I don't even know who I am anymore, I can't believe I wrote this, but it needed to be told!
I hope you enjoy my little escapade into Kyman. Reviews are nice and I own nothing!
"God, Butters, you feel so fucking good… Ah…"
"You feel good, too, Stan. Fuck. You feel incredible."
Cartman's room was pitch black, his curtains drawn so not even the light from the moon could come in and ruin the illusion. Cartman was on top of Kyle, a fistful of the redhead's hair in his head.
"You gotta refer to me as Eric first, man. And your voice needs to be higher," Cartman said, shaking his head but not upset.
"Oh, sorry, Eric," Kyle said, his voice coming out sing-songy. "You feel incredible."
Cartman gulped and gasped. He licked his lips and when he spoke his voice was soft and it quivered with the strain of hiding his accent. "You're so good, dude. Better than Wendy's loose cunt."
Kyle knew Stan would never speak to him like that, even in the best case scenario, but he appreciated Cartman's embellishment and tightened up for him.
"Your dick's better than Annie's clit, Eric, that's for sure," he said, trying to return the favor.
With a grunt Cartman came inside Kyle, his hand dropping from his hair as he braced himself on either side of him, careful not to fall completely on top of him. Kyle moaned and squeaked as he came, his arms collapsing onto the bed.
Cartman rolled over to lie on his back, his hand on his stomach as he caught his breath. Kyle turned to his side, his back facing the brunette. He hated this part, the aftermath, because while Cartman tried his best to sound like Stan, and while it was easier to pretend he was while they were in the middle of it, right now, as he buried his face in Cartman's pillow, it definitely reeked of Cartman. There was no way he could mask the scent to make his room smell like Stan's.
Cartman watched Kyle from the corner of his eye before turning around himself, away from him, in search of Clyde Frog, who was discarded on the floor. He held his stuffed toy close to his chest, whimpering slightly. Kyle could hear him cooing at his toy, and though on any normal occasion Kyle would mock him for this childish gesture, calling him insane, he knew perfectly well that in that moment Cartman wasn't cuddling with Clyde Frog, but with Butters. And for the umpteenth time he was grateful Cartman preferred his stupid toy over him for that comfort.
Kyle slowly sat up and searched for his clothes, getting dressed in the darkness. Cartman now had the comforter up to his chin, Clyde Frog still against him, when Kyle was done. He walked around the bed and towards the door, this part always awkward. He never knew whether or not to kiss Cartman, or to continue the charade that this was all meaningless and casual. He stepped towards him, but the thought of kissing Cartman made his stomach lurch, so he turned towards the door instead.
"Goodnight, Cartman," Kyle said, his hand on the doorknob.
"G'night," Cartman said, his voice cracking. Though he adamantly denied it, Kyle was sure Cartman cried afterwards, when the reality of the situation hit him hard every time.
Kyle headed out quickly, before Cartman's mom could acknowledge him from the kitchen where she was getting some tea ready for herself.
Once outside, Kyle shivered. Regardless of how disturbing the situation was, he couldn't deny the fact that Cartman's room was infinitely warmer and cozier, and slightly more inviting, than his walk home. But he couldn't stay, he could never stay. That was too much intimacy that neither could handle. He walked briskly, wanting to be in his own bed already, where he would spend the night justifying his actions before finally dozing off.
"Hi, Boobalah," Sheila said once her son entered the house. She was on the couch, blanket over her legs as she watched the television alone. Gerald and Ike already asleep in their beds. "Did you have a nice night with your boyfriend?"
"Mmm," Kyle replied noncommittally, never breaking his stride towards his room.
"Goodnight, Kyle."
"Goodnight, Mom."
Once ready and in bed, staring at the ceiling, Kyle wished he had his own stuffed animal to cuddle with. He turned to his side and opted for his pillow, holding it close. He reached for the crack between his mattress and headboard, procuring a shirt he had stolen from Stan's room months ago. He smoothed the shirt over his pillow and buried his face in it. The scent had faded and he thought it was time to replace it. He rapidly blinked the tears out of his eyes, but a sobbed escaped his lips.
"Oh, Stan," he whispered. "God fucking dammit."
...
Months Earlier
Neither had consulted the other, it was just coincidence that Cartman and Kyle figured that day was the right day to confess their undying love for their best friends. It was the day of their field trip to Denver's modern art museum, and they both figured they would draw strength from the replica of Duchamp's Fountain they were going to see.
