It was the perfect setting for a late night walk. Nice spring weather was in the air, dimly street lights softening the surroundings, a gentle cool breeze hitting their already flushed faces, helping them sober up from the wine they had earlier. They have been walking for a little over two blocks by now, no one really talking, both of them just enjoying the comfortable silence they had created, strange contented expressions evident on their faces.
Carrie hesitated, but in the end she cautiously unfolded her arms, subtly stepping sideways to shorten the distance between them, her cold fingers finding his slightly warm hand. When she felt him respond to the touch, she took the opportunity to intertwine their fingers, keeping her head down as she suddenly felt vulnerable by her own doing.
The contact made his heart do somersaults. Quinn was never a romantic guy to begin with, and he knew her too well to know that her small gesture probably took some articulate planning in her own head. He wanted to smile at the thought but he kept his expression the same, he didn't really want to look eager in front of her. Still, it didn't really change the fact that this was the first time they held hands as lovers and the feeling just happen to bring him back to their first kiss all over again.
They kept walking towards an unknown destination, the previous comfortable atmosphere slowly becoming awkward for him and he can't really tell why. His hand gently squeezed hers, trying really hard to reciprocate her valiant effort. It's like he's back in fifth grade again, a period of time where holding hands was a huge fucking deal. But this is them we're talking about, and in their world, it probably was.
Quinn was the first to cave. Whether he's had enough of their 'comfortable silence' or he just simply wanted to hear her voice again, no one can truly know.
"Carrie, I want to ask you something," he said quietly, still looking straight ahead.
A slight smile forming her lips, suddenly curious. "Alright, I'll answer one of yours if you answer one of mine."
He thought about it.
"Deal."
He already knew what he wanted to ask her. It had been on his mind for quite some time and he'll take any opportunity he can get even if he felt that this was not the appropriate time. A few more seconds have passed and he finally blurted out what he had in mind.
"Do you still think about Brody?" He said simply, his hand tightening around hers.
The question caught her off guard. She thought it would be a little less personal and it made her stop in her tracks. Still holding his hand tightly, she turned sideways to look at him, her expressionless face trying to make eye contact.
She could easily tell him a lie, tell him what he wanted to hear, but Carrie knew better that keeping secrets from him was a waste of time, and that he can read her like an open fucking book. Instead, she remained silent, unsure on what to say, unsure on what to feel.
His body tensed, a little worried he might've offended her.
"I didn't mean to pry," he murmured, trying not to sound worried.
"No, no, it's not that."
Hands still intertwined, he turned to her, their eyes meeting once again since their starting point.
"It's just that… No one really bothered to ask… ever." Carrie gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you Quinn," she added.
He was relieved to hear her respond. "Thanks for what?"
"For asking... It means a lot. Your question, that is."
"So? Do you?" He asked again, his light grey eyes staring intently at hers, his tone of voice edging her.
"I still do but not in the way you-" She stopped as she struggled to finish her sentence, her trembling voice filling the atmosphere. "I- I just… sometimes."
He watched her fidget under his gaze. He knew it was a very personal question to bring up at a perfect night like this. "If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine." He said reassuringly.
"I was obsessed with him Quinn. I watched him, made love to him and had a child with him. I'll forever be grateful," she said, looking down to break eye contact. "Maggie knows he's the father, as do everyone else and it does hurt sometimes when they just ignore it, to shrug it off when clearly, Franny resembles him."
"No one's denying that," he muttered quietly, his hand never letting go.
Her eyes returned to his, "But no one's acknowledging it."
"I do."
She nodded, "I know," she said, half smiling.
"Look, he will always be Franny's father. Nobody can ever change that. It's your job to include him in her life," he paused. "Coming from a place where my own kid doesn't even know my real name, I know how fucked up that is."
She felt sympathetic all of a sudden. Even more so, she felt connected to Quinn than she ever did before.
"To be honest I sometimes feel guilty for liking you, for liking this." she continued, raising both of their hands to emphasize what she was talking about.
Now it was Quinn's turn to be speechless. He was clearly expecting a different reply and he felt his gut churn from what he just heard. Suddenly, he felt the weight of his own question. Her past insecurities and her painful memories will forever be a part of her and though he was able to accept this long ago, he wished for her to do the same. Quinn knew he can never replace Brody, he was a witness to the intimacy they had. A powerful attraction that he wished he could also have with her. Despite of it all, his painful months of waiting gave him Carrie, and for him, that was more than enough. He wanted her in all of her form and if it means accepting Brody to be part of their lives, then he'll learn to live with it, for her and for Franny.
Their intertwined fingers finally unlocked, his hands reaching up to cup the side of her face.
"Carrie," he simply said. "I don't want to replace him. I just want you to realize that Brody will always be a part of you, of us. And it's okay to miss him," he added.
