Now Claude, I understand you are having some female problems while on your adventure. Every word you say to these girls is offending them and at this rate your ending will be a solo ending in a shack with millions of cats. You don't want to end up like Noel, do you? Let me help you understand women that way you will end up with the woman of your dreams. Fangirls everywhere are putting you in outlandish situations with Dias and Ashton in their fan fiction and they have the most vivid imaginations. If you don't want their stories to become a reality then I will offer you this Female-Male dictionary with translations men would understand.
Celine
Celine is a flamboyant sorceress who is into fashion and jewelry. Her personality is very "what you see is what you get" and is honest most of the time. However, there are phrases she says that mean something else. Here are some examples:
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
Celine hides her true feelings about her appearance in front of people. She is not asking if she looks overweight, because near people, especially men, she will admit to being the hottest thing alive. This is what she really means:
"Do I look skankishly enough for you?"
The correct response to this question is:
"You look damn sexy! Let's make out!"
Another thing she may tell you is, "Nice shirt," which really means, "You look ugly." Next time in battle, pretend to be a knight in shining armour, or just die.
Rena
Rena is a shy girl who likes cute animals and is naïve. Due to her introvert personality, what she says is very important and some times she says something to maintain an innocent reputation. Here is an example:
"Do I have something on my face?"
She is saying this because you are most likely starring at her. To a regular innocent girl, you may think when a guy is checking her out she is blushing, but the real Rena is saying:
"ARE YOU STARRING AT MY CHEST, YOU PERVERT? IT'S A GOOD THING I DON'T HAVE A CHAINSAW OTHERWISE I'D SAW YOU INTO PIECES!"
The correct response to this question is:
"No, I was too busy starring into your beautiful eyes to notice anything else."
Another phrase she may say is this:
"Go watch the game with your friends and drink beer, like I care."
This phrase is very common among women and it's not a good sign. She is being sarcastic and is upset that you would choose someone over her. This is what she is saying:
"You may go out with your friends but when you come home you will be sleeping on the couch."
The correct response would be:
"No, we are going out to a fancy dinner followed by an opera that night instead."
Precis
Precis is a hyper teenager who eats too much sugar and inhales helium; she may be under the influence of crack sometimes. To begin with, she is in love, or should I say obsessed over you. Impressing her won't be hard. When she says this:
"Can you fix my car?"
It's an obvious lie! We all know Precis can fix her own car and if she did need help she wouldn't ask you. This is what she is really saying:
"Can you sex me up?"
The correct response would be a simple Y-E-S.
Opera
Opera is loyal to her boyfriend Ernest, but that is where you make her change her mind about him. Make her forget about him. There is one thing Opera likes and that is a cold glass of beer, or a bottle of wine, or anything alcoholic. Giving her alcohol may sound like an increase on the friendship meter but your presumption is wrong. Here is an example:
"Can you get me a drink?"
Translation – "Sorry, but the only way to make-out with you is if I'm intoxicated."
Instead, offer her some expensive perfume or write her a poem on how much you love her.
Chisato
Chisato is a nosey reporter who is someone you don't want to mess with. Because she is a journalist, her attention span is short. When she says this:
"Do you know what time it is?"
The translation is, "You're boring, how long did you bore me?"
Sorry, but it seems like Chisato isn't interested. Next time, don't have the topic of your conversation anything to do with video games and/or science fiction related. Or simply shut up and listen.
I hope this guide has helped you in understanding women. If women are still repelled by you that is not my fault, you must be the biggest nerd in the universe. Then again, I'm sure even the biggest nerd would have an easier time picking up women than you do.
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AN: I wrote this story with Cutepiku four years ago but in chat script format. Also, it isn't nearly as detailed. I hope you enjoyed the satire humour because I know it's a humour not everyone finds humourous. I'm guessing these translations can work on anyone except the "Does this dress make me look fat?" If a woman is asking a guy that question she is really saying, "Now tell me how beautiful I am," because we are expecting a guy to shower us with comments. The correct response would be to do what she says and tell her how beautiful she is, or be sarcastic and say you are fat, but make sure you say it with a smile that way she will know you aren't serious!