A/N Hello and welcome to a new fanfic, firstly this story was running through my head for a while. I like hurt and angsty fics and the thing is I wanted it to be lengthy, like a multi chapter fiction but I have an Avengers fic which is already multi chapter and it's hanging in limbo and I didn't want this to become one as well. So long story short I turned it into a short story, it may come across as hurried because I tried to squeeze in so much information at once. I hope it's okay and who knows in due course when I finish my Avenger fic this can one day be a multi chapter fic...onto the show
Danny can't hear.
There had been an explosion.
On one of those quiet days in the office where nothing happened. And they could spend their day looking at unsolved case files. The cold ones that gnawed and never went away. It never went away for the victim's families, why would they the officers who held up the law be given the luxury of forgetting.
And then the phone rang.
Steve can relay every single moment since that phone call. Like it's his favorite song, one he has listened to over and over and over on repeat, he knows every word, he knows every lyric, every beat. He knows it like he has the power and grace to change the way the song sounds.
Like he could change the way everything else played out after the phone rang and the truth is there was so many what if's and maybe's. The biggest catalyst into what happened was they should never have answered that call.
The one that came from a high school principal who was concerned about a student who had threatened a teacher and a class, threatened that he would blow them all to hell. That was the principal's exact words as she quoted the student. They didn't deal with threats, but it was a slow day and in a modern society where threats turned into cruel reality it could not be ignored and had to be taken seriously. Danny had accepted to go to the school, Steve thought secretly he had chosen it because it involved kids. Danny a father of one precious little girl had a soft spot for kids. And kids liked him right back.
Steve had grabbed the keys from Danny and had followed his partner out of the office not realizing how much things were about to change, how much chaos laid ahead of them.
There was nothing that foreshadowed what was to come.
It was all so routine, they had grabbed coffee, they had talked or rather argued all the way to the boy's home that they had received from the principal.
Nothing had seemed out of the ordinary, he lived in a very nice neighborhood which Danny had commented about almost immediately lamenting that it really sucked being a cop and the hours sucked and the pay sucked and Steve had asked him to please shut up which Danny had done as they climbed out of the Camaro.
They'd knocked at the door gotten no answer but had heard a noise from inside the house telling them someone was definitely inside and did not want to speak to them. Steve was about to kick the door open when it opened and the boy stood there. Just an average teenager. But his eyes were wide and scared.
"I'm sorry." He said.
It was a blur now to Steve, what had the kid said, the bomb was going to go off and he started crying he was sorry, so sorry, and it all seemed a little unreal, like a joke. But the kid's face told him it was not a joke. And he and Danny and asked questions at once.
What do you mean? What are you talking about? And the boy said they had to run they had to get away and they listened, because hell what other choice did they have.
The little homemade bomb went off and it had thrown them across the garden and it was all even more of a blur. But what was important was that Danny was okay. That's what the nurse has assured him when he kept asking her as she had taken care of his wounds at the hospital much later. All minor scratches and bruises that would heal. He had felt worse he had told her and she had smiled and said she didn't doubt it for a second.
Danny. Danny's injuries was a little more severe the force of the explosion had damaged his ear drums and he now couldn't hear a thing. It was temporary they said and it wasn't uncommon in explosions.
"How long before he can hear again?" Steve asked the doctor.
"That's what we can't say, it could be anywhere between today or the next couple of days really. We will just have to monitor the situation."
He had told Danny that as soon as he was allowed to see him.
Danny had seemed okay with the verdict, it was temporary. It was going to be over soon.
But that wasn't to be.
It was now more than a month and Danny was still deaf.
He had moved in with Steve because he couldn't be alone. What they do have now is routine.
Danny can't go to work, he is in his own words useless something Steve is quickly to downplay as just being temporary. Soon he would be back in the office. Soon he would back to his own self.
Days pass by and even Steve starts to think what if this never goes away. What if Danny is permanently damaged? That's a possibility, Steve has looked it up online, and immediately cleared the browser history just in case Danny used the laptop and saw what Steve was researching.
He knows that Danny thinks the same thing but right now he has to be the strong one, he has to be optimistic, hopeful and faithful in Danny's full recovery. Doubt is running rampant in his mind but Danny can never know. Danny who now spends his days cleaning Steve's house while Steve goes to work and Steve hates to admit it but the house has never been this clean and tidy. His clothes had never been washed on such a regular basis before. He comes home and there is someone there, there is Danny and there a home cooked meal. He has asked Danny to not do so much work but Danny's response is always the same. I have nothing else to do. And that's the painful truth.
He can't watch TV, he misses his midnight infomercials and watches it without being able to hear a thing, he says in a dark humor that at least he can no longer hear the ocean waves that used to annoy him so much at night. The truth is that he would give anything to hear that ocean waves right now.
Part of their routine is Danny's doctor's appointments, Steve takes him to all of them. The doctor says the same thing, every time, that Danny was recovering. Just not as quickly as they had thought, or hoped.
