So it's been a while since I've written any fic at all. I've been away from my computer a lot. But I'm back and I totally have insperation for this. Big time. But the first chapter is from Marks POV. What else?... Oh I don't own RENT obviously. And... the people involved in this fic are going to be Mark, Roger and Maureen. Because those I just write best as... well with the exception of Roger. We'll see how I do as him...
Bitter, Bruised and Broken
xXx
God, I'm shaking like a fucking junky.
Oho can't say something like that out loud. Not in present company. I glanced across the room at Roger then looked away quickly as he looked back at me. Don't be so cold. He used to be your best friend. Well wasn't he still? I was never to sure on the terms of breaking a friendship off. For all I knew we were still best friends. Wouldn't that just be a kicker? Yes. We hadn't talked in about a year but hey... we were still technically best friends. Though neither of us were for technicalities so I suppose we aren't anymore. I picked up my glass of water the ice clinking against the glass feeling like it was echoing in the deadly silent room.
Again that all went back to the fact that I was shaking like a fucking junky. Sweating like one too. Why was this so nerve racking? I had known most of these people for years. I was close with them all... Had been close... once. And the last thing I needed was Maureen giving me that look she was giving me. What? WHAT? God damn it stop looking at me! Stupid Maureen. I had half a nerve to give her the finger in return. Yeah. But I didn't. Why not? Because... she's Maureen. And I know better then anyone how she loves to bite. I would like to keep my finger thank you very much.
Well... this was awkward. Why wasn't anyone talking? We came here to talk. We had all agreed. Agreed that we needed to at least talk. See where we went wrong. Though I knew. We went wrong when we started going our separate ways. Our lives were so great before. And then one by one either someone died or moved away. When you venture away from the support you had it made things hard. Extremely hard. And it hurt to think that every step that I would take never got me to far. Not as far as I would have gotten when I was with them. We should have never tried to make it on our own. I should have seen this coming. It was what I did. I stopped people from doing things that they would regret. Or try to stop them. Give them warnings. Well where was I when Joanne moved away? Where was I when Collins died? Where was I when Mimi had died?
I don't know. But that is to much for one person to bare on their own. No one ever helped me. No one ever fucking listened when I had a problem. No one ever cared when something happened to me. Did I honestly care about that though? They were perverse thoughts that disgusted me, but yes... I did care. I stopped caring about them because they never cared about me. The truth hurts. But it's still the truth.
Is it possible to drown yourself in a glass of water? Because if it is... that sounded like a pretty good idea at the moment. Anything would be better then being here. With them. It probably hurt more to remember that I do miss them. Is it possible to miss someone who is sitting right next to you? Yes, it was. They weren't always next to me though. I wasn't the only one who hadn't been there. Roger and Maureen were both guilty of it as well. Maybe that was why we were the only ones left. We were still at least mentally sane to some extent because he hadn't been there. People don't deserve to go through what we all went through. Loosing so many friends. It was wrong. The only way to get through it was to detach. And Roger had scrutinized me for doing just that. Filthy hypocrite. If anyone was guilty of detaching it was him. Bastard...
There was a thin line between despair and insanity. And we all three have been walking it for the past year. Which is why we are all here now. To try to fix what is left of our lives. Fix what we can at least. The pieces may be to small and to scattered. But we need to try. Why are they still looking at me? Do they want me to talk? Why? Oh, right... because I'm Mark. I'm the one who helped get things started. I didn't want to be, but if I didn't I would have that nagging feeling. And at the moment I had the nagging feeling that I was going to be stared at all night if I didn't say something. These two were adults and they were acting like I was their kindergarten teacher. God. Well... might as well say something... But what...
"So, what have you guys been up to?"
xXx
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Oh and I totally have to tell you the deal on Thats Poetic... I'll probably update soon. But like I said I've been away for a while... Sorry guys.