So I've totally had this idea for the longest amount of time (over a year) and finally got an idea to make it. And it's actually turned out to be the longest oneshot I've written, but I couldn't bear to split it up. So anyway. I don't normally post on Sundays, but this is two years to the day that I posted my first chapter and so I had to. Ever since I started writing, my life has completely changed. I'd like to thank all of you, my readers, for reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting, and to those that I now talk to, encouraging me when I was ready to quit. You all rock like none other and so this is dedicated to all of you.
"Alex!"
Alex heard Ray call her name as she angrily strode out of CID, but she didn't care. Right now, she couldn't care less what the misogynistic bastard had to say. He was just a pawn of Gene's regime. Alex knew Ray was on Gene's side and if she stayed, he would just humiliate her further.
Even now, as she strode into the cold March morning, she could hear Gene's words in her head.
"You're just a useless toff incapable of detecting a vicar out of a group of prostitutes. How you got to DI I'll never understand. It's no wonder they haven't let any women further up in the MET. You're supposed to be the best and the brightest and you're just…pathetic."
He had told her to get out of his sight and she did quickly, rushing out of the office. Alex wiped away the hot tears. She knew that she shouldn't let what he said bother her so much, but it did. Currently she was blocking out the rest of his speech to her. He had called her several of the rudest names in his book after she revealed that she had lost the suspect they had been chasing for weeks.
Gene had been acting differently ever since D&C had left. He had been kind from the moment that she woke out of her coma and then, as soon as Jim Keats had left his overly-heated office behind, Gene had turned cold. She had no idea what had happened between the two of them, but whatever it was, it didn't look like their relationship could recover. Indeed, she was slowly growing to hate him more than she had when she had first arrived in 1981.
Alex stopped on the bottom step of the station, wondering what to do. She could go back to her flat and start getting pissed. Or…It was after eleven. She could go down to Luigi's and get pissed. As she thought about it, she realised that she had finished off the booze in the flat a few days before. It would have to be Luigi's then. Hopefully she would be so drunk by the time 'lunch' came around she wouldn't even notice Gene's presence.
Mind made up, Alex started down the road to the trattoria. However, before she got more than a few feet, she heard footsteps running up behind her.
"Alex!" Ray said, stopping in front of her and panting for breath.
"Go away Ray," she said coldly. "I don't need your opinion on top of everything else."
"Just...listen," he said, still trying to recover his breath.
Alex crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow, waiting to hear what he had to say. Finally, he caught his breath enough to talk.
"You didn't deserve that," he started.
"What?" Alex was genuinely surprised. She never expected those words to come out of Ray's mouth. "I thought you didn't want women on the police force."
Ray grinned and looked cautiously up at the building behind them. Alex could almost feel the steely glare of Gene watching them from four floors up.
"Do you want to take this where we won't be watched?"
Alex nodded and they walked down to Luigi's silently. Although the landlord was surprised to see them there together and so early, he gave them the most private booth in the restaurant which most of the candlelight did not reach. They were hidden from the front bar; Alex was certain that if Gene came looking, he would not find them.
Enclosed in the darkness, she was only able to see Ray's face from the small flame of the candle. Ray poured them both a glass of white wine and set the bottle on the table before sighing.
"So?" she said. "What's caused the change of heart?"
Ray looked down at the table. "I may be a bit of a bastard towards women Alex, but what the Guv's doing is just wrong."
"Really?"
Ray nodded. "No woman deserves to be called names like that, especially in front of her colleagues. It wasn't right for the Guv to do that. He almost seems to want to make you cry in front of CID."
Alex was surprised that Ray had picked up on this, and that he agreed with her on the subject.
"What can I do, though? I really don't want to transfer."
"You could try to take it up with the super."
Alex merely stared at Ray and sensed that he understood. Why would she go to the super? She'd seem like a little kid then, trying to get the big kid in trouble instead of dealing with him for herself.
"You could..."
Before Ray could finish his sentence, however, they heard the door slam open.
"LUIGI!" they heard Gene's voice bellow.
They heard the Italian scuttle to the front of the restaurant from the kitchen and start talking. Alex and Ray sat in horrified silence, hoping Gene would not decide to search the restaurant.
"I am telling you Signore Hunt! They have not been here!"
"Bollocks! I saw them come in. I bet you've put them in the back." His footsteps started towards the corner of the restaurant where they were hidden.
Eyes wide, Alex got Ray's attention and grabbed her glass and the bottle of wine. She ducked underneath the table and Ray followed suit, hoping that Gene would not bother to look underneath the tablecloth.
