Daniel lay awake in bed, with a smile still on his face at the memory of last night. It was great. She was amazing like never before. It was Natalie, all right, but last night was the best one ever. The smile quickly faded off his face when he remembered that, like all other aspects of Natalie, she would never be there all the time. She would never be visible to anyone else. She was never there in the morning. But he loved her. And that was all that mattered. She was his dream girl, everything Daniel ever wanted. And he wished so badly that Natalie were real. So that she could meet and actually be seen by Kate, Lewicki, and most of all, Caroline. So she would know why he wouldn't use his meds. The real reason. If only he could-
"Doc-"
"Lewicki!" Daniel exclaimed, "I told you to knock!"
"Sorry, here's one of your socks. It must have gotten into my laundry by acci-" As he walked over to give it to him, Lewicki saw the scattered pieces of clothing on the ground and saw what must have happened. "dent. Doc, have you-?"
"What?" He, too, looked at the clothes on the ground, and thought well, that's twice as many clothes as Lewicki sees. "No, I have not been sleeping with my students, if that's what you're suggesting." Daniel, although exhausted, was slightly peeved that Lewicki, of all people, should ask that. "Just-why did you come in here?"
"I wanted to let you know that breakfast is ready. And today is Saturday, so I'll see you in the afternoon. Are you sure you don't want to start having Saturday classes?"
"No, it's enough trouble having them normally. I would much rather have my weekends to myself. Thank you. Is that all?"
"Yup, doc, that's it." As he turned around, he got his feet tangled in a bra-or was that a pair of his underpants?- and fell over. Quickly getting up, red-faced, he said, "I'll see you this afternoon... uh-good-bye."
"Good-bye, Lewicki!"
After he left, Daniel thought for a minute. Wait-got his feet tangled in a bra? Oh, well. It must just be him. But he had heard Max hit the floor. Well, he'd deal with that later. For now-he felt different. Just-different. As if something changed. Last night she was extraordinary. He just felt so strange. Natalie would know what it was. As he came down the stairs, he noticed her sitting at his breakfast table, looking at him. She looked worried, with a mix of hope and fear on her face. Natalie was also excited, he noticed. Most of the time, she was relaxed, peaceful, and at ease.
"Natalie! What's wrong? You look scared."
"Good morning to you, too," she replied weakly.
"Tell me. What's wrong? Why do you sound so sad and...tired?" He embraced her in his arms and felt her go limp. He picked her up and moved to the couch. Daniel sat down and cradled her in his arms. He brushed the hair away from her face. She looked so young-so innocent. He noticed a tear streaming down her face. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's gonna be all right. I promise." He kissed her forhead, then saw her reach up a hand and brush a tear from his face. "You're worried," she whispered. The tears came faster down his cheeks. His voice broke as he said, "It feels like you're fading away from me. I can't bear that. I love you so much. I would do anything for you." "Daniel-" she tried to speak. "No. I would. I love you more than anything in the world." "But I'm not in the-"Natalie interrupted. "Stop. Don't say that. You're in my world, and that's what counts. Please don't leave me. I love you more than Kate, more than Caroline, more than Lewicki, my job, my life." she curled up in his arms and huddled against him.
"I love you, too, Daniel. I just don't know. I don't know what it is. This. I feel weak. I don't want to leave you, but it seems I have no...choice" she choked out the last words. She was crying and shaking. She hugged Daniel fearfully-he was crying, too. He looked so sad. He doesn't deserve this, she thought. They both sat there, crying and comforting each other for a moment. Had there been someone else in the room, it would have looked to them like Daniel was fading into Natalie, while not losing anything himself. On the contrary, Daniel felt her grow weaker yet. He hugged her, and cried, and hugged her some more. She doesn't deserve this, he thought. Why was she so sad? And so weak? He hadn't been taking his meds-last night had definitely proved that. He wished there was some way to make it better. "Good-bye, Daniel" she whispered as she finally faded away. He brought his knees up to his chest, hugged them close, and cried. And cried, and cried, and cried.
"Why?" he asked no one in particular. Why would I be cursed with this if my friend, my woman, my confidant, has to leave? I would rather have not known her in the first place. Daniel remembered her, remembered her voice calling his name. He remembered her kiss. Her kiss! He hadn't even thought to kiss her as she left. He remembered her touch, he could practically feel her stroking his back, practically see the couch bending under her. For a moment, he tried as hard as he could to re-create her as she was. She was his everything. He finally got it. He saw her face, her hair falling just the right way, her eyes leading straight to her beautiful soul. He imagined her comforting him, telling him it was going to be all right.
