A/n I was watching "She's having a baby" the other night on cable and this little plot bunny hopped onto my lap and refused to leave until I wrote this. The plot resembles the movie and some dialog was taken from the ending, but I have changed things to fit my version of events with Danny and Lindsay.
Spoilers: Second and third season.
Disclaimer: I do not own the show boys and girls
Danny yelped when two fingers pinched his shoulder. His eyes blinked open, but his blurry vision didn't help him when his wife's voice said irritably. "Damn it Danny, you're harder to wake then the dead."
"Thanks Montana, what's with the black and blue mark you're trying ta give me?" He squinted when she switched on the light.
"Danny it's time." She screamed, as another contraction hit.
"That's what you said yesterday, and the doc said ta stay home till the contractions were ten minutes apart. I was just getting ta sleep after being up all last night."
"Well sorry… I'm the one in labor and the one that hasn't slept in two days," she said through clenched teeth. "And yes… I'm sure it's time… the contractions are nine minutes apart, so let's get going cowboy.
He watched her heave herself out of bed. She wore an old pair of grey sweats that used to belong to one of her brothers, and fit just right over the pregnancy belly. She also wore an old work shirt of her father's for the same reason. She was pissed, exhausted, and devastatingly beautiful.
"Ok, I'm up." He got up and pulled on jeans and a tee shirt. He was over the panic as she'd gone into false labor twice before. He grabbed his car keys off the nightstand and picked up his shoes.
"Let's go Montana," he said, over a huge yawn. He took her hand and led her out of the bedroom and out the door.
It took longer then he thought to get to Holy Trinity Hospital and by the time they arrived, he was starting to have visions of getting stuck in traffic, and having to deliver the baby himself. The thought made him sick to his stomach and sweat pop out on his head.
"Don't worry baby, you won't have to deliver the baby." Lindsay said, breathing hard after another contraction and looking at her watch.
"How did you know I was thinkin that?" He decided not to deny it, she would know.
"I heard what you said to Flack three days ago when he was telling his story about delivering a baby in a cab in the middle of a traffic jam when he was a rookie. He made it sound a little less horrific then a nuclear bomb blast."
He saw the hospital coming up on his right, and let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he'd been holding. When he spoke his voice had returned to its normal smart ass tones. "Come on Montana, don't ya think you're exaggeratin just a bit."
He swung into the ER entrance and killed the engine. "No Messer… I don't," she said, through tightly clenched teeth. If she were calling him Messer, he was in big trouble.
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He got her into the hospital, and they took her away into the women's center to get her ready for delivery. He kissed her before she was wheeled away.
"I'll be there in a minute Montana; I gotta call the gang and park the truck."
"Don't you dare stand me up Messer?" She'd flung back at him, fear entering her chocolate eyes. It said, what have we gotten ourselves into. He didn't know what to say, all he could think was that all of the time, and stress and worry was coming to a head. He turned to go out to the truck, and while he parked it, he remembered the last two years and all the tears his wife had cried while trying to get pregnant, and the joy he'd seen in her eyes when she'd told him that finally they had conceived.
His whole world flipped upside down at the realization that he was going to be a father. The whole thing had felt ridiculous, he was Danny Messer, cop, science nerd, and onetime player, he couldn't be a father. He didn't know the first thing about raising a kid. His own father hadn't been the best example, and he was at a loss what to do. At first he'd convinced himself not to worry, he had eight months to figure it out. Then the eight months was over and it was time. Could he do this?
He'd reached the ER doors again, stopping just outside them to call Stella. She would tell everyone else faster then he could. After she squealed in his ear, nearly deafening him, she'd hung up on him. He wondered vaguely when she and Flack were going to get together.
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The nurse found him and gave him some scrubs to put on. She led him down the hallway and his heart began to race. This was it, could he actually stand there and watch his child be born? He swept a hand over his fore head to wipe away the sweat that was forming there, and he silently commanded himself not to faint, no matter what happened.
They reached the stainless steel double doors and it was time to face the music. He pushed through with the nurse, just in time to hear Lindsay scream. It wasn't like the scream he'd heard before, and she was writhing in pain. Her face was white, and she turned at the sound of the doors swinging open. She didn't speak but her face pleaded with Danny to help her, to stop the agony.
He faced the doctor and was about to ask him in a reasonable tone of shout, why the hell she was in so much pain, when the doctor looked up and hollered at the nurse to get him out of there. He began screaming orders to the other nurses using words Danny didn't understand.
The nurse turned back to him and grabbed his arm, yanking him out of the room. "You have to leave sir, there's been a complication," she said looking like someone he didn't want to mess with.
"What… no way am I leavin her in there if somethins wrong. Lindsay!"He shouted at the slowly swinging doors. Everything had suddenly reduced down to half speed. The nurse was talking to him, but he couldn't hear her. He tried to push back through the doors, but the nurse was surprisingly strong.
