Eyes That Break Me
Pairing/Character: Logan, Veronica/Logan, mentions of Heather
Summary: He won't let himself look at her in the eyes because it's her eyes that break him every time. Logan's point of view on the scene in the elevator in 3.13.
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, if I did it wouldn't be as good, and Logan and Veronica would be together forever.
Authors Note: This is my very first fanfiction story. I'll mostly be writing about Logan, Veronica and Logan/Veronica, so if you are not a lover of LoVe you won't like this or anything else I write. I'd appreciate any reviews that will help me improve. Special thanks to Jenna and Brittany for encouraging me to post this. Well now, here is the story...
He vaguely senses the elevator doors opening. After the recent break-up he wasn't really sure of anything. And also, Heather's constant babbling, proved to be a good distraction to reality, if not an annoying one. He was sure anyone else would find her constant cheeriness endearing, but with his current situation, he preferred to be alone, depressed and definitely not with someone so talkative.
Whoever was getting into the elevator was really taking their time, so he quickly glanced up at the figure standing in the doorway, about to ask them to hurry up inside, until he realizes who it is. He looks away before he can get caught in her gaze. He won't let himself look at her in the eyes because it's her eyes that break him every time. He can't bear to see the disappointment, or disgust in them, but even worse, he can't bear to see that she could possibly be happy.
"Hi," she says. He responds simply because it's all he can muster.
He can hear Heather talking, and he can tell that he is talking about Veronica because he can feel her nudges to his ribs and the excited whisper that girls use when they are eleven and they're talking about a boy. He silently thanks God that he doesn't blush, because he knows if he did he would be the colour of a tomato right now. He doesn't want Veronica to see him succumb to the level of babysitting an eleven year old.
As soon as he hears Veronica's voice he listens. The thoughts that run through his head are so positive – he's been spending too much time with Heather, he thinks. He hopes that she'll forgive him, that she heard that stupid dedication on the radio and thought that it was him who made it; that he could have possibly made such a grand gesture in hopes of forgiveness. He hopes that she realized that they were broken up when he made the mistake, and that he would never do anything to hurt her. He hopes she listened to the message he left on her phone.
"Is that my shirt?" The words hurt more than he thought they would – he knew he was hoping too much and that Veronica can't forgive and forget – but they still hurt none the less. When he answered, he barely cared about his choice of words.
He hears what Heather says to Veronica and he knows it's true, and he knows he is being weak for not being able to say it himself, but he doesn't want to be hurt yet again by her, the way she can't forgive him, the way she still – after three years – can't see past the jerk he was when Lily died. When he hears Heather almost tell Veronica that he loves her, he needs to say something, because he can't have an eleven year old girl tell Veronica the strongest feeling he's ever felt. He knew what he felt for Lily was love, but it was a different kind of love. He loved her because she was a challenge, and she was older, and she made him who he was back then. He loves Veronica simply because she loves him. He knows she loves him, but somehow knowing wasn't enough for him. None of this would have ever happened if knowing she loved him was enough.
It was perfect timing when the elevator doors opened, because he cut Heather off one word away from telling Veronica how he felt. He knew that Veronica knew what Heather was going to say, but somehow, knowing that Heather hadn't said those words to her, made all the difference to him.
He followed Heather out of the elevator, and then, he let himself look Veronica in the eye. He knew how he would feel when he saw the emotion in them, and he knew it would break him even more.
But somehow it was okay to be broken when she is not there to see him.