As every doctor's appointment went by Danny became more withdrawn. Every bit of false optimism sent him further and further away from Steve into a dark abyss. Steve could see him but it was like he couldn't even reach him as Danny fell away from him.
Part of the routine is that Danny doesn't ask about work. He had at first, in that first few days when they had been naive to believe this was just gonna blow over. Then days had dragged into weeks and Danny stopped asking about work. Kono and Chin however ask about him all the time. They want to come visit him, they want to see how he is doing, they miss their colleague and Steve lies and makes excuses that they couldn't come around.
The truth is Danny no longer wants visitors. Talking to one person using the tablet he had been given by Steve was exhausting, talking to a group of people was exhausting and frustrating. The only visitor who is allowed is Gracie who has accepted her father's misfortune quicker than he had or Steve. Grace was the one who showed Danny how to use the tablet with utter patience.
Grace worries though, worries that her daddy will never be okay again.
"We have a doctor's appointment later.' Steve typed the message on the tablet and showed it to Danny at breakfast. Danny looks like he has gotten no sleep at all. Steve wanted to ask if Danny was taking the sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed him, but he picks one battle at a time. The first battle is getting Danny back to the doctor.
'I'm not going.' Danny types quickly on the tablet and one thing Steve notices is that at least Danny was getting better with technology. Small victories he muses.
"You have to go.' Steve said and he waited for a reply and Danny shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. This is how they communicate. Typed sentences and unsaid words.
Steve thought of before this all happened before everything went wrong, he had wanted to ask Danny out. Had worked up enough courage to ask Danny and hoped that Danny would say yes. Then a bomb went off and shattered all the could have been's in one catastrophic blow. And all the words of how he really felt about Danny had gone and remained unsaid.
"You have to go because Grace wants you to go." That was a lie and Danny read the message a few times, and Steve saw the fine glint of tears in Danny's eyes. And Steve felt like a asshole for using the little girl as a weapon to guilt trip Danny to go but it worked. Danny nodded but refused to say anything to Steve and Steve felt it again, that gentle tug that this thing was destroying everything that Steve had hoped for between him and Danny. That Danny would never actually love him let alone date him. Not with this hanging over their heads.
"You want to get dressed the appointment is at ten o'clock." Steve said and Danny read the words on the tablet and he nodded. Whatever you say Steve his face said. And Steve found himself smiling. If this was before. Before the bomb, Danny would have gone off on a tirade that Steve was so bossy. And a control freak and that he always wanted what he wanted screw everyone else. But this is after. And this is a tired Danny. One who no longer cares. One who is frustrated and wants before back so badly.
He got up from the couch and went to the bathroom. Steve heard the shower being turned on and he called Chin.
"I'm gonna be late." Steve said without greeting.
"Danny's got that doctor's appointment right?" Chin asked.
"Yeah it's at ten o'clock I am not sure how long it will take. If you could hold the fort?'
"Consider it done…hey Steve, how is Danny doing?" And Steve listens to the water falling in the shower.
"Do you want the truth?"
'That would be a good place to start. We know that it's bad Steve you've never been a good liar."
"The truth is Danny's not doing well, he thought that this would be over by now, we all thought so but it's not and every damn doctor's appointment is like the one before. They keep saying the same shit that he is getting better and we should have patience. But Danny's patience is fading so is mine…Chin what if this never goes way what if.' Chin didn't let him finish.
'You can't think like that, he is going to get through this." Steve nods because he cannot find his own voice if he was to speak Chin would hear the tears in his voice. "I'll see you later, good luck at the appointment tell Danny I send my best.' Chin said and Steve cleared his throat.
"Thanks I'll do that, see you later." They said their goodbyes and Steve waited for Danny to finish in the bathroom when Danny comes out Steve notices that Danny has shaved and he takes that as a good sign. Danny hasn't bothered about his personal appearance much. But now he is clean shaven and his hair is in place and he looks like he had before this had happened. He looks cruelly like everything is normal. But it gives Steve hope maybe Chin was right that maybe this day things will be different.
He feels himself get a twinge of happiness and on the drive to the doctor's office he puts the radio on to something that Danny would totally hate and he smiles to himself thinking of all the silly arguments they had in this car. This car that Steve had practically carjacked from Danny and drove all the time. Is that when he thinks, when he stopped thinking of Danny as just his partner, but something more, something he had not known he needed until the diminutive detective from New Jersey had come barging into his life. And now he couldn't imagine life without Danny, it was as simple and as difficult as that.
As difficult as having to feel his heart break all over again as the doctor says the same damn thing to them he has been saying for the past few weeks. Time. Patience. Healing.
Steve wonders how often a heart can be broken until it is left beyond repair. How long before all hope fades. He wants to scream at the doctor. Ask him do you know what you're talking about? Tell him how he was wasting their time. He has a lot of things he wants to say but it's Danny getting up from the chair without notice that steals Steve's pent up anger from being unleashed.
