Unfortunately Yours

Dance

Something in the universe was drastically wrong (Gravity was a myth and the earth was truly flat- people just haven't gone far enough to fall off the edge yet), because somehow, against all the odds, Jack Donaghy found himself on date number two with Liz Lemon, who was looking especially scruffy today and behaving more like a lummox than she usually was.

No, no, he was being far too hard on her. After all, Liz had agreed to be his date out of kindness (maybe it was pity…it probably was most likely out of pity, but hell was going to freeze over and offer free ice cream to orphaned children in third world countries before Jack Donaghy took pity from anyone).

Jack was relatively thankful that he received the dreaded invitation to Bianca's wedding ("My dearest Johnny, I hope that you can make it to my wedding tomorrow evening…") via Fed Ex overnight delivery during dress rehearsal and not during the actual show, because he'd cursed so loudly and "eloquently" that even Tracy Jordan emitted a long, slightly shocked "Damn…" Of course Bianca had decided to send him the invitation at the very last minute. She sent it last minute so that it left him with no chance to either sabotage her wedding or to even find a decent socialite for a date. And if Jack didn't show up to the wedding, everyone would deem him uncivil and a sore ex-husband. Who knew a piece of lacy, cream colored paper could be so evil.

Jack had tried to explain all this and why he'd just fired the show's caterer to Liz. "So you see, Lemon, it's all a power play. The early bird doesn't get the worm- the cat does, because you see, the cat sneaks up on the bird and gets both the bird and the worm via laws of the food chain."

"Well Jack, that's certainly true and I do see your point about Bianca, but did you need to fire our caterer for forgetting the tomatoes in your sandwich? He makes really good crab cake and even though Bianca's got it in for you, it doesn't mean that the entire world's out to get you."

However, on top of everything else, Bianca's invitation had also made Jack realize all the inadequacies present in his life. She was settling down and starting a new family, while he was still floundering about with no significant other (after Phoebe, the acerbic Liz Lemon had again, become the most constant thing in his life), and more importantly, with no microwave division. And as he admitted this all to Lemon causally and nonchalantly, she gave him that look. That look that he absolutely hated, because it was as if she saw through him completely and understood his feelings more than he himself did.

And so, Jack somehow found himself with his arm wrapped tightly around Lemon's shoulder (partially for the act and partially to prevent her from running away if Bianca started going crazy again) as they went to congratulate the newlyweds.

"Johnny! And Elizabeth…" Lemon nodded and smiled nervously at Bianca. "What an absolute surprise to see the two of you here. Perhaps my memory isn't what it used to be, but Johnny weren't you recently engaged to another girl with a bone condition?"

"Oh Phoebe? She was a lovely girl-"

"Yea, me and Jack were going through a pretty rough spot, and he used her to get me jealous."

"Ah Jack, I see that you're still as youthful as always, still playing those games of love." Though Bianca uttered those words charmingly with only the subtlest tinge of malice and criticism, they unknowingly caused Jack to raise his voice slightly. "Well Bianca-"

Liz interrupted with a surprisingly decorous reply. "We uh…just wanted to say congratulations again. You look really happy."

"You know Lemon, I had the perfect comeback for that." Jack said, between gulps of champagne moments later. "I can't believe you just let her have the last laugh."

"Oh come on Jack, I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but grow up. She just got married and you know, since she's borderline psychotic and I really don't want to get more of my hair torn out, let's just leave it at that."

Perhaps he was being somewhat immature and bitter, but when it came to Bianca, all logic escaped him. Even though he'd come out on top with the divorce settlements (he'd fought hard for Bianca's parents' love letters, which he tore up by hand, shredded, and then burned), at Bianca's wedding, amidst the "look at what poor Donaghy lost " mutterings, it felt as if he'd lost all those Arbys to her.

"Hey Jack, I've got a great idea. We can still make Bianca insanely jealous tonight."

On a purely theoretical level, Jack appreciated what Lemon was doing. He knew that she absolutely abhorred dancing to any music other than rap and hip hop and that she was trying her best. On a more pragmatic level, Jack was having trouble feeling his feet after Lemon's numerous missteps.

"Come on, Lemon, the three step waltz isn't that difficult." Jack muttered as he taught her the steps again and watched an elderly couple (one with a walking stick and the other in a wheel chair) gleam around the room swing dancing with more grace and alacrity than they'd managed all evening.

"Hey Jack, I think it's working."

"Uh no, Lemon. It's step two three. Not step stomp, ouch, three."

"No Jack, I mean Bianca…look at her." Looking in Bianca's direction, he found her engaged in a slow, elegant waltz with her new husband. Bianca's face seemed to burn redder with every clandestine glance towards them.

"Wow, she really hates you."

"No, she just hates seeing you happy."

If that was the case then, Bianca hardly knew him at all. "Dancing" with Liz Lemon was hardly anything to be jealous of. Perhaps, what was really riling her up was seeing him, Johnny (no it's Jack, it's always been Jack) who used to be her proficient dance partner who absolutely could not stand clumsy partners suddenly become patient enough to spend the whole evening attempting to teach Lemon a simple three-step waltz. Jack's feet were certainly going to be sore tomorrow (he'd better schedule a foot massage session with Leo), but seeing Bianca's mouth clench tighter and tighter as her husband asked her repeatedly what was wrong and as Jack guided Lemon through her numerous dancing mishaps, Jack decided to simply relax and relish Bianca's jealousy.

"So Lemon, how about trying swing dancing again."