Open Mind, Closed Heart
by Tabris
rated PG for some language and mild violence
disclaimer: I own nothing, for someday, I shall die. Well, that's a slight exaggeration. In any case, don't sue, for as I mentioned before, I own nothing. You'd just be trying to draw water from an empty well that's passive aggressive and has anger management issues. ____________________________________________________________
Chapter 1: This is Love?
Starfire, like all her people, was a very open, emotionally driven young lady. When she felt something, she made no attempt to hide it. And right now, she felt love.
Over time, it became more and more obvious that Starfire and Robin were a real item together. There was no denying the natural magnetism between the two. But what wasn't nearly as obvious were Starfire's feelings towards Raven.
Raven was a completely foreign species to Starfire, in more than one respect. She was quiet, for starters. Now, Starfire knew some people were just plain not that talkative, but Raven carried it to extremes. She would say an average of four or five sentences a day, not including her chants, and this was when she was in a good mood. But whatever her mood, she really liked her solitude. Starfire had moments when she wanted to be alone (no matter how rare those moments might have been) but Raven, again, took it to the extreme. At home, she would only appear for meals or to watch the occasional movie. Outside, she was always on the edge of the group, always diverting her attention elsewhere. Finally, what Starfire found to be most incomprehensible, Raven had a very dark, gloomy disposition. She spent her free time reading depressing poems, listening to depressing music, and hanging out at the almost suicide inducing Murder of Crows Cafe. If this somehow made her happy, no one knew. One could count the number of times she smiled in front of someone on one hand. And ironically, it was all this that drew Starfire to her like a moth to a flame. She was totally unlike anyone or anything she had seen before. Over the months, her shy curiosity had snowballed into what one could consider a crush. She had thought long and hard about her feelings, and today, she had finally sorted everything out and she was ready to announce her love to the world.
Starfire had gathered her fellow Titans- save for Raven- in the living room.
"What did you want to tell us, Star?" said Robin.
She glanced door, hoping Raven would pop in at the last second. She didn't.
"Friends...there is someone I am in love with."
Cyborg and Beast Boy when "Ahhhh!" in the fashion that a studio audience would during moments like this. Robin grinned sheepishly and blushed.
"Star...I really don't know what to say..." he said, half feigning his surprise.
His surprise would genuine soon enough.
"So, who is it?" Beast Boy, casually pointing at Robin.
"Dear friends, I am in love with Raven!" Starfire beamed.
The boys sat frozen in shock for a good ten seconds before Cyborg and Beast Boy started giggling like any teenage boy would in a situation like this.
"Guys, shut up!" Robin hissed at them, "So, Starfire...you're..."
He had difficulty finding the words.
"I am in love with friend Raven." she said, still smiling.
Starfire wasn't sure what to make of this. On her planet, when one found someone they were in love with, it was a time of much joy and merriment. But she quickly reminded herself that this was Earth, and according to what Cyborg and Beast Boy were doing, the custom was to giggle and whisper something along the lines of "lesbian boobies".
"Don't pay attention to them." said Robin, managing to regain his composure, "So...I never knew you...liked girls, Star."
It took Starfire a few seconds to understand what he meant.
"Oh! On my planet, partners love each other regardless of being male or female. Are...Cyborg and Beast Boy not partners?"
The two suddenly stopped giggling. They looked at each of a moment, then shuddered.
"I kinda hope I could do better than BB." said Cyborg.
"Hey!" Beast Boy objected, "Lots of girls would consider me a good catch!"
"Yeah, as a fish, not as a boy."
And the two were sucked up into a torrent of childish name calling, leaving Robin alone to explain how complicated love on Earth was.
"Star, on this planet, relationships aren't that simple. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. Most of the time, you'll end up getting your heart broken."
"Oh my!" she gasped, "The internal hemoreg-"
"No, Star, it's a figure of speech. But it really does feel like your heart breaks."
This morning, it had seemed to fit together so well. This was turning out far more complicated that she thought it would be.
Raven suddenly realized she missed whatever it was Starfire wanted to announce. She figured it was something less than announcement worthy, like Starfire just finding about the Teletubbies.
