Okay, new story.

I have enough going on, but this is different fro the others. It's a three-shot, AU and it will unwrap quickly. I won't make you wait, I just decided to publish it. SweetLala92 had read it -and loved it- so I decided to go ahead and publish it.

It's not an usual story, I know, it brings Derek in Afghanistan as a doctor for the Red Cross and Meredith in Seattle, dealing with his absence. It will be sad and happy at the same time, I also hope it won't offend people who realy have relatives in war zones and such. I luckily don't have this kind of experience, but I just guessed what it could feel like.

The title for this fiction comes from Wakey!Wakey!'s song War Sweater while Start A War is a song by The National. You can either ignore my musical suggestion or embrace it, feel free.

This chapter will probably explain better many more things so well, enjoy it!

Start A War

"I'm staying home. If you want, I'm gonna stay"

Derek's words sounded prophetical right about now.

It was a typical Seattle day, an overcast sky welcoming an early morning in May. My mother's house was empty. Completely and utterly empty. All my roommates were already at the hospital or they have never left it yet and somehow, I wished for somebody to be there with me and share the silence. The dim morning light stretched on the floor of the bathroom and created a line that divided the room in two halves. I sat with my back leaning against the bathtub, slumped in an uncomfortable position.

I closed my eyes and all I could think about was Derek.

His perfectly styled hair, his deep blue, comforting eyes twinkling happily while he smiled, his lame jokes and his musky, very reassuring smell. Just Derek.

I took a deep breath, fighting my tears.

"I'm gonna stay home"

The bathtub was cold against my back, but I couldn't care less. The air was still moist from the quick shower that I had taken before going to bed after my night shift but I couldn't shake away a feeling.

"I'm gonna stay home"

I didn't know if I should have began to pray as soon as he decided to join his sister for the whole summer in Afghanistan or maybe I should have begged him to stay home. The thing is that at the moment he was in Kandahar, helping people who lost their limbs because of mines or that were badly injured and risked a complete paralysis, while I was still in Seattle.

I was a selfish person, really freaking selfish, but I couldn't help but feel that way. His sister Amelia, his little sister, joined the Red Cross as soon as she finished her residency and took a sabbatical year in Afghanistan before she would decide if she wanted to come back or not. When she took the decision, Derek was there and he was alone, in the limbo between being cheated on by his wife and moving away, he was a shell of himself and he thought that probably being away for a while might help him gain perspective on his life.

That had been a little over a year ago, a few weeks before he moved to Seattle.

His mother was heartbroken, having two of her children moving away in a matter of weeks had a toll on her, but even if Derek wasn't really himself, he managed to call her at least three times a week, daily if he had a slow week at the hospital. Most importantly, he wasn't in a war zone like Amelia.

When his sister called him and told him how many people might need his help in Kandahar, he didn't thought twice about telling her that the following summer he will be joining her for three months and help her out.

Then he met me.

We were at Joe's. It was his second night in Seattle and the following day we were both due to start at Seattle Grace Hospital our new jobs. He, as the Head of the Neurosurgery department, me as a fist year resident, straight from Boston General, where I did my internship.

I remained there after attending Dartmouth before I had a call from my mother announcing that she had early onset Alzheimer and she was going in a home in Seattle. She told me that Seattle felt like home somehow and I knew it was because of Richard, her lover, and not at all because of Thatcher, my father, who left me when I was barely five.

I didn't knew Derek was going to be my boss and practically my mentor when I let him sit next to me and buy me a drink at Joe's bar the night before my first day. Then we went on until we were both too drunk to care and I dragged him home, like I used to do with every good looking guy I met at bars.

It had been an amazing night, until the following morning I remained trapped with him in a stairwell at Seattle Grace Hospital and I cursed my lack of judgment under the influence of tequila. I pushed him away for a few weeks, then I gave in at all his charm and we began dating. From that moment on, life had been amazing. Truly and utterly amazing.

Three months ago, his sister called him to remind him that he needed to inform the authorities about his trip to Kandahar and the floor slipped out under our feet.

"I'm staying home, Mer"

I didn't wanted to be selfish and I wanted him to follow his plans. We had been together for about a year, he didn't needed to shaken up his whole life for me. He had planned this and he was going to go. Except that I regretted not keeping him next to me from the moment he disappeared on the military plane at the airport.

"Are you sure you are okay with this?" he asked for the umpteenth time, his eyes filling with tears.

"Derek, go help some kids walk again, okay?" I replied, my voice fighting sobs.

He pulled me closer to his chest and I smelled him one last time, breathing in his perfect musky scent an letting the tears fall freely.

"I can still cancel everything" he locked his eyes with mine and I could see his own emotions displayed clearly in the blue pools. He didn't want to go either.

