Where Is Your Heart Tonight? (Beating In My Chest)
By EleventhDoctor1801
He's crying, he doesn't know why. He just woke up and his face was soaked with hot tears. It's been twenty minutes since he woke up and he just can't stop. He's sitting up in his bed the sheets still on him, just wiping away the tears over, and over again.
'Is this what a meltdown is? Why can't I stop?'
Those phrases repeating in his head,
'Is it happy tears, or am I some how depressed and I don't know it? Everything is fine, I think. What is wrong with me?' He just can't figure it out.
It's seven-thirty now, that's when Pete wakes up and comes down to Patrick's room to make sure he is awake-even though neither of them know why. He is still trying to stop, thinking about the best moments of his life.
'Well if it's happy crying that won't help.'
Trying to think of anything to make him stop before Pete sees him like this. Perhaps it has something to do with last night?
Last night Joe and Andy were hanging out at Pete and Patrick's place. Sometime during that day Andy lead Patrick into the kitchen, and asked him a question in private.
"I noticed that you and Pete have been a little awkward in the studio together. Has something happened?"
Patrick is surprised that Andy would be as blunt to ask that, but, of course something did happen between them. Pete kissed Patrick. Patrick didn't know if it was love or this is what best friends do, or what it was. And he wasn't sure what he wanted it to be. Ah, Pete is always a good one for confusing everyone.
"Well, not really a falling out or anything. Just he, uh."
"Joe has been wondering too, so you're not getting out of answering this one."
"Well he, um, he..." Patrick takes a deep breath and let it out. "He kissed me."
"That's it?" Andy doesn't even look shocked.
"Uh, yeah, but you see he wasn't drunk or anything, and it was just me and him, at the time. So no one that I know of betted him to do that." Andy is just standing there looking at Patrick. 'His body language is so hard to read!' Patrick thought. Andy crosses his arms, and he's still just staring at Patrick, absolutely expressionless. Patrick fidgets non-stop, coming to the conclusion that Andy is probably waiting for a better story than that.
"You see the big deal is... that was my first." Patrick is blushing.
"First what?"
"Kiss... Ever."
"That's it?"
"But it was Pete!" Patrick shouts, not thinking about if Joe and Pete heard him. Andy looks at Patrick like he's gone mad.
"It was just a kiss. Pete kisses a lot of people."
"Yeah, I guess so. Just a spur of the moment, maybe." Patrick is far from convinced that that is all it was, but he knows Andy isn't going to make a big deal of it, like Patrick feels it should be. Andy looks at Patrick for a little longer just to observe, and then walks out of the kitchen back into the living room. Patrick is still leaning against the counter, he let out a sigh.
'That's it?' That's it! Sorry if I don't get all the ladies, and that I'm making a big deal out of this, or that I lost the virginity of my lips to Pete!' Patrick composes himself and goes back to the living room. They all enjoyed the rest of the night, but Patrick feels like something is still way off.
It's 7:37 a.m. now, and he hears Pete coming down the hall to his room. Patrick got himself to stop crying a couple of minutes ago, but his face is still red. It looks like someone punched him in the eye. Pete walks in with his hands covering his eyes.
"Knock, knock! I hope you're not jerking off." Patrick laughs at that, then Pete removes his hands from his eyes.
"Dude, did you get pink eye?" Pete asks.
"What?"
"Your eyes look all red and puffy."
"Oh, I, um, I woke up and my eyes were all dry, so I used eyedrops. I must've had a allergic reaction or something." Pete nods his head skeptically.
"You need to go to the doctor, or like splash water in them?"
"Yeah, I should go get some water." Patrick grabs his pants from the nightstand pulls them on, then stands up to make his way to the bathroom, but Pete is in the doorway.
"Excuse me." Patrick whispers, because there always seems to be an unspoken awkwardness when you ask someone to move.
"You've been acting funny lately. Not like funny 'haha,' more like funny, 'I keep dead bodies in the closet.'" Pete eyes Patrick for a minute. "Wait, I think I know what it is."
"I'm fine, just a crappy nights sleep, that's all." That wasn't all, Saturday, the night they kissed, was all.
"It's about me and you isn't it?" Ten points for first guess.
