Note: This was written for the Pyramid of Dreams fic exchange, for the prompt of "New Caprica and babyfic". But remember, New Caprica is both the missing year and the occupation; this story deals with both.
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They faced each other in the middle of their tent, but across a wide gulf that had suddenly sprung between them in the last week. Sam didn't understand what had happened to change things so drastically, and he'd been rebuffed each time he'd tried to figure it out.
After tonight he wasn't sure he wanted to. Anger curdled in his chest, deep and dark, and he knew she'd finally pushed him close to his breaking point.
"Did you have to do it in front of the whole bar? Hanging on Hotdog of all frakking people?" Sam demanded in a low angry hiss. "In my face? Making me look like a fool?"
"You manage that all on your own," Kara retorted.
"Yeah, I guess I do. I married you, didn't I? Taking the Commander's leftovers," he sneered, and she jerked back, eyes wide with surprise and guilt. Did she think he didn't know? Or was she surprised she'd pushed him far enough to shoot back?
And then she tried to punch him in the face.
Sam caught her wrist. "No, baby, you don't get to hit me."
Her mood turned, mercurial as lightning, from anger to mischief. "What about something else then? We could forget this night ever happened… " She pushed against him, her free hand sliding down the front of his pants.
"What the frak is wrong with you?" Sam demanded, twisting away and staring at her, wondering when the hell Kara had turned into a stranger. And worse, finding he was tired of trying to figure it out.
"You know what? Forget it," he said shortly. "You've been a frakking nutcase for a week and I'm sick of it. You win; I'm going." He held up both hands in surrender. "When you're interested in being married again, come find me. In the meantime, I'm going to live at the bar."
He headed for the flap, angry and frustrated and tired of the whole mess.
Her voice was so soft and it was such a change from her previous tone that he almost thought it was coming from the tent next door.
"I'm pregnant."
He froze and slowly turned back around, his breath catching on a sudden lump in his chest. "What?"
Her voice grew a little harder and she lifted her chin. "You heard me."
He felt blindsided, and took a moment to find his voice. "I thought … that was impossible."
"Apparently not."
His mouth worked, before he found the next question. "And… and it's mine?" he asked.
"Of course it's yours!" she snapped, as if outraged that he could doubt it.
But he knew better and said nothing, just kept watching her, until she slowly nodded. Her voice went calm. "Yes. It's yours - there wasn't anyone else, Sam. I know what you think, but that's all that happened. Never anything more. It was… stupid. Not that it matters, I guess."
He stared at her incredulous. It didn't matter if he was the father or not? "Why's that?"
"I'm not keeping it," she declared. "I'm not a mother, I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. So I'm gonna get rid of it."
It was as if she'd shown him a bright light and then snuffed it out. Or let him have air and then shoved him back underwater again. All he could say was, "Oh."
"That's it?" she asked. "That's all you're gonna say?"
As neutrally as he could manage, he asked, "What do you want me to say?"
"I - don't know. I thought you'd object."
He shrugged tightly. "Sounds like you already made up your mind."
"Well, yeah. It was an accident. Shouldn't have happened."
"I -" he wanted to protest, wanted her to reconsider, imagined a child with her golden hair and bright smile, and discovered in that moment exactly how much he wanted to see it happen. Then he felt ill and the walls seemed to close in. He swallowed and managed to push out, "I see."
"So you're okay with an abortion?" she persisted.
He wanted to yell out no and shake her and storm out, but he couldn't do any of those things. "Does it matter what I think?" he demanded, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.
She glanced at him, then away, asking, "Are you going to be angry with me?"
That was too much. "I don't know! For gods' sakes, Kara, you just laid this on me, I don't know how I feel about it." He folded his arms. "If you're going to get rid of it, I don't know why you told me in the first place."
"Because I'm not sure!" she blurted.
"You're not?" He took a slow, deliberate breath, knowing if he lost his temper there was more at stake here, than even a possible child. "Why not?"
"It's illegal," she said. "Not that it would stop me, I think Cottle would help anyway, he knows my records, but… then I keep thinking …" Her eyes dropped down to the stack of paintings and her voice lowered with it, as her hands went around herself. "You and me and the cabin… we said we wanted normal. To build a life. Could we do that if we have this hanging between us?"
He knew what he should say - he should reassure her that it didn't matter, and that he didn't care. But… he did care. It did matter. Now that he knew, it wasn't something he could forget about.
But she went on before he could speak. "But how can I even think about a kid? It's stupid. Me as a mother? Who the frak thinks that's a good idea? I can't do it. I don't know how. I practically hit you just now, I'd be worse than my own mother was to me… I can't."
"Kara… I -" he started and then reconsidered his words, trying to be careful. "Look, all I can tell you is what I think, and you can take what you want from it. Your mother was wrong. What she did to you was wrong, but that doesn't doom you to doing it, too."
"What the hell do you know about it?" she demanded angry and defensive again. "You, with the perfect life before the attacks?"
He looked at her, eyebrows up. "Do you think being an orphan on Picon was all rainbows and ponies? My foster parents didn't give a shit about me, only the check; that's why I ran to the pyramid court as often as I could. I swore when I left that place I wouldn't be like them: I would never hit anyone. Not you, and never a child. I haven't and I won't."
