Disclaimer: I do not own the characters! All credit for the characters goes to the fabulous Square Enix...though I do wish I owned Cloud ;3

Pairings: CloudxSquall, CloudxZack and more to come.

Rated M: For later Chapters. Please do not read this if you do not like Yaoi :) Thanks

Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst

Please read and enjoy! Thanks guys 3

Lost Hope

Cloud always had a normal life, except for the fact that his father passed away on Cloud's ninth birthday. Ever since that dreaded day, he had simply lived with his mother in a two bedroom apartment. He couldn't complain about his life though, he got everything he asked for. He wasn't wealthy, nor was he poor, but he knew that there were other people in the world who are suffering much more than just a lost father. After about a year, Cloud had gotten used to living with his mother. Every night, Cloud would look forward to waking up the next day and going to school. He loved his friends, he loved his mom, but most of all, he loved his life.

Sunlight creeped through the aqua blue shades and under the lids of Cloud's eyes. He slowly awoke from his slumber, his aqua blue eyes bothered by the light. He looked at the digital clock on his desk, 6:30. School started at 8:30 for Cloud, but he woke up early every day to make sure that he had enough time to do his hair, and give it that nice, unique shape that everyone always commented on. He decided to go take a shower, as he headed to the bathroom, he rid himself of his clothing, grabbed his soap and shampoo and jumped into the shower. By the time Cloud got out of the shower, his digital clock has reached the time 7:29.

"Wow, one minute before schedule" he thought.

Wrapping himself in his towel, he headed downstairs only to savor the mouth watering aroma of bacon and eggs. After standing still for about a minute, he was surprised to see his mother making breakfast. Usually she was in her room sulking about the death of her husband five years ago, on this exact day, Cloud's birthday.

"Mom, what are you doing" Cloud said, I can make breakfast myself you know. Today...you should be resting"

"Whatever are you talking about my dear child? Today is your birthday." Cloud mother said in a-matter-of-a-fact way

"Oh." Was all that Cloud could say, he simply forgot that it was his birthday. "I just...I completely forgot it was my birthday you know. Because it's also the anniversary of-"

"Here, breakfast is done." Cloud's mother said as she practically slammed the plate on the table.

"Ma...you know that you don't have to pretend like-" He tried to say before he was cut off.

"Cloud!" his mother said, losing her temper. "When I say it's your birthday, it's your birthday! Nothing less! Today I tried to forget about him! Your father. But your making that...almost impossible..." She stopped yelling and subtly began crying.

"Mom..."

"Don't worry about me...I'm just having another one of those moments...finish your breakfast and go to school." She said as she walked off to her room, closing the door on her way in.

Cloud turned to his now cold breakfast, and began thinking about his mother...and his father. After what seemed like minutes, Cloud realized what time it actually was. He sucked up his breakfast, ran upstairs, ripped off his towel, got dressed and ran out the house.

"Yess, 8:15, just on time."

A few strands of hair dangled before Cloud's eyes.

"Dammit, I forgot to do my hair, on such a special day as this too."

At school, Cloud had a few friends, but none were of any significance to him. He simply wished he could move far away from where he was now. He wished he could meet some new people.

"Cloud." His teacher called "The principle would like to have a word with you." The class gasped at the sentence.

"Alright." Cloud said as he got up from his chair and headed towards the principal's office. "I wonder what he wants. Out of all days he has to call me, it had to be today didn't it."

Knocking on the door before opening it, he walked in and came to a halt before the principal's desk. "Yes Mr. Sothe? Is there anything that I may assist you with?"

"Cloud, I don't know how to tell you this." He said as he looked towards the ground. "Unfortunately...your mother, she was found dead in her house, with a gun in her hand, and a bullet in her head. Your neighbors called the police to inform us that they heard a strange loud noise. She also had a note, but we are unable to give you the note until you reach the age of 18 at your mothers request, of course. It says it right here on the letter. Since you are only 13, you have to understand that we cannot give it to you." The principal looked up to see Cloud just staring at him with a blank face, and red eyes. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"No...it can't be...she couldn't have killed herself. This is all a mistake, a birthday prank!"

"No Cloud, it isn't, we are extremely sorry for your loss, but since you have no parents who are still alive, we must unfortunately send you to an orphanage, where you will live from now on, until you get adopted. I will give you a few minutes to collect yourself and say your goodbyes, but after that, we must go."