On the bus, Cartman quickly spotted Butters, who was smiling and waving at him, and sat to join him before anyone else could steal his seat.
"I love field trip days!" Butters chirped, bouncing in his seat.
"Fuck yeah, no fucking classes or homework? They pay for our lunches at the museum cafeteria? What's not to love?"
Butters giggled and they chatted about nothing in particular until Butters dozed off halfway through the bus ride. His head was first against the window, but in his sleep he tilted around until it landed on Cartman's shoulder. Cartman turned to him, and scooted down, giving the blond better access to his shoulder, a smile on his lips.
Stan and Kyle were sitting a few seats in front of them, both awake and whispering.
"I don't know, dude. I do care about her, but maybe we're both just wasting our time? Maybe we could both do better and find better people elsewhere and we're just holding each other back," Stan said, confiding his relationship woes yet again to Kyle.
"I mean, if you really feel that way, you should tell her. No one's pointing a gun to your head saying you have to be with Wendy. You two have broken up like five times now. Maybe it's time to finally accept reality?" Kyle whispered into Stan's ear, using the need for secrecy as an excuse to rest his head on his shoulder.
"Maybe," Stan said, resting his own head on top of Kyle's.
At the museum, as they were being herded towards the Kandinsky exhibit, which contained a grand total of two of his paintings, Cartman lightly touched Butters hand, and when he turned to him he nudged his head towards the opposite door, a mischievous smile on his lips. Butters grinned and the two slipped out together and towards the Koon exhibit two galleries away. As they stood in front of a giant balloon animal made out of some sort of plastic, trying to figure out the point of it, Cartman watched Butters.
"I guess it's sort of cute?" Butters said. "I can see it as a fun garden decoration, but I don't know?"
Cartman didn't have a master plan in mind for the day. He decided to play it by ear and in that moment his heart sped, his head grew light. He licked his lips and closed his eyes, leaning down to kiss Butters, figuring that was the best way to go about it. His lips barely brushed Butters' when Butters pulled away, his eyes wide, his brows creased. Butters smiled and laughed nervously when Cartman pulled away too, both their faces a deep red.
"Eric?" Butters said, looking for an explanation, trying to figure out if this was a joke or not.
Cartman didn't anticipate this. In all the scenarios he played out in his mind he imagined Butters eagerly kissing him back, both of them becoming official boyfriends. All that was needed was his leap of faith.
"Sorry," Cartman said, sputtering. "It's just that… I mean… Butters, I've liked you for a long time… I was wondering if you would… Maybe? We could be boyfriends?"
Cartman felt like an idiot. He had a speech prepared in his mind, an ode for his affection towards Butters that explained why they would be perfect together.
"Oh, Eric," Butters started, shaking his head sympathetically.
Here it comes, Cartman thought, Butters' rejection. And he wasn't ready for it. Tears sprung in his eyes already.
"I care about you so, so much," Butters said, reaching for Cartman's arm. "You're my best friend. But I'm straight."
Cartman swallowed the sob in his throat and nodded. He looked around and the few people in the gallery were gaping at him. Suddenly he wished he hadn't done this so publicly.
"I just thought…"
"I'm so sorry if I let you on. That wasn't my intent. I didn't even know you were gay. I'm sorry."
Butters looked like he was near tears himself, and Cartman fell deeper in love, appreciating his reaction. He had a small hope if Butters was reacting this way, it must mean he does care, and maybe he'll make an exception this one time.
"You don't want to try? Maybe?" Cartman said, holding on to the last shred of hope, but Butters shook his head.
"That isn't fair to you, Eric. I just see you as a friend. I care very deeply about you as a friend, and I hope we can continue being as close as we are now, but you have to understand, I just don't see you like that."
The sob escaped Cartman's lips and he covered his mouth with his hand.
"Oh Eric," Butters said, tears streaming down his own face and he pulled Cartman in for a hug. "I'm so sorry. I'm so flattered. But you'll find someone better than me to love you, I swear."
In midst of tears, Cartman chuckled at that. Someone better than Butters? What's next, his dick will turn into solid gold and he'll wake up a billionaire?
Butters held Cartman for a moment longer before pulling away, and Cartman involuntarily stepped forward, not wanting the embrace to end; Butters held his arms to hold him in place.
"If this is too much, we can take a break? Until your crush passes and we can go back to the way things were. I don't want to lose your friendship, Eric, but I want you to take care of yourself and be happy."
