It's funny, but after writing about how Cloud met the general I got to thinking about how things might have been for the cadet and Reno in the beginning too. It's something I touched on once in another story and so my muse got to wondering and my fingers got to typing and this little story was born.
I hope you enjoy.
Note: I do not own the characters, Square Enix does. I just love to play with them :o)
Before two became three
Sighing more heavily then was probably necessary Cloud let himself flop limply on his cot in the barracks and tried to calm his racing heart, tried to quieten the Gaia damned fluttering sensation in his abdomen as it threatened to take over completely.
It was stupid really, to be feeling this way, to feel so unsettled by something so … normal.
After all, it wasn't like they hadn't hung out together before. Right?
And yet, the simple evening they had planned was now making the blonde feel both lightheaded with excitement, but also horribly dizzy with nervous anticipation.
"It's just pizza and drinks at Zack's, nothing special. Just take out and a DVD with friends." He reminded himself quietly, his words barley a whisper even to his own ears.
The problem was, it wasn't just those things and Cloud knew it. His heart actually skipping a few happy beats as he thought about who else was going to be there.
Reno.
Reno the fiery haired Turk who was both silent and deadly and so devilishly sexy it should've been illegal.
Almost at once an image of the suit glad man popped into the cadet's head, the jaw-dropping athletic form dressed in dark trousers and buttoned shirt making something warm stir low down in his gut, alongside the unwanted butterflies in his stomach, and changing the feelings within him almost instantly.
Suddenly Cloud wasn't seeing a work colleague from another department, nor was he seeing a mutual friend through Zack's influence, but instead a very attractive person with mischievous sea-green eyes and a captivating cheeky grin that could almost rival his mentors enchanting sexy one.
Scratch that, who was he kidding, his boyfriend's smile. They were in an official relationship now after all, even if the rest of world couldn't know about it, even if they had to pretend to be nothing more than student and teacher.
But Reno. Reno was like … like fire.
It was beautiful to watch, bright colours and wild with a life of its own. But it was also deadly and could do so much harm if things got out of control.
And Gaia weren't things out of control. At least in Cloud's mind.
The fact was, he just couldn't think of the red head without feeling something else, something more. A small spark of something unidentifiable within him, which had ignited when they first met, and had now surpassed a tiny flame into the raging inferno that was Reno.
Oh who was he kidding, it wasn't unidentifiable. Not in the slightest.
The sad truth was that he was secretly lusting after his boyfriend's best friend, a buddy from the soldier's life before the cadet had even started Shinra. The pair were, after all, more than just comrades in arms, more than just partners working for separate divisions of the same company. They were like brothers in arms, bound in some momentous way through years of fighting side by side, and united for reasons far deeper in meaning than the blonde could ever hope to grasp or understand.
Reno and Zack had a history that Cloud could never compete with, could never mess with, and for all those involved could nerve put at risk by giving a voice to his feelings.
Rolling onto his stomach the cadet buried his face into the sorry excuse of a pillow placed at the head of his bed and groaned wearily into it, hoping beyond hope to somehow silence not only the awkwardness and personal irritation of his current circumstances but also relieve the tension now forming within his knotted shoulders as a result of it.
Unfortunately, in his moment of internal frustration, he'd forgotten about the other occupants of the room and didn't realise they'd hear the muffled sound until it was too late.
"What's the matter Blondie, not getting enough action?"
Annoyance instantly rose up within the cadet as the words sunk in, the anxiety being felt suddenly increasing tenfold as fear mixed itself into the emotions currently flowing through him and his heart started to race in response to the all too familiar danger which was now unfolding before him.
"…"
Knowing that silence usually worked in his favour more than arguing Cloud quickly sat up and swung his feet to the floor, making sure that he presented his back to the one who had spoken and in turn hopefully avoid the confrontation that was brewing.
"Don't waste your time." Another voice was heard to say, just as mockingly as the firsts had been. "He's not the kind to kiss and tell."
"Maybe its cause his jaw's still saw from sucking up to his mentor last night." A third voice cut in, a wicked chuckle following the words so that everybody in the room was now paying attention.
"Yea, Cloud." The original voice spoke up, the dozen or so young men all turning their questioning eyes to burn into the back of his head. "How was training last night? Learn any new 'special moves' to please the Lieutenant?"
