Everyone needs to feel loved
You can read on my profile that I change my mind a lot… I said I probably won't write in English but in Dutch… but as you can see this isn't Dutch…!
Summary: Everything was perfect but not for long. Blaine didn't care about himself, others were more important. But one day everything becomes too much for him. He needs help, but precisely then no one is there for him. Dalton academy Warblers/ Seblaine/Niff/Blangst/a little New directions
Words: 2805
Warning: homophobic/cursing
Rated: M
The video
After a long day at McKinley Blaine went home. It was Wednesday and both his parents were supposed to be home.
'Mam! Dad!' No one answered the curly haired boy. When Blaine walked into living room he saw something which he wished he never had to see in his whole life.
'Mam! Are you okay?' Blaine kneeled next to his mother. She was lying on the floor. She was covered with a lot of blood and when Blaine tried to feel her heartbeat he didn't find one.
'Mam? You can't be dead.' Tears were streaming across his face when he heard footsteps. Blaine turned around and saw his father standing in the doorway.
'Dad! What happened?' Blaine saw the expression in his father's face, but he didn't know why. He seemed mad, not sad, but really mad. Blaine saw the knife in his father's hand but didn't want to believe what he just thought.
'Tell me it's not true dad. Please.' His father walked slowly to his son with the knife still in his hand. 'It's your entire fault!' His father screamed when he threw the knife across his son's face. There was a cut in Blaine's face, but Blaine didn't care. He ran away from his father, away from his mother and away from his family.
Blaine ran as fast as he could. He didn't take the time to get to his car. He will get his car another time. He heard his father screaming behind him. Blaine ran as fast as he could and when he saw more people he stopped. His dad can't do anything with them around.
'Blaine Anderson!' Blaine turned around immediately. Not even scared of what his father would do.
'What?' Yelled Blaine back. His father was clearly annoyed by his commend but didn't do anything about it.
'Come back, fag. I need to talk to you!'
'Are you going to kill me just like you killed mam?' Answered Blaine.
'You think I killed her? You think I put time in that bitch?' His father was laughing way too loud. A few people were watching them. They wanted to know what was going on in the middle of the street. 'She killed herself, because she can't live with a son like you.' Blaine's father had walked closer to his son during his last words while Blaine took a few steps back.
Blaine was quiet. He didn't know what to say. He just thought about what his father just said until his father continued.
'Not that you're a son to us both. You stopped being a son to us when you decided to be a faggot!' The people around started to worry and some of them called the police. 'You're a shame for the family and there is only one way to make this right.' Blaine's father took the gun that he kept behind this back and people started to scream. While Blaine just stared at the gun. Blaine isn't a needy person. Normally he isn't, but now he needs Kurt really bad. It didn't bother him that his parents didn't like Kurt. Because Kurt is all he needs.
'You have ten seconds to drop the gun and put your hands where we can see them.' A few cops arrived the street were Blaine and his father were having a conversation.
Mr Anderson just laughed at the cops. And he laughed hard! So hard that he didn't even saw it when a cop came his way.
Blaine just watched how they took his father. He didn't look at the other people, some people were giving him disgust looks and other sympathy looks. But he didn't care. He just needed to see Kurt. He needs to feel loved again. He just lost his parents and he can't deal with this alone.
Blaine was on his was on his way to Kurt's house when he got a text. He grabbed his phone and saw that the text was from his mom. He didn't know what to think and decided not to open it yet.
When he was in the driveway of Kurt's house he stepped immediately out of his car and ran to the door. The door was open so he walked inside and went looking for Kurt.
He went upstairs and he heard his boyfriend. He was in his own room so Blaine walked in that direction. When he opened the door he hoped that he never opened it. There he was, his boyfriend, kissing another guy. Like this day could get any worse. The boy on the bed was familiar to Blaine. And when Kurt saw Blaine and the guy turned around he saw it. Dave Karofsky was there sitting on the bed and he had just kissed his boyfriend.
Kurt stood up immediately when he saw Blaine.
'What happened to your face?' he asked like nothing else just happened.
'You really are asking about that? Like you care!' Blaine screamed. It wasn't only Kurt's fault, but he didn't make it better.
'Blaine, please. Let me explain.' Dave didn't say anything. He just watched the conversation between the two other guys in the room.
