A/N This is just a one shot that popped in my head. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Gotta for being such a great beta!
Palmer had finished cleaning the pipettes, a job that seemed never ending in autopsy. He always thought that Dr. Mallard dirtied them for no reason so that there would always be some pipettes for him to clean. After he checked that all were clean, he had enough free time to wander up to Abby's lab. He always enjoyed visiting Abby in her lab; it was a fun place to hang out. But this time he stood just outside the doorway, almost afraid to enter Abby's sacred room, contemplating what he wanted to discuss with her.
"Palmer! Are you lurking without a permit?" Abby yelled. She always knew when someone was at the door, hesitant to come into her lab.
Palmer immediately entered Abby's Lab, "I wasn't lurking, I was just hesitant about discussing what I need to discuss with anyone, especially you, Abby. But since I had chosen you to be my best woman, I thought that I should discuss this with you first."
Abby realized that Palmer had something serious to discuss, so she stopped worrying about the results that she was expecting to get and turned herself and her attention toward where Palmer was standing. "I have all the time in the world for you, Jimmy. Let's go into my inner lab, would that be better?"
Palmer, with a 'deer in the headlights' look, nodded then followed Abby as she walked toward her inner sanctum. Once in the office area of her lab, Abby sat in the chair behind her desk, and then motioned to a chair next to her for Palmer. He wasn't sure if he wanted to sit or not. At first he paced back and forth in front of Abby's desk. Abby was patient. She knew that yelling or pushing Palmer wouldn't work. He was easily intimidated and would just get nervous and she probably wouldn't get anything coherent out of him. So she waited, watching Jimmy walk back and forth, seeming to argue with himself. Finally Palmer stopped. With a determined look upon his face that signaled that he had worked up enough nerve to talk to her, he sat on the chair next to her.
After he was finally settling into the chair, Jimmy turned to Abby and grabbed her upper arms as if to support himself, looked into her eyes and blurted out "I'm going to be a father!"
Abby broke from Palmer's grip and launched herself at the assistant ME, wrapping him in a huge hug. "Congratulations, Palmer!" She was very excited. "It's been more than forever since anyone on Team Gibbs was with child. In fact it's been never!" Abby started rambling on, but by the way Palmer stiffened in her hug she knew something was wrong. She loosened her hold on the man, and looked at him questioningly, "Are you not happy, Jimmy?"
"I am happy! Very happy, Abby. I couldn't be happier. Both Breena and I are really, really happy." Palmer rambled on in a very Abby-like way. "We really want to have children. It's just that…" Palmer trailed off, not sure if he could explain his apprehension and fear about becoming a father.
Abby knew a 'But' was coming, but couldn't quite figure it out from what Jimmy had said so far. "Just what? Jimmy" Abby tried to keep her voice very calm and understanding, trying not to get excited. How could anyone not be excited about welcoming their first child into the world, a child that both Jimmy and Breena wanted?
Palmer had paused so he could get his thoughts in order. "Abby, both Breena and I are so excited about our first baby, but I'm terrified that I'll be a bad father. I'll do something really stupid and screw the kid up for life. I'll be the dad that will give my child toys for children aged 3 and up before they are 3 years old! If anyone can do something wrong as a father, I know I'll find a way to do it!" Finally, he had said it out loud.
"Jimmy! How could you even think that! You'll be a great dad." Abby admonished.
"I'm not so convinced, Abby. I called my dad. I know that he loves me and is a great dad, but when I told him that Breena and I were expecting our first child, he asked if I'd take better care of him or her than the goldfish that died on me when I was 12. He still looks at me as a child, not a man with a medical degree, Abby." At this point Jimmy was almost pleading, trying to find someone who was on his side. "I won't even tell you what Breena's dad said."
"Oh, Jimmy!" Abby launched herself into another massive hug, this time more comforting than excited. "We all know that Ed has some 'odd' opinions. I wouldn't worry about him. If you want me to put him in timeout…."
"No!" Jimmy interjected. "Uh, no thanks Abby. Things are OK right now with Ed. I don't want to upset the apple cart."
