A.N: For anyone reading Confusion, my mutated plot bunny is currently cowering under the couch, so I'm having a bit of trouble writing the next few chapters. Does anyone have an idea on how to coax it out from under the couch? There is a bit of good news though, it seems that the bunny is reproducing, and the babies seem to be one shots that range from humor to horror. (I also bought FF: Crystal Chronicles for my gamecube and it's distracted me from writing.)
Disclaimer: In case you haven't figured this out yet, I don't own a bloody thing. (The plot bunnies are an exception.)
Died Laughing
At noon in a partially destroyed graveyard stood a group of figures, whose black costumes looked like they were found in a dumpster. Most of them were playing games. Games like tiddlywinks, marbles, snakes and ladders, and there were even a few people trying to play hopscotch. The rest of the group was talking about things like doing their hair, makeup and even who they thought was cute. Their gossip was enough to make anyone paying attention fall down laughing.
Severus Snape was not paying attention to their gossip. He was staring off into space thinking dirty thoughts. Thoughts that were so dirty, no one had ever thought them before. Had anyone knew his thoughts, they would have run away while screaming like little girls.
'If I add one and a half parts water to one part dirt, I should get a very squishy mud. I wonder if I could make a big enough mud hole to throw Remus, Sirius, Harry and the rest of the group into? They would be so covered in mud that know one would know who they were. Best of all, Filtch will never let them in the castle covered in mud." He giggled cutely to himself.
All of a sudden, a cross dressing it waltzed into the clearing. It was wearing what looked like a purple see through teddy, pink high heeled shoes, a green sequined tiara and a fluorescent blue feathered shawl. The bright orange tuff of hair on top of its head was unfortunately natural. It gave a high pitched squeal before toppling over sideways and landing in a pile of cow poop. From its mighty cow poop throne, it addressed the group.
"Malfoy: Three Thirteen, Gaysie Ave. Lestrange: Twelve twenty-two, STD St. Wormtail: Seventeen, Dumbbells Rd.," It kept going for four and a half hours, then it finally came to the last name, "Snape: Greasy Vampire Bat's Room, Hogwarts. Now that you have all been properly addressed, I will reveal my ultimate plan."
Everyone crowded closer to it until they recalled the foul odor emanating from its throne. They scrambled back about five feet and then proceeded to empty out their stomachs into their neighbors lap. Snape was the only exception. He had been too busy thinking more dirty thoughts while spreading more bacon grease onto his head. Finally finished with the spatula, he looked towards it, just in time for it to reveal its plan.
"While I go back to my room and color coordinate my underwear, and find some different shoes, you will raid every convenience store and bring back all their Twinkies. After you have returned I will tell you the next step in my ultimate plan." With that it jumped up and started bouncing on its throne, sending clumps of mucky cow poop everywhere.
Snape foolishly went with Malfoy. The entire time he had to put up with Malfoy's questions. All of them ran along the same lines: Am I fat? Do I look okay? Should I get my nails painted pink or lilac? Finally they came to a large store. Malfoy skipped up to a young male employee.
"Hello there handsome." He lisped, while stroking the poor guys arm, "Do you know where the Twinkies are? I really need to get my paws on some cream filling."
"Aisle Three, beside the cookies." The terrified man stuttered and then he ran away screaming.
The grabbed every package of Twinkies there and returned to the graveyard. Snape tossed his armful onto the ground and went back to thinking dirty thoughts, while trying to find some more grease. Malfoy was busy rubbing a cream filled donut. Slowly the pile of Twinkies grew larger. Two hours later, after everyone had got back, it appeared wearing a grimy and tattered black robe. It looked at the pile of Twinkies before turning to address its followers again. Another four and a half hours went by, and then it told them its ultimate plan.
"We will remove the Twinkies from their packages and carry them to Hogwarts. Once we get there, we will throw the Twinkies at the walls and watch laughing while those fools die from horror at our creamy vandalism." It giggled as the group congratulated it on such a good plan.
An hour later it gestured to the others and grabbing some Twinkies disappeared. The time was midnight. Prancing up to the castle while giggling like tiny girls, they removed their outer robes. Making a huge ruckus, they began throwing the poor Twinkies at Hogwarts walls. One of them tried to speak to it, but it told him to go cream something. Finally they ran out of Twinkies, and sat back to watch the staff and students demise. There was a shriek, and the main doors opened as the entire school poured out onto the lawn. Many students began sobbing and the staff looked at the walls with growing horror. The bad guys started rolling around on the ground with laughter catching the attention of Harry Potter. Harry detached himself from the upset group and marched right up to it. Then he began yelling at it.
"Voldemort, how could you do that? Those poor Twinkies will never know what its like to be eaten." His yelling caught the attention of the school. "You're a really big meanie. I hate you. A-and how could you wear that ridiculous footwear to the final battle?"
Harry attempted to run away in tears, but slipped in a grease puddle caused by Snape staying in one place for too long. He slid right into a huge mud puddle. Remus and Sirius ran over to help him but they slipped as well and toppled head first into the puddle on top of Harry. The school finally got over their shock, caused by the Twinkies poor demise, and looked at it. Whispers and giggles started to run through the group before becoming full scale laughter. It demanded to know what was so funny, and Neville gathered himself enough to reply.
"Harry was right about your shoes. I mean, who wears pink bunny slippers to a war?" He collapsed in laughter once again.
The other bad guys looked at its feet and started rolling around on the ground in hysterics. It, also known as Voldemort, looked down and upon seeing its pink bunny slippers laughed so much that it managed to laugh itself to death. The war was finally ended by a pair of evil, devious pink bunny slippers. Unfortunately because of the quantities of grease in Snape's hair, everyone slipped straight into the mud puddle. Severus was beside himself with joy as his dirty thoughts had come true.
A.N: This is not meant to insult any gays/lesbians out there. I know some of them and they are real cool people. As you can tell I didn't give a time frame, so you can pick whatever year you want. I'm hoping the next bunny baby will grow up in the next few days so that I can post another one-shot.