IRIS

And I'd give up forever to touch you,

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow,

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now.

"Almost the whole of our lunch break has been eaten up by this dance rehearsal!" Blaise complained. He does exaggerate things a bit… but this time, it's serious. I know that McGonagall could clearly see that everybody was tired, hungry and pissed. I bet she herself was.

"Draco, let's practice!" Pansy said, tugging me. It seems to me like she never gets tired.

"Pansy, we've been dancing for two hours now. All those girls-"I complained, but was shortly interrupted by her.

"I don't care about 'those girls'! We have to get this right." She insisted. We already got this dance perfect. We've danced this together in the Yule ball… there's not much of the provisions made. There's no use explaining anything to her though. She never really cared about my opinions. She liked listening to them, but almost never cared. I just remained seated, staring at her.

"Come on!" She cried.

"Alright," I clumsily stood up. She always gets through her way, doesn't she? She smiled as I took her hand onto my own. We started to dance again as she counted… "One- two- three… one- two- three…"

Her counting seemed to have gotten into my head for quite a while… then a different voice caught my attention.

She laughed pleasantly. I mean it didn't sound too boisterous. She flatly caught my attention. She laughed as she counted, "One-two-three…" and before I realized it, I have already followed her counting, disrupting my dance with Pansy.

"Draco Malfoy," she stated. I got back to my senses when Pansy said my name. "What a horrible partner you are!" Didn't I-"

"Pansy, I'm tired." I interrupted her before she could insult me any further. It kept her silent. I gestured her to take her seat… and she did. We just sat there with Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise.

None of us talked that much and the next thing I knew, I sat there, watching Granger and Weasley dance from afar. I don't know what's with Granger that the rest doesn't have. Maybe it's that smile that she can hardly give me. She seemed so happy dancing with him. What's in that prat that I don't have? Well for starters, the dress robes… then the red hair… and Granger. She's the best thing he has that I don't.

"Hey, Draco," Blaise called.

"What?" I shot, getting back to my senses.

"Don't go staring at those two as if you're jealous or something." Blaise said, referring to Granger and Weasley. Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy almost simultaneously looked at both of them, and then looked at me…

"You're talking shit, Blaise." I cursed.

"If you say so," he teased. "Make sure I am only talking shit. I don't want to see you with Granger."

I shrugged. He knew how to hit me flat, didn't he? Damn it.

"You won't spend any of your time with her, would you, Draco?" Pansy asked me.

'Thanks for opening the topic Blaise.' I thought.

"Would you, Draco?" Pansy repeated.

"No. I won't." I lied. Pansy smiled.

McGonagall called our attention and asked us to settle down for a while. Those who were dancing went back to their seats and rested. I don't know how they manage to almost continuously dance for almost two hours.

Fifteen minutes passed and I heard McGonagall's words again, "Everybody stand up!" She continued, "One last general practice."

No one had a choice. I thought I heard a couple of students behind us grunt. Nevertheless, we all stood up and proceeded to the middle of the hall.

Obviously, Pansy was my partner and as I've expected, Weasley stood across Granger. The music started to play. He took her hand, held her by the waist and all I did was watch. "Draco!" Pansy mumbled. I looked at her and she looked really pissed. The music was playing. everybody was ready… except for me. I was making a mess. I knew. I did a couple of steps with Pansy, twirled her around, and then switched partners. My heart was beating faster. I danced with another girl, and then switched partners. The next thing I knew, I was holding on to Granger's hands and held her by the waist and danced with her.

And all I could taste is this moment,

And all I could breathe is your life,

'Cause sooner or later its over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight.

"Granger, I have to tell you something," I told her the very moment she stood across me. She looked at me with those innocent eyes as we moved with the music. Her hands felt smooth as it held on to mine. There's so much that I want to tell her, but I don't know if she'll listen. I know she's got every reason to hate me… and a couple of months ago, I thought I had, too.

"Go ahead and tell me now." She raised her eyebrows. I don't think she sees this as something very important.

"Granger I - "

"Switch partners," McGonagall hissed. I twirled her before I watched her hands slip away from mine. When she was dancing with McLadden, who stood beside me, I thought I caught her looking at me twice. I danced with three more, and Pansy was right in front of me again. We made a bow as the girls curtsied. The music stopped.

Voices came from different directions and the noise started to get uncontrollable.

"Students, students," McGonagall exclaimed, "Rehearsal's over. You may now proceed to the dining hall to take your lunch. Schedules will be varied. An extension of thirty minutes for lunch shall be done."

"Great relief," Goyle stated. "I'd rather stuff food into my mouth for two hours than dance like this!"

We nodded in agreement and proceeded to the dining hall. I just remained seated with them because I didn't really feel like eating. Everything just felt worse when I saw Granger and Weasley laughing with Potter and the Weasley girl. I hate seeing Granger happy - especially when Weasley's the reason.

"Is everything alright?" Pansy asked. She looked towards the direction that I was looking at.

"Huh? Yeah. Everything's always alright," I lied.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Pansy asked with concern.

"No," I stated. "Excuse me… I'll see you guys back in the common room." I addressed it to them.

