The day I got my Hogwarts letter was the day that I finally realised that my life was not over. That I was not simply doomed to sit around waiting for the next change...
The wolf does not control me.
This had been my mantra ever since the day I was bitten. It was a lie. No normal 11 year old carries around a handy fold out calendar of the moon in his pocket.
I was under no illusion that I would make friends at school; it was enough to simply be around people my own age. No, I would be content to keep my head down, barriers up and live the lifestyle of a lone wolf.
The wolf is my burden, my secret, my shame.
My name is Remus Lupin and I am Wolf.
I walked silently on to the train and found myself an empty compartment. My nerves were tingling and at that moment I was beginning to realise the merit of choosing the flight response. I had never been a fighter, who was I kidding?
I could see my mum hovering nervously on the platform and I tried my best to look excited. The train headed off and I let out a sigh of relief. Too late to head back now, this was it.
"Hello," I turned towards the door where a pretty red head was hovering nervously. I remained silent, pointedly glancing towards the book in my lap.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" she continued.
I shook my head quickly but inside I was screaming.
Run! I wanted to tell her, beware of the wolf…can you not see the monster when you gaze into my eyes.
"I'm Lily Evans," she said smiling brightly.
"Remus Lupin," I grunted before once again turning towards my book. Wolves don't make friends, I reminded myself mentally.
The silence continued and I peeked briefly at Lily and found her staring at me, a confused expression on her face. I felt guilty, she was obviously just a muggleborn seeking to find some kind of ally in this scary new world.
The door to the compartment slid open and we were greeted by a portly old woman, "anything off the trolley dears?"
"I'm afraid I only have muggle money," Lily said sadly.
"Two chocolate frogs please," I said handing over the money and wordlessly passing one to Lily.
Big mistake, no doubt she would take that as some kind of token of friendship. Damn, this loner thing was harder than I could have ever imagined
I suppose one friend could not really hurt….as long as she never became close enough to discover the wolf.
"I am really nervous about Hogwarts," Lily said quietly.
I thought for a moment before coming to a decision. "So am I."
"Really, are you muggleborn to?" she asked eagerly.
"No, just nervous…."
"Oh, well at least you won't end up being the worst in the class!" she exclaimed.
"You won't be, heaps of people at Hogwarts are muggleborn."
The returning smile that I received was enough to convince me that I had made the right decision. One friend definitely would not hurt and well Lily Evans was incredibly difficult to ignore. She was funny, kind and incredibly smart…perhaps too smart. I squashed that thought quickly, the wolf could not take this away from me.
The train came to a stop and we made our way to the small boats. Lily and I sat down and were immediately joined by two boys. The boys introduced themselves as Sirius and James.
James I noticed, was particularly interested in Lily. I watched silently as he and Sirius shared some secret look before they both simultaneously began rocking the boat.
Lily screamed, "Stop, you idiots!" It seemed my new friend had a bit of a temper. The boys ignored her and if anything continued their rocking with renewed vigour. Lily screeched angrily and moved as if trying to get within hitting distance of the boys.
"Careful Lily," I warned but it was too late. She had tipped straight over the side of the boat and into the dark, murky water below.
Immediately the rocking stopped and James and Sirius were frozen in abject horror. Lily resurfaced not far off and I threw my arms up to catch her.
"Don't worry, I will save you!" declared James as he shoved me out of the way.
He grabbed hold and began to pull.
"Help, something has got me…please Remus help!" she screamed. I stared at her in horror as James began to lose grip on her hands.
Quickly I reached around beside her and gave one almighty heave. She came barrelling into the boat and straight into my arms.
"Wow, you're strong Remus." She remarked after several minutes of spluttering water. I froze, no…she couldn't know. I had only just arrived and already people were beginning to question me.
"I am so sorry flower, we are just messing around…here I will dry you off." James smiled charmingly as he whisked his wand around and muttered an incantation. It was in that second that I envied him. Lily was obviously not impressed but even so I envied him for the peace of mind to laugh so carelessly and to make friends so freely.
I would never have that.
This was a truth I realised all the more as we were all sorted into Gryffindor. Lily became fast friends with a girl named Alice and I was quickly forgotten.
It's better this way I reminded myself. I am a monster….a killer.
I am Wolf.
A/N This was initially going to be longer but unless people tell me otherwise it will remain a one-shot. Hope you enjoyed it!