Wait! I am a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. That means that I hallucinate, and specifically, in my case, I hallucinate based on real-life situations. He blinked to clear his vision, then cautiously called, "Natalie?"
"Yes, Daniel?" replied the voice that came from only one person. His love.
"Natalie! Natalie, Natalie, oh, Natalie! What happened?" He re-positioned himself, and kissed her fiercely. She moved from sitting position to laying down. They were both laying down on the couch: Daniel had pulled her body on top of his. Kissing her passionately, Daniel hugged her close. Again, tears streamed down both their faces, but this time, tears of joy. Words could not be spoken. No one knows how many times they came up for air, but neither of them felt the want or need to go further. They were just content with being in each other's arms. Neither of them had a sense of how much time had passed. Kissing, hugging, holding, loving. The emotion was overwhelming. Daniel felt her body, firm in his hands. Her back, her head, her hips, they were all there. No longer did she feel like her life was slowly wasting away. She also felt his sides, his hair, his shoulders. Natalie didn't have to feel like she was hanging on for dear life anymore. There they remained, so happy they had not lost each other. Soon their kiss became salty, for their tears were very strong at this point, but neither of them cared. He ran his hands through her long, gorgeous blond hair, and enjoyed that it was so light, it almost felt like water falling over his long fingers. Daniel opened his eyes to see Natalie's brilliant blue ones. He lost himself in her. They were just like teenagers, so much in love that they couldn't bear it.
This was true love.
After what seemed like glorious hours of just kissing and hugging, needing each other, both of them were exhausted. Natalie placed her head on his chest, and let her arms loosely fall around him. Breathing heavily, Daniel locked his fingers behind her back. There they laid, their bodies moving in unison. Daniel and Natalie were still crying, his tears running into his ears, hers making a damp spot on his shirt. Natalie opened her mouth, but soon closed it realizing she would destroy the beautiful silence that had fallen around them. Both of them just stayed there, so happy the other was alive.
For Natalie, too, it felt like the world she came into every once in a while was fading away. It wasn't only Daniel that noticed that before. But now everything was better. Now she was with Daniel, her love, the only thing she lived for. The only reason she was alive. She didn't know what had occurred, but Natalie was happy it was over, and she knew Daniel felt the same way. She couldn't think of a happier moment that had happened, or would happen.
Her breath caught in her throat.
"I never told you," she whispered
"Hmm?" mumbled Daniel, still happy.
"I-I never told you. I'm sorry."
"Told me what?" He sat up, and arranged himself so that Natalie's head was in his lap. Her back was against the couch now, and as she blinked, a single tear fell from the corner of her eye. He felt it. "What's wrong?"
Once again, that look of hope, fear, and excitement came across her face, and a small smile formed on her lips.
"I'm afraid."
"You don't have to be afraid, Nat. It's okay. You're not fading anymore."
"Nat. Hm.. No, that's not it. I'm overwhelmed with joy that I'm back, but there's something I need to tell you. I'm afraid."
"I don't want you to be afraid. I want you to be happy. Why are you afraid?" Daniel looked concerned as he slowly turned her on his back and gently pulled her hair away from her damp face.
She was gazing into his eyes with wonder. How could she change a man so much? Daniel, who once was an antisocial man who had but two friends (but refused to call them that), was now someone who loved and cared for another human being. He had told her that he was a different man since she came into his life, but she thought that it was just since then he had started hallucinations. It was now that Natalie truly realized what a different man he was.
"I can't describe it. I'm afraid and hopeful, excited, and happy, but most of all, I'm afraid. I'm sorry. You hallucinated me so I could help you. Not so you could pick me up when I was down. Wait-you hallucinated me. Then why do I feel afraid? Why do I feel like anything other than comforting you? I'm so confused, Daniel!" She sat up, put her feet on the couch with her knees to her chest, and covered her face with her hands. "Why am I crying? I am not supposed to cry. I'm a screwed-up hallucination, and that's all I'll ever be!"
"No!" Daniel refused to believe it. "I love you more than I can explain. You're so much more to me than a hallucination. You're real." Scooting next to her, he hugged Natalie's huddled figure and rested his head on her shoulder. She peeked through her fingers at him, then sighed and dropped her hands and hugged him back. With one hand Daniel tilted her head up toward his and kissed her gently on the lips. His hand went back around her knees. He picked her up and she found herself in his lap once more. Daniel eased himself into a comfortable position, laying longways on the couch with her on top of him. She relaxed and lay face-up on top of him. For some reason, he couldn't stop playing with her hair today. He ran his fingers along her arms, over her stomach, and rested them there.