She held my hand as I stood up. "Something's up. What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong."

"Don't lie to me. I know you."

"You seemingly know me more than how I know myself then." I shot. Her grip loosened. I then proceeded to the Slytherin's common room.

When I reached the room, all lights were turned on and the windows were all closed. Who came in here?

Peeves chanted,

"Draco- whacko- psycho,

You wouldn't guess what I just saw!

I caught you staring at Grangee and Weasley!

I guess it's brewing- some jealousy!"

He repeatedly stated these lines in a sing-song kind of way.

I got hold of a thick book and was close to throwing it to him, but I realized that it was useless. "Wait till my father hears about this." I shot.

He didn't seem to care. He annoyingly laughed and finally decided to leave me alone. I opened the windows and switched some lights off. I headed to our dormitory, sat by my study table, got a piece of parchment and started writing.

"Granger,

I need you to meet me tonight at 8 by the Black Lake. You better - "

I stopped writing. Besides my writing, the note sounded too aggressive. I discarded the note away and started writing on a new clean parchment.

"Granger,

There's so much that I have to tell and ask you. I know you don't trust me this much, but I'd like to meet you by the Black Lake, tonight at 8. Please don't spread my word. Please be there. I'll be waiting.

- Malfoy"

I know that I pleaded too much… but I really need her to be there tonight. If I won't be able to talk to her tonight… I never will. I clipped the note onto the owl's beak and then watched it set off.

"I hope she says yes." I whispered to no one in particular… my hopes were high.

"Who?" Blaise asked. He was standing by the door, with his arms crossed in front of him.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

"I interrogated a question first." He repeated, "Who will say yes?"

"It's none of your business. I am entitled to my own privacy." I shot as I walked passed through him, and out to the corridors.

I was heading to the Potions lab when I saw Granger.

"Granger - "

"Malfoy, I'm rushing for Defence Against the Dark Arts. I'm sorry. I'm already a minute late." She stuttered.

"Bye." She shortly added.

"Bye," I said. I watched her disappear into the crowd.

And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am.

"Hey Draco," Blaise said calmly, holding a piece of parchment.

I turned to face him, "Yeah?"

"Aren't you supposed to be heading for the Potions Lab?"

"I was…"

"I saw you talking to Granger. Is anything up?"

"None," I lied.

"Alright then," he said, sounding like he didn't buy my answer.

I knew he was waiting for me to say something.

"Aren't we supposed to get going?" I said, hoping that he'd just drop this topic.

He nodded. We started walking to the Lab. An awkward silence dispersed between us and even if the corridors were filled with a lot of students, the fact that Blaise wasn't talking much, just like how he used to, made me feel like something was up. He knew something. No, he knew a lot of things.

"You shouldn't be getting yourself into this kind of thing. You know that." He said out of the blue.

I knew what he was talking about. I knew it. The parchment is my parchment.

"Why didn't you allow the owl to send it first?" I said without looking at him. He continued to walk beside me.

"If I did, would that be much of a help to you?"

"Yes." I said shortly, "Would I have sent it if I knew that it'd cause me pain?"

"Would it help Granger?" He said, setting my question aside. I hate him when he does this.

"I don't know." I paused, "Perhaps, why would I want to hurt her?"

"I know you don't want to hurt her in any way, but I tell you… It won't help her." He answered the question for me. "Especially if Lucius and Narcissa - "

"They won't know if you don't tell!" I interrupted him.

"I won't. Pansy will."

His comeback kept me shut.

"Think again." He stated. "I'll send this through my owl this time."

"You read it already, didn't you?" I shot.

"I didn't." He said shortly.

We settled down in the Potions lab. Neither Blaise, nor I talked much.

Everybody was talking about the upcoming ball… and I felt like I wanted to scream. Blaise stood up, and I followed him with my stare. He looked out the window, whistled and waited. An owl came swooping down towards his direction. He clipped the letter to the owl's beak and watched it set off.

Snape entered the room and greeted us with, "Settle down!" His mood was worse than the usual.

I looked around and realized that Granger was just some seats behind me… with Weasley. She looked at me, gave a faint smile, and looked away. For a moment, I thought I was going crazy… she told me she was late for DADA… and now she shows up in potions. Just then, I saw the necklace hanging on her neck - Time Turner.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,

Or the moment of truth in your life,

When everything feels like the movies,

Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive.

I paid no attention to the class that afternoon. I was bored, pissed and in deep thinking. I did not see Granger for the rest of the day. We obviously had a different schedule. After classes, I considered going straight to the Black Lake. I had nothing to do for that afternoon anyway. I sat by the river and watched the evening fall. The stars weren't seen clearly for dark clouds hovered over the evening sky. Time passed by slowly and as it passed by, I felt worse. I sat under the tree, trying to calm myself down. The wind blew against my whole body causing shivers to run down my spine. The night grew deeper. The moon seemed almost gone for the clouds covered it. Its faint light and perfect features reflected on the lake. I sat there… and patiently waited for her to arrive. I looked at my watch and realized that it was already quarter to eight. I could only hope that I wasn't waiting for anything that wasn't bound to come. Minutes flew fast. They're right. Time is fast to those who fear. I was starting to think that she wasn't going to come. Just then, droplets of water started to cascade from the sky. I gave up. She wouldn't think of coming here at all. Not now that the sky gave off rain.

