Howl like a Wolf at the Moon
I feel ready now to tell you about myself Hank. I know Logan could probably understand more about how I feel since he's a feral himself but I'm not sure I feel comfortable about opening myself up to him yet. I'm ashamed to admit it but when I look at him I can see the savage side just beneath the surface. Oh he keeps it at bay but I can tell how difficult it is for him and I keep seeing Sabretooth in his eyes.
Fear is something I've lived with for a very long time Hank. You know all too well what it's like to be judged on physical appearance alone. I mean even before the change people called you a Neanderthal and they didn't know about the gentle compassionate man who's probably the greatest genius since Einstein. Hey I know you're blushing so don't try and deny it. It's just about visible underneath the fur.
As I was saying my problem is my physical appearance. I'm perhaps not the most handsome of guys certainly I'm no match for Remy in the looks department but I'm not hideous. It's just that people look at ferals and immediately think of predators and in my case the legendary werewolf.
When I look in the mirror I can see why people mistake me for such a creature. Like Logan my hairstyle could kindly be described as wild. Part of the healing factor with me at least is you can cut your hair or shave and half an hour later it grows back as shaggy as ever. I keep as neat and tidy as I can but it seems a losing battle sometimes.
The fact that my ears are slightly pointed, my canines and incisors sharp and prominent, my brows are heavy and almost meet in the middle and that my eyes have green sclera and slit pupils like a cat help to complete the picture. Yeah I'm Richard so break out the silver bullets and avoid me on a full moon because I'm a werewolf, a savage bloodthirsty wolf man who will hunt you and eat you with no mercy and no remorse!
It isn't true, Damn it!
I have the fangs of a predator and like you I've got claws so I've got the equipment to kill. It doesn't mean I have to use them though. I don't want to hurt anybody Hank and I don't want to kill. I prefer to live and let live and I want to show mercy if I can. I'm still guilty about that man. It was an accident but I still see him stumbling back in fear and nausea from my howl. I wanted him to go away and just leave me alone. He had a gun pointed at me and I just let loose with a howl. Only we were on a roof top and he was very near the edge. He stumbled and fell and it was a long way to the ground. A very long way to the ground and he cracked his skull and died instantly.
I'm sorry about that Hank; my tears have really soaked your fur. Thank you for just putting that arm round my shoulders. I needed the comfort. I really didn't intend for that man to die even though he was one of those Friends of Humanity. It was just an accident. I only intended to frighten him so he'd back off and let me escape. It had been all I could do to restrain the urge to use claws and fangs to remove the obstacle permanently. Instead I avoided aggression and acted defensively but I killed him Hank as surely as I'd ripped out his throat with my fangs.
I had a very happy childhood with parents who loved me and an older sister Annalisse who I adored. She doted on me and she was always happy to play with me and tell me stories. Up until the change came to her as her powers manifested and destroyed her sanity for ever. We had a rose bush in our garden and she loved the flowers. She was out in the garden that morning with me and we found the rose bush was wilting. She reached out and gently touched the plant and told me how she wished the plant would be better and in bloom again. Before my very eyes the wilted plant suddenly revived and literally grew to full health within seconds verdant with new green leaves and beautiful blossoms. Her look of delight turned to despair as the bush wilted again decaying into compost.
You see Hank I think she comprehended the true nature of her ability and it literally overwhelmed her. She was a psychokinetic but so powerful she could control matter on a molecular level and she seemed also to control probability. Too much power for her mind to cope with and she broke and retreated inside herself and in some ways my sister died that day.
We never talked about what happened and one day I simply woke up to find that she wasn't there any more. She had left during the night without even leaving a note and my parents didn't bother to look for her. I think as far as they were concerned it was better just to believe she was dead and leave it at that. They still behaved as the same loving parents that they had always been but they were constantly watching me fearing the day when I might change.
That happened four years ago on my fifteenth birthday. I was walking in the street when this agonizing pain swept through me and I collapsed. Sounds, smells, light it all overwhelmed me and I couldn't shut it out. It was so painful that I longed for death. People were gathered round and someone bent down to help me up. But I saw the concern on their face turn to fear and the gasps and screams of the crowd. They ran abandoning me in the gutter.
It might have been hours later when I woke up feeling more alive than I ever thought possible. My senses were still a little overwhelming but bearably so now. I also found I'd cut my hand but it was healing up before my eyes. It was with trepidation that I looked at my reflection in a shop window. Now I understood why people had fled in fear. They thought I was a werewolf or one of those mutants I'd heard about. I knew what I was and that I'd better go and say goodbye to my parents as I didn't want to put them in danger.
Hank I got home to find that it was too late for farewells or anything except shock and grief. Those bastards had got their first doubtless informed by our gossiping neighbours. The house was in flames and my mother and father were out on the garden by the withered rose bush, shot through the head and with the words "mutant lover" carved onto their bodies. A crowd of men was gathered outside cheering and laughing pleased with their bloodthirsty work.
