OF WELSH WOMEN, WALLYS AND WEEVILS

Owen could not understand it. Tosh was cranky, Gwen was positively bitchy, Jack was sulky, Janet was growling more than normal and even Myfanwy seemed to be screechier than ever. The Tea Boy was absent and Owen wondered what sort of a mood he'd be in once he arrived....Speak of the devil!

Ianto struggled through the roller door with a half dozen carrier bags and a cheery, actually sickeningly cheery smile on his face. Everyone except Owen scowled at him, which was nothing short of a miracle because normally it was the other way round. Ianto dropped his bags and took one of them over to Gwen and handed it to her with a slightly abashed flush on his cheeks. Owen wondered what was in the bag and promptly followed Ianto with the rest of the shopping up to the kitchenette.

He watched as the Tea Boy methodically stocked the fridge and cupboards, chocolate for the leather bird, coffee and biscuits for the gang, jaffa cakes for Jack (Why was that man getting preferential treatment again?), camomile tea (who was THAT for?), washing up liquid and Janet's steaks......Steaks? Bloody fillet steaks! What the devil was going on?

"Er Ianto, that's not your usual shopping is it?" he enquired trying to be innocent in his curiosity. Ianto was not at all fooled of course but he offered Owen a withering look.

"It's that time of month." He replied, like that explained everything.

"Do what?"

Ianto was blushing with embarrassment. "Do I really have to point it out to you Owen? The girls? Time of month?"

Realisation dawned, well sort of.....

"Ok, passing discreet packages to Gwen I get, camomile tea?"

"For Tosh!" Ianto filled the coffee machine with water.

"The chocolate?"

"Myfanwy, it helps calm her when Gwen and Tosh are all hormonal."

"And the steaks?"

" Janet gets anaemic when she has her erm.... well you know."

"Period Ianto, it is called a period." Owen was grinning. "The jaffa cakes?"

"Well Jack, he seems to ask for then about every four weeks...."

Owen's jaw dropped. "What you don't think he's...."

Ianto wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Owen I think I'd know."

"Well he did get pregnant, so he keeps telling us."

"Don't be such a Wally Owen, he's winding us up...isn't he?" Ianto wasn't certain he liked where this conversation was going.

Owen threw him an amused look. "YOU should know...."

Ianto shook his head. "I really don't need that thought in my head right now. Coffee?"

Owen nodded. "So they are all......"

Ianto nodded. "Looks that way. It's like cranky central out there at the moment. Jack can be such a girl sometimes. Ugh, did I just say that?"

Owen shoved his hands into his pockets. "God I am so glad it's you shagging him and not me!"

"Thank you Owen. I will remember you in my will."

"Good man, I want the Lexus!"

"Over my dead body."

"So...er what's the plan?"

Ianto began preparing a tray of refreshments for the team. "Feed and water the hormonal horrors and then escape to the archives to do something...useful...like cataloguing whilst hiding."

"That bad?"

"Have you spoken to Gwen this morning?"

Owen nodded sagely. "That bad."

"Don't you have a body to cut up or something?"

"Now that you mention it." Owen made to leave. "How come we don't get any treats?"

"Do you feel a period coming on?"

"You can be quite disgusting Ianto Jones, you've been hanging out with Jack far too much lately, he's corrupting you."

Ianto smiled patiently. "And you never would of course."

"Wouldn't consider it."

"However. There are treats for you in the cupboard, don't eat them all at once. I figured being the saints that we are for putting up with them....Oh and you can go feed Janet, she's a bit low at the moment and she misses you."

Owen slapped his hands over his heart. "The love of my life, where has she been all these years? Oh, it's Janet the weevil. God the things we put up with."

"Tell me about it."