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FFIX: Giggles

Zidane Tribal, renowned tough guy and all-around hero of final fantasy 9 (at least in his eyes.), had the uncontrollable urge to giggle like a school girl when the day was sunny, and the grass green as an emerald... Well anyway, being the tough guy he thought he was, he didn't know how to go about getting them out. He couldn't just be normal and go off to an empty room and let 'er rip. No, he had to do it in public, as discreetly as possible. It didn't make any logical sense, but hey, this is a humor fic.

Zidane began to ponder about whom he could ask for help in this little dilemma. He knew he couldn't tell Dagger, she would look down on him, and he certainly didn't want that. Freya was helping rebuild Burmecia with her beloved Fratley-Watley poo-poo, and Gaia didn't have such a thing as the telephone yet. It was amazing that a world that had airships and magic, and some grasp of science did not have telephones, or indoor plumbing for that matter, but considering the population was made up of either rat-people, hippo-people, and a variety of other freaks, it shouldn't come as a surprise.

Zidane continued to think of who he could ask for aid, while the giggles threatened to bubble up out of his throat. Vivi might have been able to help him, provided he wasn't such good friends with Steiner, who had a secret anti-Zidane society, along with Amarant. He also didn't want Steiner to lose the very little respect he still had for him, Zidane had worked really hard for that, four friggin disks!! To lose it all in the span of time it would take him to tell Steiner of this problem of his, would not be a good idea. Everyone else Zidane knew were either thieves, liars, cross-dressing genomes, out of the country, or homophobes, or a combination of all five, so that left only one person: Eiko.

Zidane shuddered slightly at the thought of confiding in the little six year-old, but he didn't really have much choice. He just really, really hoped that she wasn't locked up in her room doing whatever it was little girls did, but then again, Eiko didn't do the same things that normal little girls did. However, he didn't care about losing her respect. It would actually be a blessing if he gave her some indication that he may not be that much of a man. The less she liked him, the better.

So he wandered around the castle, looking for the little summoner. The only person, well not even a person, he found was Quina, who he had completely forgotten about, but a creature with no sexual identity could definitely not help him. Quina just wouldn't understand.

"Hey Quina, have you seen Eiko?"

"I no know where Eiko be, but I assume she be in her room, playing with dollies."
"Oh wonderful." Zidane muttered as he left the kitchens which was where he had found the roly-poly gourmand. He headed toward Eiko's dark, gloomy chambers which Garnet had let Eiko keep at Alexandria Castle. Ok, so in reality her rooms were really bright. pink, and happy, but that's not how they were to Zidane.

It was highly unlikely that Eiko was playing with dollies in there, more likely the Zidane and Eiko figurines that Dagger had given her for her birthday, whether knowingly or not, Zidane had but to guess. He was approaching the doorway now, and then he knocked. He could hear Eiko scuffling around in there, and bouncing off her bed to open the door. She pulled it open so fast that Zidane almost fell over.

"Hi Eiko!" He said, trying to act as friendly as possible as he could given the situation.

"Zidane? At my room? At this hour?" Eiko replied, eyes wide with shock.

"Eiko, it's ten o'clock in the morning!"

"It's late enough."

"You are one really sic... Ok never mind, I need some advice."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Now let me come in, I can't tell ya out here."

"Oh why not?"

"Just let me in!" He pushed past Eiko, and sat down on the bed. He thought about where he was sitting and who's room he was sitting in, and so he got up and sat on a plush reclining chair. Thought about that, and decided to sit on the floor. Then he thought about that and decided standing up would be safer. Eiko lay down sideways on her bed, facing him.

"Say Zidane, doesn't this remind you of the humble peasant coming to ask the beautiful yet tortured goddess for help in a dangerous and long journey?"

"No, this reminds me of a person coming to ask another person who is their friend for some help in a little problem."

"Oh, you have no imagination."

"...Fine."

"Oh Zidane! Why are you so cold to me!? I love you!"

"Because I don't want to be a pedophile AND I already have a girlfriend."

"You're not a pedophile if I agree to it..."

"OK, Eiko this is not what I came here to discuss."

"Fine, tell me your problem."

"I really have to giggle."

"WHAT!? Hahahaha!! That's so funny!"

"Yeah so? What's your remedy doc?"

"Look, I'm no doctor! I can't help you, sorry. Heeheehee."

"Stop mocking me with your giggling!"

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

"So maybe I'm not, but you... And your face Zidane!"

Eiko kicked him out of her room and slammed the door. The door did not however, whack him in the nose in the fashion of a different fic, but his butt sure hurt from landing on the floor. Zidane felt hopeless. It didn't seem like there was an answer here to his problem, if he could only just go to another world, a world were they understood. Suddenly he was sucked into a time/space continuum, and was deposited in the middle of a hot, sunny resort town. A sign nearby said; Costa del Sol. There were cute girls in bikinis everywhere and Zidane wondered of the giggles had killed him and he was heaven, but he knew that couldn't be right. He oggled all the girls and then a tall guy with spiky hair that reminded Zidane so much of his chocobo Boko, that his giggles were really close slipping out. Zidane noticed the guy was seemingly carrying what appeared to be women's clothing.

"Hey, do you have to giggle?" The guy asked.

"Yeah, why how did you know?"

"Let's just say I've been there. Here put these on."

"What!? Are you some kind of freak! Those are girl's clothes!"

"Yes. But these clothes will solve your problem."

"I have more self-respect than that."

Then Kuja appeared, carrying a make-up kit.

"Oh Zidane! You have to let me do your face! You have such pretty eyes, and I have the perfect shadow for them!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!! Get them away from me!"

.....to be continued....

Author's note: Will Zidane ever get his giggles out? I BY STORM!!!!!! Please review it, and tell me how weird and insane it is. haven't decided yet. Maybe I shall make him suffer!! MWAHAHAHA!! GIGGLES HAS TAKEN FINAL FABTASY NINE