-From the Beginning-
Disclaimer: I don't own Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru, if I do I've made Luka do lots of stuff to Yuki and make Luze belong only to me.
Warning: This contains shounen-ai so don't read it if you don't like it. Post after the final episode. May contain spoilers.
"..." for memories in Italic
'…' thought in Italic
"…" thought of FemYuki in Bold and Italic
And "..." present time
XXX
"Kanata-san…Kanata-san! No! Kanata-san! Don't go!"
He bolted up, his breath coming in strangle gasp as he tried to calm his breathing. Tears streaming down his face as his eyes widened. He could feel his body shaking as he tried to contemplate his dream.
"Yuki?" a childish voice asked from beside his bed.
He turns his head as he glances to his side. Standing beside him was a concerned Sodom in its humanoid form. Yuki wiped his tears away immediately as he plastered a reassuring smile in his face for the familiar creature.
"Sodom, I'm sorry…did I wake you?" Yuki asked softly.
"Yuki? Daijoubu desu ka?"
"Hai, daijoubu. Gomene Sodom I wake you up…" the brunette young man said apologetically.
Sodom shook its head as his eyes looking worriedly to the young man.
"Should I call master?"
Yuki quickly shakes his head as he smiles reassuringly to the young boy.
"No. There's no need for you to call Luka. I'm fine; I just need some fresh air." Yuki quickly said as she slides his legs out from the sheets.
"Is Yuki sure? Sodom could find master and tell him that Yuki needs him,"
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you for your effort, Sodom. I just need some fresh air, I will be back just go back to sleep." the brunette smiled.
Sodom nods his head obediently, as he back to its original form and snuggled up to Yuki's pillow. Yuki smiled at the sight before he turns and leave his room.
The cold night air pass his body, making him shiver in cold as he put his arms around his body to keep him warm. Yuki makes his way towards the garden and stands right in front of the fountain. His eyes looking up to the pale moon in the sky as a sad smile graces his face.
"Kanata-san, could I sleep with you?"
"Hmm? What is it? Are you having another nightmare again, Yuki?"
The young boy nodded slowly as his eyes looking pleadingly to the older boy. The black haired boy chuckled softly before he waved his hand to the younger, indicating the other boy to come inside.
"You could sleep in here, Yuki."
The younger boy smiled brightly as he quickly approached the older boy. Yuki climbed up to the bed as he snuggled right beside the older boy. His face looking up to Kanata, a bright smile on his face.
"Thank you, Kanata-san. Oyasumi,"
"Oyasumi, Yuki."
The memories brought a sad smile on his face as Yuki's mind quickly remembers another memory he has of the older man. The look on Kanata's face when he told Yuki to die, the hatred he seen in the man's eyes were enough to hurt him beyond anything.
Never in his life, had he thought that the older man will completely leave him alone like this. It's true that the older man had left the orphanage sooner than him but he always had this kind of vision where he will also leave the orphanage someday and live together with Kanata.
Spending his time together with the man presence in his life. Yet nothing could go as he planned, as the man he loves for years leave him. Wakamiya Kanata, the only man in the orphanage he ever holds precious for him. The only man he ever loves as much as he loves himself yet the man were the same man who had betrayed him. And even tried as far as to kill him.
Yuki doesn't know what again he should do regarding the memories he has over the older man. The same man he still loves until now. He doesn't know where it is start but somehow as he grown up alongside with the man, he starts to slowly love the man in the way he shouldn't.
He loves Wakamiya Kanata until he even imagined that someday they could be lover, could be a couple. Yet he never had any courage to utter those words to the older man not even after the man left him like this now. It had been some weeks since the event when the older man captured him and everyone is saving him again like all the times before.
Yuki felt utterly hopeless for himself, it's just like he was useless and there's nothing he could do about it. Not even with the sudden power he has now since even though this power of his could save them still it just will make everyone ends up worrying over his safety again.
'Isn't there anything I could do…? Why I'm so useless…?'
"It's painful…It's hurts…"
"Yuki?"
A familiar voice called from behind him. Yuki doesn't have to turn to see who it was as he always recognizes that deep velvety voice everywhere. Standing right behind him was Luka who looking to him with concerned eyes.
