These characters belong to James Duff, Major Crimes, and other parties who don't include me…unfortunately.
A/n: I've really enjoyed writing this one, and I know it's become a monster of a fic but I just couldn't stop myself. This was written for my friend Julia. She wanted to see: Something set before the letter writer and possibly in place of it, Rusty's mom come back, and Sharon struggle to find her way. With all of that in mind this is what happened. I hope you enjoy and I can't wait to hear what you think.
Warning: Throughout this story there are mentions of abuse, some slight language, and violence. If these things will in some way upset or offend you then please don't continue to read.
He was sitting at the table watching Sharon move around the kitchen. She wasn't acting normal; for starters she had pulled food out of the fridge and put it back about five times. Then, she kept opening cabinets and closing them without taking anything out. Last night she had come in late, and she didn't come to his room to say good night. He had thought she actually threw something in her room, but he wasn't sure. Now watching her was making him nervous. Sharon didn't act like this ever.
He knew Sharon better than anyone. He knew what her facial expressions were and what they meant. He knew the way she moved her hands to her pockets for comfort when she was unsure. He knew what it meant when she sat on the couch and hugged a pillow to her chest. He knew the way she looked at him was the same way she looked at her real children. Most importantly he knew she was organized and deliberate, and she was acting anything but right now.
"Sharon," she stopped and spun to look at him, "do you want me to make breakfast?" She just looked around the kitchen and then looked back at him shaking her head.
"I think I'll just pick something up on my way," she said walking out of the kitchen. She was gone to her room again. Rusty couldn't figure out what had happened. When he talked to her yesterday afternoon she was fine. They were wrapping up their case, and she seemed…happy…for lack of a better word.
The front door opened and closed and then the house was silent. 'Shit she's gone,' he thought. She never left without making sure he ate, or was going to eat.
What the hell did he do, and why was she acting crazy?
Sharon Raydor came whirling into the office without so much as a glance sideways at her team. Usually it was "Good morning everyone," or "what do we know?" Today though, she went straight into her office, closed the door, and then shut the blinds. The team looked at each other. Provenza had seen that look on all of his ex-wives' faces, and he knew better than to go in that room right now. "Finish up your reports," he grumbled to the team.
He would never tell anyone that Sharon Raydor was his friend, but he and that woman had been through a lot together. The kid, Rusty, had been the thing that changed their relationship into a friendship. Maybe something had happened to the kid. Now he did want to walk through that door and find out…no he didn't.
Looking across at his partner, he wanted to smack him upside the head. Flynn was just staring at the door. That man had it bad, and no matter how hard he tried Provenza couldn't get him to get over it.
She sat in her office clutching a picture of her and Rusty to her chest. She should have just taken the day off, or maybe she should have gone to the gym and punched something until her anger was gone. Last night when she threw that pillow across the room it had felt good. She was not one to throw things, or hit things…ever, but it felt good in that instance. She clutched the picture tighter. 'What am I going to do?' she thought.
Rusty came walking into the murder room at lunchtime. Most of the squad were gone, but Provenza and Flynn were there. Provenza was doing a crossword, and Andy was on the phone to someone. When he was noticed both men nodded to him and Provenza stood leading him back out into the hallway. "What happened?" Provenza wanted to know.
"I don't know… I was going to ask you if something went wrong on the case or something." Rusty said.
Provenza just shook his head. That didn't make Rusty feel any better. So Rusty said, "I'm going to take her to lunch. I'll, uh, let you know." Provenza nodded.
It was weird their relationship was one that Rusty was most thankful for. He didn't think that before he met Sharon he would ever have people that really cared about him, but the team did; Sharon did most of all. Provenza was like a father or maybe a grandfather to him. He was always helping him realize what the right decisions were, and he was always showing him how to do things; like tie his tie.
They walked back into the murder room, and Flynn was off the phone now just sitting there. Rusty said hi on his way to Sharon's office. He knocked and then cracked the door looking in. Her back was to him and she slowly spun around still holding the picture to her chest. He wondered which picture it was and glanced around her office. It was the picture of the two of them. It was missing from the shelf by the window. He knew her office inside and out. He had spent hours in there hiding, doing schoolwork, and trying to prove that he was worth keeping around.
She smiled that soft smile at him that he loved so much. He smiled back and said, "I was wondering if you could go to lunch with me…like if you don't have a case or whatever?"
"I would love that." She spun around putting the picture back in its place. Then, she stood and grabbed her purse, leading the way out of the office. 'This will be fun…not,' he thought. He shrugged to the Lieutenants and followed her to the elevators.