Her hand involuntarily reached towards her face to meet Quinn's. They held the position for a few more seconds, both of their eyes speaking loudly, the short distance between them unexpectedly felt too far. She trusted him like no other. If there is one thing that she can reassure Quinn about her own feelings is that she trusted him with her life, a sense of dependence that she never felt with anyone else, not even Brody.
Suddenly, it felt right to say it.
"Quinn, I love-"
"Shhhh," He hissed, his hand moved from the side of her face to cover her mouth. "Don't you fucking dare." He told her.
She took a short step back, her eyes wide. "The fuck?" she breathed out, slightly annoyed. "You just ruined the fucking moment, ass."
"We'll get another one, don't worry," he said with as-a-matter-of-fact tone. "I don't mind talking about Brody but you can't spit that out right after we have a conversation about him. I want my own fucking moment, no fucking Brody in the goddamned mix," he continued.
She rolled her eyes amusingly. "Jesus, men and their fucking egos," she shrugs. "And you're crazy to think if you'll ever get another chance like that. No way in hell you'll hear it from me first," she continued, an evident grin forming her lips.
"You really want to try me Carrie?" He threatened.
"You do know I always get what I want," she retorted back, arching her eyebrows.
He smirked, "Maybe, but I had a pretty good shot today, didn't I? There'll be a next time." He said smugly.
Carrie saw a thin smile along his lips. God, she loves him, she's sure of it. But times like this, she wanted nothing more than to punch his cocky face... Or fuck him, either way's fine.
"Okay smart guy, my turn now," she said, amused at how the conversation turned from serious to playful.
Side by side, both of them started walking to the direction where they came from.
"Go ahead then."
"When did you start having feelings-" She paused, feeling a little stupid all of a sudden.
He let out a small laugh, "And you're calling me egotistical?"
"Just answer it smartass, I'm curious," she told him, playfully bumping his shoulder with her own.
It still amazes him that he was able to get away with his repressed feelings under her nose. In the end, he just settled to believe that it's either he was really good at hiding, or she was just fucking dense as ice.
His jaw quirked, his face became serious as he started to look up in the sky hoping to seek some sort of response.
"I can't tell you the exact date, but I think I've always been…" his voice trailing into silence.
She looked at him suspiciously at the corner of her eye.
He wasn't sure how to answer the question. He was always bad at timing and spilling another secret may just ruin the entire evening. Still, he knew he had to tell her.
Okay, let's try this again.
"I've never aborted an operation, ever. Soldiers like me, we obey. We follow orders and we usually don't give a fuck about anything as long as we finish the job. I'm sure you know that," he casually said, putting his hands in his pockets. "And you, Carrie, was the reason of my first ever fuck up," he pointed out.
That got her attention. "What do you mean?"
"I was chosen to handle Brody's operation because Estes wanted me to take him out after we got the information we needed." He said, his face serious.
"You what?" Her shocked expression plastered on her face. She folded her arms, her eyes searching for a thorough explanation.
"After we got Nazir, I had several chances to finish the job," he explained.
Carrie began calculating the timeframe in her head. She remembered Brody coming to her house the night Nazir died. She suddenly realized that Quinn was probably on stand-by on god knows where. She shuddered at the thought of Quinn watching them from a corner, waiting for an opportunity to kill. She felt embarrassed of what he might've witnessed up in the cabin, completely realizing that he wasn't lying when he told her that he had seen her at her worst. She wanted to get angry at Estes, at someone, but she knew it was pointless. It just made everything clear for her that working for the CIA is plainly fucked up. Still, her heart sank at the thought of him struggling for her sake. She never knew the extent of his feelings, not until now.
"I never liked Brody." His voice jolted her back to reality.
She nodded, "I know… Anyways it's all in the past," she told him. She wasn't angry at his revelation. She knew that there was no use bringing up the past.
"I could've easily…" He turned his head towards her, suddenly feeling guilty.
"But you didn't."
"Like I said, my first fuck up."
Carrie felt loved. That was the only way to describe what she was feeling and if it was further possible, her feelings for him kept evolving by the second. She doesn't know why it took her a long time to realize what was in front of her. She was too distracted, she decided, by all the noise surrounding her. She loved Brody to death but that chapter of her life was over and what she has with Quinn just felt different.
She smiled, "So around that time then huh?" She said cutely as she tried to lighten up the mood. "Fuck. How could I've missed this?" She asked.
He smiled at her. "Well, for a CIA officer you can be really clueless you know," he pointed out.
"And for a black-ops soldier who builds bombs for fun, you're pretty bad at communication," she imitated his tone of voice. "We could have avoided the Syria incident had you reach out to me."
He sighed heavily, "Fuck. Are you going to bring that up every single opportunity you have?"
"It's what I live for," she grinned.
"You know what, fuck talking. No more questions for a while, ok?"
