I do not Own Ouran High School Host Club or Twilight. This is a T rated Twilight parody, beware or cussing and sexual content.
Characters:
Bella Swan - Kaoru Hitachiin
Rene Swan - Akito Ootori (MWUHAHAHAH!)
Prologue
"Now here's the plan…." My mother began explaining.
My name is Kaoru Swan and I am going to live in Japan with my father while my mommy goes to her new job in Tokyo. The local marijuana supplier has hooked her up with a director for prostitution - this is a severe upgrade from street stripping and regular trips to jail. To celebrate this she wears stickers, only stickers, which I can no longer see for I currently sit inside a garbage can. My mothers plan is to have me shipped in this garbage can full of popcorn, illegal drugs to sell when I arrive, and various weapons should someone annoy me, on a cargo plane to my father.
Feeling lonely all alone in this garbage can I decided to make a friend. I took out a sharpie and tried to draw a face. I got high off the scent though, and it got two large blotch-like eyes and a frowny face instead. Bursting into tears I decided to name it Harry Potter. I'm not sure weather I'm crying because it looks so ugly, it was nice to have the comfort of a friend or because I am high, but either way tears are a good snack when roasted.
"Bitch, are ya' listenin'?" My mothers serene voice broke my train o thought.
"Of course Mommy~!" I love my mommy and will miss her and the various men she brings home every night when I leave.
"So when ya' get to Japan you father's gonna pick ya' up at the airport or whatever. Make sure you sell all the drugs and buy yourself some bitch for Christmas. Oh, and don't forget to tell that son of a bitch I had you with to jack of to my pornography! You better not get caught in the plane storage room or ya' dead, got it?" My mother is magical – you ca ask the boys she brings home for confirmation. Sometimes she saw things no one else could, like unicorns and bunnies. Plus she's psychic! She just proved it – if I mess up then I'll die!
"Of course mommy~!"