"Mr. Messer, you have to wait here, I'll go find out what is happening but you have to stay here." She commanded him. He didn't acknowledge her; the only thing he could think of was Lindsay and the small life they had created together. They'd tried so hard and now he might lose both of them.
Tears began to fall, dropping to the tile floor in front of him, and staining it an ugly gray. He looked around, and realized that everything was colorless; there was no color if Lindsay and the baby died. This could not happen, not after Louie, he couldn't lose them. More tears fell as he struggled to remember the prayers he'd learned as a child in catholic school. Wasn't he supposed to petition a saint or the Holy Mother? He didn't even know if he believed in any of that anymore.
If you take them, I'll never speak to you again.
He rallied silently against what he perceived as a cruel and unfeeling God.
"Mr. Messer… Mr. Messer," a voice punched through his thoughts, and he crashed back down to earth and everything returned to normal speed. He looked down at the dark haired nurse standing next to him.
"The baby is in a breach presentation, and the head is caught. Mrs. Messer is being prepped for a C-section."
"I want to go in there," He demanded.
"No, you have to wait," He tried to get around her anyway.
"Mr. Messer… her doctor is one of the best in the state, but you have to let him do his job… ok."
He slumped into the wall, barely able to stand anymore. He didn't realize he'd moved till he saw the entrance to the waiting room in front of him. The nurse let go of his arm, "I promise I'll come tell you as soon as I know anything." She left him there alone with his thoughts, and prayers.
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Danny was standing in the center of the waiting room when Mac arrived. It was like an instant replay of the night Louie had been beaten up by the Tangle wood boys.
"Danny, what's going on… they told me Lindsay is in surgery, and that was only after I flashed my badge and shouted at the poor nurse on the desk? What happened?" He repeated.
Danny turned toward him his face a splotchy red and white. He began to crumple as if the forces holding him upright had been cut like Pinocchio's strings. Mac lunged forward, and caught him as he began to fall. He held onto the younger man for minutes that stretched out like hours as Danny sobbed. He held onto him until he felt him finally begin to relax, and he heard the gut wrenching cries taper off to hitching little breaths.
"Danny, what did they tell you?" He commanded, leading his friend to a chair and pushing him down into it.
"Ah - the nurse… she said… baby is breach… they did a C-Section… I don't know… I don't know."
"Danny listen to me!" He forced himself to put all of his ex-marine, no nonsense, tone into his voice. "She and the baby are going to be okay. Do you hear me?"
"But Mac what if -"
"No," he shook the other man with both hands on his shoulders. "I will not let you think that way, concentrate on your wife, think only positive thoughts."
"I'll try Mac."
"I'm going to watch for the others, I'll tell them what happening if you like." Mac asked returning to his feet and giving Danny a rare smile.
"Thanks Mac, I…" He trailed off not knowing what to say to his boss and sometime surrogate father.
"It's okay Danny, I know." He slapped him lightly on the shoulder and went to the door of the waiting room to intercept their friends.
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He tried with all of the strength he had left to think positive thoughts, but for a long time all he could see was the agony on her face in the delivery room. He pushed it from his mind with all the concentration he showed in his work. He made himself think of the day he'd met her at the zoo.
She'd walked right past him to the tiger cage, without so much as a glance in his direction. That had irritated him; he was used to women looking at him like he was the next tasty item on the dessert tray. So he had listened for the opportunity, and when Mac had said his name, he'd introduced himself and gave her his little piece of "advice" for dealing with the boss. He'd never expected her to call him on it, but she had, and it had surprised the hell out of him when she'd stood up for herself instead of drooling all over him.
Sticking her with the nick name Montana hadn't been planned. It just popped out of his mouth. The look on her face when he'd said it, had been priceless, but he knew she'd make him pay for that too. He wondered that night before going to sleep, what it had been that made him want to tease her so mercilessly. He thought at the time he was regressing to a fourteen year old boy or something.
His thoughts returned to the present, and he realized that he was sitting there twisting the gold band on his left hand. He remembered the day she put it on his hand.
She'd been beautiful that day, more lovely then any woman he'd ever known. Her hands had been shaking as she repeated her vows and pushed the ring on to his finger. He'd been holding his own hands steady by sheer force of will. Promising to love and honor her in sickness and health till death was the scariest thing he had ever done, but it was also the best decision he ever made.
He looked up from the ring and saw the other in the waiting room, when had they all arrived. He hadn't noticed any of them come in. Stella made eye contact with him and he tried to smile back, but couldn't quite manage it. He silently thanked Mac for keeping them away. He couldn't take their sympathy, as well intentioned that it may be.
He looked up at the clock on the wall and cursed the passage of so many, and yet so few minutes. When was the agony going to end?
The last time he'd waited out the passage of time like this was during the days Lindsay had been gone to Montana for the trial of her friends' killer. The days had passed so slowly, and when he finally decided to go after her, the flight there had been interminable. It was on that flight that he realized her loved her, as deeply as any man had ever loved a woman. He would never be free of her and he didn't want to be.