The black haired Opast was clad in black like he usually does, his silver eyes glint under the moonlight. Yuki's eyes locked to his as the younger man staring to the man across him. He never really thinks of it before but somehow Luka's presence always makes something within his heart clenched painfully.
Like there is something about this man that important for him yet he can't make himself remember what it is. He had asked Luka about his past with the man yet the black haired Opast doesn't say anything to him except that he was tied by contract with the brunette young man in their previous life before.
"Luka…"
"Are you okay?" Luka asked, his eyes never wavering from Yuki's.
Yuki plastered a small smile on his face as he looks to the older man across him.
"I'm fine. I just need some fresh air," Yuki's smiled weakly.
His attempt to reassure the older man was in vain as Luka doesn't believe even a bit of words Yuki said to him. He knows that there's something wrong with the soft spoken boy even though Yuki doesn't say anything about it.
He knows that Yuki was still thinking about Wakamiya Kanata, the man which is important for Yuki. The same man which apparently is the enemy of Giou family. And the fact that Wakamiya Kanata is Reiga was something that seems to hurt Yuki the most.
Luka never ask why though, he knows enough that Yuki loves the man more than what the others thinks he is. After all remembering the black haired Opast was the one who in love with Yuki before; he could tell what Yuki is feeling.
"Are you still thinking about him?" Luka asked as silence enveloped them.
Yuki's could feel his body freeze at the question the black haired Opast uttered. He knows that sooner or later someone would eventually ask him about this question yet he never could bring himself to find the right answer for the particular question. It's like his heart refuse to even thinking about the said answer.
"I used to dream that someday I could get out from the orphanage. In my dream, I was a college student, attending the same university as Kanata-san, who was now a graduate student. Once a week, we'd visit the Asahi orphanage to play with the children and laugh. Sometimes, we'd lose track of the time and stay up all night, discussing our dreams for the future. And in that dream life, Kanata-san will be by my side. Staying with me like he always does. But somehow I know that it's all only in my dream and it will never happen in real life," Yuki answered after some moments.
At the silent answer Luka gives to the other man, Yuki looks back to the night sky. His arms wrapped around his body to keep it warm.
"I know that but still it doesn't stop me to dream about that simple life every night I went to sleep…only to wake up to the cruel reality," he continued slowly.
Luka says nothing as he continued to watch the younger man silently. Taking every detail of the said man across from him. His silver eyes never once looking away from Yuki.
"Ne Luka…why don't you tell me about what happen in the past life? You never talk about it even once," Yuki turns his eyes to glance back to Luka.
Luka's eyes widened slightly at the request as his heart beating rapidly within his chest. He knows that sooner or later the brunette would eventually ask him that question but even that so he never could find the right answer for that question.
Because after all, what could he say to Yuki about their past? He couldn't just say that they were lovers in the past even though his heart always yearns to say those words to the younger man. Yet he knows he just couldn't do it, not when Yuki doesn't remember anything about him…about them.
"I wish I could remember more about you. That way, I could know more about you…I could do something for you. For you who always do everything for me," Yuki continued, his hands reach up cupping Luka's cheek gently.
"Yuki…"
'I want to know what happen in the previous life…I want to know what our relation is although I still afraid of it still I want to learn more about you… About you who always protects me…' the brunette thought silently.
"Is that so painful for you? To talk about the past life to me?"
"I-…"
'I just don't want to remember that I can no longer have you…' Luka thought bitterly.
Yuki lets his hand slides off from the older man as he turns back to the mansion. His back facing the black haired Opast.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I will try to find out about it by myself… Good night, Luka." Yuki smiled wistfully as he leaves the Opast alone.
XXX
Since that night, Yuki started to search more about his previous life to the others. He asked every Zweilt about it. Some of them gave him the answer he wanted to hear yet none of them want to answer any questions about Luka and his relation with Yuki in the past. It seems like they don't want to talk about it.
He sighed in exasperation for the umpteenth time as his effort to find out more about himself and Luka in the previous life was once again failed. He even had asked Takashiro-san about it yet the Head of Giou family just smiled sadly to him and tells him to ask Luka instead about that particular matter.
