Almost Proud Of You In A Way
By GhostOfRattmann
I think it's a little extreme to say I'm a bad father. I mean, come on, it's not like I abandoned the boy without a good home, or didn't try to bond with him, or hurt him, or... Okay, maybe we fought a little, but I wasn't really trying to hurt the lad. Call it an attempt to get him under control. There's nothing wrong with a little tough discipline, is there?
Okay, I'll admit, my work does come first. At least no one can accuse me of not being honest. But all that emotional stuff is the mother's job anyway. And my job is important. Call it changing the world important. It's not like I was swanning off drinking myself to death or getting involved with some cheap money-making scheme. I was working to make a difference, so don't tell me that's not important.
He turned out alright, didn't he? I knew I'd left him in good hands, if a little... Less civilized than I would have liked. But for what he had, the boy's done alright for himself. In fact, if he'd only see sense, I'd be quite happy to initiate him into our order. He has made some unfortunately poor choices, but you can't blame me for that! In fact if I'd been around things could have been quite different, and he wouldn't be running around on behalf of that pathetic, idealist order. Poor lad's been brainwashed and despite me trying- and I really have tried, you know- to make him realise the truth, he's still hung up on silly beliefs that he's doing the right thing, or some such nonsense.
It really is a shame that he's been exposed to such people. I could have set him up with some good contacts, people to show him the right way in life. He's got it all mixed up in his head! Chasing after the same people that could teach him so much, defending weak morons and petty dreamers. I can't blame his mother, I knew her well enough to know her values, to know that she wanted a simple life and that was what I expected her to give him. I didn't count on... On what happened. It was bad fate that the boy ended up with the wrong crowd. You can't blame me for that. If I'd have known I could have perhaps come to collect him myself. Children aren't really suitable in the order, though, practicalities and all that. But I would have been concerned, if I had known.
See? Don't say I don't care. In fact I've cared probably far more than I should. I've even taught him a few things in this short time we've had together. Stuff far more worth knowing that what those silly bastards have been putting into his head. Though he does have some rather impressive skills, I can grudgingly admit that. He's a good fighter! Brave, I suppose. The kind of things we value amongst our own members. Oh, things really could have been so different. They still could! If he'd just listen to reason.
I told Charles all this. Look at that! I've even gone as far as to display a father's doting pride. I... I am almost proud of him, you know. And I really shouldn't say that, so don't pass that off as a little thing. Charles says we must kill the boy, and I know that. It's a compliment, we only kill those we consider real threats (or anyone who get in the way), so to be our target is really some sort of honour.
But I'll shamefully admit that I've almost been enjoying this short time together. He... Interests me. Because that's natural, isn't it? Father's should have interest in their children, and I do. It's been quite fascinating to learn about the boy, if a little disheartening at times. Still, if I focus on the good stuff I can honestly say I've been almost impressed on the odd occasion. There's that feeling close to pride again. I've set him some challenges and he's passed. All of them. There were times when I honestly didn't think he'd make it out alive, but he proved me wrong.
Yes, I hear you. Cruel? Unfair? Leaving my own son to get slaughtered? Don't make such presumptions. I kept an eye on him, even though I didn't need to. Often... Often when I left him to fight off a few of our common enemies, I'd stick around for a bit. I'd even go as far to say I've been checking up on him. I... I've wanted to make sure he's okay. Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but there's no harm in testing the boy. You could even say I'm catching up on lost time, seeing what he can do, learning about him. See, you really can't say I don't care.
Well, in parts. Caring can be an unfortunate weakness and I've learnt to be above such things. The boy may be in my concerns, but I will not let that blind me. I still know what I have to do. The boy is still- unfortunately- the enemy. And still, I will have to kill him when the time comes. But what I'm saying is I may actually be sad to do it. Of course I will go through with it, there's no other way, but a part of me will be a little disheartened. This mission is more of a burden than the kind of relishing challenge I usually face. You know, I think a part of me may even mourn. Well, a little, I know better than to sit wallowing in feelings. There are more important things to do and work to be done.
All in good time, though. For now, by some lucky strike of fate, I am here and with my son. My son, he evens looks a little like me, you know. It was a funny thing, to notice that. It's rather fascinating, being in the company of someone of my own blood. Again, I'll admit I have regrets that it's come to this. We were even getting on so well for a little while. Maybe he can take this as my final lesson to him. Call this my way of making clear to him the error of his ways. Poor lad, doesn't seem to think I can over power him. He's really quite strong, and he's put up such a valiant fight. I-
Oh come on, Connor, you're not really going to stab me with that thing, are you?