A/N: This fic includes characters up to the Thriller Bark arc.
One Piece Mary-Sue Parody (Sort of)
Lucy was your typical realistic-type Mary-Sue. She's the hottest girl in school, and she gets straight A's. She was loved by her family and peers. Guys worship the very ground she walks on. She was a straight-laced girl who didn't smoke or drink, but knew how to have fun when the time was right. Oh, let's not forget to mention that she's multilingual, a gymnast, a black belt in tae kwon do and judo, and an accomplished harpist. She's also… actually, that's about it.
Queenie was your typical fantasy-type Mary-Sue. She's the cutest thing your sorry self ever laid eyes on. She's always happy and perky, and generally a ball of sunshine. Strangers can't help falling in love with her scintillating personality. She's also a certified anime otaku, with a specialization in One Piece. She knows all the nitty gritty of the anime. She's has a vast knowledge of the Japanese culture, and she learned Japanese from watching anime. And of course, she learned how to swim in honor of One Piece.
So one day, these two amazing girls, fell into the world of One Piece, and this is what happens.
"Oh my God! It's Luffy!" Queenie shrilled, upon laying eyes on the Straw Hat captain. "And Zoro! He's so hot." Then she promptly fainted on the ground with stars in her eyes.
"Hey, Queenie. Don't faint and leave me like this, who's Luffy?" Lucy asked. Of course, Lucy was too sophisticated to watch anime, not to mention One Piece was an anime about pirates, so it just had to be bloody and gory, and generally nasty. A high class lady like her can't watch stuff like that!
"What are you two doing on our ship?" Zoro asked, as he unsheathed a katana with his thumb, revealing an inch of the sharp, gleaming blade.
"Eep!" Lucy backed up. She tripped over her friend's unconscious body, and fell on her butt.
"Are you an enemy?" Chopper asked.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!" Lucy screamed, and scuttled away from the doctor.
"Aaaaaaaaaah!" Chooper ran for the door, and hid part of his head behind it.
"It talked!" Lucy was hyperventilating by now. ("And shouldn't you be behind the door?" Chopper shifted to stand behind the door, and poked his head out to observe the scene.) "The raccoon talked!"
"I'm a reindeer!"
"Aaaaaaah! The thing talked again."
"Chopper's our comrade, don't call him a thing!" Nami said hotly.
"That's right!" Usopp backed Nami up.
"It's Pinocchio…" Lucy's eyes were starting to go swirly from all the surprises. Sanji walked out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee for Robin, who was leaning against the rail and watching the scene unfold with amusement.
"Oh, you guys are back," Sanji said in acknowledgement to Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Usopp. "Robin-chawn, your coffee."
"Thank you, cook-san."
"Anytime," Sanji danced with hearts in his eyes, "Nami-swaan, would you like something cold to drink after your trip?" Then his eyes landed on the two newcomers, and Sanji's heart positively burst out his chest at their heavenly beauty. He whirlwind over to them, and knelt down in front of, the still conscious, Lucy.
"Oh, the fate has destined our meeting. All the stars in the universe are smiling down on me today."
Lucy backed up until she hit the side of the ship.
"Ugh, get a grip, Romeo."
"Oh," Sanji collapsed, and storm clouds gathered above his hunched form. "The angel has shot me down."
"My, you guys are awfully lively out here," Franky commented as he climbed up on deck.
"Aah! Another pervert! My eyes, my virgin eyes!" Lucy covered her face when she saw Franky in his speedo.
"She's calling me a pervert…" Sanji moped.
"Who's this lass?" Franky asked.
"Put some pants on!" Lucy shouted.
"Oh, what a joyous gathering," Brook came out of the cabin.
"A- a- a- s- s- sk- skellll…." Lucy fell over, foam gurgling from her mouth. Luffy bounded over, and crouched next to Lucy's head. He poked her in the corner of the mouth.
"Hahahaha, this is funny," he grinned.
"What should we do with them?" Usopp asked.
"Would you like me to toss them overboard?" Robin smiled.
Queenie woke up at this point, and she was quick to say, "Wait, don't throw us overboard." She turned her puppy dog eyes on, full charm. Sanji recovered from his rejection, and now he swooned at the cuteness that was oozing from Queenie. Sanji knelt in front of Queenie, but before he could proclaim his new love, Queenie swooned, "Oh, it's Sanji!"
"You know me, lovely?"
"Uh," shit, Queenie thought, I can't tell them I know them from an anime, they'll think I'm psycho and throw me overboard for sure, "Yea, from… uh… your wanted poster."
Sanji spiraled into depression again. What part of that wanted poster looked like him? Oh, this was the end of the world. Now all the ladies in the world will remember "black leg" Sanji from that horrid drawing.
"Oops," Queenie said as she watched Sanji.
"You two," Nami cut in, getting Queenie's attention, "trespassed on our ship, and dissed my friends. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't throw you two overboard."
"It was Lucy who did it," Queenie tried to defend. Lucy recovered for a split second to input her two cents.
"The blame game? What is this? Elementary? If anything, you made that guy depressed, too," Lucy said, pointing at Sanji.
"Hey!"
"If I'm falling, I'm dragging you down with me." Then Lucy fell back over, and Luffy resumed poking at the froth spilling from her mouth.
"But- but- you're my best friend!" Queenie sputtered.
Survival of the fittest, Lucy thought, tough luck, sister.
"Do you have money?" Nami asked.
"Uh… no?" Queenie tried to plead with her cuteness, but it had no effect on the navigator.
"Robin, throw them overboard." Nami said, "I'm going to retire to our room for today."
Robin set aside her coffee and smiled, "With pleasure."