THE ADVENTURES OF THE HAPPY SPACE NAZIS.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. It belongs to...someone else. I also don't own Star Wars. Nobody trusts me...
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, there were protectors of the innnocent called 'Jedi'. But our story takes place in the future, and in this galaxy...and it's about Happy Space Nazis.
Anyhoo, in the future, they have the ability to clone people and change their personality. They did this with Adolf Hitler. But something went wrong when they changed his personality-it didn't change completely. He was happy and perky (I mean it was like he had 27 cups of coffee every morning!) but he still liked to kill people and he still wanted to rule the world.
In his early years, Adolf Hitler Jr. first took over the institution (he was an insane baby who killed his parents by beating them with a rattle) then, after moving into a foster home, took over the neighborhood. He started by having his 'gang' toilet paper Mrs. Rosenbaum's house, then duct- taped Mr. Schmitt's schnauser to his ceiling. After duct-taping other household pets to celings, including a few goldfish, he took over the village, where he duct-taped more household pets.
After this, the German government kicked him out of the country. So he went to Poland. After that, he went to Japan, China, Korea, Russia, Mongolia, India, Pakistan, all of Africa, England, France, Portugal, Spain, America, Mexico, Brazil, and so on and so forth, until there was only one country left that he hadn't tried to take over yet: Canada. Hitler was appaled at the thought of how easy it was to take over Canada and decided to build a starship, take all his followers, and try to take over the galaxy. But he didn't count on Captain Kirk and the crew of the We-can't-die-because-we're- regulars. I mean...Enterprise...
**********
CAPTAIN'S loooooooooooog...stardate...2115...We're bored so we've (dramatic pause) been FORCED TO (dramatic pause) run circles around engineering. (Dramatic pause) Unfortunantly (dramatic pause) Mr. Scott kicked me out for (dramatic pause) incenerating one of the crew when my (dramatic pause) FAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS knocked Mr. Kyle (dramatic pause) into the...ENGINES.
"So...yes (dramatic pause) evasive manuvers, (dramatic pause) Mr. Sulu." Kirk sat in his command chair leaning on one arm, thinking, 'Damn, I look sexy in this pose.'
"Sir," Sulu whirled around in his chair a few times before stopping and looking at Kirk, "exactly what am I evading?"
"BOREDOM (dramatic pause) Mr. Sulu...boredom. She's a (dramatic pause) bitch who thinks she's (dramatic pause) getting away with it...but I'm onto her."
Yes...Evading boredom now, sir," Sulu whirled back to his console, rolling his eyes when he was sure he couldn't be seen anymore by Kirk.
"Sar! Picking up a 'vhat za heel is zat!?' type starship on scannors!" Chekov yelled above the sound of... everyone breathing...
"Hail...them (dramatic pause) Uhura."
"Just a sec." She hiked up her skirt a few more inches, lowered the neckline of her uniform, and struck a pose in her chair that exposed most of her leg, "Hailing now, Captain."
The ship suddenly rocked gently but everyone fell to the deck in different directions.
"Captain! I've lost control of the helm!" Sulu shouted over an extra who was in the back going 'Wir! Wir! Wir!' over and over again.
"Damn cheap producers...Scotty!" Kirk dramatically pulled himself up to sit in his chair.
Aye, Cap'n? his voice came over the intercom.
"I need (dramatic pause) WARP speeeeeeeeeeeeeed in three minutes (dramatic pause) or we're (d.p.[dramatic pause-I'm getting tired of typing this...] ) ALL dead."
"Actually, Captain, 3.0007 minutes."
"Mmmyes...Thank you (d.p.) Spock."
What're we gonna die of, Cap'n? his voice sounded puzzled.
"...Spock?"
What'd'ya mean, ya green-blooded half-breed?!
"The ship is sending out waves of dancing, Mr. Scott. If we are not able to get away in 2.72 minutes, we will feel the sudden urge to...'get up and boogie' I believe your culture says. We will invaribly dance ourselves to death.
Scotty's voice came back, sounding slightly far away, Get workin' men! The freak on the bridge says if we donna leave in 2 minutes we'll dance ourselves to death! His voice came back with scarcasm, 'kay, Cap'n. Tell the half-breed thanks, we were just sittin' on our arses down here doin' nothin'. laughs accompanied his last statement. Scott out.
"Captain...I...must go to my q-quarters!" Spock's voice quivered and broke. He started sobbing suddenly, buried his head in his hands, and ran off the bridge.
"That was weird..." Sulu whirled some more in his chair.
"Enchinears...zey tink zey are so high und mitey." Chekov watched Sulu whirl in his chair and make himself dizzy.