They sat at the diner they both loved, in their booth; she was looking at the menu even though he knew she would order her usual. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out looking at the screen. It was a number he didn't recognize. He silenced it and slid it back in his pocket. Sharon looked at him with a questioning look, and he said, "Weird number." She nodded, but something on her face said she knew who it was. He didn't know how she would know, but maybe that's why she was acting strange.
The waitress took their order and when she was gone Rusty said, "Sharon," she moved her hands to her lap, "Did I do something wrong?" He was running memories through his head, but nothing jumped out at him.
She knew why Rusty had wanted to go to lunch with her, but she didn't know what to say. All she knew was she was just grateful to have a few more minutes with him. Then, he asked if he had done something wrong, and her heart broke. This boy was always so ready to jump to the conclusion he had done something wrong. He was so insecure, and she knew that wasn't his fault. His mother had done that to him, and Daniel had done that to him. Hell all those horrible men on the street had done that to him.
"No honey, you did nothing wrong," she finally said. The look of instant relief on his face was priceless. She had worked so hard the past few years to make sure that he never had to doubt himself with her, and now she was failing him.
"Then can you tell me what is going on with you? Please."
She folded her napkin in her lap, and then looked at him again. "I…uh…" she cleared her throat and then she schooled her voice to the cool, calm, and collected Captain's voice, "Cynthia called me last night, your mother is back, and she filed for custody this morning." She studied his face for a reaction, but to her surprise he just stared back at her. Then his face dropped. She thought he would be happy about this; all he had ever wanted was for his mother to come back for him.
"She…is here?"
"She is," she said calmly. The waitress brought the food, and that was a welcomed distraction for Sharon, but she knew she wasn't going to be able to eat. Rusty just stared at the waitress while she asked if they needed anything else. Sharon said, "No we are all set. Thank you." The waitress scooted off to the next table, and there they were again just the two of them.
Finally Rusty said, "Custody? She filed for custody?" He paused. "I haven't even seen her how can she file for custody?"
"Cynthia said they have been in contact for a few weeks. When she called last night she said your mother had the papers ready to file. I checked, and she did file them." That phone call had just about killed her, when she heard the words she had wanted to vomit. Her worst fears had been confirmed. If Sharon Beck got Rusty back it wouldn't be long before he fell back into his old patterns, and that thought stuck in her chest like a knife. He shouldn't be put back in that situation, she knew it and Cynthia knew it, but there was little she could do about it at the moment.
"She's been h-here a few weeks?"
She nodded, "She needed to do things to prove she was a fit parent."
"Fit?" Sharon didn't have any words to answer him that time. "My school…my friends…you…" he was mumbling, but she heard every word. He was thinking of the things he would lose.
"Rusty," she waited for him to look at her, "I will fight if you want me to fight. But if you want to go with her…" her voice cracked and she struggled to finish the sentence, "If you want to go with her, I won't stop you. I will respect your decision…it is your decision."
"Sharon, can we go?" His eyes were watery, and she understood. She nodded, pulled out her purse, and left money on the table. She stood up and tugged at his arm when he didn't move.
In the car, he couldn't hold the tears back though. She didn't know what exactly these tears were about, but they hurt anyway. She rubbed his shoulder while he looked out the window sniffling, he shrugged her hand off, it was always a careful line she had to toe with him when it came to contact; she was crossing it apparently. She recalled her hand to her lap and then moved to start the car. She had been prepared for the excited Rusty. She had seen the day his mother was supposed to arrive on the bus, and that's what she expected. She had not been prepared for this Rusty, or the hurt he was feeling.
'God help me,' she thought.
As she pulled into the parking garage next to Rusty's car she looked at him. He wasn't crying anymore, but she was still worried that he hadn't said anything else. "Rusty," she started.
"Not now Sharon," he interrupted pulling the door handle, "how long will you be?"
"Not long, we don't have a case," she said. When he got out of the car, and she pulled into her parking spot. She went to walk back to his car, but he was already pulling out of the garage.
She did not want to go back upstairs, but she needed to sign the paperwork she had avoided all morning. Then, God willing she would be on her way home to figure out what the next move was going to be.
…
The Captain walked back into the office too soon and without Rusty. Provenza had been counting on the kid to figure out what the hell was going on. Before she could disappear again he said, "Captain, you're back early. Where's Rusty?"
"He went home," she said in her very schooled voice that he hated. This woman could make him angry quicker than anyone else.
"O-k-a-y." He wanted to say much more than that, but he didn't want to at the same time.
Sharon approached him, and she sat down in Amy's vacant chair. He knew nothing good was going to come of this. She said, "I might as well tell you now. Sharon Beck is back, and she filed for custody this morning. I just told him."
