"We have to look for what?" Scully was standing up in total horror, staring down at Skinner.
"Um, a missing paprika shaker." He said under his breath.
"How is find someone's lost paprika shaker in any way, shape or form an X-file? I wish the FBI would come to my house and help me find my keys when I lose them!" Scully shouted. Yelling was not Scully's way, she was a usually soft-spoken person, but now she was really riled up.
"Itit talks" Skinner said uncomfortable under the horrified glares of Special Agents Fox Mulder, and Dana Scully.
"It talks?" Mulder asked dubious.
"Yes" Skinner, said softly. There was a few second of silence in the room. Scully was beginning to get madder and madder.
"Oh right. A talking paprika shaker, what else do they have? A mailbox that sings in a quartet?"
"Um"Skinner began and then stopped mid-sentence. "Hey, you can't question me! I'm the Assistant Director and I can assign you any case I damn well please! Now get out of my office!" Skinner suddenly stood up, and glared at the two agents, fire blazing in his eyes. Despondent, they left.
* * *
The agents pulled up to a brightly painted house. Sunshine yellow for the body, purple for the frame and a bright red roof, in Spanish tile.
"I had no idea they made purple frames." Mulder mumbled. The house was strangle alone on it's street, but it looked to innocent, with an all-American white picket fence around the perfectly green yard with, yes, a dog in the yard. The dog was sky blue, with a lighter shade of blueberry spots dotting her.
"I wonder where the guy got the blue dog? I've never seen a that before." Mulder continued "I wonder if it's some kind of alien. You know the myth has always been" Scully interrupted him
"This is the X-file Mulder. We've seen stranger." They walked up to the fence, but before they could open it, it opened its self, and a man with a chipper face, and olive and grass green stripped shirt appeared in one of the flowerbed-trimmed windows.
"Hey! Come on in! Um" He looked a bit worried "Have you seen my puppy?" Mulder and Scully exchanged looks, why couldn't he see? The dog was right in the front yard, right in from of his eyes. As Mulder was about to answer the unseen chorus chimed in.
"She's right there!" The voices yelled. As if on cue, the blue dog jumped up and barked in a kind of fake dog bark that a little kid might imitate.
"Bow bow" She sang.
"Oh there you are Blue!" The man looked seemingly into no where "Come on in!" His head retreated from the window, and the orange door opened. Mulder and Scully shrugged and walked to the door.
"Hi! I'm Steve and this" Again on cue the dog appeared "Is my dog. Blue!" Scully smiled politely, but was thinking what a nut case Steve' seemed to be.
"Hi Steve. I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, and this" Mulder nodded "Is my partner Special Agent Fox Mulder. We are from the FBI. Someone here reported a" Scully stumbled "A missing paprika shaker." Steve nodded solemnly.
"Oh yes. Poor Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper. Their poor baby girl Paprika was all they had."
"Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper?" Mulder asked, "this is beginning to sound like a Beatles' song more and more.
"Come inside, and I'll show you around." Steve said all to enthusiastically. The two stepped inside, they were met by a bright red carpet, and yellow walls bright and warm it felt almost like it should be in a kid's show
"Who decorated this place?" Scully mumbled under her breath as she looked around the all too happy place. Steve stopped in front of a large red chair, next to it was a night stand, with a single draw in which a pair of eyes, and big smiling mouth was seemingly drawn on to.
"I think I should introduce Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper to you. They are in the kitchen." Steve said to the agents. They nodded and continued to follow. Mulder looked back at the draw, its eyes were staring after them, Mulder could have sworn that it blinked at him. He shook his head and continued into the kitchen.
As they entered, the scene suddenly changed from a red carpet, and yellow walls to the chipper feel of a kitchen on Prozac. They stopped in at the median, in which a distraught Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper were. Scully's jaw dropped to the ground. The salt and pepper shakers were crying. The pepper spoke up, in a heavy French accent.
"My little Paprika!" she wailed. Steve shook his head in condolence. Mulder and Scully looked at each other in s stunned gaze.
"Did the pepper shaker just talk?" Scully asked her partner.
"Not only that, but with a French accent as well" Mulder said.
"Mrs. Pepper, please don't cry. The FBI is here to investigate the disappearance of Paprika."
"Oh thank you so much." Mr. Salt said, while putting his little salt shaker arm around his wife. Scully shook her head in disbelief.
"I don't believe this." She started to walk away, but Mulder grabbed her arm.
"Just give me a bit of time to come up with a theory for this one" he said. Suddenly, the dog came into the kitchen.
"Why hello Blue. Have you seen Paprika?" Mr. Salt asked. Blue nodded his head vigorously. Scully looked at the dog.
