The NOTES: Looking for Inspiration
Written by: LM1991
Disclaimer: Anything at all that seems familiar is not owned by me. Seriously. No. It's not mine. The plots are, though!
Summary: I decided to write this so I can practice my writing skills – so, randomness, describing things and keeping my characters in-character. Any characters not recognized are mine. It's mostly for my own use, I'm just posting it so you can point out mistakes or laugh at my ridiculousness. Or the other way around… (Point out my ridiculousness and laugh at my mistakes…?)
Let's go with both of them.
Enough with the summary – start the writing of the fic!
NOTE 1: PROVERBS
A short summary for note 1: Let's start with exploiting some possible misunderstandings of English proverbs, or taking them too literally. A - Z, one or two for each letter… That's gonna be one heck of a first chapter.
Proverb 1: Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
Arthur Gecko was many things. The most special and exciting thing was, by far, that he was a mountaineer.
The most boring and unexcitable thing was that he was a stamp-collector, but that's beside the point.
Yes, Arthur was a mountaineer – the most tough climber of overlarge hills with snow on the top the world had ever seen.
And he had to prove it too. To his wife. To his children. To the mailman. To – well, basically to everyone in the world.
Today, November 29th, 2011 was a day for proving his worth. Again.
He had given an interview for the local and the national newspaper, for the 20:00 o'clock news and for a small weird man with a beard, but he was just a passer-by, so he didn't count. Now he was ready for the climb.
He checked his gear, swung his pick into the nearest rock and started climbing.
It took a long time, but he got to the top. Sighing happily, he sank on a rock. He didn't stay happy for long.
It was freezing here! He jumped up with a yell, and then glanced around to see if anyone had heard it – no. He fought with himself – he had to prove his worth by staying up here for more than a day!
So, grumbling, he sank down on the rock again and told himself that this was just a show of character.
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Proverb 2: Act today only, tomorrow is too late.
A frustrated scream woke up a whole neighbourhood in the middle of the night. The zooming in of a camera showed the screamer – a professor wearing his lab coat and a nightcap. And under that his normal clothes, of course.
The professor punched the table in frustration – and promptly pulled his fist back to 'shake' the pain out and to blow at it. Cursing, he turned towards his invention – or, eh, failed invention, and muttered angrily to himself.
"Only two minutes to midnight, which is technically the start of tomorrow… and I can't finish this! Damn you, proverb!"
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Proverb 3: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Nicole was followed by whistling or jeering men wherever she went. Each and every time she walked through the city, the male population called out to her.
"'Ey pretty!"
"C'mere, sweet-cheeks!"
"Come with me, I'll show you what a real man's like!"
She had enough. Absolutely enough. Shaking in fury, she turned around and set her sights on the man who had called out that last bit. He grinned smugly at her, mistaking her glare at him for a glance of barely restrained passion.
She strode towards him in a hurry, cried out a, "I'll put my beautiful fist in your eye!" and punched him straight in the face.
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Proverb 4: Clothes make the man.
"Honey! Are you wearing clothes?"
"No, ma!"
"What are you, a toddler who's toddling around naked? Go, put on some clothes right now, young man!"
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Proverb 5: Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
Leslie was a pessimistic old lady. The day she received she news that she had a fatal illness was the day she started digging her own grave with her knife and fork, just so she could prove that old proverb wrong.
In your face, she thought, when she had finally finished the grave. She was proud of it.
Until… a young man came running up to her.
"E-e-excuse me, ma'am!" he said, gasping for breath. "We've received an important message from the hospital – there's been a mistake, ma'am! You're not suffering from a fatal illness, but your neighbour Mrs. Andel is! You're not dying, ma'am!"
Leslie stared at the beaming young man, and then at her grave.
"Damn it all…" she muttered. "That old proverb's right… I should have dug the grave with the nurse's knife and fork, not my own… Now my knife and fork are all dirty!"
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Proverb 6: (Couldn't find a good one for E… we'll skip to the F)
Forewarned is forearmed.
"I'm warning you!" the king shouted.
The fool grinned and decided to make a joke out of it. He started waving his arms in front of him.
"Know that verb? Look! I'm wavin' my arms, I'm wavin' them in front of me! See? Forearms!"