"I'm going to tell you this time. I keep on putting it off and getting distracted, but not this time." She flipped over, placed her hands on the couch, and lifted herself up so that her face was a foot or two above his. "I can't understand it, but-I think..." her voice trailed off as she looked down. She stood up and sat across from the couch.
"Yes, Nat?" Daniel anxiously questioned
"I..."
"Natalie, what is it? Spit it out!"
She looked hurt and shrunk back a bit.
"I'm sorry, Nat, I just want to deal with whatever is hurting you."
"It's not hurting me-I love it!"
"So what is it?" Daniel was confused as to what could cause her fear and happiness at the same time.
"I-I think I'm pregnant." She cast hopeful and worried eyes upon Daniel, searching his face for any signs of reaction.
He paused for a second before a smile appeared on his face, which then broke out into a grin. "That's wonderful, Nat!" He quickly stood, swooped her up from the chair and swung her around in his arms. His arms were firmly around her waist, but not painfully. She looped her arms over his neck, grinning for all the world. For a minute, it was just them, gazing into each other's eyes, spinning around and kissing. Daniel slowed, then stopped, before smiling again into Natalie's face. But her face was not a glad one. "I thought you would be happy," he commented.
"I am, it's just-" she hesitated.
"We've been here for a while." Once again, she found herself lifted off the ground, and being carried up the stairs to his bedroom. Gently, he placed her on his bed, then lay next to her. "That's better." he leaned on his side so he could look directly at her.
"But I'm afraid. Aren't you confused? I'm just a hallucination-what you want to happen. I thought you didn't like kids." Natalie confided.
"So did I. I guess not, though! Because we-"he smiled at this word as she rolled over into his arms "are going to have a baby." He rubbed Natalie's stomach from behind. "A little Nat. I bet she" "or he!" interjected Natalie, "Yes, or he, will look beautiful and be a wonderful person." Daniel was just so happy. "And I told you, you're real to me, as real as anyone else."
"Doc! I'm back!" Lewicki's voice sounded throughout the house.
"Wow, is it that late already? Mmm. I spent my day with my favorite girl!" Natalie smiled at this. She meant something to someone. It was really too bad that no one else could see her.
"Daniel, what are you going to do? Max is back!" she suddenly whispered.
"Doc! I thought you said you'd eat breakfast!" he called
"I guess I forgot, Lewicki."
"Have you really been in your room the whole day?"
"Umm..." he looked at his love and smiled. "I guess so."
Natalie was in Daniel's grasp, with happy tears streaming down her face and Daniel smiling happily.
Lewicki strolled in the room, but Daniel didn't care, he was so happy. "Hi, Lewicki." Max's jaw dropped when he saw Daniel's bed. "Hi, Doc...I brought groceries."
"That's great." was the reply. Natalie cuddled more into Daniel, just so happy with the day's course of events after that morning. She gazed over to Max, to see him staring right back at her. She blinked, confused. He must just be looking at Daniel, she thought.
"OH!" she screamed, jumped up, and hid behind the other side of the bed. This, of course, caused Daniel to flinch. He looked to Max to make sure he didn't see or worry about him flinching, but all he did was stare with his jaw wide open. "what?" asked Daniel.
"Okaaayyy... I'll just let you finish things up with Caroline, and-"
"WHAT?!" Daniel's eyes were wide open with panic and confusion and he was up. Getting himself under control, he said "Repeat that please, Lewicki."
Max, now completely bewildered slowly stated, "I'll just let you finish things up with Caroline."
"What do you mean, Caroline?"
"She just screamed and jumped behind the bed. I thought she was calmer." Now it was Daniel's turn to let his jaw hang open.
"Okay, I'll talk to you at dinner, Doc," and he left.
Natalie peeked from behind the bed and really, truly looked scared. "I don't even know..." started Daniel, but as soon as he saw her, he went around to the side of the bed, sat next to her, and hugged her tight. She cried, and cried, and cried. Between gasps, she managed to get out... "how...did...he...know?" before collapsing into his lap and going into spasms of tears. "Help me." she pleaded. After a while, when they had both calmed down, and Natalie didn't look like she had been crying for hours, they sat on the bed, hand in hand. "What...do you think is going to happen to..." "to who?" asked Daniel.
"The baby." Natalie replied,
"Oh, my gosh..." he immediately got up and started pacing, "I thought-but-now, what's going to become of him or her? What kind of problems is he/she going to have? How did this happen?"