"Eeehhh...I'm gonna puke..." Sulu stumbled off the bridge after falling out of his chair.
"Sir! The big-ass ship hailing!"
"Put (d.p.) it on-screen."
A very ugly man with a mustache smiled gleefully at everyone still on the bridge.
"My God, you're ugly." Ensign Johnsen, who was at the engineering console yelled out in contempt.
"Mmmyes...He is (d.p.) Mr. Johnsen."
The man on the screen just laughed and said, "Ich bin Adolf Hitler, Sie gross Frau-Mann."
"(d.p.) Uhura! What (d.p.) THE HELL is he saying?"
But Uhura was on the floor in hesterics, "He says (hesterical giggle) his name is (HA!) Adolf Hitler!"
Kirk turned to look at her, "and you (d.p.) FIND this funny?"
"No (hesterical giggle) Sir! He also called you a (insane giggle) a...woman- man! A large woman-man."She started to calm down and pull herself weakly into her chair.
"Well...I (d.p.) took a little (d.p.) high school (d.p.) GERMAN!
"Hallo. Ich heisse Kapitan Kirk. Ich bin meine Mutter. Ich bin einen gross Bustenhalter-"
He was stopped in his speech that was surprisingly void of dramatic pauses by a large snort by Uhura, "What (d.p.) did I (d.p.) say?" He looked on the screen and saw Hitler, pointing and falling out of his seat.
Getting annoyed with the lack of answers on the bridge, he decided to have the computer translate, "Computer (d.p.) translate: Ich heisse Kapitan Kirk. Ich bin meine Mutter. Ich bin einen gross Bustenhalter."
"*Beep* I AM CAPTAIN KIRK. I AM MY MOTHER. I AM A LARGE BRA."
Chekov fell out of his seat with laughter and Johnsen had tears rolling down his face as he banged on his console. Kirk was muffed. He walked off the bridge, laughter following him (Johnsen still banging on his console). Suddenly there was an explosion and the ship rocked.
JOHNSEN! Scotty's voice came over the intercom.
"Oops..."
Ok. That's it for this chapter. Hope you all liked it! It will get funnier, I promise. I'm doing most of this from memory because I had this all written down and in my bookbag, but I accidentally left it in the back of my friend's truck and he can't seem to find it. So, please forgive me. I'll do my best. Suggestions are welcome, although I do have a lot of this already planned out. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! -_-;
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. It belongs to...someone else. I also don't own Star Wars. Nobody trusts me...
Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, there were protectors of the innnocent called 'Jedi'. But our story takes place in the future, and in this galaxy...and it's about Happy Space Nazis.
Anyhoo, in the future, they have the ability to clone people and change their personality. They did this with Adolf Hitler. But something went wrong when they changed his personality-it didn't change completely. He was happy and perky (I mean it was like he had 27 cups of coffee every morning!) but he still liked to kill people and he still wanted to rule the world.
In his early years, Adolf Hitler Jr. first took over the institution (he was an insane baby who killed his parents by beating them with a rattle) then, after moving into a foster home, took over the neighborhood. He started by having his 'gang' toilet paper Mrs. Rosenbaum's house, then duct- taped Mr. Schmitt's schnauser to his ceiling. After duct-taping other household pets to celings, including a few goldfish, he took over the village, where he duct-taped more household pets.
After this, the German government kicked him out of the country. So he went to Poland. After that, he went to Japan, China, Korea, Russia, Mongolia, India, Pakistan, all of Africa, England, France, Portugal, Spain, America, Mexico, Brazil, and so on and so forth, until there was only one country left that he hadn't tried to take over yet: Canada. Hitler was appaled at the thought of how easy it was to take over Canada and decided to build a starship, take all his followers, and try to take over the galaxy. But he didn't count on Captain Kirk and the crew of the We-can't-die-because-we're- regulars. I mean...Enterprise...
**********
CAPTAIN'S loooooooooooog...stardate...2115...We're bored so we've (dramatic pause) been FORCED TO (dramatic pause) run circles around engineering. (Dramatic pause) Unfortunantly (dramatic pause) Mr. Scott kicked me out for (dramatic pause) incenerating one of the crew when my (dramatic pause) FAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS knocked Mr. Kyle (dramatic pause) into the...ENGINES.
"So...yes (dramatic pause) evasive manuvers, (dramatic pause) Mr. Sulu." Kirk sat in his command chair leaning on one arm, thinking, 'Damn, I look sexy in this pose.'
"Sir," Sulu whirled around in his chair a few times before stopping and looking at Kirk, "exactly what am I evading?"
"BOREDOM (dramatic pause) Mr. Sulu...boredom. She's a (dramatic pause) bitch who thinks she's (dramatic pause) getting away with it...but I'm onto her."
