Disclaimer: I don't own Geoffrey Rush, Pirates of the Carribean (I just had to slip it in), or MasterCard. All things Inky belong to Cornelia Funke.
A/N: Nah, the world's not ending, I've just decided to go funny. Hey, come back! Bomb shelters are entirely unnecessary! Yeah, tis is random, and probably not very good, but please R&R, anyway!
On the whole, Capricorn was happy with his life as terror of the country side, most supremely evil villain of several worlds, etc. But this sense of contentment (as much as he could be contented with such a miniscule amount of money!) was not to last. (Duh duh duh!)
One day gloating over his large collection of stolen DVDs (he couldn't remember exactly who he had stolen them from, but that was trivial), he discovered something that greatly disturbed him.
"People are easier to search when they're dead," said Geoffrey Rush from the screen. Capricorn laughed, the person whose home he had burned down to get this had good taste.
He clapped a hand over his mouth. His laugh was creepily high-pitched and rusty sounding; he'd been expecting something more along the lines of "mwah ha ha ha" etc.
One of his minions was looking at him uneasily from the doorway. He quivered under Capricorn's colorless, but highly effective glare.
"What do you want?"
"Urgent meeting, sir," the boy stammered.
"What the hell do you mean 'urgent meeting'? I call the urgent meetings!" he roared.
"The raiding party you sent out is back, sir," the boy squeaked.
Capricorn straightened up a little. This must be the raiding party he had sent twenty miles away, the one that was supposed to make him a hundred thousand dollars richer.
He sighed. He wasn't exactly inclined to abandon his vintage wine, state of the art DVD player, and red fluffy slippers for a mere hundred thousand dollars, but he got up anyway. Better to get it over with.
OoOoo
"What the hell do you mean they don't take me seriously because the think my name's funny!" he bellowed at his men. He was starting to wonder if all this shouting was holding his evil laugh back.
I really do need an evil laugh, he thought. Insane maniacs with killer evil laughs were always taken seriously. Even if they did have weird names…
"Well, look on the bright side, at least you weren't born under Virgo!" Flatnose chortled, interrupting Capricorn's Dark Brooding. Insolent fool. Would he never learn not to mess with his master's Dark Brooding?
"Lock him in the crypt!" Capricorn roared, almost turning scarlet with rage. Almost… but not quite.
Nobody moved.
"Well, you heard me! Basta! Where's my rabid dog when I need him!"
"Who me? Go there? Basta's face was almost as pale as Capricorn's. Almost… but not quite.
Capricorn rolled his eyes. People wondered why he never tried to teach his minions to read.
"Yes there, unless you want the position of evil sidekick to be filled by someone who will not be dead if he doesn't obey me in three quarters of a second."
Basta nearly fell over his feet in his haste to obey. That was nothing new.
Capricorn heard a strangled noise in the corner. He squinted into the conveniently ominous and sinister shadows in the depths of his evil headquarters.
Dustfinger, the useful, but mildly annoying pyromaniac, was choking on barely concealed laughter. Capricorn decided not to worry about that. It was certainly nothing new.
A/N: I put the money in dollars, since it was easier that way. Please don't get mad at me for the "mildly annoying" comment about Dusty. I am a huge FanGirl of his, and I think it's cute when he annoys Basta and co. The credit card comes in in the next chappie.