To say the blonde bristled was an understatement. The teasing and taunting words being nothing new, but not something he felt like dealing with today. Heat blossomed across his cheeks at the shame and humiliation of their words, the sickness which always came when they deliberately misinterpreted the extra training Zack did with him causing his normal coral toned complexion to ignite with colour. If only he could get control over his body's reaction to their twisted perception of things, if only he could ignore the verbally bullying innuendos and not let it affect him so much.
Unfortunately, as with all the occasions which made him react in this way, Cloud's bright red blush only seemed to confirm their suspicions and create more mean and spiteful comments to be muttered. The things they said being calmly spoken and at just the right pitch so that it was as if they were now having a private discussion about the lonely blonde within their group, but at the same time making sure that he could hear every damned word.
Once again Cloud kept his silence and tried his best to ignore the things they said, bit back several curses as they openly theorised Zack's teaching methods or the blonde's involvement in them. With plans for the night already in mind he didn't hesitate to leave the room and quickly got up off his cot, grabbing his bag where it lay beside his bed, and allowing his feet to carry him effortlessly towards the door and through it, on some form of autopilot, just as the air was once again filled with the sound of laughter at his expense.
XXX
It wasn't exactly a long walk to Zack's place, but still Cloud managed to get there in record time. His cheeks burning with humiliation not only at their words, or at his lack of defending the solder's honour if not his own, but unsurprisingly the guilt which had started to form as he practically ran to the soldier apartments. After all, he couldn't deny that some of their comments hadn't been true. He was certainly in a relationship with Zack, and doing quiet a few of the things they had been discussing out loud, yet that wasn't what made him feel bad about it.
What cut deep was the knowledge that he'd also been thinking about doing some of those things with someone else. A certain red head to be more specific. And Gaia, wasn't that wrong? To be fantasising about your boyfriend's best friend? To imagine yourself on your knees at his feet while pleasuring him in ways that were still so new even to you? To picture yourself lying upon a bed of soft cotton sheets while pale skin moved above you and long red head spilled down over your face like raining fire?
Guilt, shame, humiliation, it was all there and bubbling away within the blonde, filling him up until he felt like a shaken soda bottle about ready to pop.
The door to Zack's apartment opened before he'd had a chance to knock; before he'd had a chance to pull himself back together again, before he'd even had a chance to put his defences back up and hide everything away so that nobody else would see. Instead of getting just two minutes to slow his breathing, calm his racing heart, wipe the Gaia damned tears from his face, he was confronted by the one person he wasn't ready to see just yet, the one person he didn't have the strength to face right now.
"Spiky?"
Zack's voice was soft, gentle, and hesitant. The strong and fearless soldier clearly scared to speak too loudly, or do anything too suddenly, as if the weeping blonde before him might break completely. And who could blame him really. Cloud knew he was a mess, knew he probably looked a state if the burning, wet heat in his eyes was any indication of what Zack was seeing.
There was also a look on the soldier's face which just screamed 'overprotective mode', the kind which normally the cadet would try to discourage. But not today, not right now when he needed Zack the most, when he needed to be held and forgiven for all the wrongs he'd committed in every aspect of his life.
"Shit, Cloud." Zack gasped, as the blonde literally flung himself into the soldier's arms and buried his face into a t-shirt covered torso. "It's ok. It's ok. I've got you. I've got you."
If possible Cloud actually wept harder, the tears quickly soaking into the blue top and turning the fabric a darker shade in the process.
"What happened?"
This time it wasn't Zack who spoke, but someone else. Someone else who Cloud couldn't look at right now either.
"I'm not sure." The soldier replied, carefully easing the sobbing cadet in his arms further into the apartment so he could close the door and shut the rest of the world out. "I've got some spare potions in the bathroom, can you grab one for me?" He asked shakily, his strong hands now skimming non-to-discreetly over Cloud's shaking frame and checking for injuries.
After all, it wouldn't be the first time Cloud had been roughed up and left needing medical treatment. Not that the blonde would go to the infirmary. Oh no, he would much rather just walk around bruised and battered as if seeking help was in some way admitting defeat in front of the ones who liked to push him around.
Gaia only knew how many times Zack had accidentally discovered a bruise or two on some part of Cloud's body. Always the result of an accidental trip or fall he was calmly informed, always a silly stumbling over of feet or clumsiness on the blonde's part. As if he believed that. Sweet Shiva, even accidents in training didn't account for half the injuries his Spiky received. Or had been receiving.
Since becoming Zack's apprentice a lot of those incidents had eased up, something the soldier attributed to the fact that people had learnt to be more careful about how they hurt the cadet currently crying in his arms. Apparently they had started to believe the rumours about Cloud sleeping around and had decided that mental bullying was less likely to be found out than physically leaving marks on the blonde's lithe body where they might be more easily discovered. That wasn't to say there weren't a few occasions when it still happened, hence the potions in Zack's apartment. He might not be able to get Cloud to seek medical advice, or lodge a formal complaint, but there was no way in hell he was letting his Spiky suffer from those anymore.
By the time Reno returned from the bathroom with an easily recognisable bottle in hand Zack had managed to get Cloud over to the sofa, his progress having been a series of gentle coaxing words and shuffling footsteps as he moved until they were sat comfortably side by side on the soft cushions.
It wasn't a surprise that the blonde had yet to actually emerge from where he'd buried himself into the soldier's tender embrace, considering how much he secretly enjoyed being held when they were alone together in the apartment, but it was unnerving that it was lasting so long now with Cloud in such a state and in front of someone else as well.
Knowing that it was best to give the cadet a chance to let everything out Zack simply continued to mumble reassuring words and rub comforting circles no the blonde's back until the crying had subsided into small tremors and tiny hiccups, which in any other situation would have been cute.
He'd already mouthed a silent thank you to the red head for fetching the potion and was more than just a little bit grateful when the concerned Turk conveniently disappeared into the guest bedroom to give them a sense of privacy for whatever was about to happen.
"Better now?" Zack whispered gently against the blonde's temple, the feather-light ends of gravity defying spikes tickling the soldier's nose as he moved his head to place an affectionate kiss amongst a crown of golden hair.
"I'm sorry." Cloud stammered, his hands tightening their grip on the top he now clung to like a life line. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Shhhh, it's ok." Zack hurried to reassure the trembling teen curled up against him. The tightness of the cadet's voice making his own throat feel constricted. "I don't know what's got you so upset, but I'm pretty sure you've got nothing to apologise for."
"It's … it's …"
The blonde's voice stammered horribly as he spoke, the reasoning behind his distress becoming nothing more than gasping breaths and a garbled mess of sounds against the soldier's shoulder.
"Shhhh, it's ok. Just breathe. Ok?" Zack reassured tenderly, his comforting embrace never faltering as a strong hand continued to gently stroke and hopefully comfort the wreck of a cadet in his arms.
It took a while, much longer than the soldier was happy with, to calm Cloud down. The emotional turmoil within the blonde eventually easing so that the physical, or more likely psychological, damage could finally be assessed in the wake of the storm.
"Hey, come here." Zack whispered softly against the cadet's temple, his words only pausing as more loving kisses were placed lightly upon damp and tear stained cheeks. "Let me look at you." He coaxed soothingly, his warm hand carefully cupping the blonde's jaw encouraging the chin to lift up so their eyes could meet.
Almost at once he was greeted with wet ocean coloured orbs, the fathomless blue depths still shimmering from their most recent release and, though calmed somewhat, still revealing a chance of more should things not go well between them.
"I'm sorry." Cloud mumbled, his angelic features displaying a need for both more comfort but also escape from the situation. "I shouldn't have done that."
Raven coloured spikes swayed as the soldier's shook his head in a negative motion, his lips not moving to release protesting words but instead to place more chaste, heart-felt kisses upon a set of trembling pale pink lips.
"Never be sorry for showing me how you feel." Zack murmured back ever so carefully, his warm breath ghosting over the blonde's flushed cheeks and stirring the golden hair which had fallen their to act as a curtain for the cadet to hide behind. "I love you, all of you. I'm not saying I want to see you this upset, but I do want to be the one you come to when it happens. Ok?"
For a moment there was only silence as glistening sapphire looked up and met deeply concerned amethyst. The wondrous purple jewels holding so much love and devotion for Cloud it was almost breath taking as they silently begged the blonde to accept what was being said without fighting it. And what could Cloud do? How could he say no to something like that?
Here he was, crying like a baby in the arms of his boyfriend, all because some of the other cadet's had been teasing him again. It was pathetic really, truly a disgrace for someone trying to make it into solider. In fact, if he thought about it, acting this way only made their words more real, only gave the taunting, vicious comments more weight when they were spoken.