For the first and hopefully only time in my life I went berserk. I flew at them, a whirlwind of fists, claws, fangs and feet, kicking, punching, biting and scratching without restraint, pity or remorse. I expected no quarter and gave none. They outnumbered me a dozen to one but I was lost in a red haze. When I came to my senses I was the only one still standing, my enemies lying motionless in scattered heaps around me. None dead but all of them pummeled to submission. I broke bones, ripped flesh and the frightening thing was that I enjoyed it. I had to fight the urge to rip out my fallen foes throats to drink their blood.
Then I heard the shouts and I came to my senses as I saw more closing in on me this time with guns. My minor injuries were healing quickly but I didn't fancy testing my chances against bullets. Instinctively my first howl rose in my throat and they fell back in fear allowing me to flee. I ran and ran acting on instinct alone, going from predator to prey in my frantic bid to escape.
Eventually I found myself cornered on the roof top with the man and the gun, the man that I killed Hank.
The others came soon afterwards and I just stood there quietly. I looked into the eyes of the man called Graydon Creed as he stalked towards me. I didn't react as he smacked me across the mouth and called me mutant scum. I simply glared sullenly as he pointed towards me and told the men to shoot. I rejoiced as the bullets smashed through me reducing me to a bloody pulp. I was still alive as they dragged my shattered body behind them and shoved me into the gutter to die. That was the second time that day that I had ended up there and I thought it a fitting grave as any.
I know eventually my body healed Hank and I woke up but I'm not sure if this is a real memory or a dream. I remember someone picking me up and taking me to a dark place where someone saved me. They cleaned my wounds, bandaged me and patched me up. I remember yellow burning eyes, dark coarse fur, large hands yet nimble. The voice too telling me that I belonged to him now that he had saved me and that one day he would come for me. He said he knew who I was and that he had my sister and one day he would reunite us. The large hand patted my head and he said I was the most handsome and vicious young thing he had ever seen. I was so frightened even though he might have saved me and I remember nothing more except finding myself in the gutter again shortly before waking.
Hank this was the reason I was so frightened when I first saw you. I remembered the dream. Are you alright Hank? You look worried. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and I'm not frightened off you now. You're the kindest and most compassionate person I think I've ever met. Maybe it was all just a dream.
Anyway there's very little left to say except that for the next few years I was one of the so many homeless people who live in the streets of New York scraping by in a bleak and miserable existence. A dark time that I have no wish to dwell upon now or ever again. I'll skip right ahead until just a few weeks ago when I met my first fellow feral. The man who I still see lurking in every shadow, watching and waiting to finish the job he started on me. Sabretooth.
I came across him while I was scrounging for food near the restaurant bins. He had just killed a drifter and I think his bloodlust was sated. We simply stood and stared at each other for long minutes neither one of us willing to make the first move. I was staring into his eyes not betraying the fear I felt when he came towards me. He swung a clawed hand at me but I knew he was only trying to goad me into panic so he could chase me down and kill me. He snarled at me showing his impressive fangs and I growled back and then howled causing even him to flinch away in fear. This seemed to impress him his face relaxed becoming almost gentle for a few seconds. We sniffed each other to know the others scent and then he seemed to accept me. He talked to me mainly bragging about all the men he'd killed. He asked me what I was doing so I simply said I was homeless and a mutant looking for a purpose. He told me he liked my style and that he knew a man who would be very interested in meeting me. That Hank was how I came to meet Sinister and earn his wrath.
Sinister was at once regal and majestic and at the same time utterly terrifying. I sensed that even Sabretooth was nervous around him. He smiled coldly at me and looked me over and told me that I was a fine young man of an excellent bloodline and when I asked him if he knew about my sister he told me he had a file on almost every mutant on earth. Now I'm possessed of a streak of what could kindly be labeled bravado and I certainly displayed it in what I did next. I laughed in his face and told him to prove it. For a moment those burning red eyes glared at me and I thought the end had come for me. Then he laughed humourlessly and affecting the manner of an indulgent uncle showed me a computer disc that he said contained files on a number of young mutants including me and my sister.
Then I let loose with my howl and took advantage of Sinister and Sabretooth's momentary confusion. I snatched the disc from Sinister's hand and ran for my life. Sabretooth came after me and I managed to evade him for several hours but in the end he caught me up. It was my own fault of course as I realized that in my panic I must have dropped the disc somewhere. I paused cursing my stupidity and then he was upon me with claws and fangs. That's how I came to be so badly injured when you first found me. I managed to find the strength to howl again breaking free and carried on by will alone I managed to find safety with you.
Goodness but look at how the time has flown. Thank you for listening to me Hank and for being so sympathetic. You don't mind if I give you another hug will you? I just feel I need to at the moment. I just don't know if I'll ever see Annalisse again or if I'll ever find the disc. I know that if Sabretooth comes again or Sinister or any of the others I will be ready to face them. You Hank have been like the father I loved and lost all those years ago. So has Logan in his own gruff way.
If you will just excuse me I would like to go outside for a bit. Now that the sun has set and the stars have come out I know it's going to be a beautiful night. I just feel the urge to go outside, look up at the stars and howl like a wolf at the moon.