Whew, I finally got another story ready after a few months of not having time for anything. So, this time around, I thought I'd make a oneshot featuring Rika and Satoko, two of my favorite anime characters of all time. I'm doing it in a Rika POV, so please go easy on me seeing as this is the first type of story I've done this with. If I had to give it a place in the series, it would probably be a slight alternative to the night before the club goes to child services to try to explain how urgent the abuse problem is in episode 8 of Higurashi Kai, also known as part 3 of the Minagoroshi-hen. It does world-hop slightly though, so just know that that's the place she is in at this moment in time.
PS: The starred words are terms unique to the series that I've put a slight definition of after the author's note. Most of you probably know what they mean or are, but it's just a precaution for those who are possibly newer to the series so that they can be let into the circle of knowhow. Oh, and of course, you risk spoilers if you read this before you finish the series… but, in any case… Enjoy~
Reflection to a Good Friend
It's once again coming to be the Watanagashi festival*... My, how time flies when you constantly repeat the same events endlessly. The day I dread is about to arrive, and once again I won't be able to do anything about it. But that's alright. This is the one kakera* I don't mind seeing end; because this is the one Satoko is abused by her terrible uncle.
All of us have suffered through our own trials and hardships. I may be the only one to remember, but that in a sense is a curse itself. I am the only player of this twisted game who does not have the luxury of forgetting the lost kakeras upon entering each new kakera, endlessly killed not only suddenly but brutally in this eternal June*. Even so, it is not I who am the most unfortunate of us all. No, that place is reserved solely to Satoko, who has had to deal with so much pain no matter the kakera I was thrown into.
I could go on listing Satoko's troubles for nearly an eternity itself. Her family being ripped apart, her parents' death, her abusive aunt and uncle, her Nii-Nii running away, her—
No, enough… just stop… if I think about that now too, I'll only break down more, knowing she's had to return to that disgusting uncle. She was finally happy, and now she will be broken again. For what? So fate can have its twisted fun?
It's so different here at home without her here. I look at the empty futon beside mine when I'm sitting in my usual spot at the windowsill, and it's a rude awakening to the fact that she's not here anymore… that she's trapped in that hell of abuse and torture.
I miss her smile so much… the genuine smile that only Satoko can give. An innocent, cheerful smile full of joy and caring. That smile is the only thing that helps me go on through this labyrinth these days, and now that has been replaced by a look of brokenness and pain. I would give anything to make that smile return, even if only for the short time before the insanity starts yet again.
It's so hard to watch her lie and act as if she was alright while she is at school, only to be forced to return to that lazy bastard and have to attend to his every whim. Why? Why does it have to be her? Fate doesn't have the right to deal such a good child such a terrible hand.
I've tried persuading her to return home with me, but she always refuses in every kakera this happens in, no matter how hard I plead. She always says that she needs to take care of her uncle or that she doesn't want to be a burden to me. But, you don't understand… you've never been a burden. You're like a sister to me, and I don't ever want you to be like this.
Satoko has always been like this, though. She keeps too much inside, and she needs to know that she can talk to her friends about anything. But, I won't say that that hiding things is entirely wrong. I would be a hypocrite if I did. I only wish for whatever will make her truly happy, that is all.
That being said, there are times I wish that I could just trade places with Satoko. It's foolish to think like that, I know, but seeing her so broken like she is now is more painful than anything to me. I could feel the pain of one hundred deaths at once, and it still wouldn't match how much it hurts to watch her in pain. Besides, I have gotten to the point where I hold no fear for death, so I doubt I wouldn't be able to shoulder the burden. But Satoko would hate herself for it…
I wouldn't ever want to do something that would hurt her in any way. But, even so, I can't ever seem to avoid it.
It doesn't happen very often, but occasionally Satoko will catch an oddity in my behavior and become very worried in other kakera. One time, she caught me talking to Hanyuu in the middle of the night while I was looking out at the moon. She had apparently woken up because I became slightly too loud talking to Hanyuu about the hopeless situation going on around me. No one else other than me can see Hanyuu, so it was obvious that Satoko was worried, hearing me shout to midair. Just great… I probably had her thinking I was delusional or something…
There were other times, too, that I had unintentionally hurt her. Where I had lost my child façade for a just a moment, and my true self showed up upon my expression. Those times always worried my friends, but I could just fix it by giving a cheery smile and a cute "Nipah~". But that didn't work on Satoko. She saw through it every time…
She often times asks me what's wrong when I make those slip-ups. It's obvious then that I've failed in keeping her from worrying about me. I try to tell her it's nothing, but that only makes things worse. My, how I fail miserably to hide my emotions when it matters. I know Satoko wishes to cheer me up and help me as her dear friend. I appreciate that deeply… but I have to make it through this game against fate alone. If I ever told you that my life was in danger, you would constantly fret over my well being, and probably get caught up in it yourself. If you ever got hurt because of me, I doubt I would ever be able to live with myself.
Even so, I never seem to get that feeling across to you correctly. You still worry constantly for me after you see me like that.
"Mii. It's alright, Satoko! I'm just spacing out. Worries, worries, go away! Nipah~!" I'll say as I pat her head while making the biggest smile I can to cheer her up.
