Disclaimer- Shortie ain't ownin' no newsies, so PFFFTTTTTT.
S/N- So here's the deal, Shortie's sitting here, trying to do her compendium and listening to RENT, when all of a sudden INSPIRATION strikes in the only way inspiration strikes Shortie: with a title. Now here's what happened.
If I Live to See Tomorrow
"Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare…?"
You know, I'm glad you're here. Cause if you haven't noticed, no one else is. But, Jacky-boy, its good you're here. You're the only one that I really want to see right now. Even if it is all your fault.
Two Boroughs…
Hey Jack, look at me, will you? Hey, I didn't mean that! It's not really your fault, okay? I didn't mean that. It wasn't you, I know you'd never… nah, not you, just your boys, damn Manhattanites. Jack, don't look at me like that, I have the right to say that now, Jack!
One fight…
Dammit, Jack! If you're going to look at me with pity, don't look at me at all! Cause no one, I mean no one pities me. 'Ey, Jack? Got a towel or anything? Gotta mop up this blood, can't have my boys seeing me like this. How bad is it anyway? No, no don't tell me. I don't think I wanna know.
One goal…
You cold, Jacky-boy? I'm cold, the sun's out, shining bright and all, but I'm cold. Nah, don't give me your shirt. I don't care if it's warm, you need it. And don't lie to me, if I'm cold, you must be. Because I don't just get cold. I'm not that weak, Jack. So for me to be shivering like this, it must be pretty damn cold out.
One outcome…
You're right, Jack. This shirt is warm. Not warm enough, though, look at how I'm shaking! How are you not cold, Jack? I'm shaking for Christ sakes! There's that look again! That look of pity, get that look off your face before I soak you so bad your papes'll be a month old when you come to. I can do it too, Jack, don't doubt me!
So many injuries…
Hey Jack, tell me how bad it is. Nah, on second thought, don't. I'll see later when I go back to the Lodging House. I figure I'll have to stay in bed for a while, until I heal completely. How long do you think it'll take? Answer me, Jack! Oh, that's not so bad. I'll be back and sellin' in no time! It's getting colder, what time is it anyway? The sun's so bright you'd think it would be hot, you know? But my fingers are going numb now. I can't feel my toes! Some summer!
So much pain…
I want you to do something for me Jack, when you go back to Manhattan. Tell Racetrack he's as good with a knife as he is with a deck of cards. Tell him I said that, will you? Then tell him he better watch his back, because I'll be after him, I'll get my revenge. Cause that's what I have to do, you know? Have to keep my reputation, or else everything will fall into chaos. Hah, could you imagine? So you tell Race that for me. No, I ain't trying to start another borough war. I know we gotta stick together now against Harlem. But I gotta get Race back for this, Jack! How bad is it really?
So much hate…
No. I really don't wanna know, Jack. Don't tell me. It hurts though, hurts real bad. And don't you go telling anyone I said that; pain is for the weak, and we both know I'm not supposed to be weak. If anyone else saw me now I'd never be respected again, but you and me, we go so far back. Don't you tell anyone I said this, but I trust you Jacky-boy. You're more than an alliance, you're a friend. Stop it with the damn pity! I'm telling you this just cause you're here, not because I want your pity!
So much violence…
Why are you the only one here anyway? I'd think my boys would be here. You told them to stay away, that's good. I don't want anyone to see me like this- it's bad enough that you're seeing me like this. But I should go, what are my boys doing without a leader? Panic can keep them in line for a while, but if I'm not there, he'll panic. Oh you think that's funny Jacky-boy? Well, why do you think we gave him that name?
It can only end one way…
I didn't just wince, don't tell me I winced, cause I didn't. Fine, I winced. But you would too if you felt like this, Jack! It's all I can do not to scream it hurts so bad! Every time I take a breath it's like Race and the knife all over again. Don't even say it; I know what you're going to say. Pain is a part of this life, can't be a leader without taking a little pain, but it's not just a little pain, Jack! It hurts so bad! It makes me wanna just give up and die right here. Hey Jack, answer this seriously, am I gonna die?
And it can't be good…
Hah, that's funny, Jack! I ask you this serious question and all you can say is 'I don't know.' What kind of answer is that? Fine, if you won't help me then I'll answer my own question. No, I'm not dying. I can't be dying because how could I die at the hand of a Manhattanite? It just don't work like that, Jack. I mean, I know your boys are tough and all, but they're nowhere near as tough as me.
Too much pain…
Jack, I can't see clearly. Everything's a haze, like that time when I was twelve and I tried on Specs' glasses, yeah it's like that only I ain't wearing glasses this time, Jack! Look at me, I'm not wearing glasses, but I can't see! And I'm so cold… you're shirt's not doing much to give me warmth anymore. And the pain, the pain is so bad…Jack, tell me the truth, am I dying? Don't look at me like that! Just tell me the fucking truth! Am I dying?
Too many deaths…
You don't even have to say it, Jack. I can see it in your eyes, behind the pity. Kill me Jack, please, just kill me. Get it over with, finish what Race started. I'd rather die by you than by him. Why won't you do it, Jack? Why won't you just fucking kill me? Is it really that hard, huh? To just take your knife and stab it right through me? Your boy could do it, you saw it happen. You saw Race do this to me without even blinking. So why can't you do it, Jack? You too scared? Jack, just do it… it hurts so bad…
Too much anguish…
No, don't do it Jack. Put the knife down. Okay, so I'm scared. Don't say nothing about it to anyone. I ain't gonna be here soon, Jacky-boy, and I've got things for you to pass on from me. To my boys, to yours, to Harlem… Tell them that fighting ain't all it's cracked up to be. Tell them to just imagine them lying here dying, because it can happen. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone, even you, Jack. Hey, Jack, if I could live another day, just one more day, you know what I'd do? I'd make something of myself. We both know that I can, I mean, just look at me! I'm great and powerful. The boys all look up to me and fear me, yours too, admit it. You know the look Mush gets when he sees me, that's respect Jacky-boy, he may be twice my size and be able to crush me with those muscles, but the boy respects me.
Too many freshly dug graves…
But anyway, like I was saying. I have a lot of potential, Jack. Can't you just see me as one of those hoity-toity big shots? You know, ordering people around? I could have been rich one day, Jack. I could have more money than Pulitzer! Your stupid boy had to go ruin that, Jack. Race ruined this city when he did this to me. I could have changed New York, and now no one will ever know what they're missing out on. Except you, Jack. You're the lucky one.
It can never end…
You know what though? The one thing I want more than anything in the world right now is one more chance. I want to wake up and see the sun rising. I want to go to the Distribution Center and buy papes. I want to eat at Tibby's once more, no matter how crappy the food is. I want one more chance with a girl; don't ever take girls for granted, Jack, that's probably what I'll miss the most. Heh, wanna hear something funny? I wanted to get married, had a girl in mind too, you don't know her Jack, but she's special.
Never…
It won't be long now, Jack. Not long at all. It's an odd feeling, knowing that soon you won't be alive. But I know. My vision is so foggy I can't even recognize you anymore. I'm so numb; I can't feel anything except the pain. And the cold, can't forget the cold. 'Ey, Jack? Don't tell anyone this, but I love ya I mean, you're here for me now, ain't ya? And you've always been. And Jack? Remember to tell everyone that war ain't worth it. All this fighting, it ain't worth this, the final outcome. Tell them that, Jack. Tell them to live their lives without worrying about the other boroughs. Just enjoy everything as it comes to them. But Jack, you don't know how badly I want to see tomorrow… to wake up and see…
Or can it?
~~~