Walk of Shame
A Castle One-Shot Post-Ep
for "The Double Down" (Ep. 2x02)
by Laura Picken
I am absolutely *loving* seeing Castle in syndication every week, both on TNT and on my local ABC affiliate. Unfortunately, the 2-hour block of Castle reruns is broadcast here every Sunday night from midnight-2am. Thank God for TiVo...anyway, this story popped into my head after "The Double Down" was the first thing I watched while sleep-deprived. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;-P
DISCLAIMER: Castle, Beckett, et al. are property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC. If I owned them, Montgomery would be alive and well because he's too good of a cop to have gone near anything as evil as that conspiracy...and we would have seen Ryan and Esposito in drag. "The Stripper" music mentioned in the story is "The Stripper" by David Rose and his orchestra. It's that stereotypical music you think of when you think of an old-fashioned stripper. It's easy to find on YouTube (Google it). Go look for it and have it cued to go for when they get off the elevator, ;-P
"Can you believe we're having to do this?" complained Ryan.
Esposito was in full agreement. "I know, man. This totally sucks. We *won* the bet..."
A voice behind him nearly choked on her disbelief. "*You* won the bet? Really? It sure doesn't look it, *bro*..."
"Bro, huh?" teased a man's voice coming from behind Ryan. "Don't you mean *sis*?"
Ryan looked Castle over with a look that could only be described as teasingly appreciative. "You know, Castle...you fill out that dress *absolutely terribly*."
Castle rolled his eyes. "Right. Like *you* make a good looking woman."
"He makes a better looking woman than you do, bro," Esposito snapped. "Not like that's difficult..."
"It's true," Ryan added, teasing Castle with an over-emphasized 'gay' accent as he ran his hand over Castle's hair-free skull. "Some people just don't have the bone structure for the hair-free look..."
Castle was unfazed. "You know, gentlemen," he shot back, "I have a fabulous wig guy who would be more than happy to pay a visit to the precinct this morning...you know...in case you two have a desperate desire to have a much, much better hair day than you're having right now..."
Beckett was quickly tiring of watching the men raze each other. She wanted nothing more than to have this humiliation end, and quickly. "Guys," she exclaimed, cutting off the bickering before it could get any worse, "can we just get upstairs and get this over with?"
The three men grudgingly agreed. While one woman and three men in bald caps and matching dresses could only be ignored in New York City, they all knew that they would receive much more...special treatment once they went through the heavy wooden double doors behind them and entered the precinct.
They weren't disappointed. The desk sergeant practically leapt out of his chair to hold the door for the four of them, blowing kisses to each of the men as they passed. Catcalls *abounded* as anyone in a uniform was hooting, hollering and applauding the foursome from the second the group got within eyesight. The two minute walk from the front doors to the elevator took almost twenty minutes as (seemingly) every cop on the floor stopped them for pictures, payback and such horrible comments as "Welcome to the 12th precinct, Mother Ryan. It was so nice of Kevin to finally let you out of the closet..."
The arrival of the elevator was a particularly welcome relief. Ryan leaned back against the rear wall of the elevator, already exhausted. "*That* had to have been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life," he declared to the group. "I feel so cheap..."
"Now I know how you feel when you pass a construction site, Beckett..." Esposito agreed.
"Actually, I haven't heard stuff like that from construction guys since my days in vice," admitted Beckett. When the three men turned to her, surprised, Beckett told them, "Why do you think I wear pants..."
Their conversation stopped as the doors of the elevator slid open...to proof that homicide had, once again, out-done themselves. "The Stripper" music started the minute the doors opened, encouraging an even more humiliating, parade-like atmosphere. The group walked slowly down the hallway, letting their co-workers have their fill of fun at their expense. Hoots, whistles, flashbulbs and catcalls followed them with every step they took from the minute they got off the elevator until they got to the bullpen...
Where Roy Montgomery was waiting for them. Seeing the four best members of his homicide squad wearing matching dresses and bald caps...
It was most definitely a Kodak moment.
"My office, you four," he announced to the group, unable to wipe the smile off his face. "Now."
The two teams filed into his office. It was all the precinct commander could do not to burst out laughing. "Ryan, Esposito, Beckett...Castle. What do you think is the lesson I'm trying to teach you here?"
The three men were having trouble looking Montgomery in the eye. "Don't," each man mumbled under his breath, "don't make bets on solving murder cases...?"
"*Exactly,*" declared Montgomery. It quickly became clear that their captain was no longer amused. "What if Castle's theory hadn't panned out? Or worse, what if you had gone with his theory and didn't get that confession? If, God forbid, one of their defense attorneys gets wind of the fact that most of the members of this precinct had *money* riding on these cases...then everything that any of you *touched* that had anything to do with this case could get thrown out of court. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir," the foursome grumbled.
"Good, because if I hear about any of you doing something like this ever again..."
"B-but it was all Castle's idea, sir..." Ryan piped up, not wanting to have this hanging over his head for any longer than he had to.
"I don't care whose idea it was, *detective*," the captain spat out. "I just don't want to see it repeated, got it?"
"Yes, sir," they replied.
"Good. Now get out of my office," Montgomery ordered them.
Beckett spoke up, deciding that the desire to end her embarrassment overrode the chance that she would be aggravating her captain further. "Uh, sir..."
"What is it, Beckett?" asked Montgomery.
Beckett had only one question she needed to get answered. "Sir, when can we change out of these outfits?"
"When you go home at the end of the day," Montgomery replied. "Unless you get a call about a body. Now get out of my office before I make you shave your heads for *real*."
Hope you guys had fun! Would love to hear what you think! Thanks for your support!