'No forget it. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I wanted to talk. A lot happened today, but clearly you're busy!' Blaine stormed out the room and this was probably their last conversation for a long time because Blaine transferred back to Dalton. And it didn't felt right.
Blaine stormed downstairs with Kurt right behind him. Kurt was yelling. For Blaine it was almost the same situation as the one that earlier happened that day. When Blaine was downstairs he walked into Burt Hummel. Burt saw the cut and wanted an explanation. But when he saw Kurt he knew he wasn't going to get one really soon.
Blaine didn't stop when he heard people screaming his name. He just stepped in his car and drove away. Away from the guy who cheated. There was only one place where he felt save left. He went to Dalton.
It was Wednesday and the Warblers weren't at Dalton. They needed to practice for regionals and it didn't work at Dalton. That's why they had to look for inspiration.
Blaine already knew his room number and walked immediately that way. He knew that the warblers weren't there so he didn't need to speak to any of them. Anyway not right now. Blaine knew he needed to talk to someone. There was no way he can handle this on his own. He only has to wait for a few hours and then the warblers will be back. Then he can talk to Jeff and Nick. That's what he needs right now.
An hour later Blaine was done with unpacking his stuff and was lying on his bed. One of the teachers at Dalton told him that he didn't need to share his room with someone if he didn't want to. Blaine told him honestly that he rather be alone for a week or two. And the teacher didn't ask any other questions.
And there he was. Alone in a big room. It was the same room where he stayed before he transferred to Mc Kinley. There was a big television and he already knew that all the warblers will at least watch television one's a week in his room. But he didn't care much. There was also a guitar and a piano in this dorm and that is very important to Blaine. But right now he is not thinking about that. He just lay in his bed and tried to sleep. Because that is what he needed after this long day. His head hurts. He just wants to sleep and forget about it.
He didn't sleep really long. When he woke up it was only 40 minutes later then when he went to sleep. He grabbed his phone of his nightstand and saw his mother's name on the display again. He still didn't know what it meant. His mom had killed herself. At least that is what his father says. He decided to open it and saw that there was a video inside of it. But also a message. It was short but is meant a lot.
It's your fault that I'm not here anymore.
After reading this he didn't wanted to watch the video. Just before he was going to watch it he saw something else.
A letter that your mum wrote said that she wanted you to have this text, so I'm sending it. Dude, you fucked up big time. Greetz your neighbor, you know the one with the cool hair.
Shit, shit, shit. She didn't kill herself because of me right? Why would she do that? I didn't do anything wrong. For a minute Blaine just stared at the display of his phone, but then he remembered what he was going to do just a minute ago. He was going to watch the video. He sat up straight and started the video.
His mum is sitting in the middle of the kitchen. She is crying and has a knife in her hand. She is quiet. She looks in the camera. Like she knows that Blaine is watching it. Like she knows that her son doesn't want to see her like this for the last time. But she didn't care, because it was only Blaine. And she didn't care about Blaine.
After a minute or something Blaine's mum finally began to speak. And she made immediately her point. 'I hate you. You've been a burden all your live. And it only became worse. You decided to become a faggot. A dirty fag.'
Blaine stared at the screen and needed to penetrate what his mum just said. He isn't used to his mom being honest with him. Every time his dad was mad at him, his mom just watched. He knew she didn't care much, but he wasn't prepared for this.
'Why don't you just kill yourself? If you did that, I don't need to do this right now.' his mom was quiet for a few moments when she cut her fingers off with the knife.
Blaine didn't want to watch, but he couldn't look away. He didn't want to see his mom torture herself, but he deserved it. He deserved this pain. His moms hands were bleeding a lot and Blaine could only image in how much pain his mom must have been. He was also confused. When he saw his mom earlier in the kitchen he didn't notice that she lost her fingers.
When she was done with cutting all her fingers of one hand she started talking again. 'You' she cut a finger of her other hand 'were' and another 'never' and another 'my' and another 'son' she waited one second before she cut off her last finger. The knife felt on the sink.
Blaine shocked of the sound that the knife made. After this the video was quiet again. The only thing Blaine could hear was the sound of a breathing woman. A woman who was his mother. His mother who was about to kill herself on tape. Until the woman on the video started to talk again.