She looked down blankly at her stack of canvasses. "But … what if I can't do that? I'm such a frak up, I don't know if I can… "
Understanding now that she was afraid, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. "You are Kara Thrace. You can do whatever the frak you decide to do."
She shook her head against his chest. "I can't - I'd be a terrible mother- and that kid'll grow up to hate me…"
"No. No, Kara, you don't see what I do." He tilted her chin up to face him. "You care deeply, I know even if you can't say the words sometimes - you have such love you can give to your own child... And you won't be alone, I promise."
She swallowed hard and her hands were tight on his back. "Are you sure, absolutely sure, that you won't go?" she whispered. "I want to do this, but I can't do it on my own. I can't - I'll frak it up -"
"Hey." He framed her face in both hands so she couldn't look away and so she could see his eyes. "I promised forever. I meant it. As long as you want me, no matter what."
"You are so ridiculous," she protested, eyes suddenly liquid and she tried to smile, but it turned out all crumpled, "and sappy and absurd."
"That's why you love me," he murmured, grinning smugly
"No, I love you cuz you're hot and good in the sack," she returned with a breathless laugh.
"It occurs to me that's what got us in trouble in the first place," he retorted as his hands fell to skim her waist and hips.
She laughed and yanked him closer, into her. "Can't get into any more trouble, right?"
The next day, after thinking about it and realizing she had never actually said what she had decided to do or whether she had changed her mind, when they were back home in the tent, Sam knew what he had to do. He took her hands and inhaled a deep breath. "Okay, look, you took me by surprise yesterday, but I want you to know that either way, I'm with you, okay? Yes, I would adore a baby, but I also love you. And I don't want you to do anything that you feel forced into doing, because I know you'll resent it. So if you need to do this -"
"You need to shut up," her mouth came down over his, and he let her avoid the issue for a little while, but then wrenched free to object.
"Kara - "
"We're gonna do it," she declared, looking into his eyes, and her own were resolute.
His heart suddenly seemed tight and full, and he couldn't breathe. He seized her shoulders and looked into her eyes to see if it was a joke. "Seriously?"
"I mean it," she confirmed. "We're going to be parents, and we will not frak it up."
"No, we won't," he promised. For an instant, she looked queasy and uncertain, but then he grinned. He threw his arms around her, hugged her tightly, and kissed her hair and her cheek. "We're going to be parents!" And he picked her up and staggered around, while she laughed at him.
Not that it was always like that, but Sam held onto his patience, knowing no matter how hard she pushed, it was fear driving her. The one thing he couldn't do was let her push him into something rash and prove her fear founded. She was alternately sick and hungry and exhausted, she swore at him and picked fights, and he prayed it would pass.
Kara didn't want to tell anyone, and Sam went along with it, knowing it was her way of trying to keep her options open. So they kept it secret for a while, though Barolay guessed when they both stopped drinking. After Kara officially passed her first trimester and started to feel better, she was horribly prickly for two days, but on the other side, she snuggled up to him in bed, sighed, and said, "It's done, isn't it? This is gonna happen."
The words were out of nowhere, but he knew exactly what she was talking about. He smoothed her hair, which was growing out long and soft. "Yes. Now we get ready."
Her fingers feathered down his chest. "You know why I can do this?" she murmured. "Because I know even if I freak out with the kid, or if I do something wrong, you'll be a great dad. Just... promise me, if you leave me, take the kid, too."
He turned to look at her, about to protest that he'd never do that, but the words died on his lips. "You won't do that, Kara. But yes, if … something happens, if everything gets all frakked up, I won't be your father. If you turn into an unbearable harpy, the kid comes with me. Does that help?"
"Actually, it does." She said nothing more, but after that, seemed a little more relaxed about the baby. And she finally decided, to his surprise, that it was time to announce it.
There was a large group gathered one evening. They were supposed to be celebrating the first successful harvest, but since no one there had eaten any of it, it turned into drinking. The Tighs were visiting, showing everyone how it was done, but when the colonel tried to push a cup on Kara, not understanding her refusal, she stood, dragging Sam by the hand to stand next to her.
"No, Colonel, I'm not drinking," she announced loudly. "Not tonight, not tomorrow, and not for six more months. Which, Lords of Kobol, sounds like a frakking eternity, but the Doc said I shouldn't. Because it could hurt the baby."
Then she glared at everyone, daring them to make something of it. There was a moment of stunned silence as the group figured out what to say.
"A baby?" Ellen exclaimed in surprised delight. "Kara! I'm so happy for you! For both of you!" She bounced to her feet to give Kara a hug, which Kara accepted somewhat warily, and then Ellen hugged Sam, too. Impending baby or not, she still managed to put a hand on his backside before she pulled back.
Barolay raised her cup. "Here's to the future pyramid champ!"
"And Viper pilot!" Kat added, clicking hers against Barolay's.
"And all-around pain in the ass!" Saul said, sounding grumpy, until he added, "Well done, Starbuck. You did it right."
"Blessings of all the Lords of Kobol on all three of you," Nora added.
They all drank to it, even though Kara grimaced at the tea. "This stuff sucks," she muttered but tossed it down.
Sam drank his, basking in the warmth of friends and Kara at his side.
to be continued