Yet, as he continued to look beyond the loving violet eyes which held his own Cloud knew that he couldn't deny Zack what he asked for, couldn't deny that this was what he needed, couldn't pretend that he was strong enough to face this all by himself anymore. He had … no … he needed his boyfriend, now more than ever. And he wasn't about to risk what they had by hiding himself from the person he loved, from the person he'd sworn to share himself with completely.
"They … they just said … stuff." Cloud whispered softly, his voice hesitant to continue and his eyes flickering with emotions like a storm filled sky. "And it … got to me. That's all."
Even a blind man would have been able to see the uncertainty in the cadet as he spoke, as he gave a voice to his current problems and tried to talk about them, and the soldier couldn't have been prouder of the young man in his arms.
It had taken so long to get Cloud to trust him, to make the gradual steps from friend to mentor, then from there to best friend, and finally to boyfriend. Each one a careful move, like playing a game of chess, until all the pieces fell into place. Yet even after they had become close, had formed a very intimate relationship, Cloud had still held things back. Zack understood, he really did, but that didn't stop him from feeling frustrated when the blonde chose to keep things from him, tried to deal with his problems on his own. Peer related problems were not uncommon in the cadet's and as much as the more senior members of staff tried to discourage it, things still happened. The problem was that no one wanted to report it, the boys who were picked on simply choosing to either accept it, transfer or leave completely to avoid the harassment taking place.
Cloud however had chosen to fight it every step of the way, his stubborn pride helping him to face the challenges head on and deal with things in his own determined way. That wasn't to say he didn't suffer, that he didn't get hurt as a result of it, but simply that he'd already endured so much back home that he wasn't going to let it stop him here.
Truthfully Zack still didn't know much about Cloud's past, about the blonde's deeper reasons for joining Shinra, and that bothered him a lot. Especially considering how much of the cadet's defensive nature and resilience to the bullying had clearly been built up by years of experience before being exposed to it here.
Now though he wouldn't think of that, wouldn't waste valuable time worrying about the past, because Cloud was here in his arms openly seeking comfort from him. His precious Spiky, for once, actually letting him see that, on this occasion, the things which had been said or done were too much to take alone.
It was strange how seeing the blonde's tears could make him feel happy, how the cadet's obvious distress could draw a small smile to form on full rosy lips of a handsome face. And it wasn't because Zack was enjoying Cloud's pain, not because he liked to see the blonde so upset. No, what moved the soldier to smile so sadly was that his heart warmed to know that the cadet was slowly letting him in, was gradually letting down his impenetrable walls and allowing Zack to see him in such a vulnerable state. It was something Cloud rarely did, his pride so stubbornly strong that he wouldn't allow himself to show weakness, not even in front of the ones he loved and cared for, and the fact that he was letting it happen now moved the soldier in ways he couldn't possibly describe.
"I love you so much." Zack whispered lovingly against a head of golden hair, his lips moving to place several more chaste kisses upon the cadet's angelic, tear-stained face. "So very, very much."
"I love you to." The cadet gurgled back, the sentiment there even as the words were quickly followed by a sad little hiccup and snotty sniffle.
"Did they … I mean … do you … need a potion?"
The soldier was hesitant to ask, not wanting to hurt Cloud more by pushing too hard, not wanting to dig too deeply into the cause of the upset now that the blonde seemed to be calming down.
"I'm fine." The cadet mumbled defensively, his hands notably shaking as they quickly rose to wipe his face clean of the evidence which contradicted his words. "It's nothing."
And there they were again, those damn walls and Cloud's need to be strong and independent, and Gaia damn it but he hadn't wanted that. Not when those defensives had been lowered so well only moments ago.
"Maybe this'll help, yo."
Twin sets of eyes looked up at the speaker, bloodshot blue and deeply concerned violet each taking in the red head's appearance as if he'd suddenly materialised out of thin air.
Sea-green orbs could only role in fond amusement at the pairs combined doe-eyed expression of surprise, a sympathetic and understanding edge hanging at the corners of the small smile which currently shone on his lips. A moment later and Reno's expression softened even more, the concerned dip to his brow deepening as he regarded the unsettled pair currently curled up closely together and patiently waited for a response from either one of them.