'I can't live. I can't live with you as my son. I can't. You destroyed my life. You're a shame for our family.' Blaine's mom did her best to grab the knife again and hold it in her bloody hands. When she finally had the knife she brought it straight to her stomach. She closed her eyes and the knife disappeared really fast in her stomach. She was still alive because Blaine can still hear her breath. She gave the knife a twist and felt on the ground.
Blaine didn't do anything for the next hour until he heard the warblers downstairs. He needs to talk. He needs someone. He can't deal with this on his own.
The rehearsals for regionals didn't go well. They missed something. Or better said, they missed someone. The Warblers found a way to win sectionals, but they can't win regionals without Blaine. They need him.
'Nick. Do you think we can just go to McKinley and kidnap him?' joked Jeff. But Nick could see in his boyfriend's eyes that he meant it. They've been dating for a week now and they still couldn't get enough of each other.
'Maybe if we use good camouflage. And I am pretty sure that you will look very cute with a mask, baby.' responded Nick seriously. Jeff just blushed and looked away. He still didn't get used to the flirting stuff.
The warblers were done with rehearsals and on their way back to Dalton. After 5 minutes all the warblers arrived at Dalton and they walked inside. They walked to the choir room and just when they wanted to discuss everything, because they were far from ready for regionals, Blaine showed up.
'Blaine? What are you doing here?' Blaine didn't respond the question of Trent. He just looked at the warblers like they were strangers.
'What happened Blaine?' 'You're bleeding.' 'Your face.' 'Why aren't you saying anything?' Every single member of the warblers had questions for Blaine, but Blaine just looked like he also waited for someone to give an answer. But after a moment he realized that he was the only one who can answer these questions.
'I… I…' Blaine really tried to explain it to his friends, but he didn't know how. He didn't know what to say and he wanted to speak to Jeff and Nick first. He trusted them the most. It's not that Blaine doesn't like the others, but he knows Jeff and Nick much longer than the rest. And Blaine didn't need to speak. The warblers knew what he wanted, they knew what he needed. Thad stood first and walked to his dorm. After that Trent follows and also Wes and David get the hint. All the warblers were gone except for Blaine, Nick and Jeff. And Sebastian. He had no idea of what was going on and sat comfortable on a chair until he got weird looks of his classmates.
'What?' asked Sebastian because he had really no idea what was going on. He only joined the warblers for three weeks now. 'I like it here. I have nice views.' by the last comment he winked at Blaine. Jeff and Nick had enough and jumped up at exactly the same time and dragged Sebastian out of the room. When they walked back Jeff pushed Blaine gentle to the couch.
'So.', started Nick. 'Can you please explain what happened?' Blaine was quiet and Jeff and Nick weren't comfortable with it. Blaine was looking for his mobile when he found it in his pants. If he didn't want to talk yet he could show them the video of his mom. He gave his phone to his friends and walked away with a simple 'watch this'.
Nick and Jeff did what Blaine said, they watched the video. They watched in silence. They watched how Blaine's mother cut her fingers off. How she insulted Blaine and how she at the end killed herself. When the video stopped neither of them said something. They have to penetrate the video. After five minutes it is Jeff who says something. 'Nick? We have to go and find Blaine. He needs us. He needs his friends.' Nick still didn't know what to say but he agreed with Jeff. They need to find and support Blaine.
Blaine didn't hide. He was in his own dorm and wanted Nick and Jeff to come when they finished de video. He was therefore pleased to see Nick and Jeff in the doorway. Blaine was lying on his bed again and Jeff and Nick had joined him. They just lay in Blaine's bed.
'Do you want to talk about it?' Nick asked after a while. Blaine nodded. He wanted them to know. He didn't want to keep secrets and he just need to let it go. He had to tell it ones and then he could be over it. His mom just died, but she didn't care about him. Why should Blaine care about her? But life isn't this simple. Blaine does care about his mom, because he loves her. And it bothers him that she doesn't feel the same way, but there is nothing he can do about it.
'After school I went home.' That's how Blaine started his story. He told his friends about his mom, his dad and even Kurt and Dave Karofsky. He told them everything what happened this Wednesday. When Blaine was done all the boys in the room were crying. And after a long silence they felt asleep in the same bed like they used to do when they were 4 years old.
This chapter is really dark, I know! But I just like Blangst! But there will be less Blangst in future chapters!
Thanks 4 reading!