimaced as he pulled the shirt over his head. It smelled as if it hadn't been Scourgified in some time and he was almost certain that his "new" jeans had a previous flea-infestation. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he waved his wand and watched as his hair seemed to shoot up into his head. With shaking hands, he tenderly touched his shortened, spiky hair. Only three weeks, he kept telling himself. At least he was still blonde.
Grabbing the Muggle jacket still lying on his bed, Malfoy hastily threw it on and stuffed the parchment in one of the pockets. There was something else there. Turning out the pockets, he realized that he had also been provided with Muggle money. That would certainly be useful, he thought. As he shoved it all back into the coat pockets, his eye caught something else still lying on the bed. His wand. Hesitatingly, he picked it up and, after a moment's thought, decided to stow it in one of the jacket's inside pockets. He knew he wasn't supposed to use magic, but Malfoy wanted to be prepared for an emergency and, if he kept it hidden, it shouldn't matter if he had it in his possession.
Sighing, he sat back down on his bed and pulled out the Time-Turner. Putting the chain around his neck, he started turning, counting to himself. It was tedious work to be so precise. When he stopped, he felt as though time was rushing past him – in reverse. Malfoy felt a sense of vertigo as events moved backwards, faster and faster, and then suddenly stopped.
This must be 1985, or at least he hoped, if he had used the Time-Turner correctly. Malfoy strode over to the window and looked out. The 1985 version of him and his family were walking through the garden. Bizarre. He stood, preoccupied, watching them for a moment before snapping back to reality and the task at hand. He must quickly leave the house before his family saw him.
He knew, as was stated in his directions, that there would be a cab waiting for him in front of his house to take him to the Underground. Never having had to use Muggle transportation, Lucius was apprehensive to say the least. The cab ride was fairly uneventful, though, other than the white-knuckle death grip on the door handle and the driver angrily demanding his fare as Lucius exited the cab without realizing the need to pay.
The ride on the Underground was rather crowded and uncomfortable, being in such close proximity to so many Muggles. At least they did not pay him much attention. He thought his appearance must fit in with them quite well. Malfoy covertly pulled out his parchment and scanned the directions to the location once more. He also had to come up with an alias and he just wasn't good with Muggle names. At any rate the long ride gave him time to think.
Soon enough Lucius arrived at his destination. Walking up a deserted alley, he stopped at what looked to be an abandoned warehouse and cautiously pushed open the large door. Sitting on a dusty floor amidst various musical equipment were two of the young lads that Lucius recognized from Voldemort's photograph. They both looked up at him as he entered. "Are you here for the audition, mate?" one of them asked.
"Erm, yeah..." Malfoy nodded. He looked around nervously at the musical instruments before realizing that he hadn't brought anything to play.
"What's your name?" asked the other of the two.
"Er... John Smith," Lucius replied, before mentally slapping himself. Could he be any more generic? Well, he really wasn't very good at Muggle names. The two boys on the floor exchanged an odd glance with each other. They seemed to be satisfied with his answer though.
"Yeah, I'm John too – Johnny Marr," said the first guy. "And this bloke's called Morrissey," he added pointing to his friend. "Didn't you bring anything to play?" Marr asked, giving Malfoy an appraising look. "No matter, you can borrow one of ours," he added hastily before Malfoy could respond.
Lucius picked up the guitar closest to him and began to play. He wasn't familiar with the music of The Smiths, but he played quite well and the other two seemed to be very impressed especially when Johnny Marr began to play as well and Lucius adjusted his style to match.
"Not bad, mate," said Marr. "Morrissey and I need to talk things over and then we can let you know. Where are you staying?"
Lucius briefly closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. For such an intricate plan, Voldemort seemed to have left out a few key elements. Lucius looked at the boys shiftily. "I, uh, am in from out of town... and..."
The two band mates exchanged another odd look. "Why don't you hang out here while we continue with the auditions and then we'll talk," offered Morrissey.
Malfoy nodded, then headed towards the corner. He shuddered as he looked around at all the dirt covering the floor, but there wasn't a chair in sight so he resigned himself to sitting on the floor as well. A few more men visited the warehouse to audition, but none nearly as good as him, Malfoy thought haughtily. It did get rather boring listening to all these Muggles strum their little guitars most of the afternoon and Malfoy rested his head back against the wall, letting his eyes fall shut and drifting off to sleep.
"John – John Smith – Hey, John, wake up mate." Lucius opened his eyes to see Johnny Marr shaking his shoulder. He looked over at Marr's arm and his eyes widened at the sight of the Amulet on his wrist.
"We've been calling you for five minutes. You must have been dead tired," laughed Marr. That, or not used to the new name enough to be roused by it, Malfoy thought bitterly.
"We've been talking it over and think that you would be right for the job," said Morrissey, casually examining his own fingernails.
Lucius looked from Marr to Morrissey. "Uh, that's... great," he said.
"Fantastic, that's settled then," drawled Morrissey. "Johnny will give you the details," he continued, walking out of the warehouse, shutting the door behind him.