"Sit, Daniel." she was back to her comforting self. He sat.
"Okay, let's figure out what happened. Last night, first of all, was amazing. Totally amazing. I woke up this morning thinking that. It was different. When you... faded, I felt like part of me was going with you. Maybe-"
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe my love for you caused you to become human. I mean, non-hallucination human. Wow. This is going to be hard to explain to Lewicki. And-the baby..."
"Look-it's fine. You said you were happy. It's going to be all right. You'll be a great father." He looked at her, concerned.
"I-I don't know. I've never been responsible for anyone but myself, and you see what a great job I do at that."
"We'll worry about that later. After all, we do have nine months." she said, "Right now, we have to go and explain this to Lewicki."
"All of it?"
"As much of it as you want, but I'm not used to being seen."
"It's okay. I'll be there."
Slowly, they walked down the stairs, and Daniel sat on the couch in front of Lewicki. "So..."
Max immediately saw Natalie and looked at her. She squealed and ran up the stairs. "sorry!" She yelled as she left.
"Okay, then. Well, here goes..."
"Wait. Why is Caroline here? I thought you guys weren't seeing each other anymore."
"We're not. And...that's not Caroline. I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"Somehow, that is Natalie, the love of my life, prior hallucination, now human, and I have some news."
"Doc-you should get back on your meds. That's Caroline, except her hair is down."
"No it isn't. What time is it?"
"Six o'clock."
"Good! She's open until seven. We are going to go to Caroline's office right now and I will prove to you that it is not her!"
"How?"
"Well, we'll just bring Natalie along."
"Again, how?"
"She isn't used to being seen, and she's a bit shy. If you just don't look at her, it's best."
"Whatever you say, doc." said Max, and he went out to the car.
"Natalie! Come downstairs! He's gone now." Timidly, she stepped down the stairs.
"I need to explain this to Lewicki, so we're going to Caroline's office."
"Caroline-my doppleganger?"
"I have to prove it to him. I'll have him call Kate so she can meet us there."
"But-I'm not used to being seen! You just saw me!"
"Caroline makes you feel... comfortable. She's a therapist."
"But-Daniel, you don't understand. Put yourself in her shoes. You were basically two-timing her with herself, just I was her, but better. You created me in the likeness of Caroline. I am what you wanted her to be. You dumped her for me! You love me more than her, and she loved you. It must have broken her heart when you didn't go after her. Now, it'll just be too awkward. Sure, she's sensible enough when she's a therapist, but if she meets the single person who destroyed her great relationship with you, it'll just be too much."
"She has to know about it though, Caroline. Now is better than never. And-maybe she'll be able to sort out how you got pregnant. Before...yesterday, let's say, you were definitely a hallucination."
"Well...okay. But...it'll be hard."
"Be brave. I'll be there."
When they got to Caroline's office, Natalie stood sort of behind Daniel as they walked towards the doors.
"Wait-" Daniel stopped. "I just want you to know that I've never seen you so happy before, and I'm thrilled that you are." he smiled. "You kind of remind me of a teenager, happy and scared at the same time. I love you, Natalie Vincent."
That did it. She had told Daniel it was over, and now not only did he come to her office, he stood outside her door and proclaimed his love to the hallucinationi that had taken her spot. She slammed the door open, with a sour look on her face. She expected Daniel to be talking to what appeared to be an empty space, but instead saw him affectinately hugging an actual girl, whose eyes widened. What Caroline saw was a blone's eyes and forhead duck behind Daniel, who immediately turned around and said, "Caroline. I need to tell you somethinig."
"No, Daniel. It's bad enough that you're not on your meds, but we agreed not to speak to each other anymore."
"Trust me. I want you to meet someone. Caroline-meet Natalie. Natalie Vincent." Caroline instinctively stepped forward and put her hand out. What she wasn't expecting was a mirror image of herself inch out from behind him and timidly shake her hand. Her jaw dropped as Max rounded the corner. He registered what he was seeing, and dropped on the floor. Everyone turned at the loud thud that sounded. Kate came shortly after. Stepping around Lewicki's body, she said, "what happened to him?" Then her eyes fell on Natalie and Caroline, one in her doorway looking ill and one crouching behind Daniel.
"Oh." she replied, confused. She leaned against the wall and rubbed her head.
"You see this too, right, Caroline?"
"Yes, unfortunately, I do. How about everyone steps into my office before anyone else does."
Daniel sat on the couch with Natalie next to him, their fingers interlocked like teenagers in love, both looking nervous. Caroline and Kate were in chairs, looking very confused.