Cartman laughed again at the word crush. This wasn't a crush. This was love. He was madly in love with Butters, he had been for as long as he could remember. And his feelings, despite how pure and strong they were, weren't requited. Cartman wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
Butters wiped away his tears with his thumb and looked him in the eye.
"We should go back to the group."
Cartman nodded, sniffling and wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.
They walked in silence as they reached the others, no one noticing Cartman's dejected look or the fact that he and Butters were standing in opposite corners of the room.
Once lunch time rolled around, the students were ushered to the museum's garden to be served their meal there. Kyle and Stan found a place for themselves on top of the slight hill overlooking the rest of their friends. Kyle noticed Cartman with Kenny and staring at Butters. He wondered if they had fought while they were walking around the museum, but he was distracted by Stan staring at Wendy, who was eating with the other girls under a tree.
This was his chance, Kyle thought. He took a deep breath and tried to muster up all the courage he had inside himself.
"Maybe you two are just afraid of change?" Kyle said. "You've been together for so long, you forgot there's a whole world out there, maybe she's not even what you want after all."
Tentatively, his hand trembling, Kyle reached over to hold Stan's hand, which was on his thigh. His bit the inside of his lip and smiled at Stan, hoping he would get the message.
"Oh," Stan said, understanding exactly what Kyle was implying. "Oh, dude." He shook his head, tears springing in his eyes.
The smile was wiped from Kyle's face, tears in his own eyes as well. No, he thought, No, please Stan. Anything but this.
"I'm so sorry, dude, but I'm not gay. It's totally cool if you are, that doesn't keep us from being best friends, but dude, that's all we're going to be, friends, okay?"
A pathetic whimper came from Kyle's lips. He was trying desperately to hold it together, but he felt himself being ripped apart from the inside out.
"Dude, shit. Come here," Stan said, pulling Kyle into his arms, letting his cry on his shoulder as he rubbed his back. "Dude, I'm so sorry. If I had known, I definitely never wanted to lead you on like this."
Kyle cried and cried, not caring if others watched him or not. No one took notice of him and Stan except for Cartman, he took a quick break from his pining for Butters to watch those two hugging. He cocked his eyebrows when he saw the look on Kyle's face and wondered what was happening up there.
When lunch was almost over, Stan pulled away and held Kyle's arms, rubbing them up and down.
"We'll get through this, okay?" Stan said, and Kyle loved how he said 'we.'
Kyle nodded, afraid to speak, knowing his voice would trembled and it would start a new round of tears if he did.
The rest of the fieldtrip was a blur to both Cartman and Kyle. It wasn't until they were back in South Park, everyone scattered and on their way home, did Kyle find Cartman in his truck, his hands on his steering wheel, his face buried, but it was obvious he was upset. Kyle walked over and knocked on the window, startling him.
"Sorry," Kyle said as Cartman rolled down his window.
"What do you want?" Cartman asked sharply, sniffling and wiping his eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Do I look okay do you?"
"Wanna talk about it?"
Cartman turned to Kyle, his eyes practically daggers as his mouth hung open in disgust at the offer.
Kyle just wanted a distraction, and he figured Cartman's misery might make him forget his own for a few minutes.
"Like you care," Cartman said.
Kyle shrugged. "I might?"
Cartman thought it over. He did want to talk about it. He desperately wanted to talk about it. Whenever he was hurt he turned to Butters, the blond was his ultimate comfort, but considering he was the source of his pain, he couldn't very well speak to him bluntly about his feelings. Cartman nodded towards his passenger door and Kyle walked over to it and sat down while the brunette rolled his window back up.
Cartman swallowed and he looked straight ahead as he told Kyle what had happened, that despite how hard it was to believe, he was in love with Butters, but he was rejected. Retelling that moment so soon after it happened started a whole new wave of sobs for Cartman.
Kyle was a tad annoyed. He reached out to Cartman as an escape, but now he was sitting right in the middle of his own grief again.
"That's not hard to believe, I always thought it was pretty obvious you cared for the guy," Kyle said softly, his eyes on his lap.
Cartman wiped his eyes and turned to him, not expecting this understanding. He was expecting to be mocked, not heard. They sat in silence for a moment, when Kyle decided to open up to Cartman about his own day, laughing sarcastically at how they're sharing the same pain.
"I can't believe Stan's straight," Cartman said, sniffling but his tears had dried. "I always thought he was the gaywad, but clearly my gaydar isn't to be trusted."
"This sucks so much," Kyle said, his voice deadpan. "It hurts so much. I've honestly been contemplating moving. I've been trying to figure out excuses to tell my parents."