Alex watched through an inch gap between the tablecloth and the floor as Gene's boots came into the room and walked around the room, seemingly searching every table. As his boots approached their table, she held her breath. They stopped and stood there for a moment before Luigi's shined shoes came in.
"As you can see Signore Hunt, they are not here. I have not seen them. Now if you can leave. You are disturbing my guests."
"If you see them, Luigi, you tell them that they both need to get their arses to CID pronto."
"Yes, yes," said the Italian in an irritated tone.
Gene's boots walked out of the room, followed closely by Luigi's shoes. For the first time Alex became aware that she was practically on Ray's lap, his arm around her waist. Ray didn't seem aware of the position their bodies were in, watching carefully through the gap until Luigi's shoes appeared. He squatted down and pulled up the tablecloth so that they could see his face.
"You are safe now. Signore Hunt should not be back." He dropped the tablecloth and his shoes walked away.
Alex turned her face to Ray's and caught his eye. They both immediately burst out into laughter as they got up back into their seats.
"That's the first time that's happened!" Ray said, still chuckling.
"I never imagined that I would hide from Gene Hunt underneath a table," Alex laughed.
"Well now we know what to do when he gets too irritating!"
Alex stopped laughing, the reason why they were here becoming prominent in her head once more. Ray stopped laughing as soon as he realised what he said.
"Alex, I'm sorry."
She waved him off. "It's not a problem. You just need to think every once in a while," she said jokingly. "Anyway, you had an idea?"
"I can't remember it anymore. The whole hiding under the table thing really pushed it out of my head."
Alex nodded. "Do you know why he's doing this? He was fine before Keats left."
Ray thought a moment. "Maybe he's feeling guilty?" He was taking a stab in the dark.
"For shooting me? I would have given him hell if I had blamed him!"
"I dunno Alex. This is the first time I've ever seen him do this to a bird."
She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "I...Before I was shot, I think I loved him, Ray," she said, surprised that they were even having this conversation. "But now...I...I hate him. Worse than I did when I first started."
Ray's mouth dropped open slightly. "Are you serious Alex? More than the day you arrived?"
Alex nodded. "At least then there was some human to him. Now he's just a monster. A big, bastard monster. And I thought you were on his side."
Ray shook his head. "Not when he treats you like that. He doesn't see what he has in front of him."
Alex looked up in amazement. "You don't think I'm a useless toff then?"
He shook his head furiously. "He would have lost that suspect sooner than you. I guarantee you. You're the bloody brains of the division, Drake. Add to that you've got the best arse in CID and you have the best copper."
Alex blushed, unsure how to react to the compliment.
"I'm serious, Alex. If you transfer, it'll be a big loss to the team. And it'll be the Guv's fault. If I were him, I'd be tripping head over heel to apologise. Because I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of losing you."
Alex had no idea how to respond again. She didn't remember being this speechless since a three year old Molly asked her if she and Evan were her parents, and if so, why didn't they live together like most mummies and daddies?
"Thank you," she finally managed quietly.
"I mean it. If I ever saw a transfer form on your desk, I might rip it up like you did my army application."
Alex grinned. "If I decided to apply for one, I'd make sure to lock it up then."
Ray laughed and the tension in the air dissolved. They spent the rest of the afternoon getting steadily more drunk, finishing two bottles of wine and starting to order scotches and whiskeys to go along with the third and fourth bottles.
Ray's watch beeped and he looked down at it. "Fifteen minutesh to lunch," he slurred.
"We might...wanna get out of here. That...that way, L-Luigi...doesn't get into...to trouble with Guvvvv." She giggled, grabbing Ray's hand and going to the front of the trattoria.
"We'll be back, L-Luigi. B-but we havven't been here all day."
He nodded and they went out the back entrance, through an alley that emerged on the street next to the station.
"What d'we do now?" Ray asked.
"Wait. Have a drink. There's'a pub," she said swaying and pointing. Ray turned and pulled her into the pub, ordering two beers.
"Y'know," Alex said, her hand on her chin, supporting her head. "We might...might want to sober...up b-before going back."
"There's n'idea. Plate o'chips an'... an'..." He stopped, stumped for what he wanted to say.
"Chicken!" Alex said loudly, slamming the table and making people look at her. "Chicken 'n chips!"
"In a basket!" Ray yelled before going to order. An hour later, neither was any more sober, but they decided to go back to Luigi's anyway.
They managed the stairs and walked into the noisy restaurant, still holding hands. The room went silent as they stumbled to the bar together, but they ignored it. .
"Two whish-keysh, L-Luigi," Ray ordered. Luigi gave them a look, but went to pour the drinks anyway. "Dunno if I should let you have nee-more, Lex. You're pished."
