"Shrek is love. Shrek is life. Amen," Steve silently prayed before climbing into bed. It had been his ritual for a little over a year, and he found that it brought him comfort.
After he'd been thawed and placed into a whole new world, Steve felt alone. Even though he had the Avengers, his friends still couldn't bring him comfort. All of his friends and loved ones were long gone and nothing was the same.
But one day that all changed. As Steve perused through one of the last Blockbuster movie stores in existence –which the store helped him a bit because it was outdated just like he was—he came across the Shrek series. The fat, bald ogre surrounded by other misfits on the cover intrigued him. Steve just had to give the films a try.
Shrek had far more of an impact on him than he could've imagined. The ogre was out of place in a world where people didn't want him. All eyes were on him every time he went into public and there were only a few who took the time to get to know him. Shrek was angry with the world, yet he persevered. He had many layers like an onion, not to be confused with the layers of a tasty cake, but despite that Shrek was able to find love and a happy, satisfying life.
Steve was an ogre in a world full of normal people; there was no doubt in his mind. At times he even longed to be an ogre and live in the swamp. It was a miserable life in the 21st century, and he longed for a better situation.
Whenever Steve was forced to be around all the average Joes in the world who never gave him a moment's peace, he imagined himself in his happy place that the S.H.I.E.L.D therapist suggested he go to. It was the swamp, and Shrek was with him. Shrek's thick, green arms were wrapped around Steve's waist, and he whispered tenderly in Steve's ear "I am love. I am life."
If only Shrek were real and not a CGI character.
One typical Sunday night Steve was performing his religious ritual before bed. He peeled a ceremonial Vidalia onion and placed it in a bowl next to the window. After that, Steve put on his Sunday best—a handmade Shrek outfit (with no Shrek mask), and painted himself green. Then he got on his knees next to his bed, prayed to the divinity that was Shrek and crawled into bed. Maybe one day his prayers would bring his beloved ogre to life.
He began to cry from all the pent up feelings of loneliness, and as Steve sobbed he realized just how cold the room was. His heat wasn't working and it was nearing November. Just another misfortune in the life of Steve.
But suddenly he felt something warm approaching. A large, calloused hand began to stroke his cheek, and when Steve looked up he saw the man of his dreams: Shrek.
"Let me take you to mah swamp," Shrek whispered in Steve's ear. His breath smelled of Vidalia onions, just as Steve imagined. Heavenly.
He picked Steve up in his big ogre arms, chanted words in a language Steve imagined was Ogreian, and they vanished from Steve's bedroom.
Within seconds the two were transported to the world that Steve longed to inhabit: Shrek's swamp. It was sunny, the colors were vibrant, and the smell of mud and ogre sweat filled his lungs. He couldn't imagine better scenery and scents; it was far better than the smog, car exhaust and cigarettes Steve was used to smelling.
He looked around and was pleased to see that Fiona and Shrek's children were not there, but at the same time he was confused.
Shrek put his massive, sausage-like index finger up to Steve's lips. "I know what you want to ask. Fiona was the host of my wee bairns and that's it. I needed a place to put mah ogre seed. I need angels, you know."
Steve's eyes widened. "So you're really G-"
"Yes, I am. My movies were to reach all mah bairns in this world. But only you listened to mah message," Shrek smiled.
Without thinking, Steve pushed Shrek's hands away and kissed him. He knew that it was taboo to kiss God, especially an ogre one, but Steve didn't care; Steve loved Shrek too much to hold back.
Shrek chucked. "You are mah favorite, Steve. And there is a reason I came to you. We are soul mates, you and I. You are the only one with true layers."
Steve felt an overwhelming urge to please the ogre fill his entire body and soul. He took his clothes off and got on his hands and knees. He spread his ass cheeks for Shrek.
"I knew you would feel the same," Shrek said.
Within seconds Steve could feel Shrek penetrate him. His green, rock-hard ogre penis was too much for Steve to handle; he could feel his butt tearing, but Steve needed to prove that he was fully devoted to the ogre God.
Shrek roared as he filled Steve with his Godly love. The smell of onions filled the room. Steve's layers were completely exposed for Shrek to see.
He pulled out of Steve and helped him up. For some reason Steve's butthole no longer hurt; it was the loving touch of his true God that healed him.
Shrek led a naked Steve outside of his home and into the large pool of mud; it looked exactly like the one in the movies. Shrek walked hand and hand with Steve into the warm, gritty mud. It was time for Steve's baptism.
Shrek immersed all but Steve's head in the thick mud. He then took some of the brown, wet dirt on the tip of his thumb and drew something on Steve's forehead. Steve felt the movements of Shrek's thumb and knew immediately what it was: a glorious Vidalia onion.
Steve felt his body rise from the swamp, and a burst of energy exploded from every pore of his body. He felt his body transform, and when Steve looked at his hands he realized he had taken love's true form: Steve was now an ogre. A wave of euphoria hit Steve, and as he descended back into the mud Shrek took him in his strong arms.
"Your old life is all ogre now," Shrek said.
"You are love. You are life," Steve responded.
The baptism was complete. Steve would never be lonely again now that he was with his best friend, his lover, but most of all, his God.