Author: Hi everyone who is reading this! This is the first chapter of my first story and I'm still trying to get accustomed to the ways of Fanfiction..( sigh )..but I still Love being on it. It was supposed to be a one-shot but I decided to have Finn come in on the next chapter or the chapter after that one, so this is basically Rachel's thoughts while she's in the library thinking about her real motive as to why she kissed Finn. ( Instead of Finn in the library I switched it up to make it Rachel out of pure curiosity.) Anyway, you probably want to get on to reading the story so here it is!
Disclaimer: Maybe I'll own Glee in my fantasized Dream world where Jesse and Rachel are already married in New York. I don't own Glee and I never will..
I sat quietly in the abandoned library without sound, my mind being permeated with thousands of arguments in my head. It felt like my brain was having a hard time concentrating on anything that happened yesterday at the competition, especially the events that unfolded during our group's performance. I breathed out a shaky sigh, remembering how my stupidity finally overcame my actions that night. I recalled how I followed his lead and moved closer to him while we were singing, and kissed him. I swiftly moved my hand to my face, trying to cover every part of it's features out of complete confusion and humiliation at the slight memory of his lips against mine.
Suddenly, I regained my posture and attempted to get a deep hold of myself without thinking about it. I am Rachel Berry after all, and even if I had completed the worst action possible in my life and felt a basket of guilty emotions clouding over me, I knew I couldn't stay in this pathetic funk forever and had to move on with my life. I took a breath in slowly and searched myself to find every detail that occurred in the moment that destroyed New Directions chances to compete in the next step of high-level performing.. and the extra chance of you being known into the Broadway world.. another voice in my head longingly whispered. I scolded myself for even passing that idiotic statement through my better senses. Glee Club losing at Nationals was not going to affect my chances of being well-known, I told myself.
But then I started to reflect on the possible likelihood that if I hadn't had the urge to kiss Finn and we would have been declared into the top ten, I would have received more notice throughout my career. I repeatedly shook off that concept until it faded away, and went back to trying to find out the full answer for why I kissed Finn instead of wondering what my results would have been transformed into if I hadn't. I didn't know if I had feelings for him or not either, it was a difficult process of love with Finn Hudson. I knew one thing that was exactly true in our relationship. When Finn was with Quinn Fabray or any other girl for that matter, my heart ended up feeling lonely and lost without him. But when I was a real couple with Finn, and not the make-believe one I always imagine when we're not together, a surge of total disappointment and failed hope made it's way to me.
I wanted to be with him but on the other hand, I really didn't. I didn't want to be hurt with what he does and when he absentmindedly lowers my self-esteem whenever he points out my faults jokingly. I didn't want to be reminded of how he would never become the dream
boy I'd wanted him to be ever since we had started dating Last year. I felt tears beginning to fill my eyes as I thought about the authentic reason as to why I had kissed Finn on that stage and refuse to visit the destination of reality. But a 5-letter name forms in my head that I had wished to avoid from the moment I stepped foot in the library to ponder out the causes of my overwhelmed mood… Jesse.
Author: Ok, so this chapter is pretty short compared to the other ones I am going to write, but I still hope you enjoyed reading. Finchel Fans: I warn you now to slowly click out of my story if you're sensitive about Rachel and Jesse because you can tell it's basically all them by now. I might start writing some Finchel stories once I get used to writing on Fanfiction, but it's only this couple at the moment. Get ready for the next chapter because it's coming soon..