"No, nothing about you. Move please." Extra points for letting Patrick get away in denial. Pete moves to the left of the doorway and lifts his arm up for Patrick to go under. Patrick gets out and stands in the doorway of the bathroom when he sees Pete still looking at him.
"I'll go make some eggs. What kind do you want?" Pete inquires.
"None, thanks though."
"I'll make you sunny-side-up, your favorite. Trust me, it will make you feel better. " Patrick gives Pete a closed-mouth grin, and Pete cracks a blinding smile back. So many fights to fight, he thinks one about eggs isn't worth the breath. Patrick shuts the door and turns to face the mirror.
'What a mess. Pete must've figured out I was crying. Well breakfast is going to be awkward.'
He uses the toilet and washes his face. He still looks like shit, but he knew no matter what he was going to have questions to answer.
Isn't it funny how, no matter what you feel like your surroundings don't show the emotion you're feeling? The cologne, shaving cream, hand soap, hell even the toilet paper looks the same as always. But isn't that what we need? That same old thing to remind us of who we are, even if it is toilet paper? Patrick takes a deep breath and leaves the bathroom.
"Eggs are done!" Pete shouts. Patrick is feeling sick to his stomach because he knows that the conversation is going to go back to Saturday.
'Maybe I should just ask what the kiss was about, that would be so much easier, why would I need to keep these things from my best friend? Okay, that's what I'm going to do, sit down and just ask. Not that hard, right?'
Patrick sits down at the table. Pete is standing at the stove, cleaning up his mess while he was waiting for Patrick. Pete finishes and sits down.
"Thanks, Pete."
"You're welcome." Pete is smiling at his eggs like he knows where this is going to go. He looks up at Patrick-who is picking at his food- and asks what is wrong.
"You okay?"
"You asked that ealier."
"Yeah, and you didn't say what was wrong, so I'm asking again." Pete eyes are fixed on Patrick. Patrick is sweating.
"I, uh, it's about Saturday. I know I said it wasn't, but it is." Pete raises an eyebrow, requesting without saying a word for Patrick to go on. "Why did you kiss me?" It's out now, but Patrick actually feels worse than before.
"I thought it was clear." They are sitting on opposite sides of the smooth, shiny square table. Patrick looks Pete right in the eyes-Pete is smiling ear-to-ear-Patrick notices for the first time that Pete's eyes sparkle with good and bad intentions when he smiles.
"Well, I figured that, you know, we're best friends, so maybe that's what they do, or something?"
"Patrick." Pete pauses but doesn't say anything else.
"What was it about!" Patrick is losing his patience.
"Come on, it was a kiss, from me, think about it for a second." Patrick thinks about it, still no help. "You know I'm not the whore everyone puts me out to be."
"That doesn't help explain it, be direct, I just want to know."
"Me, direct?"
"No more stalling. I'm just going to stare at you until you burst." Patrick is fixated on Pete, who is still grinning, it's about five minutes before he "bursts" as Patrick puts it.
"I wanted to see if we could be more than... just friends, and no not a one-night-stand-you are so much more than that-but maybe we could be..." Patrick knows where this is going and he thinks that this is what he wanted. If only Pete would just spit it out already so he could be sure. "Together. A couple, that whole holding hands and laying in bed all day thing. I want that, and I want it with you."
Patrick leans over the table with a knee on it-regretting his fleece pajama bottoms, which lead him to almost slip, the kind of slip that would surely turn him into a girl. Or at least make him wish he was one-and pulls Pete close enough to start making out with him. Patrick breaks the kiss after a few seconds and is trying to get oriented again, Pete looks smitten with Patrick. They are both still dazed, but Pete starts to talk.
"So I'm guessing that's a yes?"
"Holy smokes. Andy thought I was just going crazy for me thinking it was more than a bet or an impulse. But he was wrong. Wow he was wrong. Man it feels good to be right." Patrick thought aloud with most of that, but Pete seemed too stupefied-in a good way-to notice.
"Jesus Christ, Patrick. I wasn't really sure you felt the same as I do."
"I wasn't either, but now since it is right here, make a decision, or regret it forever, now that made me sure." Patrick is still pretty much on the table, Pete stands up and cleans up their plates.