Malfoy watched with eyebrows raised as Morrissey walked away. Some Muggles behaved so strangely, he thought, rolling his eyes.
"So, here's the music that we'll be playing at our shows over the next few weeks," Marr told Lucius as he handed him several pages of sheet music. "You have one week to learn it all and then we will be performing live the next two weeks. If you don't have anywhere to go, you can stay at my place if you like. I have an extra camp bed."
"Oh, alright... uh, thanks," responded Malfoy. He was quite revolted at the idea of living in a Muggle house and sleeping on a Muggle bed, but he felt that he was out of options. Besides, this was the Muggle with the Amulet. What better way to get it from him than if he were staying at his house. It couldn't be easier... Or so he thought.
The next week was painful. Memorizing the set list wasn't so bad, but Lucius was also expected to contribute to the household chores at Marr's house – without using magic, of course. He was expected to wash dishes, by hand, provide his own meals – which ended up consisting of peanut butter sandwiches and dry cereal, he didn't know how to cook -- , and sometimes wash the floors using some sort of long stick with an oversized sponge on the end. Lucius was just glad that his wife and son were not there to see him. What would they think of a Malfoy performing such menial tasks?
He was also dumbstruck by the way these Muggles got by without magic. They apparently used something called "electricity" to power many things, including their lamps. For the first few days, Malfoy walked about the house cautiously gazing at the things around him, which garnered plenty of strange looks from Marr and the other members of the band who would periodically stop by.
Meeting the other band members was... interesting. Malfoy had already met Morrissey of course, and he could tell by the way he and Marr always had their heads together that they were the ones in charge. Marr was constantly writing new music for their songs, while Morrissey was the one with clever, sardonic lyrics. He was always going off on some political rant though and Malfoy usually did not fully grasp the weight of his words. The other two members of the band frequented much less and only seemed to be around to just do what they were told. Malfoy couldn't remember their names and equated them to supporting characters in a novel. He found those two quite annoying actually, and it seemed Morrissey did too. Malfoy gathered from conversation that Morrissey was an avid vegetarian and with the success of their Meat is Murder album, the two extras, as Malfoy called them, decided to try their hand at song-writing, throwing around words like broccoli and rutabaga. Malfoy scowled and glanced over at Morrissey who was rolling his eyes. The two sniggered briefly at their absurdity and... wait, was Malfoy starting to like this Muggle? No, he told himself. Sure he could appreciate his sarcastic wit -- what Malfoy wouldn't? -- but surely he couldn't actually be friends with a Muggle... could he?
Getting his hands on the Amulet proved to be difficult. Marr seemed to never take the thing off his wrist. Towards the end of his first week in the past, Lucius finally asked him about it. "That's an interesting bracelet."
"What, this?" replied Marr looking up and lifting his arm. "Oh, yeah, it's like a good luck charm, I guess. A girl I used to date gave it to me a few years back. I like to have it on when I'm writing songs or performing. So you think you're ready for our first show tomorrow night, mate?"
"Of course," Malfoy drawled. It would be beneath him to exude anything but confidence to this Muggle. He knew all the songs now but the thought of performing live for thousands of people was slightly daunting.
Though Lucius was a bit nervous at the start of the first performance, he hid it well. The harmony between he and the rest of the band was simply astounding, and he found the thunderous applause that greeted them every night to be intoxicating. Soon everyone wanted to know who the striking blonde known as John Smith was. Lucius loved the attention and started to actually look forward to the shows.
"It's been just smashing playing with you these past few weeks," Marr said to Malfoy one night as they were leaving the stage. "Next time we have another batch of concerts, you'll have to join us again."
Lucius was once again snapped back to reality. His time was almost up and he still had not gotten hold of the Amulet. Would that man ever take off that bracelet? He only had a few hours before he had to return to the present.
It was late and Malfoy gratefully took Marr's offer to let him sleep at his house before going home in the morning. He waited until Marr fell asleep, then slowly opened his bedroom door. Malfoy could see the Amulet encircling Marr's wrist. His heart racing, he knew that he had to act now, but was afraid that he would wake him up. Malfoy remembered that he was forbidden to use magic, but with only an hour left he decided it would be his best bet. Pulling out his wand, Malfoy whispered Accio Amulet as the Amulet flew off of Marr's wrist and into Malfoy's hand. He turned and ran for his life out the front door. He couldn't wait to get back to present day and see how Voldemort would reward him for a job well done...
Several months had passed since Lucius returned home and it had been a mere few weeks since the famous Harry Potter had defeated Lord Voldemort. Although Voldemort had been very pleased with Malfoy for completing his task, unfortunately for the Dark Lord the Amulet's rumored magical protection was just that – rumored. Had it all been for nothing? Lucius walked over to the wireless on the table and waved his wand while muttering an incantation. Humming to himself as he heard the jangly guitar and that unique voice crooning, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, And Heaven knows I'm miserable now, he smiled as he remembered the secret he kept from everyone – the few days that he was one of them.