It was the slight twitching of the Turk's hand which drew those uncertain and questioning gazes down to Reno's right arm, to follow the white cotton covered shoulder down to a bent elbow where the shirt sleeves had been rolled up and revealed pale creamy toned skin all the way down to the red head's hand where he now held something out to the cadet before him.
Cloud looked at the thick glass tumbler and blinked almost dumbly as he took in the amber coloured liquid and tried to work out what it was, his mind so messed up that it actually took him a few seconds to realise that Reno was offering him some sort of alcohol, possible whisky based on what he new of the Turk's preferences.
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea." Zack spoke up first, his gentle decline of the offer on Cloud's behalf causing the blonde's right eye to twitch notably.
"And why not?" The cadet demanded sternly, his question popping out just as Reno's lips parted to ask the same thing.
"Well…it's just that …" Uncertainty clouded the response, but before either blonde or red head could interrupt the soldier he managed to give a voice to his concerns about the idea. "It's not like you're used to drinking, especially the hard stuff." He pointed out calmly, knowing that neither could argue that fact considering what they knew from previous evenings hanging out together. "I mean you normally only drink beer, right?"
Cloud could only nod reluctantly at the comment and found himself looking down at his lap feeling even more ashamed, his limited experience with alcohol meaning he had a pretty low tolerance to the stuff and only adding itself as another black mark against him and his self-confidence issues.
"Also drinking to escape your troubles doesn't make them go away."
"Yea, but it numbs 'em pretty well for a while." Reno cut in firmly, his hand jerking forward to place itself under the blonde's nose and effectively place the glass in the cadet's line of sight once again.
"Back off Reno." Zack warned, his arms tightening their embrace around Cloud's body to create a sort of human shield around the blonde as he spoke.
The red head opened his mouth to argue his point but stopped when he saw the flicker of mako burning with threatening lavender spheres, a heavy sigh escaping him instead when he realised that the soldier was silently reminding him of a past that had nearly cost them both. A past where the red head had done exactly what the soldier was now trying to protect the cadet from doing, a past where a Turk had let alcohol numb the pain of his troubles until it nearly got himself and a few others killed in the process.
"I'm not saying he has to get drunk." Reno began tiredly, his aqua coloured eyes filling with heart-felt apology as he spoke. "I'm just saying that if he doesn't want a potion, then maybe a good drink will help instead."
"I don't need a potion." Cloud interrupted, his own heavy sigh blowing a weary breath of warm air against the soldier's exposed arm where it lay wrapped around his chest. "But a … a drink … would be … nice."
The hesitation in his request was there for Zack's benefit, there because the soldier would clearly be making all the decisions tonight for them, and it made Zack's heart clench to know that he'd put that uncertainty and withdrawal of the cadet's confidence back into Cloud's voice again.
"One drink."
It was all he was willing to let his precious Spiky have right now, not until he knew the blonde was drinking to be social rather than simply escape whatever it was that had upset him so much.
"Fine." Reno huffed, though it was clear his tone held no hostility.
In fact, if the soldier heard it correctly, there was a hell of a lot of concern weighted within it.
Clearly worried, yet also contemplative, violet eyes raised to look into sea-green orbs only to find them no longer aimed at him, but instead focused solely on the cadet's bowed head. The emotions Reno rarely let the world see now plain as day on his face as he watched the blonde slowly accept the glass being held out to him.
"Thanks." Cloud breathed softly, his voice filled with something else now. Something not just embarrassed by the small dispute between them and his emotional outpour a few minutes ago, but for some reason nervous and … shy even.
No one spoke as the cadet raised the rim of the glass to his lips and took a rather large gulp, his pale pink lips parting a moment later as the high spirit level caused his throat to burn and a ragged cough to be born within him.
"Good stuff, right?" Reno asked, unable to hold back a tiny smirk as he watched the cadet wipe frantically at suddenly water blue eyes, the tears this time being a result of his drink and not the emotions which had been consuming him only minutes ago.
"I've had better." Cloud tried to reply, thou his witty comeback ended up more of a coughed up response. The tough guy act failing miserable as he practically chocked on the words and ended up nearly hacking up a lung in the process.
Soft laughter filled the air as both soldier and Turk couldn't help themselves from taking some comfort in the cadet's somewhat sarcastic retort and the result it had caused, their happier smiles showing not just on their lips but also in their eyes as Cloud even joined in a little by chuckling weakly at the pathetic show of 'drinking like a man' he'd put on.