"Danny!" He screamed blindly following Danny who is walking like he is on a mission like he is a man who knows exactly where he is going. And Steve realizes as he some time does that Danny cannot hear him. And he has to catch up with him. He does so out by the parking lot and he only reaches Danny because Danny is standing at his car and has no way of getting in. If he had the keys he would be gone. Steve feels his heart break a little more at the thought.
"I'm done.' Danny spoke pacing up and down. "I can't do this anymore. This is all bullshit!" Danny is not using the tablet he is just talking out loud sounding angry but most of all lost. Steve wants to reach for the tablet that Danny is holding so tightly against his chest like it is his own hostage barring Steve from talking to him.
"I'm going home tonight I want to be in my own place.' And all Steve can do is nod, he reaches out for Danny but Danny pushed his hand away.
"Drive.' Danny ordered and that's what Steve does. He calls Chin to say he is not coming in at all, that he needs to find a specialist. Someone who can really help Danny before it's too late.
Back at his house Danny starts packing his things, Steve watches without argument. He tries to busy himself and stay out of Danny's way. This was Danny's decision if he wanted to leave if he wanted his home that was his choice. There was nothing he could do about it. If he fought it he might drive Danny further away.
Steve got a list of ear specialists and started calling them methodically, he does it trying to retain his composure every time a too smart receptionist tells him of a waiting list and there was no way he could be seen to immediately. He accepts it cordially and then gets the Governor on the line who assures him that she will get Danny the best possible care. When he got off the phone feeling slight relieve he realized he can't hear Danny anymore. Can't hear Danny packing and he rushes out the door. To see Danny standing out on the back terrace watching the waves rolling back and forth. For the first time since they came from the doctor Danny appears relaxed and calm.
"So now you like the waves when you can't hear them. Go figure Daniel." Steve speaks to Danny's back and to no one really. He turned his head around and saw that Danny's bags were packed and on the couch ready to leave.
"So you're really leaving huh." Steve whispered walking closer to Danny who apparently cannot sense him or hear him which is a good thing for Steve. Because now he can speak his heart. "Danno I'd be lying if I didn't tell you this sucks." Steve said. "Maybe I should have told you this when I had the chance but I like you, actually no I think I am in love with you, you're all I think about, I just want to be around you, I care about you so much and I thought I had time to tell you these things that's the problem I thought I had all the time in the world to ask you out. To make my move. But some stupid punk destroyed everything.' Steve laughed joylessly. "I wonder what you would have said if I had asked you out? Huh Danny what would you have said if I built up the courage to do that. Just say it. Danny do you want to have dinner with me?"
"I would have said yes.' Danny whispered turning around. And the wheels in Steve's head starting turning and his eyes grew at the realization.
"You can hear me?" Steve said surprised.
"I heard the waves first and came out here and never heard such a beautiful sound…then you spoke."
"Danny we need to get you back to the doctor." Steve said almost running up to Danny just to be near to him and make sure this was real. This was really happening. Danny could hear. After all this weeks what the damn doctors had predicted was actually happening.
"Sure, just not right now okay.' Danny said quietly and Steve doesn't understand why Danny isn't freaking out why he isn't happy, why he is just so calm about this.
"Of course I understand, but the Governor is gonna call me back and she's getting you the best damn doctor on this island.' Steve realized he was rambling because he was nervous, because he was scared. Danny had heard him. Heard what he had been carrying in his heart for so very long.
"Steven not now okay please. I just, I just started believing that I'd never recover okay." Danny admitted.
"I started thinking it too, so how does it sound, I mean how is your hearing?"
"There's a loud ringing in my right ear especially which is annoying as hell and I can't hear 100%, but I can hear the waves and the trees blowing and I can hear you." Danny whispered wiping at a solitary tear in his eye and they stand there for a while not moving.
"So you would have said yes had I asked you out?" Steve asked unable to look at Danny he concentrated instead on the ocean.
"I would have." Danny said with a nod.
"Does that mean you won't if I ask you now?'
'Try me." Danny reached out his hand and took Steve's hand in his own.
"So, uh. This was so much easier when you were deaf." he said.
'Wow. That's low." Danny said laughing and he loved hearing the sound of his own laugh. Loved the touch Steve's hand in his own hand.
'I know, so after we go to the doctor and find out what miracle just happened would you like to go grab dinner with me."
"Yes.'
"I mean assuming that the doctor gives you the all clear and you're good and all that I mean we should not be talking dates when your health is very much still at stake."
'Steven I said yes.' Danny reminded him.
"You did." Steve said with a huge smile and then he remembered something important. "We have to tell Gracie."
"Can we just enjoy this moment here right now."
'Of course we can." Steve squeezed Danny's hand hard in his own and they stared out to the ocean.