"I can just imagine that. 'Friends! I have discovered a race of beings with monitors implanted in their abdominal regions!'"
Raven quickly pushed the thought aside. She knew better than to let her mind drift to such trivial things. Sometimes, she honestly had to wonder if staying here was a good idea. Before, her feelings were numbed, almost dead, and now her mind kept wandering. She had to spend more and more time suppressing and controlling.
Deep in meditation, she didn't notice the door open.
"Raven?"
Her focus was disrupted, and this set into motion what had become a familiar chain reaction of losing and regaining control.
"Yes, Starfire?" she said irately.
"Why did you not come to listen to what I had to say?"
"Slipped my mind."
"But it was- is very important!"
Raven sighed. She wouldn't be returning to her meditation so soon.
"Does it involve a giant monster?"
"No."
"Killer robots?"
"No."
"An evil genius?"
"No."
"An ancient god that threatens to consume our mortal souls?"
"No."
"Then it's not important."
She though this would send Starfire along her way.
"It is important to me."
Her tone was one she rarely used. It was strong and confident, almost authoritive. It was the kind of tone that demanded people's attention.
"Alright, then. What is it?"
Taking a deep breath, she readied herself for what she had to say.
"Raven, my dear friend, I love you."
Raven slowly cocked an eyebrow.
"That's what-"
The context of what Starfire said quickly dawned on her. The chain reaction was set off again. The act of control was slower to take effect this time.
"Wh...whatever."
Robin had been right. It did hurt. But she wasn't the only one in pain. Raven's hardened defenses hadn't hidden the slight quiver in her voice.
"Raven?"
"Look, if that's your thing...whatever. Fine by me. Now will you please leave?"
Starfire gave a modest nod and walked out. Yes, Robin was right, but now she was really beginning to understand what he said. It felt like her heart had been viciously ripped out and trampled upon. Was this love? She never heard of anything like this happening on her homeworld. From what she heard, love was a beautiful, wonderful thing. Everything had always fit perfectly, painlessly into place. Is this what love really was?
Confused and disillusioned, she wandered up to the roof, taking no mind of the swollen gray clouds looming over head. Then she cried.
"Damn it, Starfire."
Unable to focus with Starfire's words floating around in her mind, Raven decided to cut her meditation session short and curl up with a book. For some reason, though, nothing really striked her fancy today. Then her sight fell upon a small, worn black book. When she took it out, she remembered what purpose it had served. "Raven's Diary" was written on a piece of tape on the cover. About half the pages were wrinkled, bearing a great deal of ink and lead. She sat on her bed and casually flipped through it.
"February 14th."
Raven quickly turned to the next entry.
"February 15th. I don't understand it. I'm pretty, aren't I? Maybe not as pretty as the other girls, but I'm still pretty. And I'm nice, unlike the rest of the kids here. Everyone's mean to me, and I never did anything to them! Well, I'll show them. I've tried really hard to keep my powers a secret, but why shouldn't I use them? Especially on mean people like them?"
If she remembered right, she was eight when she wrote this.
"February 23rd. What happened to me? Everything went wrong! It wasn't suppose to happen like this! I said that chant Mom told me to say to control my powers, but it didn't work! I had to run away because of these stupid powers! Why can't a I be a normal kid? Dad was a bad man, but does that make me bad too? Does God hate me because I'm the child of a bad man?"
Out of a morbid urge for self reflection, Raven read on. The diary hadn't seen anything for a few years after that entry.
"August 2nd. Took up smoking. Don't really like it, but it helps keeps me calm. You know, I really don't like it here. It's too hot and sunny here to wear anything dark. Yes, it's summer, but there's practically no shade around here, and Bill would probably want another 'favor' if I got a fan put in my room. When I asked for a TV for my room, at least I was able to screw with the film before those pictures developed. He'll probably want more this time. I guess I shouldn't have destroyed those pictures. If I had those, maybe Maria would believe me and that slimeball could get thrown in prison. Oh well."
"August 3rd. Bill and Maria were fighting again this morning, so I had to buy breakfast with what little money I have. I hung around outside later. They were really getting into it. I left when my headaches acted up again. Since then, I've hung out in this old van in the junkyard. I only snuck back in the house to grab a few things. I'm going to camp out here tonight. It's not like anyone will care."