"So what do we do now, I mean I've never had a girlfriend, or... boyfriend before so... or, you know..." Patrick is slowly going into the stages of excited shyness. It's a jump and fall, or jump and fly feeling. Win or lose. Now or never, if only I had the guts.
"'You know' what?" Pete asks.
"Saturday, that was my first kiss. With anyone."
"Wait, are you telling me I'm your first kiss, besides your mom?"
"Uh, yeah, you are." Patrick is blushing crimson.
"So that's why you were acting all weird, you little lip virgin." Pete is washing the dishes and giggling to himself.
"Thanks for putting it that way. In case I didn't already feel like an idiot for jumping on the table."
"Oh, don't be like that. I think it's sweet." Pete looks over his shoulder to smile at Patrick.
"You're an ass. I'll be in the living room."
"Best place to be an ass, or worst." Patrick gets ups, gives Pete the finger, and goes to the living room which is just through the door of the kitchen and sits down and the couch. A few minutes later Pete finishes the dishes, and comes out there with him. He sits incredibly close to Patrick.
"So," Pete starts, even though he isn't going to finish the sentence. Pete slowly gets closer to Patrick, and leans in for a kiss-Patrick is sick to his stomach, with excitement of this being real-he pulls away from Pete.
"Give me a second." He gets up and starts towards the bathroom, once he knows Pete can't see him he bolts. He quietly shuts the door, hoping Pete just thought he went into his room, and not the bathroom. He looks in the mirror and notices his face is pale, well paler than usual. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm himself, which isn't working. He knows he is going to hurl, so he goes over to the toilet and does so. After a few minutes of that, Pete knocks on the door.
"Are you alright?"
"No," The door is unlocked, and Pete starts to turn the knob. "Don't come in."
"Okay, I'll be in the living room. Take your time." Patrick thinks he is alright now then he flushes, leaving the toilet open just in case. He brushes his teeth. No one likes leaning over a toilet, so he takes a fast shower. Feeling still unfresh but better. He leaves the bathroom, looking just as pale as before. Slow and steady walk to the living room, he sits next to Pete again, just not as close as before.
They are both still in their PJ's-Pete wearing a "Forget Everything-Regret Nothing" tee-shirt, and flannel pajama pants. Patrick in his evil fleece, and an "I Heart Bingo" tee-shirt-Pete is greatful for the loose pants, because he is hard, and doesn't want to suggest anything if Patrick isn't feeling up to it. Pete puts his right arm around Patrick, and rests his head on Patrick's shoulder.
"I have a feeling that what happened there was me?"
"I just got too excited, you know. I thought the, uh, 'butterflies in the stomach' thing was just a feeling, not an action. Don't think it was the kissing, just the idea of what was, and I guess is, to come" Patrick notices he is thinking aloud again and wished he stopped talking a little bit sooner. What he doesn't know is that he just excites Pete more.
"Are you feeling better now?" Pete isn't particularly religious, but if there was something listening he was praying that Patrick was fine. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold himself back.
"I think I'm fine now, just got to take it easy, I wouldn't want to puke on the couch... or you." They both laugh. Don't we all laugh at things that suck to make the sucky things more bearable? If you can laugh about it, than it can't be so bad, right? Pete puts his left hand on Patrick's thigh, lightly rubbing.
"Are you up for... you know... I mean if you're not that's fine. We can at least sit here together. I would be happy either way."
"I should be fine. I guess just pace ourselves." Patrick chuckled at that, all while Pete is going wild, Patrick just doesn't see it yet. Patrick is still feeling shy and shitty, but he can't think of trying to get any rest knowing Pete is nearly on fire right next to him. Pete, the fireplace in the Winter. He definitely wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that, well Pete is ready to go whenever he is.
"Since well, I've never done this, how do we... go about it?" Patrick asks.
"How should I know? Sure you've seen me making out with a few people, but I've never done anything with them." Pete's confession astounds Patrick.
"So you're a virgin too?"
"Yeah, I guess I am." This should be interesting, Patrick thought. At this point they are getting sick of talking, they are both hard-luckily concealed by their PJ's-but doing nothing about it. Trying to make up a plan, or something.
