He didn't know what he wanted. He thought he wanted to be happy, but that was so hard. It was too hard; it couldn't possibly be what he wanted. Could it? Yes, it was definitely what he wanted. But he couldn't have it. So much confliction. Thoughts swirled through his mind, his heart not sure what emotion it wanted to feel.
I wanna be fixed
I wanna be broken
I wanna be closed
I wanna be open
He sat there on the snow-covered roof, thinking about the people who he called friends. There was one person among them who made him feel different. She made him feel like he wasn't just a shadow. A shadow of a lost past, a shadow of his former self.
She reminded him so much of his lost girl. The one person he had loved most in his life. That's what this girl was like. But she chased another. She chased her hero, as he stood back and watched. He watched as his love ran away.
No it's not what you said
And it's not how you said it
But it all came undone
The moment you meant it
She was oblivious to this of course. She had no idea he loved her. Even he was unsure sometimes. But then he looked at her, and all the doubts in his mind seemed to melt away. He would always love her, no matter what. As she chased her hero, he chased her.
He would follow, unseen. A shadow, like his name implied. She never saw him, never noticed. He would stare at her longingly, knowing full well she would never care for him the way he cared for her. Even after their moment together, when he made his promise to her. He would never break that promise.
Reach out for something you see
It's like she was never there
You breathe in and hold the air
Like an unanswered prayer
She only thought of him as a friend. That was all. He shut his eyes and gripped the roof harder so he wouldn't fall. Why did life have to be so cruel? He had lost one girl already. Did he have to lose another? His heart hurt so much he felt as if it would break.
He had lost everything, and now he was about to lose more. He opened his eyes to see that special girl in the alley below. She was looking up at the sky. He followed her gaze and saw something beautiful. He saw his home.
She says December
Will help me remember
The place that my heart calls home
With all the lights on, the ARK looked like a bunch of stars grouped together. His very own constellation. His home was the most beautiful constellation in the sky. It made him proud to see it like this. And with the snow falling it shined even brighter against the black and white.
He adjusted his scarf so it wouldn't blow in his face and smiled. No matter what happened, there was always one place he could go. One area where bad memories vanished. One sanctuary in a messed-up world. One place that held a part of his heart and refused to ever let go. Space Colony ARK.
When the pale city lights are aglow
And my heart's feeling empty and cold
Well there's one place I know that I'm dying to be
Steel City you'll always be a part of me