She slammed the book close.
"Enough of that."
Robin was lecturing the other boys when Starfire walked in.
"-Surprised that she's gone because your behavior."
"C'mon, Robin!" said Cyborg, "We didn't mean anything by-"
"Star likes boobies!" Beast Boy chimed.
"Yeah, that."
"Don't tease her! Raven probably-"
Robin noticed Starfire as she glumly plopped down on the couch. Things were quiet until Robin nudged Cyborg.
"Hey, Star?" he said, "Me and Beast Boy are sorry about giggling earlier. We totally respect your sexual preference."
"We even think it's pretty cool." Beast Boy added with a playful grin.
"Thank you, friends." Starfire said in a barely auditable voice.
Robin sat down next to her and put an arm around her.
"I guess...she..."
He couldn't bring himself to finish. It would only reopen her wound.
"Hey," said Cyborg, "I know what'll cheer you up! I went to the mall earlier, and guess what I found?"
Cyborg reached into the large cardboard box that Starfire somehow missed when she entered the room.
"Happy Fun Fun Dance Party Revolution Remix! And see? I got four of those dance pad...things and a multitap, so you can whup all our butts at the same time!"
"Thank you, Cyborg, but I do not feel like happy fun fun dancing or the whupping of multiple buttocks."
Cyborg muttered something about one hundred bucks and a lost receipt. It was time for Beast Boy to try his hand at lifting his friend's spirits.
"Hey, Star, how 'bout we...like...make some of that pudding you make when your sad? Like...uh...the pudding of...deep depression?"
Starfire lifted her gaze from her lap.
"We do not make pudding for deep depression, for that would be silly. We make jello."
"So...jello of deep depression it is, then! Boy, that sure sounds good!"
"The jello of deep depression is rather foul tasting, and has been known to cause the same side effects as...what is it called...asbestos?"
"Wow." Beast Boy responded after a long pause, "Why do they make it?"
"I do not know." she said with a sigh, "The customs of my planet are beginning to confuse me as well."
She got up and headed for the door.
"I...am going for a walk. If you are still going to make the jello of deep depression, please do so in a well ventilated area."
All they could do is stand by helplessly as she walked out.
"Azarath...Metrion...Zyn...feh."
She still couldn't concentrate. Nothing was blowing up, which was always a good sign, but she couldn't afford slip ups. One out of check feeling and everything would, quite literally, go to Hell. She looked at the mirror sitting on her dresser. The "Speculum Psyche"; the mirror that looked into Raven's own soul, as well as providing a means of getting into this troubled micro-cosm. As she stared at it, Starfire's words repeated themselves again and again.
"She loves me. Has anyone ever said that to me and honestly meant it?"
When she really thought about it, the answer was no. And the more she thought about it, the more her control slipped. She didn't notice the mirror wobble.
"Not once in my life has anyone said they loved me."
The mirror suddenly shattered. Some small shards flew at Raven, but she raised her arms in time to protect her face. She grumbled as she picked out the glass splinters. It would take days of digging through arcane tomes to remember how to repair the mirror.
A larger shard on the floor, stained deep red, caught her eye. She suddenly noticed a rather sizable wet spot on her sleeve. She rolled it up and saw her wrist had received a nasty flesh wound. Nothing that serious, but it did call for a bit of medical attention. However, Raven just stared at it hypnotically at the cut. Blood slowly ran down her arm, over light laceration scars. Red lines were traced over the marks, creating the illusion that they were fresh. The beating of rain on the window snapped her out of her trance.
Raven checked the hallway, making sure there was no one around to see her wrist, and hastily walked to the bathroom to get some gauze wrap and some sort of dressing for the wound. When she dug around in the medicine cabinet, she caught sight of her nearly empty bag of disposable razors. When you fight crime in a costume that shows off your bare legs, you become concerned with smoothness rather quickly.
Her gaze shifted from the razors, to her wound, and back again. She took what she needed and closed the cabinet.