Cartman nodded, understanding the sentiment. He wanted to leave too. In this small little town, everywhere he turned he thought of Butters. He sighed and started his car, thinking it was time to finally go home.
"Thanks for the ride," Kyle said when they arrived his house. Cartman nodded. Kyle reached for his arm and gave it a slight squeeze. "Hang in there."
Cartman swallowed a sob and croaked out, "You too."
At night, alone in their bedrooms, Cartman and Kyle cried themselves to sleep, thinking about their loved ones, and how desperately they wanted them.
...
A week passed, and neither Cartman nor Kyle found the strength to leave well enough alone and avoid their best friends, at least until the pain dulled. Butters and Stan took it upon themselves to protect them and keep busy. Butters felt terrible as he cancelled yet another plan with Cartman, but in his heart of hearts he knew this was for the best. He missed his best friend like no other, and in moments he thought he could give it a try, but he knew it wouldn't work, he just didn't see Cartman in that way. It was best if he just gave him space to breath and find someone new. At the very least, to no longer like him.
Stan did the same, opting to spend more time with Wendy so Kyle could collect himself. But this made the pain worst, seeing Stan spend all the time he usually spent with him now with Wendy. They hadn't fought that entire week since Stan was no longer distracted, Wendy had his full, undivided attention, which is all she ever wanted.
After watching Stan and Wendy walk out of school hand-in-hand, Kyle found Cartman by his locker, his expression dazed as he put books away out of muscle memory.
"How's it going?" Kyle asked.
"Terrible."
Kyle nodded. "Wanna hang out in my place?"
Cartman turned to him, suspicious. "Why?"
Kyle shrugged. "A distraction."
Cartman thought about it, that was a good reason. "Sure," he said, closing his locker as he and Kyle walked out together.
Their supposed distraction wasn't very distracting. They spent the entire afternoon sitting in Kyle's bed, going into detail about the cute idiosyncrasies of the objects of their desires.
"-And when he's really mad, Butters stomps around, but he's so nonthreatening all you can do is try to suppress your laugh or else he'll start to cry. He's like a toddler, it's adorable!" Cartman said, laughing.
Kyle was laughing too, and as he observed Cartman's face light up at just the thought of Butters, he grew angry at Butters. He had never seen Cartman this way before, so carefree and obviously in love, he deserved to be with Butters, but he was rejected instead. There was no justice in the world.
"Have you noticed we haven't fought this whole week?" Kyle said once they've calmed down.
"Oh yeah," Cartman said, smiling slightly. "It's hard to fight with someone who gets what you're going through."
"Yeah."
They smiled and stared at each other, and that was when Cartman leaned in, his hand cupping Kyle's face as he kissed him. Kyle was alarmed, not wanting this, but he felt his lips part for Cartman's tongue and he closed his eyes, pulling him closer. Though Cartman's fat made him bulkier and softer than Stan's more athletic frame, Kyle shut his eyes tightly and thought of him. It wasn't hard, they had sat in that very same position hundreds of times, only this time Stan finally drew the courage to kiss him.
Cartman's arms were around Kyle's body, pulling him in close. He was thin and slightly short. There was a softness to him that Cartman didn't expect and it made it that much easier to imagine he was Butters. With Kyle's arms around his neck he thought of all the times Butters had ever hugged him and held him close, how today was finally the day Butters did more than just hug him.
Cartman's mouth trailed from Kyle's to his neck, and as he kissed and sucked at the skin there, Kyle gasped and called out, "Ah, Stan!"
Cartman took that as permission to keep going. They were both on the same page here, fantasizing and replacing each other for who they truly wanted. Good, he felt less guilty as he pulled Kyle onto his lap, his mouth back on his lips.
Their erections rubbed against each other's through their pants, but they ignored those for now. They continued making out, also ignoring each other's smell. Kyle was straddled on Cartman's lap, his hands holding the brunette's face tightly as they kissed. Cartman leaned forward to meet him, his arms wrapped around Kyle's torso.
It wasn't until he was close to coming from all the friction did Kyle pull away, not wanting to attribute an orgasm to Cartman.
"What the fuck?" Kyle said, winded as he wiped his mouth and shoved himself from Cartman's embrace.
"A distraction," Cartman explained, panting just as hard. "You make a good Butters."
"We're never doing that again, you got it!" Kyle shrilled, angry for what he allowed himself to do.
"Fine, I have to go, then," Cartman said, standing up and pulling down his jacket to cover up his erection.