Yet he knows that Luka won't give him any answers regarding that particular question, knowing the Opast would likely become so silent all of the sudden if he asks that question to the older man. He know that Toko had ever mentioned about his relation with Luka in the past but when he tried to ask the female Zweilt about it again, somehow it seems like Toko will try to avoid his question.
Yuki leans his elbow on the balcony, his eyes looking down to the garden below. Somehow just looking to the garden like this makes him feel calm though he never understands why. Everything is so peaceful in here like there isn't any war going on though he knows that this peace wills eventually fleeting away.
Suddenly a sharp pain attacked his head as many images whirling around his head. Flashing memories which never he seen before and he could hear it...the familiar sound of the woman in his consciousness. He gasped out loud and winced as his head felt like it being hit with a forceful power.
"Luka…" Yuki called the Opast softly, her eyes never looking away from those silver orbs glinting under the moonlight.
"Why are you still awake? Are those nightmares bothering you again?"
"I just need some fresh air," the long haired woman answered.
"You don't have to be strong in front of me, Yuki." the black haired man said softly, his hand caresses her cheek gently.
"You always seem to understand me, Luka. Although I don't say anything…you seem to always know what I'm thinking. I wonder how you could understand me so well…?" the soft woman smiled sadly.
"Because I know you tried so hard to protect everyone when in the same time by doing so you will eventually hurting your own self,"
"I have to. I don't want to see anyone get hurt… It hurts me more to see them getting hurt just because they tried so hard to protect me. I just want this fight to be over. I don't want to see them getting hurt again…I don't want to see any bloodshed… And I-…I don't want to see you getting hurt," Yuki looks solemnly to Luka.
"My wounds and pains will heal eventually. But what about you? Will the pain in your heart heal?" he asked, his eyes looking sadly to her.
"…Luka…will you hear my request?"
Luka says nothing yet his eyes look to her intently, waiting for the brunette to continue.
"When the times come…I want you to kill me. Please kill me with your own hands," she looks to him pleadingly.
"I can't. I never can hurt you,"
"I don't want to die in other way. At least please let me to die in your hands… I want you to kill me, to end my pains…"
'I'm sorry, Luka…I know this is so selfish of me but I don't want other way to die… I want to die in the safety of your arms…'
"I won't ever betray you,"
"…I know. That's why please kill me with your hands when the time comes… Because I know you will always be there by my side,"
Luka says nothing, his silver eyes looking to her intently. There's a glint of sorrow and sadness in those silver orbs as he continue to stare at her. This man is the one she had grown to love, this man is the one she really loves until it hurts her so much every times she part away from him. Yet she knows despite anything that happens now, Luka would never leave her.
And she could feel her heart clenching within her chest at the thought of never looking this man again. But to stop this war, she should make a sacrifice. She just hopes that no matter what will happen in the future, his love for her would never change. For her heart will always belong to only him. Yuki smiled softly to reassure the black haired Opast, her hands cups his cheek and lean him down to her.
"I love you, Luka." she said softly as her lips kissing him briefly.
"Yuki?" Luka asked in concern.
His hands wrapped itself around Yuki's waist as he helped the younger man to stand up. He was going to see the brunette when the sight of Yuki clenching his head in pain comes into his view. He quickly approached the younger man and helping him to stand as the young man seems to have difficulty on keeping his balance.
He could see the paleness on Yuki's face and immediately felt a panic feeling bubbled up in his heart. He was thinking about calling Isuzu when suddenly Yuki's soft voice called upon him. Looking down to his arms, he sees Yuki's eyebrows fluttered open.
"Luka…?"
"Yuki, are you okay?" he asked, concern in his voice.
Yuki blinks his eyes slowly as he recalled the sudden memories which invade his mind. He could remember everything now, he could remember how his previous life with Luka before. As his eyes adjusted to Luka's face, Yuki's hand reach up and caress the Opast's cheek softly.
Luka's eyes gazing down to Yuki's as the younger of the two continued caressing Luka's cheek lovingly. His eyes never once look away from the older man.