Her eyes well up with tears and she gets really upset.
"Why are you lying, Rika? Am I really not that trustworthy?"
No… it's not that, Satoko. I know it's hard to understand, but I just can't tell you. If I told you, you would only get hurt. You're the person closest to me, the person I trust more than anyone in this twisted existence. Besides, even if I told you my secret that I've been repeating my death for over a hundred years… would you really believe me?
It hurts to lie to her. It hurts so much, but I have to lie. I've lied so long that I doubt I could go on living normally without lying. My whole outer existence is a lie, so how could I simply tell her the truth now? If it didn't break her trust towards me, it would leave her horribly scarred knowing that I'm no longer the innocent, young girl everyone thinks they know. So, is it so wrong for me to lie to her like this? If anything, I'm saving her from more worry and pain, right?
But, maybe I should tell her. That way she has time to prepare mentally for the inevitable.
That way it won't be such a shock to her when she finds out that I died.
That is something that always worries me after my death many kakera. Just how will you, my best friend in the whole world, after all the time we spent together, accept my death… and even worse, if you saw my body after it? I hope with all my might that that has never happened, but how would I ever know if it has? But, if it has, then please… don't grieve over me, Satoko. I know it's hard, to have lost so much, but I don't want to add to that pain even more. Please, try to remember only the happy moments between us, or even forget about me if it's too painful to accept that I'm gone, but don't torture yourself thinking that this was your fault, alright?
But, that is wishful thinking, isn't it, especially in this kakera, where you're already over the breaking point? I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… but I will die again in this kakera, too, no matter how hard I try to live, just like always. Even so, I will not yield to fate. Even if I have to play this game with fate for an eternity, I will never stop until you, Keiichi, Rena, Mion, Shion, and I all can live happily. I will accept no less from fate for what it has done to all of us.
I will find a world where we can all just live a normal, fun life. Where Mion can boast about her skill and be the club president we all love. Where Keiichi can enjoy each day to the fullest, looking forward to hanging out with his dear friends that he cares so much for. Where Rena can happily go into "omomichikaeri" mode and try to run off with something cute to her heart's content. Where Shion can come to Hinamizawa and enjoy being with her twin sister just like in their childhood. Where you get to have fun pulling pranks and showing your mastery of traps with Keiichi as the unknowing prey, and maybe even where Satoshi returns to you.
Keiichi had once told me something invaluable that I will never forget. He may not know it, but those words that he said that day have forever changed my view on this game, even if I do tend to lose sight of that at times.
"Fate can easily be broken. If you give up just because it is fate, then it's the end."
Perhaps that applies here with Satoko as well. If I simply give up now on saving Satoko in this world, then that is no better than yielding to fate as well. Divided, we may be weak, but if we work with each other, perhaps Satoko's tragedy can be averted at the very least. If we can at least save Satoko, then that is a victory against fate in and of itself.
*wry laugh* Maybe I'm a fool after all, giving hope yet another chance even after I told Hanyuu I would no longer try to fight in this Kakera. Even so, I cannot and will not allow Satoko to suffer any longer. That is the extent of my conviction right here and now. Although that is probably a doomed goal as well, and I may lose this will to fight yet again very soon, for now, I will wait and see just whether or not a miracle for Satoko can possibly be created.
Let me just try believing one more time, for Satoko.
Well, that's it for this time around. I hope Rika-chan wasn't OOC, and is she was it wasn't bad. I really stress that kind of thing, but I still am rather new to writing fanfiction, with this being my second story I've ever put up on here. If there's some kind of huge error, please feel free to P.M. me and let me know. I've been reading the manga version much more as of late than watching the anime, so the manga could have possibly jumbled me up somehow. Also, I would greatly appreciate reviews if you, the reader, are willing to do so. I really want to figure out where my weak spots are and fix them so that I can become a better writer for my readers, and I would appreciate it more than anything to receive that from you, the reader. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. That's what is important. ^_^
I can't help but feel that Keiichi slipped his way under the radar and into a decently good part of this fic that was supposed to be have only Rika and Satoko as the main characters to focus on. XD
Oh, and please don't flame. Respect is a very important thing.
Watanagashi Festival- A festival devoted to Hinamizawa's deity, Oyashiro. While it is supposed to be a time to have fun, to Rika this is a reminder to her soon-to-come death, as she always is killed within a few days of the festival, whether by her own friends because of the syndrome's insanity, or her unknown killer.
Eternal June- The month that Rika is stuck dying in for all eternity, because she is killed in this month and reincarnated back to the past, near or distant, to repeat the cycle again, but in a different reality with different circumstances.
Labyrinth- The labyrinth is the eternal June that Rika has been trapped in for the entire century of her world-hopping. She considers it a labyrinth because no matter what she does, she and her friends can never find a way to escape it.
Kakera- What Rika and Hanyuu all refer to as each separate world in the labyrinth. Essentially, a kakera is one world in and of itself, and when Rika dies she is transported to another kakera by Hanyuu after visiting the "Sea of Kakera", which holds all the fragments of the tragedies in past worlds.
