Natalia's Dream:
For CaptainArwenPond221B. Because she inspires me with good conversations. ;)
The song lyrics are a parody of the original lyrics for " I Dreamed A Dream" from the novel-inspired musical Les Miserables. The original lyrics belong to their respected musical talents. There is no intention of profit from the parodic representation of these lyrics.
It makes no sense to me how fire, as cold as yours is( like starlight, in fact) should burn so bright and still not repel the darkness in your mind?
Natalia watched the Soldier from her perch on the fire escape landing. He was a machine and would not hear or sense her. It was not a requirement of his at the time. She laughed sadly at that, watching him dismantle all his weapons from his whip-chastised shoulders. He slipped into a softer coat. All the other officers wore those. For a moment, he looked like he belonged. Natalia knew better.
How could he know that she had grown to love him?He protected her and trained her, never receiving thanks. It was his job. Natalia knew that. Yet her soul received it for what it was. What she could sense that it was beneath all the poisoned ashes of their dojo. This was the only grace he could offer another living soul. He could teach her to survive among lions. His eyes told her that something inside him saw it that way. She understood and took heart.
It might be different than the love of the young lovers under the umbrella below her. It might be different than the love a child feels for a father. This could even be different than the love a girl has for her brother. She didn't know what kind of love it was. Only that it was real and it was warmth in the cold of this Russian winter. Only that it was whole and made her human, if only once more and never again afterward.
One thing she knew more truly than all of the above. It was real, but he would never know it. How could the Soldier know or feel or think his own thoughts again?
Natalia swallowed back the tears. Of all the things the bosses did, no matter how cruel or questionable, this was the one she hated the most. The one she couldn't reason her way through, no matter how she justified all the rest of her reasons. Why was it that the Solider, her Soldier, could not be part of the World? It made no sense. She understood full well that she had no place with the earth's people. But someone with eyes like his eyes should see more than the darkness. Someone whose whole body begged for freedom with his every step should not be constrained to breathe behind that mask.
Natalia saw a poster. It was stained with cigar ashes and the KGB's deep-seeded contempt. It was there, though, plainly to be seen. An advertisement for their ballet, their fatal attraction. There in the theater, they would be performing an interpretive dance inspired by Hugo's novel Les Miserable.
Natalia pulled her hood low. She leaned against the staircase still watching the Winter Soldier performing maintenance on his metallic limb. He bit down on a belt to stifle his painful screams.
Looking at the wreckage and exploitation of his life, Natalia thought of Fantine. Ever since she'd been small, she'd loved to sing. She chose to sing in English, lest the regular nightguards could hear from where they paced the growing evening. The regulars didn't understand English well. Her secret would be safe with the wind and rain.
There was a time, you were sought by the kind
When they spoke soft,
And it was you they were inviting,
There was a time when you weren't blind,
To the world and its song,
Was it exciting?
A man out of time,
Yet it all went wrong...
Natalia's voice grew stronger as the rain came down. It drenched her skin and her soul. She felt hollow, longing for an escape for both of them.
I've dreamed about those years gone by,
A righteous man,
Whose life was worth the living,
You harbored love enough to die,
Bloody hands had needed less forgiving,
Natalia gritted her teeth. She tried to unsee all the horrific images of the Soldier on the field. Whatever made that monster live, it wasn't the same substance as her Soldier. He was alive in a fragile way. Offshoots of grass under frost were the same.
Then you were young and so afraid,
Your dreams and blood were shed, were wasted,
There was no tombstone ever laid,
Your song unsung,
Life's joy untasted,
Natalia could almost see the kind of man he'd been before they poisoned him. They told stories. She had a strong imagination. Just not strong enough to bring him back to life. Regretful tears fell and she could only watch them splash on her cold white hands.
Thus the serpents come at night,
To bottle souls with force of thunder,
They tore your mind apart,
And stained a just man with their shame.
Natalia beat her hands against the steps, not caring which officer's room was rattled by it. The injustice of this stung her to her core.
Still, I dreamed that you'd be free,
That you and I could breathe free air together,
My God, our dreams can never be!
And no one will these shackles sever!
Natalia's tears almost made it impossible for her to finish her song. Still for his sake and hers, she had no choice.
I had a dream our lives could be,
Something other than this Hell we're living!
Something more than this sin we've teemed,
But life has killed this dream I dreamed...
She let the tears fall down. He opened his window to wring the blood from his bandages. If he'd heard her song, there was no way that she could know whether he'd understood it or not. It might not matter anyway.
For a moment, their eyes met and their souls were somewhere in the same vicinity. The steel gray shade of his begged. For release for a meaning to his life. She understood but had nothing better to give him, except for her faith in him that he could be. One day...
The rain stirred up the ashes that lined the walls of the Red Room. They looked on at each other. They did not smile. They said nothing. Yet both of them felt the cold fire that meant they were alive. It was only survival. Yet they had survived.