The Joker's face twitched, and his tongue darted out sloppily to lick his hips. His hand extended cautiously and poked the small item with something flashing in his eyes that looked almost like fear.
"What is it?" he asked quietly, almost in a whisper, as if it would hear him and be offended. "I mean, what am I supposed to do with it?"
"Well, what do you mean?" the Batman retorted. "Why, it's a-"
"Can I eat it? Is it edible?"
"No!" the hero wailed, diving in to rescue the item from his grasp. "No, Jacky, you can't eat it!"
"What's it doing?"
"What do you mean, what's it doing? It's purring. What else would it do?"
"What's it doing now?"
"It's giving itself a bath, Jack! For heaven's sake, don't eat it!"
"Why not?"
"Well, because it's not edible, that's why! It's alive!"
"It isn't."
"It's moving!"
"It isn't."
"Yes it is! Look at it!" The Batman scowled. Referring to the small thing as an "it" was apparently contagious. "She's moving."
"Can't I eat it?"
"Jack, you can't eat the cat!"
"Why not?"
"Because it's not fucking edible!" Again, the hero rescued the animal and held it close to his chest. "This is why we can't have nice things! You eat them!" The Batman's voice was high pitched and anxious. His steely eyes watched the villain lick his lips again, almost as if he was preparing for a large meal. "NO, Jack! Do NOT eat the cat!"
"Why not?"
"GOD DAMMIT, JACK WAYNE, IF YOU SO MUCH AS TOUCH THAT KITTEN I WILL BREAK YOUR WRIST!"
The villain recoiled, his full red lip sticking out in a pout. "You can't give me prezzie and then take away, Batsy! Give it back. You said it was mine! I wants. Gimme it!"
"That was before I thought you were going to eat it! If I'd known you were going to chow down on her like a rack of goddam baby-back ribs I wouldn't have even brought her home!"
"Oh, Batty, why can't I eats it?"
"Because she's ALIVE, Jack! It's a living, breathing KITTEN, for chrissakes! You can't EAT it!"
"I could cook it. Then it wouldn't be alive, and then it would be tasty, and I could eats it!" The Joker looked pleased with this conclusion and made a reach for the tiny purring kitten.
"No, Jack! She's alive and you CANNOT eat her!"
There was a pause of what seemed to be understanding as the Joker looked up with glowing, eager eyes. "Batsy... is girl?"
"Yes, Jacky. Princess is a girl."
And the Joker's face twisted into something sour and foul. "You named it Princess, Batman? That's terrible!"
"Shut up, you! You were gonna EAT her! That's even worse!"
"Baaaattyyy! Give it to meeee. I wanna play with it!"
"You want to devour it with barbeque sauce! And I WILL NOT allow it!"
"Batmaaaan," he whined, making desperate grabbing motions with his hands as he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. "Lemme play with it!"
"Only if you promise not to hurt her," the Batman announced.
"Okay... Gimme!"
At first, the Batman was hesitant, but he handed the kitten over. It cried, at first, until the Joker cupped it in his hands. It could literally sit in his hands without help, it was so small. Again, the Joker's face twitched, but he grew suddenly calm as he drew the kitten up to his shoulder. It nuzzled against his neck, purred, and fell into what appeared to be a cat-coma, instantly asleep on his shoulder.