Aqua: I realize that my hamster is kind of similar to Oreki in the fact that she tries to conserve a lot of energy. (Then rampages at night.) THEN THIS FIC WAS BORN. But the main reason why I'm writing this is for my friend Doroasobi's birthday. (To which the date cannot be known so I'm probably posting this a week/day/month before or after her real birthday.) Also, special thanks to The Jabberer for beta reading and correcting mistakes when I just wanted an opinion and to Frog-kun for encouraging the idea.
"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
—ANATOLE FRANCE
Oreki usually listens to what Satoshi says, but that day had just been one of those days where he tuned out the noises of the world. He had just solved a mystery for his other curious friends and had simply wanted to be left alone to recharge his batteries. He especially hadn't had any interest hearing about Satoshi's hamster.
"She's so much like you that I should probably name her Oreki 2."
The only thing Oreki had heard was his name. That's when he'd chimed in just in case Satoshi insulted him or made him do something.
"Ah, but make sure she's fed regularly, and change her water daily because she hates stale water," Satoshi had been saying.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you said you would take care of her during vacation for me."
"When did I say that?"
"Don't tune me out, Houtarou!" He had pouted and puffed his cheeks. "I said, 'Will you take care of Dr. Brown Wordsworth?' and you said, 'Sure'. So if it's anyone's fault, it's yours, Houtarou. No going back on your word now!"
He hadn't heard his name in Satoshi's question. No wonder he'd given that kind of response. He'd thought he could avoid it, and had hoped that Satoshi would forget.
But right when vacation starts, Satoshi hands Dr. Brown Wordsworth to him and then leaves. Oreki is not pleased.
On the first day, Oreki stares at the cage. The hamster comfortably sits in its strawberry house and stares back at Oreki while its nose twitches. The first meeting is always the toughest but necessary.
"I'm calling you Brownie," Oreki declares to the animal. He is definitely not going to call the thing 'Dr. Brown Wordsworth', even if his life depended on it. Just thinking about the name already drains his energy from him.
Brownie stares at its food bowl after observing Oreki. Satoshi had put the bowl in a place where the hamster would have to climb to get. Brownie sniffs the area below the food bowl and then scans its wire cage. It then stares back at the boy. Oreki thinks about what the hamster wants, and it isn't long until he opens the food bag and throws the food inside. (He definitely doesn't want to stick his hand in there for too long). Brownie takes all the thrown food and heads toward its strawberry house. Its butt still shows from the opening.
Like he'd expected, their first meeting is very uneventful. He hadn't expected anything amazing to happen, but he wonders what Satoshi meant about them being so similar. After all, he didn't make someone give them food because he didn't want to make the effort.
Wait.
Brownie had been pretty quiet on the first day, but on the second day, Oreki keeps hearing noises from the cage. He assumes that the little guy had finally climbed up to get its food.
But on the third morning day, he sees that the strawberry house had been moved from its previous position. Brownie uses it as stairs to get to its food easily. Oreki is impressed and he claps. "Good job," He says.
He probably wouldn't make as much effort to move the house if he had to, but it had probably been a necessary one-time sacrifice in comparison to the many times it would have had to climb to get its food. Truly, the animal does have some intelligence, but he still doesn't like being compared to a hamster—especially one with a ridiculous name.
"Ne, Houtarou, did you know William Wordsworth was a major English Romantic poet who, with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, helped launch the Romantic Age in English literature with joint publication of Lyrical Ballads in 1798?"
"Cool story, Satoshi. What do you want?"
"Oh, just reminding you that even though you're super lazy and will probably have muscle and bone failure early in your future, you still need to give Dr. Brown Wordsworth some exercise."
He doesn't fancy the idea of walking and following the hamster around. It sounds like way too much work for him—not to mention, highly annoying. "I don't have a hamster leash."
"Silly Houtarou! Hamsters have exercise wheels or balls. I didn't give her the wheel because she chewed the last one out but I did hand you a ball, didn't I?"
Afterwards, Oreki stares at Brownie, trying to compel it to come out of the cage instead of sticking his hand in there. The hamster glances at Oreki, and steps inside its house with its butt pointing towards him. Oreki is not pleased. Then, he has an idea.
He grabs some of the hamster's food and makes a trail leading to the ball. Even if Brownie were a smart hamster, it couldn't avoid its basic need of food for survival. Oreki sees that it works when the hamster leaves its house and cautiously inches toward the ball, all while picking up every food crumb. When inside, Oreki closes the top and lets the ball go.
Brownie doesn't move and instead fixes its eyes on Oreki. He remembers Satoshi mentioning something about a hamster's vision. Hamsters are very nearsighted and only see things close to their faces, but their sharp sense of smell and hearing made up for it. With that in mind, Oreki stands up and stomps on the floor while moving towards his room. Brownie follows the sound of his footsteps around the house.
Maybe it makes him exercise, rather than the other way around.