"Well..." Pete says, "I'm ready, how about you?" Patrick looks between his legs, and then at Pete, smiling in a way that says 'Oh hell yes.'
Pete inches closer, closing in the gap between them. He leans over to kiss Patrick. After about thirty seconds of that, they are still side by side, kissing. Somehow neither of them have passed out from lack of air. Patrick isn't letting Pete use his tongue, he doesn't know why, perhaps he is worried that the toothbrush didn't get rid of all the 'ew' of hurling. Pete is starting to rub Patrick's leg with more pressure. He tickles Patrick, just to get him to open his mouth, and it works.
"Oh," Patrick is softly moaning, working his hand under Pete's shirt. Pete is feeling like the best day of your life, times eleven, packed into 5 feet 6 inches of man, which isn't enough to contain him.
"Oh god Patrick... this is better than I thought." He pulls Patrick so close and flips him over, so he is layed out on his back. Pete straddles Patrick while grabbing at Patrick's shirt to remove it. He succeeds, then he throws it to whichever corner of the room, and does the same with his. Grinding on each other, they both thinks it's time to take this show on the road.
"Wait, wait." Patrick pushes Pete off of him, and runs to the bathroon, barely making it.
'What the hell, can't I just enjoy the moment?' Arguing with your body is only going to piss it off more, so tread lightly. He brushes his teeth again. He hopes they can pick up where they left off. Pete is sitting up, still trying to catch his breath, with the biggest smile on his face.
"Sorry about that. Think we can get back to where we were?"
"Of course." Patrick is standing in front of Pete. Pete pulls him down, and lightly sets him down to the position they were in a minute ago, trying his best not to over-excited him. Yeah, like that's going to happen. Pete is still heavy on using the tongue, but I guess there is only so much you worry about in a time like this. Patrick is trying hard not to dig his nails into Pete's back, as he reaches his hand down to Pete's crotch, and puts his hand down Pete's pajama bottoms. Pete is grinning and kissing Patrick, while Patrick is jerking him off. After a few minutes, Pete almost comes, but he moves Patrick's hand.
"I want it to be at the same time." Patrick nods his head, and Pete is just moving in a wave on top of him.
'Man, Pete is pretty good at this for it being his first time, too' Patrick thought.
Patrick thinks he might not even need more touching to come. Pete can sense he is nearly there, but he puts his hand down Patrick's pants and does the same thing to him. Pete is having a hard time holding himself up with one arm, so he lays on Patrick, not letting all of his weight on him, but they are so close that it gives them both goosebumps. Their moaning is getting louder, but not 'the neighbors will hate us.' more like the unspoken, 'this is the best moment of my fucking life.' Pete removes his hand, and slides Patrick's pants off.
"Get mine." He asks Patrick, and he does. Both naked, they stop kissing for a few deep breaths because their faces are nearly blue, then fall back into the beat of things. Not quite on time, Patrick comes first, and then he reaches down to make sure Pete comes, and he does seconds after Patrick touches him. The couch is ruined.
"Oh... that... was..." Patrick says, breathless. He moves closer to the edge of the couch to give Pete room to lie next to him.
"I hope the guys don't notice the stains." Pete says, while lightly kissing Patrick wherever he can reach without moving.
"Crap," Patrick looks around the room for a clock, "when are they coming over?"
"I don't know. Like eight-thirty this morning, or something." It happens to be eight-thirty-five, but they don't care. Even though Joe has a key. At least the couch is turned away from the door.
A few more minutes pass, and they fall asleep. The front door unlocks and opens.
"Hey guys!" Joe says, scouting the room for them, working towards the living room. Andy follows right behind him. Joe is in the living room, and his eyes bug out when he sees four feet hanging off the end of the couch. Definitely not girl feet. Pete and Patrick are still asleep, spooning and naked. Joe and Andy know they shouldn't, but they still peek over to see what's on the couch, even though they are pretty sure they know. With what they see they back away a little and start laughing, waking Pete and Patrick. Pete sits up promptly, and Patrick grabs a pillow to cover his crotch, face flushed with embarrassment.
"You could have at least put a blanket on!" Joe laughs, "Should we come back later?"
"Uh, sorry guys. I guess we... fell asleep." Pete winks at Patrick.