Kyle was disgusted by it, but he was embarrassed when he felt his own cock twitch. He shook his head and didn't turn to see Cartman go. He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it, then collapsed and began to sob. So Stan didn't like him back, he wasn't desperate! He didn't need anyone, he just needed Stan, and if Stan was unavailable, then he would just hack it and be on his own. Instead he somehow found himself on his own bed making out with Cartman. His stomach turned to knots, his erection completely gone now as he lunged out of his room and into the bathroom, haphazardly lifting up the toilet cover and throwing up. He threw up until there was nothing left in his system, but he kept trying, sticking his fingers into his throat to throw up the memory of being in Cartman's arms. Granted, at the moment they weren't Cartman's arms, they were Stan's, but like the morning after a binge drinker's night out, sober he couldn't face the reality of what he did while intoxicated by his desire for Stan. When he finally accepted that he could throw up no more, Kyle stood and washed his mouth. He stared at his reflection. He didn't need the physical stuff, he thought, he wanted the emotional connection with Stan. He didn't need Cartman. But he groaned, now there were two people he needed to avoid at all cost.
...
Two week had passed, and the only change that had occurred was the location. Kyle and Cartman now made out in the latter's room, Kyle not wanting to associate his own room with Cartman.
The room was dark, it made it easier to imagine. Cartman was on top of Kyle, kissing his neck while the redhead had his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist.
"You smell so good, Butters," Cartman said, breathing him in sharply. He had recalled what cologne Butters wore and bought himself a bottle for Kyle to spray himself with. He bought a blond wig as well but Kyle thought that was too much.
"Thanks," Kyle said, his voice high as Cartman instructed. When Cartman showed him the cologne bottle he asked him what cologne Stan liked, that he would buy the bottle so they could be even, but Stan didn't wear cologne, his scent was all natural, so Kyle couldn't escape that way.
Cartman slowly edged his way down, kissing and rubbing his nose down Kyle's chest and stomach until reaching the top of Kyle's pants, his erection obvious. Kyle was panting as he watched Cartman, his eyes adjusted to the dark. Cartman was unzipping him and gently pulled his pants open and his underwear down.
"No," Kyle said, his hand in Cartman's hair before he could even lick his tip. This was getting way out of hand. Kissing was one thing, but this… He was sure Butters wasn't even circumcised.
"But you're so hard, Butters. Let me help you with that." Cartman didn't look up, his eyes on Kyle's cock.
Kyle bit his lip. No! He wanted to shout, A thousand times no! But he had always wanted Stan to do this to him. He bet Stan would be real good at it. He let go of Cartman's hair and gasped when Cartman took him in his mouth, leaving no moment for him to reconsider.
"Oh, fuck! Stan!" Kyle moaned, his back arching, his hips bucking towards Cartman's mouth.
Cartman lapped at the pre-come from his tip, thinking how good Butters tastes. He found the lack of foreskin easy to ignore as he let go of Kyle's cock and instead licked at the shaft in quick swipes.
Kyle was right, Stan was amazing at this. His hands were back on his head as he pushed him deeper into his crotch. "I'm going to come," he said, panting.
Cartman's mouth was over his cock again, and he swallowed all of Kyle's spendings, even licking him clean when he was done. He sat up on his knees, wiping his mouth.
Kyle was gripping tightly to the blanket twisted in his hand, panting heavily. He knew he should offer the same thing to Cartman, but this whole ordeal, he knew that would be impossible to switch in his brain, Cartman's cock for Stan's. He wasn't sure how Cartman did it.
"How was that, Butters?"
"Amazing," Kyle said, both as Butters and as himself. He again felt a surge of anger in his chest, Butters had no idea what he was missing out on. "Do you… Uh… Do you want me to do you?"
"No," Cartman said, though he wanted to say yes. He knew Kyle was just asking to be polite, and given all the good will Kyle had given him up until then, he felt bad if he tried to push him too far.
Kyle nodded and sat up, kissing Cartman. He had always wanted to taste himself on Stan's lips, but these kisses were calmer now, less desperate. They were both spent.
Kyle pulled away and tucked himself back into his pants.
"I'm heading home now," he said as he stood up.
"Want a ride?"
"No, I'm good. I'll see you later."
"Kay."