"Well, at least I don't have to worry about you getting blind drunk on that stuff anytime soon." Zack sighed, his right hand reaching up to affectionately ruffle strong fingers through a mess of blonde hair.
"Mmmmmmm." Cloud agreed distantly, even as he lifted the glass again to take another, more tentative, sip of the amber liquid within.
Once more they were treated to a series of raspy breaths and glistening tears as the cadet finished off what he'd been given, his small hand literally trembling as he passed the empty tumbler back to the red head and shook his head in a negative gesture when the Turk offered him a refill.
"I'm good now. Thanks"
A few deliberate coughs were needed this time to clear his throat, his tired body actually relaxing a little more into the soldier's strong and supportive frame as he spoke.
"A beer would be good though, if that's ok?"
Zack knew the question was aimed more at him than Reno, understood that Cloud was essentially asking his permission to have another drink, almost as if it was something the blonde felt he shouldn't be having or was afraid he'd get in trouble for enjoying.
"A beer's fine." The soldier replied almost instantly, realising that if he wasn't careful his precious Spiky wouldn't remain in this calm state of mind for long and might even withdraw back behind his walls again. "Just take it slow and don't rush it, ok? I don't want to see you regretting it all tomorrow with a massive hangover."
"I won't." Cloud promised solemnly, his slender arms holding Zack's warm and comforting body close once more.
With the blonde's head bowed low against the soldier's chest he was unable to see the look which the raven and red head shared, didn't see how violet met sea-green and a silent conversation was had between the two. A minuet later and Reno moved away to fetch them all a drink for the kitchen, his heart both lifted at seeing the pair so cute and cuddly together on the sofa while it also ached at not being able to give the same comfort that Zack was now doing. His arms actually pained that they were unable to hold the blonde just as the soldier was currently able to do so in the cadet's hour of need.
For Zack the few seconds of peace were filled with questions, his body calm and still while his mind raced with so many thoughts it was like a hurricane blew within him. Nerve before had he seen such emotions on Reno's face, certainly not when the red head was sober enough to control them, and yet there they were for all to see. He'd known for a while now that the Turk felt something for the cadet, that his friend would protect the blonde to the end, and not just because he was special to the soldier.
There was something there in Reno's eyes that he couldn't keep hidden, a feeling which went deeper than maybe the red head was willing to admit even to himself. But what made Zack wonder most was that tonight he'd seen it in Cloud's sky blue eyes too, he'd seen the bashful blush and heard the nervous stammer in the cadet's words and realised that Cloud hadn't been ashamed to let Reno seen him like this, that his ever cautious Spiky had let someone else see him in a vulnerable state, that Cloud's defences hadn't been up when the Turk was right there next to them, and it spoke volumes about how the blonde now viewed the red head in his life.
There was only one person who got to see Cloud on his bad days, only one person who'd been allowed to give comfort when it was needed. Until now that was.
Maybe, just maybe, the odd glances he'd seen the pair give each other over the past few weeks hadn't been just his imagination playing tricks on him.
Maybe, just maybe, the unacknowledged gazes the pair had let slip been just as curious and wanting as he'd thought them to be.
Maybe, just maybe, his best friend and his boyfriend were starting to see each other in a different light completely.
Maybe, just maybe, the two most reserved people he knew, aside from Sephiroth that was, were finally letting someone else into their lives and indirectly into their hearts.
XXX
The rest of the evening passed by a little more calmly and with almost no mention of what had caused the blonde to arrive in such a state, neither soldier nor Turk wanting to bring up the topic as a sore point of conversation and inadvertently upset the cadet once more.
Truthfully, both were just happy to see him more relaxed in their company, to watch him sip occasionally from a chilled bottle of beer and nibble cutely on a couple of slices of pizza as they watched the film Zack had put on. It wasn't surprising really that neither raven nor red head were really paying that much attention to the film, both too distracted with their own thoughts and with throwing contemplative glances at another person in the room. In fact, the only person who seemed oblivious to the whole thing was the one person that seemed to be the cause of it.
For Cloud the evening had been somewhat of a disaster, at least at the start of it anyway. Now though he was glad he'd come, thrilled in fact to be out of the barracks and enjoying himself in Zack's apartment away from the snide comments and poisonous glares of his peers. The feelings he still had for Reno were there deep down inside him, a warmth continuing to grow which should only exist for his raven haired lover. But for now the blonde was content just to ignore it and hope that neither of the men nearby noticed his traitorous body and mind. Especially Zack.
