My Pawn
Written for Kati, for keeping me going these past few weeks. She'll understand. I love you, dear child.
Severus Snape really is just a pawn.
A pawn. A pawn on the white side of the chessboard.
Or is it the black side?
Light and Dark. Good and Evil. They mean nothing to him.
Like he means nothing to me.
He has never been truly worthy of my attention, my thoughts, my emotion. He has never earned my trust, my respect, my affection. He does not deserve it.
For he has caused many of the things that I see before me even now.
He pleads innocence. He begs forgiveness. Yet I choose to ignore his words.
He is just my pawn.
I can convince him, of course. He longs for acceptance, after so long. I can give him that pretence.
He is my puppet. I am the puppet master; I move his limbs, choose his words, control his thoughts.
When he stands before me, he is naked, for I know his secrets and I know his flaws.
I enjoy that feeling of power; it means I can make him do things.
I look down from my throne and my pedestal and see the chessboard of life.
I see the battles being fought; every day, a new fight begins. It is the chequered wood, and on each side, pieces have fallen. The Queen. The Knight. The Rook. They fall like the house of cards.
Once one has gone, the rest are quick to follow.
Yet. Him.
He stands amidst it all; a shade of grey.
For I think I know him. I think I understand him. Yet he holds something back from me.
I see that. I will find that secret.
I know how to torture him. I know the words that can undo him.
Simple words. Small words. Powerful words.
He comes to me, eager to serve. He runs at my command, eager to redeem himself.
He would kill if I demanded it, just to prove his loyalty.
For he, of course, is simply my pawn.
I do not care for him. People suggest that I do; I would laugh at them, yet it helps me to hypnotise him. The longer he believes that I am...attached to him...the longer he will carry out my bidding.
In private, I laugh at him.
He is so weak; he needs my approval, and yet he does not gain it.
Sometimes he seems to see; those black eyes pick up on something.
I know he runs between his two masters like a dog.
A creature of no worth. He is a low life form. He cannot hope to rise after what he has done.
But while he is my pawn, I keep him thinking that when he is redeemed, when he is forgiven, he will have peace.
I need him to think he is on my side.
Or I am on his side.
I look ahead to a distant future.
I see my pawn, lying in a pool of his own blood.
He has carried out my every order. He has fulfilled my every command. He haa done everything I asked of him.
He is crumpled and beaten and defeated.
I feel no emotion at this image.
After all, he is just a pawn.
He is coming to me now. I can feel it. I know you, dearest pawn.
I see your every emotion.
I choose your every word.
I control your every thought.
You believe you make the decision yourself; but you do not.
The pawn cannot move without a hand, dearest child! The puppet cannot dance without his master, dearest servant.
I look at you and I see it.
In your eyes. Hope.
You do not understand, do you?
That you are just a pawn. I chose you, I use you, and ultimately I will destroy you.
You are despicable; no matter what I ask you to do, you will do it.
Even if I ask you to do this.
But now, you try to refuse, and yet, I know.
I know you will do it anyway. Because you are simply that.
My pawn.
Perhaps now, on this tower, you have finally realised the truth?
Everything you thought...was wrong. You thought I cared, you thought I loved you.
Now you see that this was all a lie, a pretence, a facade.
Does it hurt?
Why should I have saved you anyway? All those things you did. Do you remember? All those terrible things. Why do you deserve salvation?
Tell me that. Answer me that.
Yes, you raise your wand.
Even in your anger, you will carry out my final command.
You are useful, after all, and you will prove this usefulness.
Whether you do it out of love or hate, it is the same action.
It will bring about the end.
You will be instrumental in the end of this war.
But of course, you will not see it.
Do you not realise, even now, that I plan much further than the present?
I know what he will do to you when he realises.
You will lie in a pool of your own blood. I see it, now, before my eyes.
Your eyes narrow. The harsh lines of your face are etched with hatred and revulsion.
Your mouth begins the curse.
I am victorious.
Enjoy your stay in Hell, Severus Snape.
My foolish pawn.
"Avada Kedavra!"
*hides from Dumbledore lovers* I love the wizened old coot too; but there are some out there who don't...and sometimes I think he knew what would happen to Severus. So YEAH! I am working on several fics at the moment, so updates will be plentiful over the next few days! YAY!