As Kyle walked home, coming down from his delusional, lust-filled high, it dawned on his that Cartman just gave Butters a blow job. Well, he gave him a blow job, but he was a stand in for Butters. Kyle couldn't help but chuckle, so Cartman was a cocksucker, despite all his macho claims to have everyone suck his balls. He was learning a lot about Cartman through these escapades, and he was coming to find he liked Butters' Cartman a lot more than the one he had known all his life.
...
"Are you coming over tonight?" Cartman asked Kyle after school on a friday.
"I can't. Stan actually asked me to go to the movies with him tonight," Kyle said, trying to seem sad, but the grin on his face was hard to erase.
"Oh, that's cool," Cartman said, being genuine. "Have fun, I'll see you later."
"See ya!"
The more they saw each other, the more unspoken agreements Kyle and Cartman had. When one had plans with their actual person, neither took it personally, and both took pleasure in the other's happiness.
Kyle watched him go and he thought about how oddly easy things had become with Cartman. This unbearable pain brought them closer, they knew that to say and do around each other because it was what the wanted said and done to themselves. Cartman wanted someone to be happy for him when he got to spend time with Butters, so he was happy for Kyle when he got to be with Stan.
"Hey, dude! You ready?" Stan said, startling Kyle out of his reverie.
"Totally!" Kyle said, over the moon to be spending time alone with Stan.
When the movie was over they headed towards downtown to get a bite to eat, and it was over dinner when Stan asked him about Cartman.
"Huh?" Kyle asked, wondering why he brought him up.
Stan smirked and gave him a knowing look. "Don't play dumb with me, I know you two have become really close. I was talking to Butters the other day and he confirmed that Cartman is gay, so I've just naturally been assuming-"
"Assuming what? That after confessing my feelings for you I would just turn around and get with Cartman?" Kyle said, snapping at him.
Stan was hurt, he didn't know why Kyle was so upset, he was happy for him.
"Dude, calm down! It's all right! I'm happy for you two. A little surprised, definitely, but, I mean, if he makes you happy-"
"He does not make me happy!" Tears were in Kyle's eyes. "This discussion is over!"
"Alright, jeez, I'm sorry," Stan said, holding his hands up defensively.
Kyle wiped his eyes with his napkin and covered his face with his hand. He took a few deep breaths before facing Stan again.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so hostile with you, especially when we don't always get to hang out anymore," Kyle started, his voice more gentle. Stan blushed.
"I'm sorry about that. But we should definitely start spending more time together, if that's fine with you?"
Kyle enthusiastically nodded his head. "Oh that would be awesome, dude!"
Stan smiled, and at the change in mood he decided to press this issue with Cartman one last time.
"Okay, and you can't deny how much you're hanging out with Cartman lately, you know."
Kyle looked down at his food, picking at it with a fork. He actually wanted to slap Stan, tell him that it was his fault for rejecting him. He didn't want to spend time with him, it was more of a need. He needed to fill the void of Stan's absence somehow, and Cartman just happened to need the same thing from Kyle. It was a symbiotic relationship that he would terminate in the drop of a hat if Stan just gave him the chance.
"Well we are friends, who am I suppose to hang out with?" he said softly.
Kyle looked so defeated, and Stan decided to just let it go. He changed the subject and started complaining about school, which was something Kyle was glad to talk about.
That night when Stan dropped Kyle off at his house-Kyle had wondered if they would have a sleepover, but Stan mumbled some excuse at him-he curled up in bed, his arms wrapped around his legs. Tears started falling, and Kyle started wondering when would he stop crying for Stan? He wasn't even remotely jealous of Cartman, he made no attempt to get in the way, not even as a best friend. He let go of Kyle so easily, and it hurt.
...
Cartman was smiling, two tickets to a musical in Denver tucked in his backpocket. He found Butters just outside the school library and called to him.
"Oh, hey Eric!" Butters said, smiling brightly. Butters continued being his cheery, positive self around Cartman, and for that the brunette was exceedingly thankful.
"Hey, Butters. So, listen, I won these two tickets for the Denver theatre this weekend, I figured we could go see whatever musical is playing right now?" he said, pulling the tickets from his pocket and holding them up.
"Oh wow! That's so cool that you won them!" Butters said. That was a lie, though. Of course Cartman didn't win them, he bought them, but he didn't want to put that kind of pressure on Butters.
"Yep! So are you in or what?"
Butters' face fell and he moaned a bit. "They're for this weekend? I can't, I already made plans with Annie and her family to spend the weekend at their timeshare in Aspen."
"You've already been to Aspen, remember? Just cancel, I'm sure they won't mind! It's just that, you know, we haven't really hung out in a while," Cartman said, not giving up just yet.