"OK. Whatever! I'll let you deal with Ed in your own way." She turned her focus back to boosting Palmer's confidence. "Listen Jimmy, I think you will make an excellent father. You are a smart, caring, thoughtful man. You'll figure it out. You'll definitely be a better dad than Tony's, or Ziva's, and probably McGee's…" Abby trailed off a little bit, "Although none of them were that good at being a father. Tony's dad basically abandoned him in boarding schools, and Ziva's made her a killer then sent her on a mission to be killed, and McGee's dad cared more about the Navy than he did Timmy…. Actually, it really won't take much to be a better dad than any of them. See Palmer, there are at least three dads you'll be better than." Abby said positively with a big smile on her face.
"Great! So as long as I don't raise a womanizing assassin nerd, I should be a good father? Is that what you're telling me Abby?" Palmer asked seriously, because right now, he could not find humor in anything, he was so overwhelmed at the prospect of being responsible for a living and breathing child.
"Palmer, you need to talk to someone who knows about being a father." Abby suggested.
"I tried when I called my dad, and then Ed. But that just didn't work out. I usually turn to Ducky for advice, but this is something that is beyond even his expertise. Only one of my friends is married, none have any children. I don't really have any close friends who know about being a father." Palmer explained, a slight desperation creeping into his voice.
"You need to talk to Gibbs." Abby said as a matter of fact.
Palmer blanched, "Uh- you want me to talk to Agent Gibbs? Face to face? One on one? Just him and me?" Palmer looked up to Gibbs, but for some reason he always turned into an idiot when speaking with the agent. It wasn't as bad as it used to be, but he still became a bundle of nerves when he had to speak directly to Gibbs.
Abby put her hands on Palmer's shoulders. "Palmer, you need to talk to Gibbs. I know you look up to him, even though he terrifies you, but just deal with him on a one-to-one level and you'll do fine."
Palmer wasn't so sure. "But Abby….."
"Just think of it this way, Jimmy, after you get over your fear of Gibbs, raising a child will be a breeze."
Palmer parked on the street outside Gibbs' home. He sat in his car looking at the house, feeling intimidated just by being in its presence. He pulled out his phone and hit the speed dial number of Abby, hoping that she could give him some confidence. He sat there waiting to hear a confirming voice to urge him on. Instead, after the phone stopped ringing and Abby picked up, the first words he heard were, "Palmer! Get your butt inside and talk to Gibbs!"
He was a bit startled by being yelled at by Abby. "Abby! I am terrified of doing this! I called to get some encouragement and support, but you just scared the bejesus outta me!"
Abby spoke in a more comforting, encouraging voice, "Palmer, Gibbs really appreciates you, and you just don't see it. You want me to come over and hold your hand through this whole ordeal?" Abby asked with a little bit of sarcasm in her voice and a smile on her face.
"No! No!" Palmer exclaimed very quickly. He knew this was something he needed to do on his own. As terrified as he was, he didn't want to hide behind someone, even if it was Abby. "I can do this. Gibbs is just a guy. It'll just be guy talk. Nothing to it!" Jimmy wasn't even convincing himself; he doubted that he was convincing Abby.
"Jimmy you can do this. Just think of Gibbs in his underwear. It always works when I'm nervous when addressing a crowd, maybe it will help for you when you talk to Gibbs." Abby suggested.
"Thanks for the advice Abby. I can do this. I can talk to Agent Gibbs, just like I'm talking to you. Thanks Abby." After ending the call Palmer still sat there for nearly 10 minutes think about actually talking to Agent Gibbs. He always looked up to the man. He was his hero. But he felt very insignificant around the agent and thought that Gibbs had no idea that he even existed. Finally Jimmy rounded up enough courage to walk up to Agent Gibbs' house.
Gibbs was in his basement working on his latest project, unwinding from the latest case. It had been a long hard case that finally had broken this afternoon, which hopefully meant the team would be left alone this weekend. He kinda hoped that he would be left alone as well. But it wasn't long before he heard the sound of footsteps from above. He always told his team to stop by if they wanted to talk, so while he would have liked to be left alone, he would always be here for his team.