When she returned to her room, she took off her outfit. The noticeable blood stain would attract unwanted attention and questions. When she reached for one of her multiple identical outfits, she looked down at her body. While she certainly was not an unattractive girl, her body did look frail and underdeveloped. Anyone who didn't know who she was would think she was just a fragile, unhealthy young lady.
Raven frowned a bit and put on a fresh outfit.
The rain had left the streets pretty empty, with the occasional car passing by. While Starfire normally liked the busy crowds in the city, she felt grateful for the emptiness this evening.
She didn't know where she was going, or why she had went out in the first place. It certainly wasn't the kind of weather to wander aimlessly in, but she felt she just had to get out. Now that she was out, she felt even more lost and confused.
Back on her planet, everything would have went just fine. She would be happy, Raven would be happy, they would exchange five hundred line long poems expressing their feelings, and live happily ever after. But then she realized something. What about Raven's feelings? Starfire loved her, but did she love her back? From the time she spent in her company, she didn't really seem to like anyone. When she first joined the Titans, she seemed reluctant about it and kept everyone at arm's length. Not much had changed. Starfire had time and time again tried to be friendly to her, but she either met with irritability or no response at all. She had kept offering her hand in friendship, and Raven slapped it away every time.
Starfire knew how Raven felt now. She hated her. ____________________________________________________________
author's notes: Y'know, while I haven't really reached my true potential in this, I have to say this work really sucked me in. It's been a while since I really been this absorbed into something I'm writing. It's all just flowing so freely out of me. I went to work on this with an angsty romance in mind, and...well, it took on a life of it's own. When any work of art just comes to you with so naturally, no matter what the finished project is, it's a beautiful thing. Maybe it comes from the heart, or maybe I'm just a sentimentally jackass. I'll let you, dear reader, decide.
I know the diary thing is gonna be an issue, so I'll address it right now. I've never read the comics (they're not in anime, for you less knowledgeable youngsters out there), so yes, I'm a whore of a man for not doing my homework. But hey, I can use that as an excuse to exercise my creative license. Not doing any research, I mean. Not the man whore thing.
Remember the three Rs, people: Read, review, and praise me. Hey, there's in an R in "praise", and it's almost at the beginning.
rated PG for some language and mild violence
disclaimer: I own nothing, for someday, I shall die. Well, that's a slight exaggeration. In any case, don't sue, for as I mentioned before, I own nothing. You'd just be trying to draw water from an empty well that's passive aggressive and has anger management issues. ____________________________________________________________
Chapter 1: This is Love?
Starfire, like all her people, was a very open, emotionally driven young lady. When she felt something, she made no attempt to hide it. And right now, she felt love.
Over time, it became more and more obvious that Starfire and Robin were a real item together. There was no denying the natural magnetism between the two. But what wasn't nearly as obvious were Starfire's feelings towards Raven.
Raven was a completely foreign species to Starfire, in more than one respect. She was quiet, for starters. Now, Starfire knew some people were just plain not that talkative, but Raven carried it to extremes. She would say an average of four or five sentences a day, not including her chants, and this was when she was in a good mood. But whatever her mood, she really liked her solitude. Starfire had moments when she wanted to be alone (no matter how rare those moments might have been) but Raven, again, took it to the extreme. At home, she would only appear for meals or to watch the occasional movie. Outside, she was always on the edge of the group, always diverting her attention elsewhere. Finally, what Starfire found to be most incomprehensible, Raven had a very dark, gloomy disposition. She spent her free time reading depressing poems, listening to depressing music, and hanging out at the almost suicide inducing Murder of Crows Cafe. If this somehow made her happy, no one knew. One could count the number of times she smiled in front of someone on one hand. And ironically, it was all this that drew Starfire to her like a moth to a flame. She was totally unlike anyone or anything she had seen before. Over the months, her shy curiosity had snowballed into what one could consider a crush. She had thought long and hard about her feelings, and today, she had finally sorted everything out and she was ready to announce her love to the world.
Starfire had gathered her fellow Titans- save for Raven- in the living room.
"What did you want to tell us, Star?" said Robin.
She glanced door, hoping Raven would pop in at the last second. She didn't.
"Friends...there is someone I am in love with."