Cloud walked back to class, not even bothering to watch where he was going, shedding what seemed to be endless tears. Everyone stared at him as he walked into class, got his stuff and walked out, not even bothering to say goodbye to his friends.

"Why...of all days! My father died on my 9th birthday. Now my mom killed herself on my 13th birthday? I hate my life, I knew I should have killed myself when my father died. I've lost all hope to live."

That was what Cloud thought four years and 364 days ago. Now he was 17, and in the morning he would be 18, which is the day he would finally get to read his mothers letter.

Cloud slowly opened his eyes in the dark, familiar bedroom he and Squall lived in together and looked at the clock, 7:59. Squall had been Cloud's best friend since they both arrived at the orphanage the same day. Squall's parents had died in a plane crash, but Cloud was glad that he knew someone who shared his pain. Squall had long dark hair and something was cheerful, yet depressing about him, similar to the cute, vulnerable Cloud.. and there was something that Cloud liked about him. Something he just couldn't quite grasp. There were 30 boys rooms in the orphanage, some rooms holding 3 boys, some only holding 2. All the lights automatically turned on once the clock hit 8:00, it always pissed off the two boys.

"Ahhh" Cloud yawned, which startled Squall, who slept in the same bed as Cloud.

The orphanage couldn't afford beds for each of the boys, so the boys who shared a room also had to share beds.

Cloud jumped out of bed, "Squally, I'm gonna go take a shower, wait for me here, but don't go to sleep kay?" Cloud said and as he looked to the left, he saw a beautifully shaped guitar leaning on the wall next to the bed. "Whoa this thing is amazing! Whose is it?"

"The nuns came in and dropped it off about an hour ago, they said it was for you. An 18th birthday gift. And yeah, I was awake. I uh…well…Happy Birthday, I guess."

Cloud jumped onto the bed and gave Squall a snuggly hug "I don't want to remember this as a sad day, so thank you so much for wishing me a happy birthday!"

"Yeah yeah, you know I don't do that cuddly stuff." Squall said blushing. "Go take a shower, the nuns said that they have something else to give you. You can play with your guitar later."

"Alright, see you later!" Cloud said as he hopped out of the room and into the bathroom.

Dam, I wish Cloud wouldn't get so close to me like that. I mean, if he found out that I like him, how would he react? He doesn't seem like he would hate me if he knew, but I don't want to take any chances.

Squall thought about his choices for about an hour. He just laid on his bed, thinking. Suddenly, he heard a loud knock on the door, as Cloud called Squall's name. Squall had forgotten that he locked the door, so he got up and went to unlock it. Just as he pulled open the door, a half naked Cloud stood before him in the doorway.

"C-C-Cloud! What are you doing?" Cloud stood before Squall, simply wrapped in an undersized towel, which gently hugged Cloud's lower torso. Water dripped off his hair and down his body. Squall's face was bright red, as he couldn't stop the dirty images that just flowed into his head one right after the other.

"Gee, I was just gonna go get my clothes, I forgot them in the room."

"Well you must have been…uh… damn excited about that Sitar… you never forget your clothes." Its true, Squall had never really seen Cloud in this state before. Cloud slowly began pulling off his towel.

"WAIT! What are you doing?" Squall pretended to cover his eyes, but really, he was peeking through them.

"Hmm? It doesn't matter right? I mean, were both boys?" Cloud said with a confused look on his face.

"It's not that, it's just...just please, go get changed in the bathroom or something." Squall said, completely flustered.

"Alright, fine, Cloud said as he walked out of the room, with his clothes this time.

Damn, Why did I have to be so stupid and tell Cloud to leave? I mean, this was probably my only chance to get to see him...naked.

"CLOUD!" A nun from downstairs called, "Come downstairs, we have something for you!

"Uh, Alright. Just give me a few minutes!" Cloud called after the nun.

Cloud returned to his room, with a worried look on his face. All previous thoughts that Squall had, completely melted away after he now looked at Cloud's fear stricken face.

"Cloud...you know what the nuns are going to give to you right? Are you sure that's what you want? On your 18th birthday? Can't you tell them to wait until tomorrow?"

"...I can tell them that, but that would just be running away from my fears. I don't want to ruin this day, but running away from my fears would just be making my day even worse. I have to go. I have to go get that note." Cloud said, fighting back tears.

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