As the day had gone on, he had given her the nickname and stuck with it. Alex figured it was because he couldn't pronounce it otherwise.
"I-I'm pissed?" she asked in a high voice. "You can't...put...say...ssssssss."
"Sure I can. Shee? Shhhhhh."
Alex crowed with laughter as the whiskeys were placed in front of them. However, as she reached out to grab the drink, it was snatched from her. Confused, she looked at Ray, who had a similar puzzled expression and was grabbing at air as though he hoped the glass would appear.
"Drake, Carling," said an angry voice behind them. Alex whipped around and in doing so, fell off the stool she was sitting on. Gene caught her halfway to the floor as Ray's loud guffaws sounded across the restaurant.
"Guv!" she said, laughing. "W-we were ex...expecting you!"
"Jesus Christ," he said. She was more drunk than he had ever seen her.
"No," she replied. "M'Alex!"
"S'true Guv," Ray replied. "V'been with 'er all day, an' she's not morphed inter Jee-shush once!"
Alex was now standing against the bar for support. "L-Loogi!" she called, past noticing if she pronounced his name wrong. "Two more w-whiskeys!"
"No!" Gene said, glaring at the landlord.
"Bastard!" Alex yelled turning toward Gene. However, without the support of the bar, she took one step forward and fell, unconscious before she hit the floor.
~(*)~
It was the smell of a fry-up that woke her up. She felt nauseous and the scent of the bacon was only making it worse. Add to that the splitting headache and she felt even more horrible.
Alex moaned, even that being too loud for her to hear. Half-curious as to who was making breakfast, and in serious need of paracetamol, she shuffled to the kitchen. She peered blearily around the room, surprised to see Gene standing at the stove and Ray sitting at the table looking as bad as she felt.
Gene filled up a glass of water for her and pointed to the table. "Painkillers are there. Sit." His voice was carefully calm, but Alex could hear the anger behind the tone. She sat at the table next to Ray and grinned, mouthing a 'hey.'
He grinned and nodded in reply, and raised his eyebrows as he looked in Gene's directions before making a face.
Alex stifled a giggle. "What happened last night?" she mouthed silently.
Ray shrugged. He pointed to his temple and shook his head. "I don't remember."
Alex got the sudden feeling of being in the headmaster's office just before the lecture. She grinned at the thought but quickly put her face in a neutral expression as Gene turned with two plates of greasy food.
He set them on the table with a loud clank that did nothing for her head. Gene then sat down and crossed his arms, staring at them. Ray and Alex looked at each other before cautiously picking up the forks he had already thrown on the table.
"So," he said, his lips pushed into the pout. "Which one of you will tell me where you went yesterday after you ran out of work?"
Alex raised her hand. "Drake," he said.
I'm definitely in the headmaster's office, she thought. Alex grinned. She was going to be the naughty child this morning.
"Drake? Where did you go?" Gene demanded.
"We went drinking," Alex answered innocently. Ray snorted into his fried eggs. Gene glared at them both.
"I was aware of that, Inspector, when you stumbled into Luigi's and passed out. Where did you go drinking?"
"This pub on the next street over," Ray answered, his mouth full.
"And why did you run out of CID?"
"I figured you had no use for a 'useless toff who couldn't detect a vicar from a line of prostitutes.' So I left."
"And I followed her to tell her that it wasn't true."
Gene stared at them both. "No one leaves my CID without my express permission."
"You don't own the place, Gene," Alex said quickly.
"No, you're wrong. I do. I own you, I own Carling and Skelton. I am the king, you will do what I say."
"Well, I'm sorry, Guv. But if that's the way it is, then I won't be in your CID any longer. I'll make a formal resignation next time I come in."
"Me too," Ray said, scraping up the last of his breakfast.
Gene laughed cruelly. "You couldn't leave me if you tried, Ray."
"I could now, Guv. You're not the Guv I followed from Manchester. I don't know what happened to you since you shot Lex, but you're different."
Gene looked from Ray to Alex. "Lex?" he asked disbelievingly
"He can call me that if he likes, Hunt," she said coldly, the rage starting to flow through her in waves. "And although you own me at work you don't own this flat so I'm going to ask you to get out."
"No. You tell me why you did that yesterday!"
"I already told you!" Alex yelled, wincing as it hurt her head. "You've made it quite obvious you don't want me on the team anymore. What good am I there now? All you ever do is insult me, Hunt, and I'm sick of it! What did I do? I cleared your name with D&C! I could have told them you shot me in cold blood and watched you rot in a prison cell! But I didn't, did I? Because I remember that day and I remember pretty clearly that you shot at me."
Gene's expression softened before it hardened once more and she knew she had hit a nerve.
"I haven't been good enough to be on your team since the row before the King Doug robbery. You were convinced I was bent. You're still slightly convinced. That's why you shot me that day and that's why you treat me like shit now!"
Alex stopped, chest heaving, realising what she said. She had finally figured it out. After all these months, she finally knew why Gene was treating her so badly.
Ray was sitting with his mouth open, switching his gaze between Alex and Gene. "You meant to shoot her, Guv?"
Alex smiled grimly. "Don't you remember, Ray? 'If you dare to get in my way, I swear to God I will shoot you,'" she reminded him before turning back to Gene. "You saw me with Summers and decided that I had to be corrupt. But if you shot me then, it would have been more of a question. But then Jenette came in. Finally, you had the opportunity. You could make it look like you killed me by accident, trying to save me from her. Only, it didn't quite work, did it? I survived."
Alex didn't know what she was saying anymore, nor did she care. She was wrapped up in the discovery that she had made, that Gene did not deny.
"That's why you didn't even help her!" Ray accused.
Gene stared at her in disbelief and she knew why. He never thought that someone might figure out his secret.
"I thought we had a connection," she said softly.
"Any connection we had disappeared the night you lied to me!" Gene raged.
"Who says I was lying?" she screamed back. "Maybe I really did believe it! Maybe I just needed some mental help!"
"How did you know so bloody much about the blag then?"
"Think about your options, Gene. One, I was corrupt and still am. Although you heard Summers himself say I wasn't. Two, I'm a good guesser. Three, what I told you was true."
"I can't believe that. I'm sorry."
"Then shoot me now. Better a dead copper than a corrupt one, eh?"
"I can't shoot you."
"Why not? You did it once! This time, just shoot closer to the heart! I'll be dead for sure! You won't have to wait three months to find out."
"I can't shoot you again," Gene said, all authority stripped from him and looking bone weary. "I spent three months thinking I as good as killed you. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing I had."
"Fine. I'll just transfer. Then you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"No."
"Don't boss me around."
"No, Alex. Please."
Alex stopped. He was pleading with her.
"I don't want you to go."
"You've been telling me differently for the past several months."
"Because...I can't. I can't tell you why."
She looked at him icily. "You tell me or I transfer."
"I...can't lose you. You're the best on my team."
"But I'm a useless toff," she said, unswayed.
"No," Gene said quickly. "Don't you see? We did! We had a connection before Operation Rose. And then you...you ruined it all. And then I shot you. And I knew then that we had gotten too close, become more than partners. While Keats was around I had to make everything look normal. But then when they left, I could feel that you were trying to renew the connection. And I couldn't let you get close to me again. We're dangerous for each other. We get too close, and you're like a drug to me. I can't let you go. That's why I was so angry back then. Angry enough to kill you. I thought you'd betrayed me. You were my best friend. And I couldn't try and kill my best friend again. If you hated me, I would still be addicted. But then the drug wouldn't be in my face every day. That way, you couldn't betray me like you had. Nothing could be as bad as that night if you couldn't stand me."
"But I didn't betray you!" Alex's eyes were starting to tear up.
"It was as good as if you did."
The room sat in silence for a moment before Gene spoke again. "Maybe you're right. You should transfer. Like I said. We're too dangerous for each other. I'll push the paperwork through faster if you do decide to. See you tomorrow, Drake. Carling."
With that, Gene walked out of her flat, closing the door quietly behind him.
Alex stared at her hardly eaten breakfast, unable to say a word. Cautiously, Ray put a hand on her back. As the hot tears formed, she leaned closer, eventually putting her face to his chest and sobbing as though she'd lost the world.
~(*)~
Gene walked up to the top level, and strode into the super's office. The older man turned around and smiled.
"Gene! What can I do for you?"
"I want to talk to you about Alex Drake," he said solemnly.
"I heard about what she did yesterday. Is this about that?"
Gene shook his head. "We talked this morning, sir, and have both come to the conclusion that it would be best if she was no longer on the team."
"You don't want to work with her?"
"No, sir. Surely, you could have something for her to do around here?"
The super thought. "I suppose I've got a project or two I could use her insight on. Having a psychological profiler would actually be very helpful. Very well, Gene. I will transfer her up here starting Monday.
Gene smiled and shook the super's hand. "Thank you sir. That's all I could ask for."
He walked out of the office smiling to himself. He had told Alex he couldn't lose her and he meant it. That was why he didn't try and push her completely out of the station. Maybe one day, they could forgive each other for the wrongs they had committed. But Gene knew that that day would be a long time coming, if it ever came at all.