Cyborg and Beast Boy when "Ahhhh!" in the fashion that a studio audience would during moments like this. Robin grinned sheepishly and blushed.
"Star...I really don't know what to say..." he said, half feigning his surprise.
His surprise would genuine soon enough.
"So, who is it?" Beast Boy, casually pointing at Robin.
"Dear friends, I am in love with Raven!" Starfire beamed.
The boys sat frozen in shock for a good ten seconds before Cyborg and Beast Boy started giggling like any teenage boy would in a situation like this.
"Guys, shut up!" Robin hissed at them, "So, Starfire...you're..."
He had difficulty finding the words.
"I am in love with friend Raven." she said, still smiling.
Starfire wasn't sure what to make of this. On her planet, when one found someone they were in love with, it was a time of much joy and merriment. But she quickly reminded herself that this was Earth, and according to what Cyborg and Beast Boy were doing, the custom was to giggle and whisper something along the lines of "lesbian boobies".
"Don't pay attention to them." said Robin, managing to regain his composure, "So...I never knew you...liked girls, Star."
It took Starfire a few seconds to understand what he meant.
"Oh! On my planet, partners love each other regardless of being male or female. Are...Cyborg and Beast Boy not partners?"
The two suddenly stopped giggling. They looked at each of a moment, then shuddered.
"I kinda hope I could do better than BB." said Cyborg.
"Hey!" Beast Boy objected, "Lots of girls would consider me a good catch!"
"Yeah, as a fish, not as a boy."
And the two were sucked up into a torrent of childish name calling, leaving Robin alone to explain how complicated love on Earth was.
"Star, on this planet, relationships aren't that simple. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. Most of the time, you'll end up getting your heart broken."
"Oh my!" she gasped, "The internal hemoreg-"
"No, Star, it's a figure of speech. But it really does feel like your heart breaks."
This morning, it had seemed to fit together so well. This was turning out far more complicated that she thought it would be.
Raven suddenly realized she missed whatever it was Starfire wanted to announce. She figured it was something less than announcement worthy, like Starfire just finding about the Teletubbies.
"I can just imagine that. 'Friends! I have discovered a race of beings with monitors implanted in their abdominal regions!'"
Raven quickly pushed the thought aside. She knew better than to let her mind drift to such trivial things. Sometimes, she honestly had to wonder if staying here was a good idea. Before, her feelings were numbed, almost dead, and now her mind kept wandering. She had to spend more and more time suppressing and controlling.
Deep in meditation, she didn't notice the door open.
"Raven?"
Her focus was disrupted, and this set into motion what had become a familiar chain reaction of losing and regaining control.
"Yes, Starfire?" she said irately.
"Why did you not come to listen to what I had to say?"
"Slipped my mind."
"But it was- is very important!"
Raven sighed. She wouldn't be returning to her meditation so soon.
"Does it involve a giant monster?"
"No."
"Killer robots?"
"No."
"An evil genius?"
"No."
"An ancient god that threatens to consume our mortal souls?"
"No."
"Then it's not important."
She though this would send Starfire along her way.
"It is important to me."
Her tone was one she rarely used. It was strong and confident, almost authoritive. It was the kind of tone that demanded people's attention.
"Alright, then. What is it?"
Taking a deep breath, she readied herself for what she had to say.
"Raven, my dear friend, I love you."
Raven slowly cocked an eyebrow.
"That's what-"
The context of what Starfire said quickly dawned on her. The chain reaction was set off again. The act of control was slower to take effect this time.
"Wh...whatever."
Robin had been right. It did hurt. But she wasn't the only one in pain. Raven's hardened defenses hadn't hidden the slight quiver in her voice.
"Raven?"
"Look, if that's your thing...whatever. Fine by me. Now will you please leave?"
Starfire gave a modest nod and walked out. Yes, Robin was right, but now she was really beginning to understand what he said. It felt like her heart had been viciously ripped out and trampled upon. Was this love? She never heard of anything like this happening on her homeworld. From what she heard, love was a beautiful, wonderful thing. Everything had always fit perfectly, painlessly into place. Is this what love really was?
Confused and disillusioned, she wandered up to the roof, taking no mind of the swollen gray clouds looming over head. Then she cried.