"What!?" He couldn't help himself. "When did she get here?"
"I'm not exactly sure, but I found out last night."
"She won't win, you know we can win this." He had a file on Sharon Beck in his drawer that was thicker than Flynn's IA file. He had known that one day he was going to need the leverage, and he had collected all sorts of information about the woman.
"I know, but I don't know if he wants me to fight." Her eyes looked glassy, and he knew that statement meant more than just the words. That's what the real issue was.
"Sharon, the kid loves you. You gave him the home he never had. He won't want to lose that."
"It's his mother. We all know how he feels about her," she said practically rolling her eyes.
"He might feel that way still, but you have a spot right beside her in his mind now. He might not know how to show it, but he does love you. You want me to talk to him?" he asked.
"I'm not sure yet, but thank you. I'm just going to sign off on the reports on my desk, and then I'm going to head home. You call me if we catch a case." She gave him that pointed look that said this was over for now. She stood and headed to her office.
Sharon Beck. He should have known.
Rusty was in his room when she got home, and for that she was grateful. She had hoped he wouldn't run off and do something stupid. She kicked off her heels, threw her keys down in the bowl, and headed to the kitchen. She put the teakettle on the stove and started digging for hot chocolate for him and tea for her. It had been a while since she had made him hot chocolate. After all the mess with Daniel Dunn it had been their thing when things got tough. Hot chocolate on the couch, and then ice cream later. She checked the freezer, and there was enough. She smiled to herself. The kettle started to hiss, and she went to remove it. She heard his door open and his bare feet padding down the hall. She wasn't going to have to coax him out of his room, and she took that as a good sign.
She took a deep breath before turning around to watch him round the corner into the kitchen. "Hey," she said.
"Hey, is that hot chocolate?" he asked.
"It is." He smiled, moved to grab his mug from her, and then he headed to the couch. It was such a natural routine now; she really didn't know what she would do without him here. He was sitting on his side of the couch watching and waiting for her to sit too. She went to her side and pulled her legs up to sit facing him. They drank in a comfortable silence for a minute, and then he set his cup on the coffee table.
"Have you talked to my mom?" he asked.
"No, not yet. I, um, thought you should talk to her first."
"Did Cynthia say she was…better?" He liked to refer to her addiction as a sickness. She could understand that given her history with Jack. She had told her kids so many times that their dad was just sick right now. It was easier than admitting the real truth about what was going on.
"Cynthia said that she looked healthy yes, but she will have to be tested given her history. But yes she seems to be better." She tried to give him a reassuring look.
Rusty was playing with a loose thread on one of the throw pillows, and his eyes were pointed down. After another long silence he said, "I want to see her, if that's ok?"
Sharon did her best to keep her face neutral; she had known it was going to happen regardless, "Of course. I can arrange that for you, but…and don't get mad at me because you know this is a law and not one of my rules. The first visit will have to be supervised. It doesn't have to be me, but someone will have to be there."
"I know Sharon. I know you aren't like trying to monitor me or whatever, but Sharon, I…uh…I don't know if you should be there at the beginning." He was calm, but his face betrayed him. He was nervous, and she knew he was trying very hard not to hurt her feelings. She could appreciate that he was being kind.
"Whatever you need from me. I'm on your side. I'm always on your side," she said it very carefully just like she had when the Mr. Dunn situation had presented itself, but she wanted to make sure he knew it. When she was sure he did she took another drink.
"Sharon, what happens if…" he was on the verge of tears again, and he started speaking so quick that she couldn't stop him in time, before he had to say the words, "she leaves again? Or what if we move somewhere and she just drops me off one day and never comes back."
She put her free hand over his, and he tensed up but she didn't care. He needed to hear and feel that she was telling him the truth. "Remember what I told you when we made our very first deal." She smiled at him, "I will always know you." She let that sink in before continuing, "It doesn't matter if you are down the street, or half way around the world I will come for you. If you need me, I will come for you, Rusty, I will always be there, and I will always find you."
He chuckled, "Whether I like it or not?"
"That's right buster." There was sense of relief coming over him, she could see it; he relaxed and finished up his hot chocolate with a little grin on his face.
He didn't know how Sharon did it, but she always made him feel better even when things were as shitty as they could be. They drank their hot chocolate, and ate all the ice cream, but the funny part was that Sharon told him stories from her past. They were funny too. Not many people got to see the fun side of her. He would miss that if he went to live with his mom. He would miss a lot of things, but things used to be good with his mother too. A long time ago, but they were good.