"I know! It's been terrible, I'm sorry. It's just I've been so preoccupied with school and this whole Annie thing," Butters said, beaming. She had asked him out for dinner a little over three weeks ago, and this being his first real relationship, Butters was over the moon. "Hey, but you know what? You should go with Kyle! I'm sure he'd enjoy it!"
"Kyle?" Cartman asked, frowning.
"Yeah?" Butters said, less sure of himself after Cartman's reaction. "Isn't he... Well aren't you two… Seeing each other?"
Cartman's mouth hung open and all he could do was shake his head.
"Oh," Butters says, lifting his eyebrows. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought… You two have been hanging out together a lot."
Cartman is finding it difficult to process what Butters is saying.
"We're just friends," he said, shaking his head.
"That's great that you two have become such great friends, then!" Butters said, attempting to save the conversation. "And friends invite friends to see musicals! I mean, that's why you were inviting me, right?"
Cartman stared at Butters in a complete loss, feeling horribly humiliated.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
Butters smiled and hummed a bit. "Thanks so much for the offer, Eric. I really wish I could go! But I'm sure you'll have just as much fun with Kyle. I have to go grab some books, but I'll see you later, 'kay?"
Cartman just nodded, finding it difficult to speaking. He turned around when Butters went into the library and he headed towards his truck.
Butters thought he was seeing Kyle? And before he would have jumped at the chance to hang out with Cartman, now he was spending time with Annie and tossing him aside like their friendship meant nothing to him? It was too much for Cartman to handle. He had to rush to his truck so he at least wouldn't cry inside the school building.
...
Cartman and Kyle weren't dating or seeing each other or doing any of the things everyone else thought they were doing. They just understood each other and they never griped when they called out a different name in bed.
It was almost a year since they were initially rejected, and months since they first started having sex. Cartman was shocked when Kyle propositioned him, saying how he always wanted Stan in that way, and Cartman always wanted Butters. But like their earlier times together, Kyle left afterwards, and both felt even worse than before, their bubbles bursting once they were alone.
There were times, in secrecy, when they would be present. Kyle would be painfully aware it was Cartman inside him, Cartman aware it was Kyle he was sucking off. They did this as a sort of punishment towards Stan and Butters. They didn't care they were seeing each other, so why fantasize that they were with them? But they couldn't be present for long, it was unbearable. Kyle didn't want Cartman, he wanted Stan. Cartman wanted Butters. Anyone else was devastating. So they continued pretending, and soon the pretending extended outside Cartman's room.
In school they would hold hands and chastely kiss. Stan and Butters both glad they had moved on, but in Kyle and Cartman's mind's eye, they were holding their hands and kissing them. They went to the movies alone together, and to dinner. They weren't dates, they were distractions. That's what they called them. Distractions from reality.
Kyle stopped leaving afterward. He stayed. At first Cartman didn't know what to do about that. They would each sleep with their backs facing the other, as close to the edge of the bed as possible without falling off. But one night, while Cartman was on his back staring at the ceiling, Kyle reached for him. He made himself comfortable against Cartman's side, his head on his chest, his arm around his body. Cartman held him, and neither spoke and neither was sure who they were thinking of. It just felt nice, not being alone.
Morning were still rough. Kyle would be the first to wake, his thin frame inside Cartman's thick arms, Cartman's breath hitting his neck lightly. He felt numb. Or rather, he made himself numb. In the last year he and Cartman has lost all semblance of their former lives. Kyle tried so hard to hold on to that, for Stan to still be his best friend, to maintain his unmitigated animosity towards Cartman, but it was hard, so hard now. So hard when Cartman held him all night long and let him call out the wrong name. So hard when he changed his voice and called Cartman by his first name just so he could see the warmth in his eyes that he reserved for Butters. The only thing that was constant was his love for Stan, but now he wasn't sure if it was still love or an unhealthy obsession, a delusion Cartman was enabling.
Cartman whimpered behind him and Kyle raised his hand to caress his face. He gently shushed him and Cartman calmed down from the nightmare he was having. Nightmares. That was another thing that surprised Kyle about Cartman, he would have a lot of those, and he would never talk about them. Kyle was sure he would talk to the real Butters about them given the chance, but never to him.
Slowly he crawled out of Cartman's arms. He grabbed his clothes and changed, ready to get out of there, but not before lightly kissing Cartman on the lips. Once outside, Kyle sighed. He knew he should end this before it would kill them both, but graduation was in another few months. He was going to Princeton, Cartman to UCLA, they would be on different sides of the country with all new distractions waiting for them. They could last a few more months.