Reno was lost in his own thoughts, far too lost if he was going to be honest. In reality he'd planned for an evening of pizza and kicking back after a long week at work, had hoped to escape too many heavy thoughts from being on the job and simply have some fun. The problem was that being around Cloud had a way of affecting him that he'd never really paid much attention to. Until now.
Until now he'd enjoyed simply hanging out with Zack and his little cadet buddy, had taken pleasure in helping the soldier corrupt his little protégée, had delighted in spending time with them both as friends, and bathed himself in happiness at knowing he was the only one they trusted with the truth about their secret relationship now that the pair were a couple. At no point had he realised that spending time with the blonde had meant more to him than that, not once noticing that spending time hanging out with Zack was more enjoyable when the cadet was there as well. Never had he noticed that his interests in Cloud had begun to become something more than just as friends, more than something platonic, and in effect something that could entirely ruin what he had with both of them.
It was therefore understandable why his jade coloured eyes often found themselves draw away from the screen and towards the cadet seated across from him, his casual glances in theory being subtle enough that the soldier currently sitting beside said blonde wouldn't notice them. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure that kept him from looking away permanently, a need to see more, to hear more, to feel more of Cloud. Every tantalising glimpse of the cadet was like a new bud of happiness inside of him; each flutter of delicate eyelashes and lick of sensuous lips a silent tease that tingled up and down his spine.
Yet, hurt also came with each painful glance, the sight of Cloud lent back into Zack's warm embrace cutting deep. The soldier encouraging the use of his body as a cushion for the blonde and enveloping him in a loving embrace being like tiny knives cutting deep each time strong hands moved to stroke over coral toned skin and deft fingers lightly stroked along lean forearms in a lovers caress. It was torture to see what he could not have, to want something that was out of his reach and not be able to grab it, to find himself unable to touch what he too wanted to touch. To not have what he needed to feel complete, because it would mean hurting someone equally important in the process.
Zack on the other hand hadn't missed a thing, his violet eyes trained on the screen while silently observing every casual movement of the Turk's body, every flicker of sea-green eyes in their direction, every hitching of slightly uneven breathing from the red head across from him. The soldier knew his friend well, the many years they had fought and trained together meaning that he could tell when Reno's calm façade was just that, a lie to mislead or misdirect attention. He knew from many occasions of socialising when the red head was truly chilled out and right now Reno was as far from relaxed as he could and should have been.
Something else he'd noticed about the Turk, and wasn't happy about, was the amount of alcohol Reno had been consuming that night. Not that he was the only one. Cloud too had knocked back a few more beers than the soldier was happy with, but seeing as the blonde hadn't done it all in one go and was currently snuggled up next to him enjoying a happy sort of buzz he wasn't going to say anything. It unsettled him really, to see two of the most important people in his life trying to escape their problems with a few drinks. It also bothered him more because he was pretty damn sure that some of their problems were because of each other, because of feelings the two clearly shared but were unwilling to admit too.
Zack understood though, couldn't blame them for being scared to give a voice to the things they were probably afraid of. He knew that Reno had worked it out now, had seen that panic-born understanding shoot across emerald coloured orbs like lightening across a thunderous sky. The bright light igniting the idea like a beacon in the dark within the red head's thoughts and making certain that he looked its way. The problem now was that the Turk didn't know how to handle the situation, which should have been amusing in itself considering his line of work, but the soldier could also understand the weight now placed upon Reno's shoulders and the burdens his thoughts were probably putting on him and his conscious. After all, it wasn't like the red head to hold back when he truly wanted something, not normally anyway.
And then there was Cloud, the blonde still somewhat clueless to just how deeply he clearly felt for Reno yet also very much aware that whatever he did feel was completely unacceptable. He'd seen the dawning realisation in Cloud's beautiful sapphire eyes about a week ago, something shocked and then mildly horrified blooming in those wondrous pools of blue before it had been quickly buried away deep within the cadet where no one would see. That hadn't made it go away though, hadn't erased the feelings completely, only made them harder to see.
Except, Zack was seeing those feelings quite clearly now. Could see it in both of them and found himself wondering just how things might work out should he choose to let them explore it more.
All of them … together.