"Naked. On the couch. Spooning?" Joe raises an eyebrow at them. "Because that happens everyday."
"Come on, you knew it was only a matter of time." Pete has been talking about Patrick in 'That Way' for some time now. Patrick just didn't know, which would've been a lot easier than jumping around his true feelings.
"I guess so. I mean he's all you've been talking about the past few weeks. You could've... put something on the couch... Don't expect either of us to sit on that ever again." Joe and Pete laugh. Andy is just kind of in the background, drumsticks in hand. And Patrick is covering his face with his hands, wishing this would end. Pete climbs over Patrick to get off the couch, Patrick doesn't move.
"Woah, dude! Let us get out of here before you go flashing us, again."
"Okay, wait on the porch a few minutes. I'll tell you when 'the coast is clear.'" Pete is standing there, hands over his junk. Patrick passes him a pillow to cover up with. Joe and Andy go out to the porch, laughing the whole way there.
"Wow, Patrick, you didn't puke when someone saw you naked. Impressive."
"I don't think they seen me, but they definitely seen you," Patrick giggles. "Spoke too soon." Patrick gets up, still naked and goes to the bathroom again. Pete gets up and dresses, and brings Patrick his clothes, aswell. Patrick left the door unlocked, and Pete walks in while Patrick is hunched over the toilet.
"Don't look." Patrick doesn't really have anything left in his stomach, so it's mostly dry-heaves (the worst). Pete is pressed with his back against the door. Patrick gets up-embarrassed as hell-and brushes his teeth.
"Stay here for a minute." Pete requests.
"Okay." Pete grabs a change of clean clothes for both of them, and heads to the front door.
"You guys mind coming back later? Patrick isn't feeling so well." Pete explains.
"No problem," They both say at the same time. "Man, what did you do to him?" Joe asks, not really wanting to know the answer, but he does it out of courtesy for Patrick.
"His stomach hasn't been good all morning, and I probably didn't help." Pete smirks.
"Hmmh," They turn to walk down the two steps of the porch, "Later." They wave, and get in the car to drive home. Pete shuts the door and goes back into the bathroom. Patrick had put his pants on so he wouldn't be standing there stark naked, with a mirror in his peripheral vision.
"I got some clothes so we can shower." Pete told Patrick.
"Thanks. Did Joe and Andy come back in?"
"I told them to come back later today, said you weren't feeling so well." Pete leaves the door open, and goes over to Patrick to give him a hug. "I'm so glad I didn't make this turn to shit like I do with so many other things."
"Same here, I mean you still wanted to kiss me even after I puked." Pete cracks a smile.
They hug for awhille, rocking slowly back and forth, like a slow dance. Pete is kissing Patrick's neck, being overly romantic as per usual. But luckily for Pete, Patrick is a sucker for romance. Besides, the world needs a little less "Fuck off," and a lot more "Hold me." Patrick and Pete are just so calm together, they always have been. Patrick is the shy, quiet, over thinker, and Pete is the heat of the moment, should've held my tongue, over-self-thinker.
"I love this," Pete says inbetween kisses on the neck. "I don't want this to end, ever." After such a pleasantly long time of holding each other they get into the shower. Patrick isn't embarrassed being naked around Pete, so standing their with him isn't as awkward as he imagined. They take a long shower, they just can't keep their hands off of each other, that means every five seconds they are back to kissing.
We all need love some way or another, every kind of love doesn't need explaining, it doesn't need approval, it doesn't need a name. Love what you love, rather it's a certain meal, or a person you saw once in a store, or something intangible. But of course their will always be the cynics who think love is a scam. But it isnt, the people who have felt love before know, they can't dirty it up no matter how hard they try. They can't make it any less real because they're jealous.
Once they finish the shower they go into Pete's room and hit the bed, hard. They lay in bed all day, and Pete texts Joe not to come over today. Holding on to each other, not really worried this isn't going to work out because they know it will.
"We've come such a long way in one day." Patrick says, then rolls over to face Pete.
"We have." They stay in bed until the next morning, only getting up twice for bathroom breaks. Which somehow lead to another round, while they pushed each other into the bedroom. Don't give up hope that things won't turn out, take a leap and you'll be surprised.