~(*)~
Alex stared at the meaningless pile of paperwork her life had become since she had returned after her day of drinking with Ray. She had never been so bored. She watched as the clock steadily ticked towards five-thirty, waiting eagerly. She hated doing these projects for the super. This was her 2008 life, coming back to bite her in 1983. It was horrible, and she hoped that she'd find something else to do sooner rather than later.
The elevator dinged and she looked up to see Ray Carling, minus the perm. He had finally gotten rid of it a few weeks before. Ray took a seat at her desk.
"Hey Lex."
"Hey. How are things down there?"
"Bout the same. Guv's insane, criminals are being criminally and we're racing around trying to fix it."
Alex laughed. "I wish I was down there. I miss it, you know. And you."
Ray smiled gently. "Same. So what are you doing?"
"The same stuff as I was doing when you came up yesterday, and the day before."
"So a bunch of stuff that I wouldn't understand," Ray laughed.
"Pretty much. A bunch of boring, ridiculous stuff I don't care about."
"Well, it's time for you to leave. Do you want to get a drink?"
"Gene won't mind you leaving early?"
"Nope. He let us all off early tonight to celebrate the Skip's birthday."
"Oh God. Is it that time already?"
Ray nodded. "Remember last year? You wore that gold dress. Showed off your arse something terrible. Not that I minded."
Alex laughed.
"Are you going tonight?"
"I wasn't invited."
"You can be my plus one," Ray said. "Now go put on that dress again, or if you want, the prozzie one you showed up in!"
"That dress is never seeing the light of day again, Ray Carling."
Ray grinned. "One can always hope."
Alex never thought that she would let Ray Carling talk to her in this manner, but she had found she didn't mind so much anymore. There was just something about him. She knew that when he made the rude comments, he did so to make her laugh, rather than to insult her. They had grown extremely close over the past several months, while she and Gene had grown even further apart. Indeed, hardly two words had been exchanged between them since she moved to the super's floor. She didn't talk too much to CID either, who seemed to be nervous to visit her. She knew that the only real friend she had anymore was Ray Carling. He had been such a misogynistic bastard at first, but there was a deeper side to him, something she hadn't seen, except for the time he had gone the prostitute Nina to open up. Ray Carling had become her constant in this world, and she knew that it would remain that way for a long time, until she could reach Molly once more, if that was possible. If not, he'd stay her constant forever. She sighed, thinking of Gene before blocking him from her mind. It was better this way.
~(*)~
Ray followed Alex out of the office into the elevator. She pressed the button for the first floor and then moved to where he was standing, so that they were almost touching. Ray marvelled at the way their relationship had changed over the past several months. Instead of Alex sitting with the Guv at Luigi's, she was sitting with him.
Ever since the moment when Alex bypassed CID for Ray, the Guv had been treating him differently. Ray had expected this, and though it hurt, he didn't care. He had noticed that CID was scared now to go near Alex and if he did not support her, then no one would.
Ray didn't know what had happened to him in the past several months. Where he once despised Alex, he now couldn't get enough of her. He didn't want to be rude to her, and if he overstepped a mark, he was quick to apologise. Along with all those changes, he had stopped noticing women like he used to. Where before, he only noticed the curve of their arse, now he could focus on something besides their chest and below. Alex was changing him bit by bit and he didn't mind that at all.
They walked out of the station towards the trattoria they had hidden in so many months earlier. Alex's hand bumped his, but instead of pulling it away, she only moved it slightly, still within reaching distance. Daring himself, Ray grabbed her hand and slipped his fingers through. Alex looked at him in surprise, but smiled and squeezed his hand.
Maybe he was wrong to take the woman the Guv was once interested in. But Ray knew deep down, that the Guv had lost Alex before the day that they had gotten pissed in Luigi's. The Guv had broken her to pieces and now he was there, slowly putting them back together until she decided she no longer wanted him anymore. But he knew that she called him her constant. And he could only hope that he would be her constant forever. Ray smiled softly to himself. The Guv may hate him, but it was better this way.
~(*)~
Gene watched the pair leave the station to go to Luigi's from a distance. He was sitting in his Quattro, smoking fag after fag. He'd lost his chance. He'd ruined it all. He had been replaced by Ray bloody Carling and he knew now that Alex was slowly getting over their connection. As he exhaled the fag smoke, he reminded himself for the billionth time that it was for the better. She had to stay away from him. He had nearly killed her. And when he had hurt her, he had damaged her liking of him beyond repair.
It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way.
But inside, his heart was hurting, something it would do until the day he died. Alex was gone – as good as dead to him – forever.
It's better this way.
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