"What? The dog knows the whereabouts of Paprika?" Blue nodded again and bark that all too fake bark.
"Bow wow bow" she said.
"Where is she Blue?" Mulder asked, kneeling down to her. Blue shook her head, then jumped up and slapped her paw into mid-air, leaving a blue paw print floating in the air. Mulder stared at it, then got up to inspect it but was intercepted by Steve jumping up and knocking over the agent.
"You know what that means?" Steve said to no one in particular.
"No I don't know what that means Steve. Why don't you tell us?"
" Blue wants to play Blue's Clues" as he said Blue's Clues' he flexed his hands in the air "To tell us where Paprika is." Scully gave her most incrediouse look to Steve. As Mulder was getting up, Steve unexpectedly started to sing.
"Now, you've got to find the first paw print (that's the first clue) Gotta put it in our notebook, cuz it's Blue's clues, Blue's Clues." He flexed his hands "Gotta find the second paw print (that's the second clue) Gotta put it in our notebook, cause it's Blue's clues, Blue's clues. Gotta find the third paw print (that's the last clue) Gotta put it in our notebook, now what do we do? We sit in our thinking chair," Steve then ran to the large red chair in the middle of the living room, and sat down. "and think," Steve put his hand on his chin, he then switched hands "thinkthink" He put both hands on his chin "'cause if we put our mind to it, we can do anything we want to do!" As Steve finished, Scully helped her partner up, and whispered in his ear
"I think Steve is crazy." Mulder nodded. Soon, Steve stopped, and he looked at the paw print, suspended in thin air.
"Well, how are we going to clean this up?" Steve, put his hand on his chin, and thought for a second. He soon picked up a bottle of cleaning solution and a towel, which Mulder and Scully never noticed was there and sprayed the blue paw print, then wiped it away.
"There. Now where's Blue?" Scully was about to say something when the unseen chorus jumped in.
"Right there!" Scully and Mulder turned around to see Blue scampering out of the open door in the kitchen.
"Follower her!" Scully yelled. Her and Mulder raced out the door, as Steve calmly walked out it. They two agents were met with a large back yard, with no fence. The grass was a bright, vibrant green, like the front yard. There was a swing set, a sand pile, and various other things skewed about. Mulder and Scully split up, searching the backyard. Steve walked out as Mulder tripped over a red ball.
"Uh-oh. Looks like Blue didn't put all her toys away." Steve chirped. "I'll have to have another talk with her again." Mulder looked back at him.
"You talk to your dog?" Steve looked stunned.
"Of course, don't you?" Mulder shrugged, and turned away. Scully was looking about the swing set; when out of nowhere came a innocent cry
"Steve! Steve!" It was high pitched, and sounded like that of a little boy. Scully looked up, and put her hand to her gun. Suddenly, a little baby brown bear came running out of the bushes.
"Steve! Steve! I need your help!" The little bear ran to Steve. Scully, clutching her heart out of fright from the suddenness. She swallowed, and turned to Steve, the Bear and Mulder.
"What is it Baby Bear?" Steve asked kneeling to the little bear.
"I lost my favorite toy!" the little bear cried.
"Oh. Do you want to have us help you look for it?" Steve asked. Mulder was wondering whether he meant him and Scully as the us, or the unseen chorus as the us. The Bear nodded. Steve turned behind him, seemingly talking to the house.
"Would you help Baby Bear find his favorite toy?" He asked timidly.
"Yes!" came the unseen chorus. Mulder and Scully again looked about them
"Where are those damn voices coming from?" Mulder asked himself.
"Great." Steve said, still turned to the house, he stood up, and followed Baby Bear, behind a set of bushes behind the swing set. "Come on Agent Mulder, Agent Scully, will you help us look for Baby Bear's toy?"
"What about Paprika?" Mulder asked. Steve acted as if he hadn't heard
"Great. Let's go" They shrugged, and followed him. Behind the swing set there were several toy balls lying around on the grass.
"My toy was a little blue ball with a big yellow strip." Baby Bear said through sniff and snorts. Steve turned again towards the house, but not quite looking at anything in particular.
"Can you see a little blue ball with a big yellow strip here?" Steve asked. Mulder and Scully exchanged looks, again. Mulder shurgged, gave a quite gaze over all the balls and quickly found Baby Bear's ball. He walked over to the balls and started to pick it up, when the Unseen Chorus chimmend in.
"Right there!" They said. As Mulder's hand touched the ball, it began to bouncne on it's own. Mulder jumped back, and stared at the ball, bouncying on it's own.