Oreki wakes up one morning in a dark place. It's slightly humid and he can't find his blanket anywhere. Even his bedding feels pretty weird. Also, he never sleeps while curling up into a ball. Oreki slowly steps out of the dark place and sees he's trapped in Brownie's cage.
Oreki tries to convince himself that this is definitely a dream.
"Dr. Brown Wordsworth! You're finally awake, you lazy bum."
Satoshi sounds ten times more annoying to him now that he's a hamster. He hates the sweet, affectionate sound coming from his friend's mouth. It's almost enough to make him throw up.
"Just in time. This is Chitanda Eru-san. She'll be taking care of you while I'm out."
Even in his dreams, Satoshi makes everything troublesome for him. He's lucky that Oreki doesn't want to waste the energy to kick him in the shins as a human.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Brown Wordsworth-san!" Chitanda adds a bow.
She is even courteous to a hamster. He really hopes that she doesn't call him that every time. As a dream, it really isn't that bad because he gets to stay with Chitanda and won't hear her utter the words, "I'm curious!" while in this form.
He slowly enjoys the pleasures of being a hamster. All he really does is eat, drink, and sleep—the best lifestyle. Ever. That is, until Chitanda starts feeling very curious about everything he does.
"The way you eat is so cute!" she says. She always drops compliments from time to time like she believes he's a person who can reply. All he really does is squeak back to give the illusion that he understands. Chitanda has a fun time entertaining herself with one-sided conversations.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Brown Wordsworth-san, but your name is kind of a handful. Can I call you something different?"
Now that is something he can squeak for with agreement.
"Then…can I call you Oreki-san? You remind me of him a little bit." She smiles.
Subconsciously, Oreki nods like a normal person, which fires up Chitanda.
"You nodded! It's like you understand what I mean! So do you, then? Can you do any tricks? Please, I'm curious."
Then he sees the compelling stare of her eyes. He feels like her eyes hold the universe, so the whole force of the universe always call him to fill her curious mind, but not today. Not in his dream. He scurries away into the strawberry house to escape, but her last words ring repeatedly in his head.
Oreki doesn't want to have any pets if they were going to make him dream of himself as one. He turns his head to look at the time. Three AM in the morning, and for the first time in his life, he doesn't want to go back to sleep.
He takes Brownie out of its cage and watches it scurry around his bed. He lies down when the hamster jumps on his left leg and settles somewhere on his chest. The small weight and warmth help him sleep for around five minutes before it starts moving again. He puts Brownie back in its cage, and sleeps more soundly this time.
At a convenient time for him, Oreki calls Satoshi because he wants Brownie to go. Satoshi makes light of it, and tells Oreki to keep him for one more day.
"Make sure you lock the cage door. Sometimes she likes to wander out and scan the place before coming back. Oh, but other than that, you should go to the beach more often. You might actually tan."
"I hate sunlight."
"But you sparkle so beautifully."
"I prefer dark, comfy places."
"Spoken like a true vampire."
They don't converse for very long. Oreki hangs up first and goes to check up on Brownie (despite his traumatizing experience last night).. He looks around the cage and even peaks inside the strawberry. He checks the cage door–it's unlocked. There was no sign of the hamster anywhere. That's all right. Satoshi did say that it would come back but he started worrying if the hamster was no longer inside the house.
He checks all the doors. They had all been all closed beforehand, so Brownie couldn't have escaped outside. Oreki leaves the matter alone for an hour before he starts feeling unsettled. His sister could pop up in a surprise visit and Brownie could leave right away.
So he sits on his bed, thinking about how to find it without doing much work. He twirls the curls of his bangs and comes up with an idea. Oreki walks towards the hamster's cage and takes the food bag next to it. He opens the bag and then fans it.
Brownie shows from a space between the fridge and kitchen counter. It slowly walks toward Oreki, sniffing the smell of its food. Ten inches away, Brownie stands up on its hind legs while pointing its noise in his general direction. It does not move any closer.
Oreki sighs and takes a small handful of food to present to Brownie. It inches toward his palm and eats the food from his hand. It isn't really that bad. It's pretty careful to distinguish food from his hand so it didn't bite him.
Maybe it finally recognizes him.
On the final day, it is time to say goodbye. They don't have a very tearful parting. If anything, Satoshi is obviously radiating joy when he comes to get his pet back. He says more endearing terms towards the pet that are so gross that Oreki feels sick from listening.
"Don't leave it with me again."
"Aw, but she likes you. Look, she's making corn offerings to you, and that's her favorite food."
"Thanks, but I think I'll pass."
As Satoshi walks away, Brownie and Oreki both stare at each other until it is put away in the car. Oreki lies on his bed afterwards because no one is around. After a while, he feels the weight of being truly alone again.
"Hey, Satoshi, can I come over?"
A/N: In the comments, be sure to write Satoshi's troll response.