Yes...Evading boredom now, sir," Sulu whirled back to his console, rolling his eyes when he was sure he couldn't be seen anymore by Kirk.
"Sar! Picking up a 'vhat za heel is zat!?' type starship on scannors!" Chekov yelled above the sound of... everyone breathing...
"Hail...them (dramatic pause) Uhura."
"Just a sec." She hiked up her skirt a few more inches, lowered the neckline of her uniform, and struck a pose in her chair that exposed most of her leg, "Hailing now, Captain."
The ship suddenly rocked gently but everyone fell to the deck in different directions.
"Captain! I've lost control of the helm!" Sulu shouted over an extra who was in the back going 'Wir! Wir! Wir!' over and over again.
"Damn cheap producers...Scotty!" Kirk dramatically pulled himself up to sit in his chair.
Aye, Cap'n? his voice came over the intercom.
"I need (dramatic pause) WARP speeeeeeeeeeeeeed in three minutes (dramatic pause) or we're (d.p.[dramatic pause-I'm getting tired of typing this...] ) ALL dead."
"Actually, Captain, 3.0007 minutes."
"Mmmyes...Thank you (d.p.) Spock."
What're we gonna die of, Cap'n? his voice sounded puzzled.
"...Spock?"
What'd'ya mean, ya green-blooded half-breed?!
"The ship is sending out waves of dancing, Mr. Scott. If we are not able to get away in 2.72 minutes, we will feel the sudden urge to...'get up and boogie' I believe your culture says. We will invaribly dance ourselves to death.
Scotty's voice came back, sounding slightly far away, Get workin' men! The freak on the bridge says if we donna leave in 2 minutes we'll dance ourselves to death! His voice came back with scarcasm, 'kay, Cap'n. Tell the half-breed thanks, we were just sittin' on our arses down here doin' nothin'. laughs accompanied his last statement. Scott out.
"Captain...I...must go to my q-quarters!" Spock's voice quivered and broke. He started sobbing suddenly, buried his head in his hands, and ran off the bridge.
"That was weird..." Sulu whirled some more in his chair.
"Enchinears...zey tink zey are so high und mitey." Chekov watched Sulu whirl in his chair and make himself dizzy.
"Eeehhh...I'm gonna puke..." Sulu stumbled off the bridge after falling out of his chair.
"Sir! The big-ass ship hailing!"
"Put (d.p.) it on-screen."
A very ugly man with a mustache smiled gleefully at everyone still on the bridge.
"My God, you're ugly." Ensign Johnsen, who was at the engineering console yelled out in contempt.
"Mmmyes...He is (d.p.) Mr. Johnsen."
The man on the screen just laughed and said, "Ich bin Adolf Hitler, Sie gross Frau-Mann."
"(d.p.) Uhura! What (d.p.) THE HELL is he saying?"
But Uhura was on the floor in hesterics, "He says (hesterical giggle) his name is (HA!) Adolf Hitler!"
Kirk turned to look at her, "and you (d.p.) FIND this funny?"
"No (hesterical giggle) Sir! He also called you a (insane giggle) a...woman- man! A large woman-man."She started to calm down and pull herself weakly into her chair.
"Well...I (d.p.) took a little (d.p.) high school (d.p.) GERMAN!
"Hallo. Ich heisse Kapitan Kirk. Ich bin meine Mutter. Ich bin einen gross Bustenhalter-"
He was stopped in his speech that was surprisingly void of dramatic pauses by a large snort by Uhura, "What (d.p.) did I (d.p.) say?" He looked on the screen and saw Hitler, pointing and falling out of his seat.
Getting annoyed with the lack of answers on the bridge, he decided to have the computer translate, "Computer (d.p.) translate: Ich heisse Kapitan Kirk. Ich bin meine Mutter. Ich bin einen gross Bustenhalter."
"*Beep* I AM CAPTAIN KIRK. I AM MY MOTHER. I AM A LARGE BRA."
Chekov fell out of his seat with laughter and Johnsen had tears rolling down his face as he banged on his console. Kirk was muffed. He walked off the bridge, laughter following him (Johnsen still banging on his console). Suddenly there was an explosion and the ship rocked.
JOHNSEN! Scotty's voice came over the intercom.
"Oops..."
Ok. That's it for this chapter. Hope you all liked it! It will get funnier, I promise. I'm doing most of this from memory because I had this all written down and in my bookbag, but I accidentally left it in the back of my friend's truck and he can't seem to find it. So, please forgive me. I'll do my best. Suggestions are welcome, although I do have a lot of this already planned out. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!! -_-;