"Yuki?"
"Luka…I-…I remember you. I remember everything now…" Yuki whispered slowly, his eyes looking sadly to the man.
Luka's eyes widened as he looks to the younger man in surprise. He doesn't expect Yuki to remember about their past not after all the thing that had happened. He thinks that maybe Yuki wants to forget everything about them that's why in this life she was born again as a man yet here he is listening to Yuki who apparently just remember everything that had happened in their previous life.
He doesn't know what to say to the other as he just looks to the younger man intently, waiting Yuki to utter his next word. Yet the brunette doesn't say anything just continue his stroking against Luka's cheek.
"Luka, why you never tell me anything about us?" Yuki asked, his eyes looking sadly to the older man.
"Because I don't want to make everything harder for you. You don't remember anything about us; I thought you want to forget it." Luka answered slowly, his eyes looking softly to the brunette in his arms.
'I want you to see me…and only me…but I don't want to hurt you by doing that…'
Yuki let a small smile graces his face as his eyes softened at the look on Luka's face. Slowly he put his hand behind Luka's head as he leaned Luka down to him. He closed the distance between their lips and kissed the black haired Opast slowly.
Luka saw Yuki's emotions in the depth of his eyes the moment before the younger man planted his lips on his own. The kiss was gentle as if the younger man was hesitant about it. Yet Luka find himself kissing the young man back, taking the lead easily from the brunette.
Yuki was the one who pulled away from the kiss as his eyes looking glazed to the glinting silver orbs which is Luka's. Luka was still bewildered by what had just happened between the two of them as his eyes looking to Yuki's with shock.
"You're always so gentle to me even after everything that had happened. I'm sorry for making you suffer like this, Luka."
"It's not your fault. I'm the one who choose to love you," Luka replied solemnly.
'And I never regret my decision even until now…Loving you is the right thing I've ever done'
"And do you now? Do you still love me even though I'm a male now?" Yuki asked, his eyes looking solemnly to the Opast.
"Yuki is Yuki, whether you're male or female. And for me, you're the same Yuki that I fell in love to. I love you regardless what you are now," Luka smiled softly.
Yuki smiles softly at the answer the Opast gave to him. He hugs Luka tightly as he inhaled the scent of the older man. He feels his heart fluttered at the thought that Luka still love him even though he isn't a female anymore.
But even though he knows the older man's feeling for him, he doesn't know if what he felt towards Luka now was love or not. Since he knows for sure that the last person he ever love in this life was Wakamiya Kanata who happened to betray him, yet he doesn't want to let Luka go.
He could feel his heart responds strongly for the black haired Opast even when he doesn't remember anything about the Opast. Yet he can't place his fingers to what he feels for the older man.
"Luka..."
Luka pulled away from the brunette, as his eyes looking questioningly to the other man.
"I don't know what I'm feeling for you right now but I-… I don't want to lie to you and say that I don't like you because I know I feel something for you. But Luka…could we start it from the beginning? I want to know you more than I have in our previous life... Because I don't want to only loving you based from our past. I want to love you more that before," the brunette said softly, his eyes look pleadingly to the older man.
Luka looks to the brunette in his arms, his gaze softened as he kisses the younger's forehead.
"If that's what you want, Yuki. We can start it from the beginning,"
XXX
Author's Note: I had tried my best to make sure that the characters aren't OOC. But do forgive me if I happen to do it unconsciously. This one is a result from my imagination after I watch UraBoku. I think it will be fair for both Yuki and Luka to start everything from the beginning, since I think Yuki would prefer it to be that way. After all he is so kind and I'm sure he won't just love Luka back after remembering everything about their past, I mean it won't fair for him or Luka. Because if he does that, it just would be mean that the love Yuki feel for Luka was just something he felt from the past and for the present life itself, he doesn't know what exactly he felt for our cool Opast. That's true that he was showing a great amount of care for Luka, but he never tell the older man his feeling so well I think like that when I made this. Anyway please give me your review; it'll help me a lot to improve and to know what you think about this story. And no flame please because I'm still an amateur and I know I need a long way to improve.