He was twisting his wedding band again, while more tears tracked their way down his face and memories began to pour in faster and faster, a huge tidal wave that threatened to drown him in their intensity.
Lindsay eating a fried tarantula as though it were cotton candy at the fair. Watching her put on a bullet proof jacket to impersonate a thief, in order to catch other thief. Trying to convince her not to go. Feeling his heart stop when he realized she had been made, and the relief so huge it made him weak in the knees when she'd come into his arms after concussion grenade took out the terrorists.
He remembered every joke, every teasing remark he'd made to her. The way they worked together seamlessly in the lab. The taste of her lips the first time she kissed him. The slow, languid pleasure of their first joining.
She never let him get away with anything, not even when he dared to compare the New York skyline to wheat fields. The first time he'd seen her in a dress, he'd wanted to grab her and take her right there up against the wall of the subway tunnel and to hell with the corpse and Mac.
The memories of all their failed attempts to get pregnant, the house they bought and the baby nursery they planned together, not knowing if it would ever happen to them. All the quiet moments together just sitting together, and being quiet, or talking about everything under the sun, or in the universe. Going to Giants games, and to the Yankees.
He watched the wedding band twist in the sunlight of the morning and wished it all away. He would give up all of his memories if God was good and gave her and his child the chance to live.
Please God, I ain't the best of men, but don't punish me by takin the only light in my life.
A hand touched his shoulder, and he looked up into the face of the dark haired nurse who'd led him in this room. "Mr. Messer, your wife wants to see you."
He said nothing, just rose and walked out the door behind her. He thought as he followed her, that this is what it must be like to take that long last walk to the gas chamber. His joy at hearing that Lindsay was okay was tempered by the realization that maybe the baby hadn't made it. How would she deal with that? She had been so happy waiting for this child after trying so hard for so long. It wasn't fair; he wanted to shout to the heavens.
It was inevitable that they arrive at his wife's room, even though he didn't want to hear what he knew he would hear. The nurse gestured to the door and said quietly. "I'll leave you two alone."
No! He wanted to yell, don't leave us alone. He wanted someone there as a buffer, why hadn't he thought to bring Stella with him. The door was open. He stood looking at it for a long time, and then he made himself go through it. He stood next to the inside of the door and watched her sleep.
She turned her head his way after a long moment. "Aren't you going to come over here," she asked in a weak and low voice. Tears began to flow freely from his eyes again, even though he thought he had none left to cry. He stepped over to her bedside.
"Hey cowboy, I missed you."
He fell to his knees next to her bed and sobbed like a child. Her hands stroked lightly through his hair. He heard her say. "It's a boy Danny."
He was sure he hadn't heard her right. He looked up at her through tear stained glasses. "What did you say Montana?" He must have heard wrong.
"I didn't want anyone else to tell you, we have a son Danny."
Suddenly the world burst back into glorious color. He looked into the chocolate of her eyes, and said. "Really Montana, he's okay?"
"Yeah baby, he's okay… we're both okay.
He brushed impatiently at the happy tears that fell in place of the bitter ones. "I was so scared baby; I thought I lost you both."
She smiled and his heart leapt in his chest. He wanted to sing to the heavens.
Thank you God.
"I'm not going anywhere cowboy… you can count on that." Her eyes closed and she slept after he kissed her. He laid his head on her breast, listening to the steady beat of the heart he possessed.
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"So Messer, are you two going to name that poor child, or are you going to let him languish in namelessness forever?" Sheldon asked impatiently as Danny led Lindsay out to the back stoop of their house.
The day was a burst of yellow sunshine and green grass. It was a rare spring day in Manhattan, in the seventies with a slight breeze that teased Lindsay's hair into a golden halo.
"Yeah, are you going to call him baby boy Messer forever?" Stella added from her perch on Flack's lap.
Danny ignored them and took Lindsay over to a lounge chair, and handed their son to her. She grinned up at him and nodded her head at his silent question.
"Ah look at that Stella, their doin the whole talkin without words thing, ain't that sweet." Flack said, pinching her bare side and making her squeal.
"Behave Donald," she shot back leaning down to nip his cheek.
"Ah Lindsay to be young and in love again," Danny sighed, as if this were the end of romance now that the baby had arrived.
Lindsay snorted out laughter, and winked at Stella.
"Alright you four, there are other people here too, you know," Mac said from his seat next to Peyton, who held his hand.
"Ok everyone… If you're done with the smart remarks," Danny said, showing Flack his middle finger when the other man stuck out his tongue at him.
"We decided to name him Anthony Louis Messer." Lindsay announced without further preamble.
"Hey Messer… that's an original Italian name; did ya lose any sleep coming up with that?"
Danny chose not to rise to the bait provided by Flack. He only wanted to look at his lovely wife and their son, with his curly brown hair and blue eyes. Lindsay caught his eye and smiled. He decided that God was good, and life was simple, all you had to do was love your family and friends. That wasn't a problem he thought as he looked down at his son. He could do that; after all he was Danny Messer!