He knew it wasn't Abby, Ziva or Tony, he could tell their footsteps immediately. Vance walked with the authority that fitted his position; these were a bit less confident. Not Fornell or Ducky, too quick, definitely a younger man's footsteps. Maybe McGee? He hadn't heard Tim in his house enough to identify his footsteps easily. At least he heard them come toward the basement and then stop so he knew it wasn't a thief, it was someone who intended to visit him in his basement but was hesitant. He'd let them wait until they decided to come down or not.
It was several more minutes before Gibbs heard his basement door open. He was curious as to who it was, but kept his focus on the project at hand. He heard hesitant steps on the stairs then finally knew his visitor was at the bottom of the stairs waiting to be noticed. Gibbs turned to see who it was. At first he was a bit surprised, but then greeted his guest. "Hey Palmer."
"Agent Gibbs." Palmer greeted back "You're busy. I'm bothering you. I'll leave…" Palmer started to turn to go back up the steps.
"Stay." Gibbs said in his usual minimalistic, commanding way. "Whaddya come for, Jimmy?" The agent used the young man's given name, hoping to sound a bit friendlier and make the man feel at ease.
Palmer froze. He could feel his heart nearly beating out of his chest.
Gibbs could feel the apprehension emanating from the young man. "You want a bit of bourbon, Palmer?"
"Yes. I mean, yes, agent Gibbs. I really could use a bit of bourbon right now."
Gibbs stood up, grabbed his mug from the makeshift table on which he was working and headed toward his workbench. He grabbed the bottle of bourbon, and then emptied a jar with some nails in it. He blew in it to get the dust out. "Have you ever had bourbon before, Palmer?" Gibbs asked as he poured the young man a quarter of what he would usually pour.
"Not really, but I probably need to suck it up and try it." Palmer said with a bit of a nervous laugh.
Gibbs half-smiled as he refreshed his own mug. He handed the jar to Palmer and took a sip of his own mug.
"Thanks, Agent Gibbs." Palmer said, as he downed the entire contents of the jar. His eyes went wide, and his voice went husky. "Wow" was all he managed to say.
"It grows on you, Palmer. Although next time you might want to sip it, a little at a time" Gibbs said as he took another sip from his mug.
"Agent Gibbs" Palmer said quickly while he still had the nerve, "I am very uncomfortable coming here. I love my dad, he's great, and I tried to have this conversation with him and he treated me like I was still 12 years old. I view Ducky as my mentor and usually go to him with any questions or problems I might have, but this is something beyond his knowledge." Palmer started pacing back and forth in front of Gibbs, just rambling on about how he usually went to Ducky for advice.
Gibbs just stood there letting the young man ramble on. Smiling a bit because he realized that if he had known Ducky when the ME was Palmer's age, he would be just like this.
After Palmer had gone on for nearly 5 minutes he stopped. He turned to look at Gibbs "What kind of underwear do you wear, Agent Gibbs?"
Gibbs gave him his infamous glare then said "So, you come to my house in the middle of the night after a long difficult case, drink my bourbon and want to know what kind of underwear I wear?"
"No! No, Agent Gibbs! It was Abby's idea!" Palmer had just wanted to know what underwear to picture Gibbs in so he could talk to him without being nervous, now he just screwed up everything. He reiterated, "It was Abby's idea. To keep me from being nervous talking to you, Agent Gibbs, sir. I don't care what kind of underwear you wear; I really don't need to know. I'll just picture boxers." Gibbs glared at Palmer. "OK, no boxers. Uh, I don't mean 'no boxers' I mean I don't need to picture you in your underwear. Oh God, this isn't working. I'll just leave. Sorry for bothering you."
Palmer turned to leave. Gibbs sighed and reached out and put a hand on the assistant ME's shoulder. Palmer nearly jumped out of his skin from the contact. "Jimmy. You came here for a reason. Take a deep breath. Breathe."
Palmer froze at the hand on his shoulder, and completely forgot to breathe. The words Gibbs spoke and the burning from his lungs made him realize he needed to take a breath. He exhaled then took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then took another. He just focused on his breathing, and that helped to calm him a bit.
While Palmer was beginning to calm down, Gibbs poured a little more bourbon into the jar Palmer had been drinking from, a little more than last time. He handed it to the young man.