He then closed the distance between them, his lips on hers in one swift movement.
Quinn eventually moved into Carrie's rented house space a few weeks after. It had been a struggle of course, figuring out the living situation. Neither of them really knows how to live with someone else and the first couple of days were definitely a challenge. Like how she curses at him whenever he leaves the toilet seat up, or how she despises it when he tries to fix every goddamn kitchen appliance, and the fact that he hates her cooking but had to pretend to like it, petty things that drive them over the edge sometimes.
Sex is always incredible though. He loves making her scream, loves hearing his name over and over and over again while her nails claw his back. Still, it had not been easy getting to that point. They had to study how to pleasure one another especially after their first intercourse. Quinn had always been great at sex, perfect really, but for some unknown reason that he blames the higher power for, their first time was clumsy, awkward and nerve racking. Like fucking virgins trying to figure out which part goes where. Maybe it's the realization that he's finally going to fuck her, or how he tried really hard not to come prematurely, either way, he vowed to his existence that the next time they fuck, she'll forget her own goddamn name.
That happened when she caught him working out inside her garage.
She found herself staring at a shirtless Quinn, wearing nothing but his grey sweatpants, sweat dripping down his bare back as he went up and down several times, using the metal railings as a pull up bar. She felt comfortable enough to stare because he was facing the wall, turned away from her, only his sexy grunts echoing the room. It turned her on badly. It has been two days since their first official intercourse (since they've given each other amazing oral before they've actually done it). Given that their first time was pretty horrendous, and given that there was still awkwardness between them until now, it suddenly didn't matter anymore, not when she's watching him do that. All her focus right now is on his sweaty back, his hard biceps and his heavy breathing. Oh and his fucking ass.
"It's not… polite… to stare," he grunted in between words, breathless.
Shit. She forgot his reflexes were above average.
He jumped down after doing his last one, "Well?"
He turned to face her, a droplet of sweat rolled from his forehead to his neck and finally down to his chest. She probably thought she looked funny to him. Her face was flushed, her blue eyes wide, and an almost inaudible moan escaping her slightly parted lips. She found herself right in front of him, his strong aroma feeling her senses, and then suddenly, there was not enough oxygen in the room.
"You. Stink." She said seductively, her gaze going back and forth between his chest and his lips.
He was going to say something back but the look she's giving him made his blood rush towards the southern region of his body. They stay silent for a few seconds, just lusting at each other, their eyes locked as they try to end the awkwardness since The Sex.
She placed a hand on his chest. "We're going to do this right once and for all," she said sternly, "You're gonna fuck me hard and you're gonna make me come. None of that romantic bullshit. We're going to this the right way, you hear me?" she commanded.
He smirked at her. 'That's my girl,' he wanted to say. This is why he's so fucking in love with Carrie Mathison, she knows what she wants and she doesn't give a damn about modesty. All he could manage was a nod as she grabbed his hands and led him to the bathroom.
Carrie wasted no time as she closes the door behind them. She pushed him against the door and yanked down his sweatpants together with his underwear. She was so horny it almost embarrassed her… Almost.
He sighed for relief as his hard-on sprung free, his hips moving forward, yearning for some sort of friction from her fully clothed waistline. "You have too much clothes," he stated.
He managed to flip them both as he was taking her clothes off. Carrie's back was now against the door with his majestic height hovering over her tiny frame. They were both completely naked now. His frantic mouth finding hers, hands all over, tongues crossing paths as they inhaled one another, touched one another. None of that romantic bullshit, echoing in his head over and over. He started to move towards the direction of the tub, mouths still connected, their messy kisses leaving them both breathless. He then reached for the shower knob while his other hand squeezed her left breast, water started to spray on top of them, making them both slick and wet.
"Fuck, Carrie." He managed in between kisses, his mouth trailing her cheek down to her neck, her collarbone, crouching even further to taste her right nipple. He sucked hard and Carrie whimpered, her moans resonating in the bathroom tiles. She raked her hands on his hair, pushing him closer to her breast, suffocating him. He got the message and he started flicking his tongue over her nipple, his other hand still massaging the other.
It drove her wild with lust. She can feel her pussy throbbing, her own juices dripping down from her entrance mixing with the continuous running water. As if he was on cue, his hand moved away from her breast, sliding down in between her legs so his middle finger can play with her clit. He gently circled around the flesh, teasing her, causing her to moan from the back of her throat.
"Shit," she gasped as his mouth released her nipple. His tongue started to travel on the side of her neck, the tasteless water mixing with her salty skin.