/
The next day he was sitting across from his mother in a restaurant for dinner. Sharon always kept her word, and she had arranged for them to have dinner. He had brought Lieutenant Flynn with him because he figured that out of everyone on the team he would be the most understanding. He had been an alcoholic, and he was a good guy now. Rusty just wanted this to be simple with no judgment. He didn't know if that was possible, but this was his best shot.
"So tell me about school, shouldn't you be graduating soon," his mother said.
"I am going to graduate late. I kind of missed a year of school."
"I see." He didn't think she really did though. She didn't know anything about what that year had been like for him. "Which school are you going to?"
"St. Joseph's I really like it there." He really didn't want to talk about this with her. He wanted to know where the hell she had been!
"Catholic school? Are you Catholic now?"
"No, but it's a good school, and you don't have to be Catholic to go there."
"Captain Raydor's idea I'm sure," she said with a smirk. He didn't want to talk about Sharon with her. Sharon had been good to him. He had thought that things would be easier, but it all felt forced and unfamiliar.
Silence fell over the table again.
"When did you get back to LA?" he asked her.
"A little over a month ago. I needed to find a place to live, and get a job before I found you though. I wanted you to see how good I was doing, and I wanted to be ready to get you back. You know the courts have all these restrictions."
He knew all about restrictions. "What kind of job?" he asked avoiding her last sentence.
"I'm working at a hotel. At the front desk."
He looked at Andy who was just drinking his water and looking around the restaurant. Rusty was beginning to think this was a bad idea. Luckily their food came, and it was easier to just eat. There was some more meaningless conversation, and then she said, "I called to see when we might go to court, and a date opened up, Cynthia said she can probably get us in that spot. So you could be back with me in a week maybe two. Exciting isn't it?"
Flynn butted in, "Do you plan on staying in LA or are you going somewhere else?" That was a good question.
"I figured we could stay here until we save up enough money, and then go somewhere else. Start over fresh. Do you have a job Rusty?"
"No, Sharon said that I should just focus on school right now."
"How do you pay for things then?"
"Sharon gives me money for what I need, and I help out around the house and stuff. Where would we go if we didn't live in LA?" Panic was starting to set in and he shifted in his seat.
"I don't know Reno, Seattle, or anywhere really. You can go to school anywhere." His mother's face wasn't telling him much. She wasn't showing any emotion, and that bothered him. She had always been an emotional wreck before and this new side of her was confusing him.
"You know he is a witness in a murder trial, and you wouldn't be able to leave until that was over," Flynn said.
She nodded her head, "I've been wondering about that. How did you even become a witness?"
This was definitely not a subject he wanted to talk about right now. He pushed his plate away; suddenly he wasn't hungry at all. In fact, the food was making him feel more and more sick to his stomach. "I don't think I can discuss the details before the trial." Flynn nodded in agreement when she looked at him, and that made him feel better. Flynn was on his side too.
The waiter wanted to know if they wanted dessert, and Rusty just shook his head no. Flynn looked at his watch and then looked at Rusty. Finally his mom said, "Tomorrow after school I want to take you somewhere. Would that be ok with you?"
"I don't know, I need to check with Sharon. I'll…uh call you ok?"
"Sure, just let me know."
When his mom didn't reach for the check Rusty grabbed it and paid with the money Sharon had given him. "Just in case," Sharon had said. He shook his head, she always knew, and she always had to be right. They walked out to the parking lot. Flynn was already walking to the car to give them a minute. His mother was just standing there. He had expected her to try to hug him, or something. He wanted that more than he wanted to admit, but she just said, "Call me tomorrow and let me know." Then, she walked to her car leaving him standing there while she drove away. 'It's not the same he told himself. She isn't gone again.' He just stood there until Flynn walked up behind him saying his name.
He was so thankful they had gone to a restaurant near the condo, and the car ride was short. Andy didn't say anything until they were in the elevator. "You know kid, it's tough knowing what to say to your family when you know your addiction and your actions ruined everything. I've been there." All Rusty could do was nod his head. Before they exited the elevator he said, "Thanks for taking me." Then, he headed for the condo. He went straight to his room. He could hear Sharon and Andy at the door, but he couldn't make out the words. A few minutes later he heard the door shut and Sharon flipped the lock.
It was an hour later when Sharon knocked on his door. "Yeah," he said.
"I just wanted to say good night."
There was that look again. The look reserved for him. The look that said everything was going to be ok.
"Good night Sharon." He wasn't ready to talk, and he knew she would understand. As she closed the door he felt like he needed to say something, but it could wait. Sharon would be there tomorrow. So would his mother…for now.