Unfortunately, he didn't stop to think about the irony to the statement, the proverb, and then his beheading.
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Proverb 7: Green leaves and brown leaves fall from the same tree.
"Yes, in two different seasons of the year!"
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Proverb 8: He doesn't boast who does the most.
Oh, I know why, I know why!
He can't boast because he's doing the most! In other words, he's just way too busy to boast!
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Proverb 9: It's a blessing in disguise
Rick's TV show had accepted a challenge to interpret a particular proverb… 'It's a blessing in disguise'. Rick and his audience just had to wait for the actor who would do it to show up…
And he did. Someone in a ninja suit came jumping out from under the stage and then ripped of his suit leaving him… in a Robin Hood suit.
Silence. Then…
"Ooooh. I get it! Robin Hood was a blessing to the poor folk, and he was in disguise!"
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Proverb 10: (Nothing for J. Skipping to K.) Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
Oh yeah… if you happen to have an argument with your friends and they're turning violent, you can just grab one of your enemies and use him as a shield! If you're lucky you'll lose one enemy at the end of your argument.
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Proverb 11: Love is blind.
It certainly is when you're a mole. And, eh, blind.
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Proverb 12: More haste less speed. (Warning: use of drugs.)
"When you're supposed to learn for an exam and take it the following day you're not allowed to take speed, young man!"
"…Oh."
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Proverb 13: Never say never.
"Never say never? …Oh damned, I said never! …Again! What's the use of a proverb with two nevers in it if it's the point that you can't say never…"
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Proverb 14: Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
"So we should, like, honour our legs which help us stand up every time we fall? …Respect the Legs!"
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Proverb 15: Paddle your own canoe.
"You heard the proverb!" shouted James. "No paddling in my canoe!"
"But it's a two-people canoe!"
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Proverb 16: Reality is often stranger than fiction.
"Wait… what? What about comedy, or science-fiction? Who came up with this proverb? An unimaginative bastard?"
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Proverb 17: Seek and ye shall find.
David had lost his keys, and, thanks to the day's proverb, was looking for it.
Under the coach.
In his pocket.
In the fish's tank.
But he found nothing! Nothing at all!
He grumbled. "Stupid proverb… I can't find my keys, even if I'm searching!"
Just then his wife came in and saw him looking under the bed – she also happened to hear him. She cleared her throat.
"Ahem… maybe it's also about the person who looks… I'd advise you to check the key hanger... but you know, things to find, people to advise where to look…"
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Proverb 18: There is no arguing with the barrel of a gun.
Jack ended up staring into the barrel of a gun after a lot of drinking.
The one behind the barrel squinted at him angrily and grunted, "There ain't no arguing with the barrel of a gun, punk!"
Jack grinned drunkenly and stared at the two men with the guns. He choose to point at the left one in a masterly display of a know-it-all. "There is," he slurred, "When you've only got the barrel of the gun and… not a bullet! 'Cuz I took it! Byez!" And Jack strode off with that.
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Proverb 19: Use it or lose it.
This proverb was probably made up by someone who lost his things all the time and had to use them all the time so as not to lose track of his things. Or something.
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Proverb 20: Virtue which parleys is almost a surrender.
"There will be no negotiating over my morals!" Esmé said loudly, grunting and crossing her arms.
"Oh, come on, Es!" Susan begged. "Just wear it – it's a skirt for God's sake, not a thong!"
"It is to me!"
"Oh Esmé… you can't go around looking like an old lady. You're only fifty for goodness' sakes," Susan needled. Esmé growled. "C'mon, do it for me." Esmé gave up and wore the skirt anyway. Voila! A surrender!
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Proverb 21: Walk the walk and talk the talk.
Wouldn't it be really difficult to walk the talk and talk the walk?
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Proverb 22: You always admire what you really don't understand.
The ten-year-old stared at a painting on the wall.
"Oh," he breathed. "How beautiful! …What's it meant to picture? I'd guess it's modern art…"
The camera zoomed out to show a painting of a child sticking out his tongue as if to say, 'ha, you can't figure out the meaning of my painting!'.
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A/N: Can't find proverbs for the letters left, so we'll keep it like this. I KNOW some of the Proverb-pieces are short and some of them are completely ridiculous. Find it in your heart to laugh… remember the summary!