...
10 Years Later
The service and reception of Stan and Wendy's wedding was gorgeous, as everyone knew it would be. The two decided to have their wedding in South Park, figuring that would be the easiest meeting place for all their friends and family. Their wedding turned into a reunion of sorts, everyone meeting up together for the first time since high school graduation.
Kyle saw Cartman standing by the open bar, a glass of some dark liquor in his hand. He followed his stare towards Butters, where he was sitting with his wife, a woman he met in grad school. She was big with her pregnant belly, Kyle thought she must be close to her delivery date. Bebe and Kenny were sitting with them, catching up, and Kyle went towards Cartman. Since going off to college they only spoke sporadically on facebook, always about superficial things like school and jobs, never about their last year in South Park.
"Hey," Kyle said when he approached.
Cartman was taking a sip of his drink and when he saw Kyle he nodded in his direction and smiled despite himself and the two hugged.
"Hey, I didn't think you would show up."
"I didn't either, but here I am."
"Couldn't even muster the strength to be the best man, huh?" Cartman teased, leaning against the bar. Stan had asked Kyle, but he declined, so he offered Kenny the honor. Kyle didn't even want to be a groomsman.
"Were you the best man at Butters wedding?" Kyle snapped, and immediately regretted it when he saw Cartman turn to Butters and his growing family.
"I haven't spoken to him since we graduated high school," Cartman said, serious now. "Even now all he did was smile at me and give me a simple hi like we're just acquaintances. You would at least think that seventeen years of being best friends would mean something to him."
Kyle could see the tears in his eyes and wanted to change the subject quick.
"So are you seeing anyone?" he asked, scanning the room to find a short blond Angelino. Cartman shook his head.
"Nah, just a few dumb hook-ups here and there. You?"
"Same," Kyle said.
"You're really brave for coming, you know," Cartman finished his drink and placed his glass on the bar counter.
"It's been ten years, I think I'm over it by now," Kyle said, smiling.
"Yeah? That's good." The two stare at each other and smile.
It wasn't until the party was really underway, everyone busy dancing and drinking, that Kyle and Cartman found themselves in the bathroom. Cartman locked the door and now Kyle was bent over the toilet, moaning and gasping as Cartman thrusted into him.
"Fuck yeah, more! More, Stan, please!" Kyle begged.
"Fuck, Butters, how are you still so tight?" Cartman grunted.
He pulled out of Kyle, which made him whimper and turn around, but before he could complain Cartman grabbed his hips, turned him around, and slammed him against the wall. Kyle gasped at the suddenness and screamed in pleasure when Cartman was back inside him.
Cartman managed to lift Kyle up so now his legs were wrapped around his waist. He used the wall to brace Kyle in place as he rammed into him. Kyle gripped tightly onto Cartman's shoulders, and it registered in both their minds that this was the first time they ever fucked with the lights on and facing each other. This position wasn't conducive to their make believe, but they couldn't care less now.
"Stan, I've wanted this for so long. I've fucking missed this," Kyle said, leaning forward to kiss Cartman.
"I've missed this too, Butters. So fucking much!" Cartman bit Kyle's neck, causing him to moan and his legs squeezed around him.
They pulled apart enough to stare at each other's eyes. That was another no-no, staring made them present. Kyle's eyes were drooping, his mouth hung open as he continued moaning. Cartman kissed him hard and came, Kyle not far behind.
Cartman still held on to Kyle, who was still wrapped around him. He rested his head on his shoulder as they panted, catching their breath.
Slowly, once they were recovered but Cartman still inside him, Kyle reached for Cartman's face and pulled it so they were staring at each other. He leaned over and kissed him. It wasn't hard or wild, Kyle kissed Cartman gently, with a sweet tenderness neither had felt since parting ways.
"I missed this a lot, Stan," Kyle said, leaning his forehead against Cartman's.
In that moment, staring into his brilliant green eyes, Cartman realized Kyle wasn't fantasizing about Stan, but he was present, he was talking to him. It was just that during all their exploits he would call out to Stan, and it became a sort of codename for when he was intimate with Cartman. To call him by his actual name at this point felt dishonest, like he was undermining that last year they spent comforting each other.
"I missed this a lot, too, Butters," Cartman said.
Kyle smiled at him and the two continued to kiss until someone started banging the door, demanding to use the bathroom.