"Damn it, Starfire."
Unable to focus with Starfire's words floating around in her mind, Raven decided to cut her meditation session short and curl up with a book. For some reason, though, nothing really striked her fancy today. Then her sight fell upon a small, worn black book. When she took it out, she remembered what purpose it had served. "Raven's Diary" was written on a piece of tape on the cover. About half the pages were wrinkled, bearing a great deal of ink and lead. She sat on her bed and casually flipped through it.
"February 14th."
Raven quickly turned to the next entry.
"February 15th. I don't understand it. I'm pretty, aren't I? Maybe not as pretty as the other girls, but I'm still pretty. And I'm nice, unlike the rest of the kids here. Everyone's mean to me, and I never did anything to them! Well, I'll show them. I've tried really hard to keep my powers a secret, but why shouldn't I use them? Especially on mean people like them?"
If she remembered right, she was eight when she wrote this.
"February 23rd. What happened to me? Everything went wrong! It wasn't suppose to happen like this! I said that chant Mom told me to say to control my powers, but it didn't work! I had to run away because of these stupid powers! Why can't a I be a normal kid? Dad was a bad man, but does that make me bad too? Does God hate me because I'm the child of a bad man?"
Out of a morbid urge for self reflection, Raven read on. The diary hadn't seen anything for a few years after that entry.
"August 2nd. Took up smoking. Don't really like it, but it helps keeps me calm. You know, I really don't like it here. It's too hot and sunny here to wear anything dark. Yes, it's summer, but there's practically no shade around here, and Bill would probably want another 'favor' if I got a fan put in my room. When I asked for a TV for my room, at least I was able to screw with the film before those pictures developed. He'll probably want more this time. I guess I shouldn't have destroyed those pictures. If I had those, maybe Maria would believe me and that slimeball could get thrown in prison. Oh well."
"August 3rd. Bill and Maria were fighting again this morning, so I had to buy breakfast with what little money I have. I hung around outside later. They were really getting into it. I left when my headaches acted up again. Since then, I've hung out in this old van in the junkyard. I only snuck back in the house to grab a few things. I'm going to camp out here tonight. It's not like anyone will care."
She slammed the book close.
"Enough of that."
Robin was lecturing the other boys when Starfire walked in.
"-Surprised that she's gone because your behavior."
"C'mon, Robin!" said Cyborg, "We didn't mean anything by-"
"Star likes boobies!" Beast Boy chimed.
"Yeah, that."
"Don't tease her! Raven probably-"
Robin noticed Starfire as she glumly plopped down on the couch. Things were quiet until Robin nudged Cyborg.
"Hey, Star?" he said, "Me and Beast Boy are sorry about giggling earlier. We totally respect your sexual preference."
"We even think it's pretty cool." Beast Boy added with a playful grin.
"Thank you, friends." Starfire said in a barely auditable voice.
Robin sat down next to her and put an arm around her.
"I guess...she..."
He couldn't bring himself to finish. It would only reopen her wound.
"Hey," said Cyborg, "I know what'll cheer you up! I went to the mall earlier, and guess what I found?"
Cyborg reached into the large cardboard box that Starfire somehow missed when she entered the room.
"Happy Fun Fun Dance Party Revolution Remix! And see? I got four of those dance pad...things and a multitap, so you can whup all our butts at the same time!"
"Thank you, Cyborg, but I do not feel like happy fun fun dancing or the whupping of multiple buttocks."
Cyborg muttered something about one hundred bucks and a lost receipt. It was time for Beast Boy to try his hand at lifting his friend's spirits.
"Hey, Star, how 'bout we...like...make some of that pudding you make when your sad? Like...uh...the pudding of...deep depression?"
Starfire lifted her gaze from her lap.
"We do not make pudding for deep depression, for that would be silly. We make jello."
"So...jello of deep depression it is, then! Boy, that sure sounds good!"
"The jello of deep depression is rather foul tasting, and has been known to cause the same side effects as...what is it called...asbestos?"
"Wow." Beast Boy responded after a long pause, "Why do they make it?"
"I do not know." she said with a sigh, "The customs of my planet are beginning to confuse me as well."