Palmer, still focusing on his breathing, looked at the jar being offered. He took it. He figured a little more liquid courage couldn't hurt, then and downed the bourbon in one shot again.
Palmer's reaction was more subdued this time.
"So, you come here to watch me sand and drink my bourbon and ask me questions about my underwear, or is there another reason you decided to stop by tonight, Palmer?" Gibbs asked after he set his own mug down and picked up his sanding block to continue working on his latest project.
Palmer just stood next to the workbench, looking at the empty jar that he was still holding in his hands. He decided that while the breathing and bourbon may have helped a little, it was still up to him to say the words.
"Agent Gibbs, I know I am not technically a part of your team….." Before Palmer could say anything more, Gibbs was in his face.
"Palmer! What the hell is wrong with you? Of course you're part of my team. Ducky is part of my team and by extension so are you. Don't ever underestimate your value as part of my team!"
Palmer felt a surge of warmth running through his body after the admonition by Gibbs. He wasn't sure if it was because Gibbs yelled at him, because Gibbs said he was part of the team, or if it was the bourbon. "Thank... Thank You Agent Gibbs, that really means a great deal to me." Palmer basked in the feeling of assurance that he was part of Gibbs' team. Finally he continued. "Agent Gibbs, I totally respect you. I look up to you. Right now, I'm having a personal crisis and Abby suggested I talk to you." Palmer finally blurted out.
"I hope you don't need the name of a divorce lawyer already, Palmer." Gibbs smirked.
"No!" Palmer was shocked at the implication, "No! Breena and I are very happy, we couldn't be happier. In fact, we have recently found out that we are going to be parents."
"Congratulations Jimmy." Gibbs smiled, recalling when he first found out when he was going to be a father. He was thrilled, but terrified at the same time.
"You're only the second person I have told outside of my family." Palmer confided. "It is actually the reason I'm here. I'm terrified that I'll be a terrible father."
Gibbs laughed a little then reached for his mug and took another sip. "Palmer, every single person who finds out he is going to be a dad for the first time thinks and feels the same way. That's probably how you know you'll do fine as a father."
Palmer let that sink in a bit. "So how do I learn how to be a good dad?"
Gibbs took another sip from his mug and took time to think before answering. "Mostly, you go with your gut. Ask questions from those who've been through it before you. Parents. Friends. Co-workers. Stay away from books; they'll have your head spinning." Gibbs started to get a faraway look in his eyes. "Shannon read the books, tried to get me to read some." Gibbs laughed a little bit remembering the pile of books that would appear on his nightstand.
"But I don't have your gut, Agent Gibbs. I won't be able to do this." Palmer almost whined.
He felt the sting to the back of the head and his eyes went wide. He had just gotten his first head slap from Agent Gibbs!
"Don't underestimate yourself, Palmer. You have plenty of gut. It'll get better with time." Gibbs replied.
"Is there something that I can do, classes I can take?" Palmer still wasn't sure that his gut would help him be a father.
Gibbs just shook his head. "All the classes in the world, all the books you can read, will never give you the knowledge you'll get by holding your child for the first time, Palmer. You will want to do everything you can to do what is right for that tiny child who rely on you for everything for the next 18 years or so. Between you and Breena, you'll do fine as parents." Gibbs downed the rest of the bourbon that was left in his mug, then went back to his project, sat and started sanding. He recalled the first time he held Kelly, with Shannon right next to him. He remembered how scared he was, more scared than he had been at any other time in his life up until then.
Palmer realized that he had probably gotten as much out of Gibbs as he would, but he felt so much better. If Gibbs was terrified at the thought of being a father, then maybe his feeling was normal. "Thanks, Agent Gibbs. I think I am still terrified, but I don't think I'll make a terrible father. I'll just do the best I can."
Gibbs stopped sanding for a moment and turned to the young man. "That's all ya can do." He turned back to the project and continued sanding.
Palmer took that as his cue to leave, and headed up the stairs. When he was just half-way up, Gibbs said to him. "Palmer! You ever need to talk or have questions, my basement it always open to all members of my team."
Palmer smiled. "Thanks Agent Gibbs." He continued up the stairs and out of the house, feeling much better about the idea of becoming a father as well as his place on team Gibbs.