"Go help Amelia, Derek" I nuzzled my face in his chest again, seeking his comfort one last time. I needed to wait three months and a half before I would feel those arms around me again and I just wanted to enjoy the feeling once more.

"I'm gonna e-mail you as soon as I can and I promise that I'll call, okay?" he kissed my forehead softly and I just lifted up my gaze to meet his. I found his lips for a slow kiss, savoring each second, my tears running down my face untamed. When he pulled away, he had two lonely tears streaming down his cheeks as well but he forced a smile.

"I love you, Meredith Grey, more than anything" he whispered softly

"I love you too Derek and I'm gonna miss you so badly in the next three months, two weeks and three days" he managed a wide, sincere smile while he wiped away his tears and chuckled deep and low, just like the way I was going to miss it.

He kissed me again and I never wanted to let him go.

"What if this is our last kiss, Derek?" I whispered, suddenly afraid of even breathing without him by my side.

"It won't"

"How can you be so sure?" I chocked back a sob

"Because I'm not finished. I'm not finished loving you." he quoted a patient we had a few weeks before his departure "And I know it's soon, we barely met a year ago" he said, his smile growing wider each word he spoke before suddenly, he was kneeling in front of me, taking my left hand in his "Would you marry me, Meredith Grey?" he whispered, his emotions having the best of him.

I blinked once, twice but he was still there, on one knee, a beautiful ring sparkling in the sun.

"Yes, because I'm not finished either" I replied, hugging him tightly as soon as he was up and the ring had been placed on my finger.

The ring was still in the same place, its weight comforting while Derek wasn't there to remind me that everything was going to be alright. He still had two months and three weeks there and I wished more than any other time that I could simply blink them away.

I rolled the cold band on my finger slowly, my eyes still closed while I waited, sitting on the bathroom floor. Every single bone in my body was tired but I was still fighting sleep. It had been hard to sleep well since Derek went to Afghanistan.

My eyes darted for a second on the clock displayed on my phone, that laid on the floor in front of me, next to two white sticks. The countdown said one minute left.

My eyes closed again and I wished again for Derek's strong body next to me, instead of the chills from the bathtub.

I filled my lungs with air, then I breathed out, slowly, trying to calm myself down, Derek's soft, concerned voice whispering 'slow, deep breaths Mer' one more time.

He had been there when my mother said straight in my face that she wished that she had never had a daughter, when she thought I was one of her scrub nurses. He had comforted me and he whispered soothing words while I was sobbing in his arms. He had been there when I had seen my father for the first time after twenty years, supporting my whole weight while I was barely hanging on on my own after his complete indifference towards me. He had been there.

But right in that moment, when I probably needed him there the most, he was in Kandahar.

An unwanted, selfish tear slipped down my face and, as I opened my eyes to wipe it away, my phone began buzzing and on the two sticks next to it a pink line appeared.

I closed my eyes again and waited a few seconds, then I reopened them again, but the lines were still there. And I surely was still pregnant.

All the tears that I had been holding on began flooding down my face, like the dam that kept them away broke and I couldn't help but sobbing loudly, hiding my face in my hands.

Waves of different emotions hit me immediately as soon as I processed the news of the two sticks. First of all, fear assaulted me: fear of losing Derek, fear of the simple idea of being pregnant, fear of something wrong with the baby, fear of being a good mother. Then joy replaced the fear for a moment, because I created a new life with Derek and he was going to be a father. The temporary happiness though was kicked away by the possibility of never seeing Derek again and a whole lot of new, bad things formed in my mind.

I just remained on the floor a little more, crying and wishing, praying for Derek to come home safe and sound, praying a God that I probably never considered before. I think He was going to understand why I was praying someone with all that supposed power.

"Meredith?"

Izzie was standing at the open door, staring at me concerned. I had left it slightly open, knowing that nobody was home but completely forgetting that Izzie was probably going to be back around nine because she had reached her weekly amount of hours. I looked at her and I saw her frantically search around with her eyes to understand why I was breaking down on the bathroom floor.

"Meredith, what is it? Do you miss Derek? Did you go visit your mother?" she had witnessed my meltdown in Derek's arms as well and she was very wary every time I told her I was visiting my mother.

I shook my head, still unable to put on words what I just found out. It seemed so wrong to tell her instead of Derek.

"Meredith?" she called again

"I need to call Derek" I mumbled.

I stood up and left Izzie standing there concerned as I walked downstairs. I dialed the international number that he had carefully written right before he left and I traced his familiar handwriting with the tip of my finger while the phone began ringing.

"Hello?" a man with a strong afghan accent answered after four long rings

"It's Meredith Grey, I'm sorry to bother, I'd like to speak with Dr. Derek Shepherd" I managed to keep my voice calm and spell slowly the words

"Right away" the man replied and silence filled the receiver.