I was treading off from the spot where I sat earlier when a voice called from behind me.

"Malfoy," She bellowed.

Her features weren't clear, but I recognized her voice.

"Pansy, what are you doing out here?" My heart sank. I thought Granger came by.

"I was looking for you all over. You skipped lunch, and now you're here, soaking wet… missing dinner."

"You, too, are wet." I smiled. "You're not mad at me for being cold towards you this morning?"

"No." She said sweetly, without any other explanation.

"You should get in now. The rain's getting harder."

"I won't go in without you." She said stubbornly.

I appreciated the fact that she came out here for me. She may be quite hard-headed at times, but these were her ways of telling me that she cared.

"I'm fixing things up. Please, go ahead." It sounded like I was pleading. I know she'll give in.

"But Draco - "

"Pansy, please," I repeated.

She looked at me for a second or two before saying, "Alright, I'll see you back there."

I smiled, "Yeah, you will."

I watched her stroll away.

I sat on a root of a tree that was above the ground. It's hopeless to think the things will go as I want it. It will go the way that I've expected it to be. The pouring rain just made everything gloomier.

"Draco," she said.

"Pansy - " I looked up and saw Granger. I smiled. She came after all.

"You're soaking wet. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting." She said apologetically.

I stood up. "It's okay."

She pointed her wand towards me. "I came here without anybody knowing. I trust you this much. If you do anything out of hand, you know how far I can jinx."

I smiled. "I won't do anything to harm you. Put your wand down."

She did not do as I told her to. She whispered a spell that made me feel warm.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

"Just to keep you warm. It's safe." She smiled broadly. Her features weren't clear against the rain water, but she looked lovely.

"Why did you come tonight?" I asked her out of my curiosity.

"You asked me to." She looked puzzled. She probably thought that I was asking her a stupid question.

"Did you tell anyone about this?"

"No, I didn't."

"Why?" I wanted to clearly know her reason. We might be having the same.

"You told me not to." She said flatly.

My heart sank. I thought she had the same reason as I. "What made you think that I won't harm you?"

"I don't know… I just trust you this much."

"Despite all of my shortcomings?"

"Yes, despite your inadequacies."

There was silence. I looked deeply into her eyes. They seemed to be saying so much.

"Granger, I need you."

She did not say anything for awhile, then finally said, "You know that I'm with Ron." The answer that I didn't like to hear.

"I know that."

"You also know that I can't leave him, right?"

"I do." Stop this Granger, you know exactly how to strike through me don't you? Cursing me would have been better than this. Don't rub it in my face that I can't have you. Damn it. You're all that I ever needed…

"Then why are you saying all these things?" She shot.

"I just want you to know."

"You don't have to tell me anything more than this. I won't give a damn." I felt a slap hard on my face as she said these words.

"You won't?" I knew it. I knew this was going to be hopeless.

She took a deep breath, "I won't."

I sighed. "I'll wait till everything's in place."

"Don't. Waiting will cause you more pain. Move on. Get over me."

"I can't." I said shortly.

"I'll help you. I'll keep my distance. Avoid you. Leave you. Stay away from you." She was starting to raise her voice. Her words came off rather shaky. She took a step closer to me.

"You don't have to do any of those." I heaved a sigh. I wouldn't want her to.

"Then what do you want to happen?"

"Nothing will happen. I'll do all of those." I said sternly. I'm the one who sees this as a problem. Not her. I am the one who needs to do something.

"Don't." She looked down.

Now things are getting confusing. I asked her, "Why not?"

She shot, "Just don't!" Her eyes looked at my own. Tears started filming her eyes.

"Why Granger?" I raised my voice as I stepped closer.

"I'll feel the pain if you walk away." She looked at me straight in the eyes. She said these words softly.

"I don't understand." What is she talking about?

"It's better off that way." She said softly as she turned her back on me.

"Granger, don't leave me hanging." I caught her by the arm.

She stood there, looking at me. Her hazel brown eyes never looked so sad.

There was something that she wanted to tell me… I knew. "What's going on?" I said calmly.

It took her a while before her words escaped her lips, "I'm caught in the middle between I love you… and I love Ron."

I did not say anything.

"I'm sorry." She said as she looked at the ground.

"Don't be." I said in an assuring tone, "Unless that's how you really feel."

"Help me get through with this."

No, I don't want to lose you… not now. "Do I have to?"

"It'd be the best thing to do… right?"

"I don't know." I gasped. "Will you help me get over you, too?"

"That's the hardest thing that you've ever asked me to do. I need you more than how you think I do. I can help you, but not now."

The rain was pouring quite hard. I looked deeply into her eyes. I knew that this would somehow start tonight, and end tonight. I bent lower to kiss her... Whatever happened tonight… will only be a part of tonight.

And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow,

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I could taste is this moment, And all I could breathe is your life,

'Cause sooner or later its over, I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me, 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of truth in your life,

When everything feels like the movies, Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive.