A/N: Written from Jenny's pov. It's the first time I've written from someone's pov, but I hope it will be ok. Please review
Summary: In her world, things were painted in black and white; it was either right or wrong. Isn't it time to let in some shades of grey?
My office is dimly lit, it's getting late, and I'm still here. Well, work is my life, of course I'm here, I have no other life. No social life, other than when I get invited to a fancy party or other important events, and usually, when I'm there, there are always someone who asks me out on a date. Why do I keep saying yes? That's not my kind of thing. No I would prefer a quiet evening in a certain man's basement, watching him working on his boat. And I just loved it when he'd occasionally glance up from his work, glance up at me, and send me one of his so rare, but oh so sweet, smiles. But, unfortunately, that was only memories from the past
As I check the time, I realize that is exactly what he must be doing right now. I sigh and wish I was there with him. I close my eyes and picture myself standing in front of him, my back toward him, our hands guiding the tool across the wood. A smile is playing on my lips as the picture get so real I can feel him, his warmth, his muscles tensing and relaxing behind me. And the smell; the smell of fresh wood. Oh, what a lovely scent; I miss it, I miss him.
As I flash back to reality, I become aware of that I tend to do this a lot; imagine myself in his embrace, imagine myself together with him. My feelings are not dead; no they are very much alive, torturing me on the inside, ripping apart my heart as I tell myself it cannot be. In my world, everything is black and white; it's right or wrong, it's impossible to be something in between, grey is a shade that does not exist. And a relationship between me and Gibbs, is as black as it can get. But as I allow myself to fantasize, I keep thinking about the whites, if it could possibly be right. That we are two human beings, we both need love, need someone to hold on to when we feel like life is slipping through our fingers, need someone's shoulder to cry against when we are sad. And I know, he too has no one to keep him company. Just like me, he is lonely. Just like me, he is in denial about it.
But now that I know his history, know about the awful thing that happened in his past, I keep thinking, keep wondering, if it wouldn't be right to help him not to feel so lonely.
But, I also know it's not my choice to decide what's right or wrong. It's already painted. And an affair with one of my own agents, do I really have to describe just how wrong that would be?
I just wish I could find something a little more grey…
Oh, God, what have I done?! Why am I here? How could I do this to myself? Though I'm panic-stricken, I nevertheless pull up my car on Gibbs' drive way. I know I wished to find shades of grey, but not like this. As always, I let myself get carried away with my fantasies about him. How could paying a visit to his house make me see things from a different perspective? But I am here now, I won't chicken out, I won't turn my back and run.
The wind tears at my short hair as I quickly walk toward the front door. Without hesitation I wrench the door open, as always it is unlocked. How many times haven't he been bursting into my office without knocking? It's called payback.
I sneak in and hang my coat in the foyer and straight out my jumper, fix my hair that the wind messed up. Taking a deep breath to compose myself, encouraging myself that I'm only here because…there might actually be some grey in my world; I have just been too blind to see it before.
Without even having to think, I walk to where I know from past experience the basement door is situated. I silently push it open, and step through the door way, out onto the top of the staircase. Laying my hands casually on the banister, I watch him where he is standing beside his boat, and with long, smooth strokes, he shapes the wood.
"Yes, Jen?" his voice startles me; I didn't realize he knew I was there; he hadn't even glanced up toward the staircase. But I should not be surprised he knew about my presence, after all, he was Gibbs.
"Hello Jethro" I say as I stay put on top of the staircase. Then he turns to look at me, and he smiles. Oh, that smile! It brings back so many sweet memories for me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, returning his gaze to the boat. He does not sound annoyed that I broke in. Secretly, I think he is just happy to have some company, and I'm more than willing to try my hardest to make him feel less lonely.
"I just miss the good old days" I answer and began moving my feet, placing one on each step as I slowly make my way down. "Do you remember all the times we spent in here? Working on your boat?" I say as a smile forms on my lips. Even though he's not looking at me, I can detect something in his eyes. A little something I like to call 'I know what you mean, and I remember too'. It makes me happy to see his memories had started coming back after the explosion, especially memories of me.
I sigh and put down my purse on the workbench. He turns around, and I can feel him watching me as I sit down on an empty chair, deciding that I am going to watch him work. With the smile still lingering on his lips, he does what he knows I'm expecting him to. I sit there in his basement, listening to the calm sound of his working. I began to relax as I realize this is where I'm supposed to be, with him.
"Jen" his voice makes me open my eyes; I must have gotten a bit dazed. He's turned toward me again, a hint of laughter in his voice. "Wanna come and help me?"
Without answering, I get up to join him by the boat. I step up in front of him and he immediately puts his arms around me, taking my hands into his and places our intertwined fingers on the tool.
I once again began thinking, this time about whether this is right or wrong, and decides maybe it's time to realize there could be some grey in it all. Professionally, it's wrong of me to do this. But personally? Oh, this is just so right! We both feel for each other, I can tell. This is when I pull my hands from his, and turn around in his embrace. He looks down at me, slightly surprised, because he doesn't know what I'm up to. He has always been good at reading people, but I was different, I know how to keep a secret, even from him.
I see his expression changes when he can feel my arms slipping around his body to his back. He gives me another look, one I recognizes as 'I want you, here and now'. I send him the look a usually responds with, the look saying 'What are you waiting for?'
Gibbs smiles, and his hand moves up my back, until he takes a firm grip around my neck, and pulls me into a heated kiss.
Suddenly, I see everything clearly. We can do this, as long as we keep it out of the office. And if he feels for me like I suspect he feels, he will be okay with that.
The End