She got up and headed for the door.
"I...am going for a walk. If you are still going to make the jello of deep depression, please do so in a well ventilated area."
All they could do is stand by helplessly as she walked out.
"Azarath...Metrion...Zyn...feh."
She still couldn't concentrate. Nothing was blowing up, which was always a good sign, but she couldn't afford slip ups. One out of check feeling and everything would, quite literally, go to Hell. She looked at the mirror sitting on her dresser. The "Speculum Psyche"; the mirror that looked into Raven's own soul, as well as providing a means of getting into this troubled micro-cosm. As she stared at it, Starfire's words repeated themselves again and again.
"She loves me. Has anyone ever said that to me and honestly meant it?"
When she really thought about it, the answer was no. And the more she thought about it, the more her control slipped. She didn't notice the mirror wobble.
"Not once in my life has anyone said they loved me."
The mirror suddenly shattered. Some small shards flew at Raven, but she raised her arms in time to protect her face. She grumbled as she picked out the glass splinters. It would take days of digging through arcane tomes to remember how to repair the mirror.
A larger shard on the floor, stained deep red, caught her eye. She suddenly noticed a rather sizable wet spot on her sleeve. She rolled it up and saw her wrist had received a nasty flesh wound. Nothing that serious, but it did call for a bit of medical attention. However, Raven just stared at it hypnotically at the cut. Blood slowly ran down her arm, over light laceration scars. Red lines were traced over the marks, creating the illusion that they were fresh. The beating of rain on the window snapped her out of her trance.
Raven checked the hallway, making sure there was no one around to see her wrist, and hastily walked to the bathroom to get some gauze wrap and some sort of dressing for the wound. When she dug around in the medicine cabinet, she caught sight of her nearly empty bag of disposable razors. When you fight crime in a costume that shows off your bare legs, you become concerned with smoothness rather quickly.
Her gaze shifted from the razors, to her wound, and back again. She took what she needed and closed the cabinet.
When she returned to her room, she took off her outfit. The noticeable blood stain would attract unwanted attention and questions. When she reached for one of her multiple identical outfits, she looked down at her body. While she certainly was not an unattractive girl, her body did look frail and underdeveloped. Anyone who didn't know who she was would think she was just a fragile, unhealthy young lady.
Raven frowned a bit and put on a fresh outfit.
The rain had left the streets pretty empty, with the occasional car passing by. While Starfire normally liked the busy crowds in the city, she felt grateful for the emptiness this evening.
She didn't know where she was going, or why she had went out in the first place. It certainly wasn't the kind of weather to wander aimlessly in, but she felt she just had to get out. Now that she was out, she felt even more lost and confused.
Back on her planet, everything would have went just fine. She would be happy, Raven would be happy, they would exchange five hundred line long poems expressing their feelings, and live happily ever after. But then she realized something. What about Raven's feelings? Starfire loved her, but did she love her back? From the time she spent in her company, she didn't really seem to like anyone. When she first joined the Titans, she seemed reluctant about it and kept everyone at arm's length. Not much had changed. Starfire had time and time again tried to be friendly to her, but she either met with irritability or no response at all. She had kept offering her hand in friendship, and Raven slapped it away every time.
Starfire knew how Raven felt now. She hated her. ____________________________________________________________
author's notes: Y'know, while I haven't really reached my true potential in this, I have to say this work really sucked me in. It's been a while since I really been this absorbed into something I'm writing. It's all just flowing so freely out of me. I went to work on this with an angsty romance in mind, and...well, it took on a life of it's own. When any work of art just comes to you with so naturally, no matter what the finished project is, it's a beautiful thing. Maybe it comes from the heart, or maybe I'm just a sentimentally jackass. I'll let you, dear reader, decide.
I know the diary thing is gonna be an issue, so I'll address it right now. I've never read the comics (they're not in anime, for you less knowledgeable youngsters out there), so yes, I'm a whore of a man for not doing my homework. But hey, I can use that as an excuse to exercise my creative license. Not doing any research, I mean. Not the man whore thing.
Remember the three Rs, people: Read, review, and praise me. Hey, there's in an R in "praise", and it's almost at the beginning.