A few shuffles and noises later, his soft, calm voice greeted me "Hello?"

"Derek" I replied, almost breathless

"Meredith?" I could feel him smiling despite the eight-thousands miles between us. "How are you doing? God, I miss you so much!" he sighed happily

"I'm good, I just needed to hear you voice. I miss you too Derek, you can't believe how much" I fought back more tears

"Is everything all right?" his tone became slightly more concerned

"Yeah, I just came home from a night on-call and I wanted to hear your voice" I lied

"I love you Meredith"

"I love you too, Derek" I replied, my voice cracking

"Hey, are you crying?" it was unbelievable how he always knew when there was something bothering me.

"I'm just tired Derek. How are you doing?" I diverted his attention. It was easier when he couldn't see me.

"I just fixed the spine of a ten-year-old boy hit by a mine. There haven't been air raids in three days but people still continue to get hurt every day, we work practically non-stop. What about you?"

"There are bombs every day, Derek?" panic immediately filled my voice

"I'm safe here, I promised you a wedding, Meredith" he whispered, reassuring and sure of every letter he uttered

"I know, I'm sorry. You'd better keep your promise, okay?" I urged, the need to share my news with him suddenly swept away by concern.

"I've always been good at that" he answered cockily as always and I was able to smile a little. At this point though seemed almost cruel to blurt him the news that he was going to be a father and not even see his reaction.

"What's bothering you, Meredith?" he asked, as soon as he felt that I wasn't speaking anymore "I'm sure you didn't called just to spend a good amount of money..."

"I have a big surprise for you when you come back" I whispered, my hand going to rest on my stomach instinctively. And it didn't felt as wrong as I thought it might.

"Is this a hint to come home sooner?" he chuckled

Yes. "Just saying, Derek. Do your business there" I mumbled

"I miss you too, Meredith" his smiley tone growing a little more serious

"I'm okay, Derek, seriously, you don't have to worry" I tried to reassure him and me at the same time.

"Neither do you"

"I think I'm allowed to though"

"I can be worried for you too, right?" he joked and I was glad he lightened up the conversation a little.

"A bit probably, yeah" I sighed "Thank you for the trailer anyway" I hopped to a completely different conversation, following my train of thoughts. He had offered me the keys to his trailer, with the excuse to keep it clean but knowing that I would have needed a quiet place for myself as well. He knew me that well, already.

"How so?"

"I needed some perspective about something yesterday and I was glad for the quiet" I admitted. It was there that I took the courage to buy a pregnancy test.

"I miss that place, it's so sunny and dry here I'm going crazy sometimes" he chuckled

"Believe me, you'll have enough rain as soon as you'll get back" I smiled in response, even if I knew he couldn't see me.

"I can't wait, believe me"

"I can't wait for you to be home as well"

"Two more months, Mer" he sighed

"And three weeks" I added, a hint of a joke in it. I usually pointed out the weeks every time we talked.

"Look, I have patients to see now, we'll talk soon, okay?" he said, disappointed that our conversation had to be cut short.

"Don't do anything stupid in the mean time, I love you"

"I love you too, I wish I could kiss you right about now"

"Me too Derek. Bye!"

"Bye Mer"

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply as soon as the receiver on the other end clicked the end of the conversation and I wished I had been braver. It just seemed so cold and expressionless to tell him that we were having a baby while he was thousands miles away.

"You're pregnant!"

Izzie's high-pitched voice intruded again in my thoughts.

"Yes" I fought back tears as our eyes met.

She stared at me almost as if she could already see that I was pregnant "Have you told Derek?" her smile grew wider

"Not yet" I replied curtly with another sigh "I don't know how to tell him. It's just..."

"You don't want to tell him over the phone" she completed

"It sounds wrong, right? It's wrong, isn't it?"

"I'd wait to tell him as well, he'll be back soon"

"What if he won't?" I chocked on my question, sitting on the couch

"You don't have to think like that, Mere"

"I know, I just can't stop wondering if I'll ever see him again or hear his voice again, you know? This baby needs to have a father, I can't do this on my own" a tear escaped from the corner of my eyes "I want Derek" I whimpered like a tantrum.

Izzie was quick to grab my hand and squeeze it tightly "I know"

"I'm sorry, this is..."

"Mer, you will be fine" Izzie smiled and for a moment, I wanted to believe she was right.

AN: It's sad and all, but trust me with this.

I know it will be a short story, but I hope you'll like it anyway.

I will update soon, imagine this as a stretched one-shot, I practically wrote this whole story in one day. Anyway, you thoughts and feedback are really important to me, I hope you'll stick around for the next two chapters as well!