This was nothing like The Sex that they had two nights ago. He wasn't nervous anymore like he was then. All of his inhibitions went away and now, he just really wanted to fuck her brains out. His left hand stayed with her clit while his right hand guided both of Carrie's hands on top of her head, pinning her wrists against the wall. Everything went dark on her as she felt nothing but his skillful hands on her pussy. Without any sort of warning, he slid two fingers inside her tight entrance. Her breath hitched at the motion, unable to fully comprehend what was going on. When she felt his fingers inside her flicker back and forth in a weird direction, she figured out what the hell he was trying to do. This fucker is going to make me squirt.
Quinn's mouth left Carrie's neck as he decided that all he wanted to do was watch her face when she comes. Concentrating, he tries to find her gspot, his damp fingers exploring her womanhood as he enjoyed her facial expressions. Hands still pinned on top of her head, she cursed loudly as his fingers traced over a sensitive area.
He smirked, "This spot then?" He flicked his finger over the spot once more.
"Fuuuuck," she yelled, her eyes shut tight.
His fingers felt so warm inside, so deliciously wet. He saw her squirm from his doing, his neglected erection still hard from watching the blonde in front of him. He started to rock his fingers now, grinding his pads over her spot, thrusting in and out of her repeatedly. She didn't even try to hold it in. She just came involuntarily and shamelessly, contracting around his fingers, squirting shit loads of her essence on his hand, his stomach, on his goddamn dick.
She leaned on his chest, her knees giving out on her as soon as he released her wrists. He was able to catch her on time though, a smug smile across his face. He pulled out his fingers from her entrance, letting the running water wash away her own wetness from his hand. He looked down at her, half aroused, half amused.
"We're not done yet," he said darkly.
He turned off the shower and carried her limp body towards the bedroom. He slid her to the mattress, her wet frame seeping through the sheets. She was incoherent, still feeling numb from the orgasm she just had. Quinn took this opportunity to spread her knees apart, revealing all her glory. He climbed on the bed and kneeled in front of her, hooking both of her calves in his shoulders as he positioned himself in between her legs. He couldn't wait anymore. He was fucking ready to enter her now. Carrie had no physical remembrance of how she got into the bedroom. The unbelievable ecstasy she felt from Quinn's clever hands was enough to fill her sexual desires for the next few weeks ahead. She was trying to recompose herself when she felt his thick cock push through her already sensitive entrance.
Carrie arched her back as if jolted by a strong electric current, her loud moans filling the thick air. He hasn't even moved yet and she's already having spasms again. Inch by inch he entered and when his manhood was buried to the hilt, he began rotating his hips in an agonizingly slow rhythm, his tip exploring the depths of her insides.
"O-Oh my fucking god, Q-Quinn!" She yelled. "I'm going to come all over your dick if you don't start moving soon," she panted.
His eyes were dark with lust. This is the first time they've done it in daylight and he can see every inch of Carrie's body underneath him. Her breasts hanging, her thighs slightly parted, her wet hair sprawled out in the mattress, all of her being was perfection. He was so aroused by the sight of her that he wanted to take a mental picture of how she looked when she's fucked.
He lowered his head to kiss the upper part of her thighs and without hesitation, he pulled out and slammed into her with one brute force, his self control completely going out the window.
"Carrie," he gasped, his cock feeling the wetness of her pussy as he held her thighs for support.
His frenzied thrusts were erratic and had no particular pattern. He wanted to make sure that he was able to cover the entire area of her insides as the length of his dick created delicious friction. She then unhooked her legs from his shoulders and parted them further to open herself more, her hands reaching for his shoulder blades, inviting him to an embrace.
He accepted her invitation and lounged for her, passionately kissing her while he rocked his hips repeatedly in the known direction of her gspot. She wanted to scream but her moans were swallowed by their lip-lock. She then wrapped her legs around his waist as her nails dug into his back. She was terribly close. The tip of his dick kept hitting her sensitive area and it only took a couple more thrusts before her body arched into his, a massive rush flowed out of her body as she was coming again at her heart's content.
He broke the kiss as he felt her clench around him, the sounds of her cries filling his senses as her tightness squeezed his length, making it almost impossible to move. Back and forth he went hoping to prolong her orgasm, and with one final thrust, he came inside her, spilling everything he had to offer.
They lay still for a few minutes, the scent of their intercourse filling the air.
"Carrie?" He asked quietly.
No response.
"Carr?" He managed between shortened breaths. He turned his head to look at her and saw her eyes closed, her lips parted.
"W-Who?" She whispered softly.
He smirked at her response, feeling mighty proud of himself of what he just accomplished. He then lifted his head which took great effort and planted a gentle kiss on her nose.
"You can be fucking cute sometimes," he replied, his heavy frame still draped over her body.
They took a nap in each other's embrace, mutually agreeing that if anyone must truly know, they will both claim that this was their first consummation.
In the end, neither of them has said 'I love you' up to this present day. Both of their stubbornness winning against each other as the moment was forever lost during that night.
But this is Carrie and Quinn. And in their world, it was never truly necessary.